DAILY NEWS - July 28th, 2011

DAILY NEWS - July 28th, 2011

DATELINE: OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BOOBS – It’s so hard to pick which one to start with today. I could start with Glenn Beck comparing the victims of the Norway massacre to Hitler Youth because the children were gathered together in a camp to learn about government. God forbid we teach our children about how our governments work, why voting is important, the sacrifices that went into democracy, or the value of freedom of speech, even when that speaking is done by absolutely fucking nuts individuals like Beck. These are, by the way, all things that Hitler did NOT encourage in anyone, including children. Those children in Norway were killed because of hatred, intolerance and ego… issues that Beck seems to grasp exceptionally well, just not in good way. Then there is Ann Coulter, spewing her bullshit about how gayness can be prayed away, using words that more than adequately display her ignorance. Ann, hon, every day I pray you will shut the fuck up, but that still hasn’t worked; I suppose though that could be because I am not as good, pure or Godlike as you seem to think you are. Here is my bitch about all this: Yes, fucking idiots have the right to speak, but when they are given an international soap box from which to spew this hatred, it is nothing but counterproductive. What we need is GOOD logical debate on issues. We desperately need that. We need perspective, we need to be aware of others needs and thoughts and plans and ideas, but when it is buried like a gooseberry in a mountain of cow shit, it gets lost. We don’t need more hate; we need discussion and every time Ann Coulter or Glenn Beck take the stage to preach their bullshit, anything they might have to contribute to the conversation is lost… they are just to fucking stupid to realize that.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF BOOBS – Amy Winehouse is dead; that is something very sad, very tragic for her family. To be honest, I was not a fan of hers, had not heard of her before her death, probably would not have been a slobbery fan of hers even if I had heard her music, but that is not the point. What truly amazed me, enraged me, in fact, was the comments about her funeral. She was Jewish, and it took no time at all for reports to hit the Ethernet about her untraditional funeral, questioning if, in fact, she should have been allowed that funeral. She had tattoos! Oh my God! She was cremated! It took longer than it should have! I am by no means an expert on Jewish funeral protocol, but I understand the value of tradition, especially to some people and in some faiths. However, the arrangements for a funeral… for any funeral… are something that should not be up for public debate. This is something that the grieving family, the rabbi and their God get to deal with, while considering the wishes of the deceased. Had she not been a public figure, the family would not have to endure the garbage that was debated about her ‘right’ where a funeral is concerned. The one overall precept should be that when a family is grieving, just leave them bloody well alone.

DATELINE: LOOKING AT HIS PICTURE, TRYING TO DRUM UP A MODICUM OF COMPASSION… AND FAILING -- In 1988, Abdelbaset al-Megrahi blew up a plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 270 people were killed. In 2001, this piece of crap was convicted of his offence and was sentenced to a life-time in jail. In 2009, he was released on ‘compassionate grounds’ – because this asswipe deserved compassion? – and was allowed to return to Libya to die. He had been diagnosed with prostrate caner and was expected to only live another three months. Why he couldn’t live those three months in fucking prison where he belonged is beyond me, but I have no doubt the families and friends of every one of those 270 victims felt like they had been sucker punched in the gut when he was. Now, 23 months later, Abdelbaset al-Megrahi is appearing on television, being honored by his tribe in Tripoli, claiming that his release was a victory against oppression, being touted as the victim of a global conspiracy. His return home was celebrated by that even bigger asswipe Muammar Gaddafi, who as we all know is above reproach and a pillar of the fucking global community. Terrorists do not understand the concept of compassion, they thumb their noses at it, consider it a weakness if it is shown. Terrorists tried in due legal process deserve no compassion… not now, not ever.

DATELINE: IN JAIL, HOPEFULLY WAITING TO BE POACHED -- Victor Gordon: Everyone in Philadelphia, remember that name. Everyone in North America, remember that name. This piece of fetid steaming excrement is worth remembering, and anyone who purchases anything from him should share a jail cell with him for the rest of their lives. Victor Gordon loves ivory. He loves it way more than he loves the law. According to the indictment filed in New York, Victor Gordon arranged for a friend/partner/fellow criminal and asshole to purchase raw ivory from central and west Africa between May 2006 and April 2009. Yes, that is three fucking years of collecting ivory, at a cost of $32,000 to Mr. Gordon. The ivory was ‘procured’, then was carved, stained to disguise it, and smuggled into the US through JFK airport. It was then delivered to Mr. Gordon’s store where he went about his business of selling it all over North America. In April of 2009, hundreds of tusks and carvings were seized. More pieces were seized from Gordon’s customers. In what is described as the largest seizure of ivory in US history, it is estimated that dozens of mature elephants died in order to provide the ton… yes, one ton, of ivory for people to display as dust collectors on their fucking mantles. Mr. Gordon should have to spend the rest of his life with one of those three-foot long carved and died tusks firmly implanted up his ass, after of course, his balls are whacked off and set on a mantle for display. The same should also happen to the ‘customers’ who are either too self-centered to think laws apply to them, or too stupid to be allowed to handle money in large amounts. Without the customers, Gordon would just have been a dickhead. With all those customers greedily gobbling up ivory they had to know was illegal, Gordon ended up a rich dickhead. Either way, the maximum sentence of 20 years in jail is nowhere near enough for this piece of crap.

DATELINE: IN CANADA, GETTING HIGH ON MOTOR OIL – For oil executives, it apparently works. For Janet Goodin, a Minnesota senior on her way to Canada to play bingo and visit her grandchildren? Not so much. You see, Janet, a retired girl scout registrar and the grandmother of twelve, had a jar of motor oil in her car when she crossed the border. She had no criminal record, but she must have had that glint in her eye, because the Canadian Border Service went all ape-shit over her at the sight of it. She explained that it was left over, that she forgot to take it out, but she was quickly informed that ‘No, it tests positive for traces of something’. Traces of something? Give me a fucking break. Because of this astute catch, Goodin was handcuffed and locked up for possession of a drug for the purpose of trafficking and for importing a controlled substance. Those numb-nuts at the border accused her of transporting… wait for it… heroin. After twelve days… TWELVE DAYS!! … they finally told her it was just oil, they had made a mistake, and they let her go, without explanation, without apology, and probably without her damned oil. Thank god she wasn’t carrying any poppy seed muffins on her as well, or she might never have seen the light of day again. They could have done more testing sooner, they could have made a phone call to determine if she just had her oil changed… yes, it’s unusual to keep a jar of oil in your vehicle when it’s not in the original container, unless you only need part of the jug and you didn’t want the rest in the plastic jug with the loose top and the oil drips on the outside that won’t come out of plastic – unusual, probably worth looking into, but sure as hell not grounds to lock a woman away for almost two weeks. Canada’s Border Services: Keeping us safe from heinously dangerous Bingo-playing grannies and engine oil.