DAILY NEWS - July 28th, 2011

DAILY NEWS - July 28th, 2011

DATELINE: OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BOOBS – It’s so hard to pick which one to start with today. I could start with Glenn Beck comparing the victims of the Norway massacre to Hitler Youth because the children were gathered together in a camp to learn about government. God forbid we teach our children about how our governments work, why voting is important, the sacrifices that went into democracy, or the value of freedom of speech, even when that speaking is done by absolutely fucking nuts individuals like Beck. These are, by the way, all things that Hitler did NOT encourage in anyone, including children. Those children in Norway were killed because of hatred, intolerance and ego… issues that Beck seems to grasp exceptionally well, just not in good way. Then there is Ann Coulter, spewing her bullshit about how gayness can be prayed away, using words that more than adequately display her ignorance. Ann, hon, every day I pray you will shut the fuck up, but that still hasn’t worked; I suppose though that could be because I am not as good, pure or Godlike as you seem to think you are. Here is my bitch about all this: Yes, fucking idiots have the right to speak, but when they are given an international soap box from which to spew this hatred, it is nothing but counterproductive. What we need is GOOD logical debate on issues. We desperately need that. We need perspective, we need to be aware of others needs and thoughts and plans and ideas, but when it is buried like a gooseberry in a mountain of cow shit, it gets lost. We don’t need more hate; we need discussion and every time Ann Coulter or Glenn Beck take the stage to preach their bullshit, anything they might have to contribute to the conversation is lost… they are just to fucking stupid to realize that.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF BOOBS – Amy Winehouse is dead; that is something very sad, very tragic for her family. To be honest, I was not a fan of hers, had not heard of her before her death, probably would not have been a slobbery fan of hers even if I had heard her music, but that is not the point. What truly amazed me, enraged me, in fact, was the comments about her funeral. She was Jewish, and it took no time at all for reports to hit the Ethernet about her untraditional funeral, questioning if, in fact, she should have been allowed that funeral. She had tattoos! Oh my God! She was cremated! It took longer than it should have! I am by no means an expert on Jewish funeral protocol, but I understand the value of tradition, especially to some people and in some faiths. However, the arrangements for a funeral… for any funeral… are something that should not be up for public debate. This is something that the grieving family, the rabbi and their God get to deal with, while considering the wishes of the deceased. Had she not been a public figure, the family would not have to endure the garbage that was debated about her ‘right’ where a funeral is concerned. The one overall precept should be that when a family is grieving, just leave them bloody well alone.

DATELINE: LOOKING AT HIS PICTURE, TRYING TO DRUM UP A MODICUM OF COMPASSION… AND FAILING -- In 1988, Abdelbaset al-Megrahi blew up a plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 270 people were killed. In 2001, this piece of crap was convicted of his offence and was sentenced to a life-time in jail. In 2009, he was released on ‘compassionate grounds’ – because this asswipe deserved compassion? – and was allowed to return to Libya to die. He had been diagnosed with prostrate caner and was expected to only live another three months. Why he couldn’t live those three months in fucking prison where he belonged is beyond me, but I have no doubt the families and friends of every one of those 270 victims felt like they had been sucker punched in the gut when he was. Now, 23 months later, Abdelbaset al-Megrahi is appearing on television, being honored by his tribe in Tripoli, claiming that his release was a victory against oppression, being touted as the victim of a global conspiracy. His return home was celebrated by that even bigger asswipe Muammar Gaddafi, who as we all know is above reproach and a pillar of the fucking global community. Terrorists do not understand the concept of compassion, they thumb their noses at it, consider it a weakness if it is shown. Terrorists tried in due legal process deserve no compassion… not now, not ever.

DATELINE: IN JAIL, HOPEFULLY WAITING TO BE POACHED -- Victor Gordon: Everyone in Philadelphia, remember that name. Everyone in North America, remember that name. This piece of fetid steaming excrement is worth remembering, and anyone who purchases anything from him should share a jail cell with him for the rest of their lives. Victor Gordon loves ivory. He loves it way more than he loves the law. According to the indictment filed in New York, Victor Gordon arranged for a friend/partner/fellow criminal and asshole to purchase raw ivory from central and west Africa between May 2006 and April 2009. Yes, that is three fucking years of collecting ivory, at a cost of $32,000 to Mr. Gordon. The ivory was ‘procured’, then was carved, stained to disguise it, and smuggled into the US through JFK airport. It was then delivered to Mr. Gordon’s store where he went about his business of selling it all over North America. In April of 2009, hundreds of tusks and carvings were seized. More pieces were seized from Gordon’s customers. In what is described as the largest seizure of ivory in US history, it is estimated that dozens of mature elephants died in order to provide the ton… yes, one ton, of ivory for people to display as dust collectors on their fucking mantles. Mr. Gordon should have to spend the rest of his life with one of those three-foot long carved and died tusks firmly implanted up his ass, after of course, his balls are whacked off and set on a mantle for display. The same should also happen to the ‘customers’ who are either too self-centered to think laws apply to them, or too stupid to be allowed to handle money in large amounts. Without the customers, Gordon would just have been a dickhead. With all those customers greedily gobbling up ivory they had to know was illegal, Gordon ended up a rich dickhead. Either way, the maximum sentence of 20 years in jail is nowhere near enough for this piece of crap.

DATELINE: IN CANADA, GETTING HIGH ON MOTOR OIL – For oil executives, it apparently works. For Janet Goodin, a Minnesota senior on her way to Canada to play bingo and visit her grandchildren? Not so much. You see, Janet, a retired girl scout registrar and the grandmother of twelve, had a jar of motor oil in her car when she crossed the border. She had no criminal record, but she must have had that glint in her eye, because the Canadian Border Service went all ape-shit over her at the sight of it. She explained that it was left over, that she forgot to take it out, but she was quickly informed that ‘No, it tests positive for traces of something’. Traces of something? Give me a fucking break. Because of this astute catch, Goodin was handcuffed and locked up for possession of a drug for the purpose of trafficking and for importing a controlled substance. Those numb-nuts at the border accused her of transporting… wait for it… heroin. After twelve days… TWELVE DAYS!! … they finally told her it was just oil, they had made a mistake, and they let her go, without explanation, without apology, and probably without her damned oil. Thank god she wasn’t carrying any poppy seed muffins on her as well, or she might never have seen the light of day again. They could have done more testing sooner, they could have made a phone call to determine if she just had her oil changed… yes, it’s unusual to keep a jar of oil in your vehicle when it’s not in the original container, unless you only need part of the jug and you didn’t want the rest in the plastic jug with the loose top and the oil drips on the outside that won’t come out of plastic – unusual, probably worth looking into, but sure as hell not grounds to lock a woman away for almost two weeks. Canada’s Border Services: Keeping us safe from heinously dangerous Bingo-playing grannies and engine oil.

DAILY NEWS, July 26th, 2011

DATELINE: STILL RAISING THE BAR – The Canadian political machine was set on its collective ear yesterday. The new Leader of the Official Opposition, Jack Layton, made the announcement that he is stepping back from his position for a while to deal with a diagnosis of a new cancer. I could talk about his policies that I don’t fully embrace, I could talk about his unbridled energy to lift his NDP party to unprecedented heights, I could commend his strength and determination in overcoming health issues in his recent past, but I won’t. I will instead offer my prayers for him and his family, wishing him a speedy, full recovery. I will also offer a challenge to all his fellow Members of Parliament: Emulate the man. It does not matter what you think of his policies or his political leanings; what matters is that in all circumstances, more than any other politician on the international stage today, Jack Layton was a leader and a gentleman. He never resorted to crawling around in the gutter with the rest of our current palate of colorful poseurs, he has never spent his every waking minute worrying about the next eletion and how to win it, he has never been obsessed with his own 'power'. He always shows a desire to compromise, a belief in the overall betterment of all our lives, a faith and trust in the people he serves, a desire to serve them the best he can. When asked a question, he answers it, something that truly is a rarity in political circles. He does not belittle, talk down, overpower, tromp, bully, ridicule or insult. He fights for what he believes in, and he does it in the most honorable of ways… and he is a lone example of that degree of unfailing class and accomplishment. Oh, that Stephen Harper could learn even one of these traits! Jack Layton's presence will be missed, but I hope that it will be just a temporary absence while he fully recovers his health. It is to be hoped though, that politicians at all levels of government, across this country, across this continent, around the globe will follow the example of Gentleman Jack, and rise to the standard he has set. You would all be so much more effective, efficient and respectable if you do. Jack, feel better soon. We need your balance, your fairness, your honesty back in Parliament.

DATELINE: MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE GUTTER – In what will probably be considered the most childish political performance, last night the world watched in utter fucking amazement as Barack Obama and John Boehner continued their games, this time with dueling press conferences. You probably heard the collective head-banging of everyone watching the unmitigated crap display of ‘I’m right and he’s wrong’ that threatens to smash into the global economy and send it spiraling. As they spoke, the value of the American dollar started to fall as international confidence in these two absolutely unbelievably stupid fucking idiots expanded the borders of their sandbox. That the government, both sides of it, allowed the debt to get to where it is, astounds. Their solutions both include one thing in common; to form committees to look into what is wrong. Sure, spend more money on another committee that no one will listen to anyways, because if the committee has any fucking brains, their solution is going to be to clear away the deadwood that lines both parties political coffers, and to take a huge bloody pin to pop the inflated egos that are holding the nation, the continent, and yes, the world economies hostage. On the good side though, you have to know that China is thrilled with watching this farce play out for all to see, as are the Syrians, the Pakistanis, the Saudis, the Koreans, the Iranians… they have to love the idea that the leaders of the greatest nation on the world are teetering on the edge of the bathtub, a rope of their own making around their necks, their hands so busy pointing and bitch-slapping each other that they can’t life the fucking ropes off before they fall. They are so distracted with proving their own point, with winning this battle, that they have lost sight of absolutely every other fucking issue on the table, and the people, good, honest, hardworking people, are going to pay the price. I never thought it would be possible to say that there could be anything in Washington more self-serving, stupid, distracted and ineffective as George W. Bush. Congratulations, you fucking idiots… you have now proven the point that yes, indeed, there is worse than Dubyah.

DAILY NEWS, Monday, July 25th, 2011

DATELINE: IN THE WHITE HOUSE, STILL FUCKING THE DOG – Yeah, you know what I mean. Watching the collection of numb-fucking-nuts calling the shots in Washington playing their games, I am reminded of children who will do anything to have their own way, in that totally self-serving sulk they muster up so well, all the while being too young to appreciate yet the greater consequences outside their own benefits. In children, it’s a teaching opportunity. In politicians, it’s nothing more than puke-inducing. They try to sway their party members by explaining about ‘leverage’ to get their shit agreed to. They argue in public, criticize, and whine. They talk, but refuse to listen because nothing can interfere with their opportunity to score political points by being the ‘one’ to broker the agreement that saves the world from economic destruction. There are elections coming up to consider, you know. What the stupid sons of bitches all need to do, every fucking one of them, is get out on the street, drive through a couple of rural and urban areas, through commercial and retail and residential sectors of the country, and SEE the fucking damage they are doing. They have to tout that party line at all cost, though. How about talking bread lines instead? How about looking at the houses falling apart, the businesses boarded up, the equipment standing still? How about looking at the schools that are crumbling, the people who are standing on the street looking for help, the people pounding the pavement every fucking day looking for a job? They want to work, but they can’t because there are no fucking jobs. How about stopping the god damned grandstanding, the all or nothing posturing, the need to pander to the prerequisite political ‘savior psyche’ and just do the fucking job? Ask any housewife what needs to be done, or any small businessman, or anyone with a fucking grade ten education. You don’t have the money to run your household, then you work to raise more money, you work to save money, and you do it in a way that you can manage. The difference with this though, is that the people making the decisions regarding how to make the adjustments are NOT the ones who will have to feel the cuts or do the extra work to meet the demands for more money, so the posturing and playing and spewing of bullshit altruistic unrealistic principles is apparently easy. These elected officials are the ones who are buying the big huge fucking mansion on the hill that is way out of their price range, expecting that the ‘staff’ they already had will be able to manage the maintenance and upkeep. While you overpaid soap-opera-star wannabe’s play the fucking power game, toe the party line and all that good crap, more businesses go broke by the minute, more jobs are lost, more people lose their homes and their savings, meaning they can’t purchase sweet fuck all, including food, so that more jobs will again be lost. You see where the hell I’m going with this? Do you see now that loading up the fucking pork barrel, holding a $1M piece of legislation hostage to get your own personal political points with a $17B price tag does come back to bite everyone in the ass? You’re all fucking guilty of it, of doing nothing more than working 24/7 to ONLY preserve your own fucking power and authority. Well, here’s a news bulletin for you: you are about to be the all supreme power and authority over a destitute clusterfuck, something to be really proud of and brag to your children about. Something has to be done to stop this insanity, so, here is my suggestion to you fucking idiots in DC: Quit playing games, quit posturing, quit pouting, quit stomping your feet, and start acting like reasonable responsible adults who took an oath to work for the betterment of the people you represent. Everyone, and I do mean everyone in the global sense, is still waiting for that to happen. No one can afford to wait for much longer, because as the markets start to respond, we can all see that this is not one where the US goes down alone. It is one where there is no one else to throw a life preserver ring out in the waves to save you, as much as we might want to. Put the partisan crap aside, start to listen and do what you are fucking paid to do, because I have NO doubt while you default and crash into that green ceiling, you will be about the only ones getting paid, the only ones guaranteed of a roof and a meal tomorrow.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF FUCKING – It seems that even still, those dick heads in the Vatican still cannot pull their heads out of their asses, and put their pricks back in their pants. Under attack for its absolutely undeniably reprehensible handling of sexual abuse and torture issues in Ireland, they reacted by pulling their ambassador from Ireland. *Insert ominous fucking gasp here*. Why did they do this? To prove a point to the Irish government that they don’t like how they are being treated, that they are being held to account for the shit they did. They don’t deny the abuse; they just don’t want to deal with it, be held responsible, own their monumental decades-long fuck-up. Two weeks ago, the Irish government requested a response from the Vatican regarding the allegations of mishandling and covering up what had been done to thousands of people by the church. They demanded an official response to accusations that the Vatican in fact stopped the bishops in Ireland from taking any action or reporting the sexual abuse by priests to the police. The Vatican replied that it will offer that response… ‘at the opportune time’. What the fuck is that!!! At the opportune time? None of their victims were given the option of ‘at the opportune time’. No criminal is given that option. At the opportune time? It seems that the Vatican and its many sick bastard bishops and priests are expert at exploiting the fucking opportune time. When will we start holding these bastards responsible? Get off your asses, people, and let the Pontiff know that the opportune time passes about forty fucking years ago, and now is the time to pay the piper – and their bullshit asswipe useless guidelines for dealing with accusations of sexual assaults as issued last month is not even a fucking baby step in the right direction.