CRUD OIL

DATELINE: ALONG THE NORTHERN GATEWAY PIPELINE ROUTE, DROWNING IN DILBIT -- It is hard to believe that this is possible, but then again, we are living in the world of Stephen Harper, so nothing should amaze us anymore. The federal government has approved Enbridge's Northern Gateway pipeline. It's amazing how easily bought politicians can be when there is big oil money on the table.

Let's play a game. Let's say we all live in the Mount Royal area of Calgary -- we all come from old money and live in big houses. It's a great life. We have beautiful parks to play in, we spend hours soaking up the sun, we live the high life with everything we want right within our grasp. We are in paradise.

Then one day one of us discovers that by opening up one of the parks -- just one of them -- so that the local sewage rises in great bubbling delight, easily accessible and available to all of us, he can solve all the world's problems. This one person tells us that they have made a startling discovery -- he has learned how to turn this effluent into food that he can then export to all the starving people of the world. It will be a wonderful thing, because it will create jobs because other people will want to learn how we do it. It will boost the economy, put the people who aren't working into gainful employment, and will fill an international need for jobs and food.

None of the rest of us are totally pleased about the smelly mess, and many of us have our doubts about what this might precipitate, but it fills needs, so it must be a good idea... plus we can all make a little coin in the process. We learn that there is a flaw in the plan -- that the bacteria found in the effluent isn't totally removed from the finished product, but we tell ourselves 'what's a little bacteria in the grand scheme of things' and continue to act like this is a wonderful plan. The money we're making proves that.

Some of the water of the coast of BC where large tankers are expected to
navigate. This is one of the four most treacherous water passes in the
world, and has some of the most protected, pristine species in the world.

We then discover that the effluent, while in a quasi-liquid state, won't move down the pipelines we have built, because it is just too thick and sticky, so we add some chemicals to it -- some naptha, perhaps some of the chemicals and ingredients used to help get the effluent from the ground, like arsenic and strychnine, but we really aren't allowed to know what exactly is used to help make the effluent flow. We see evidence of how it eats through the metal of the pipelines, but we tell ourselves that's just the cost of doing business, and when it lands on the ground at one of the spills, we pretend that it really isn't such a big deal, even though those things added to it to make it flow (and that eat the walls of the pipeline) have now contaminated the land, the water and the air all around the spill. It really isn't our concern that no one knows for sure how to stop the leaks, especially when they happen under water, or how to clean up the mess so that the land and water can be reclaimed. After all, it's not in our backyard, and we still have water and food to eat... and money still rolling in. Secretly, though, we shudder at the realization that the bacteria-filled effluent is now being used to water the crops and livestock in the area so they too will be contaminated from it, because the people who live there have no idea what they are doing, and if they do, they have no options because there is no other source of water.

People along these pipelines start to get sick. They get aggressive cancers and ulcers. They find it hard to breathe and they bleed when they go to the bathroom. They can see effluent in their water, but still they are told that it's not a problem -- they just have to trust us, because we would never lie to them, especially while we are still raking in the money. Scientists and medical specialists start to point to the effluent, saying that it is making us sick, so we make laws that say they cannot speak about it anymore... because the money is now flowing like never before, and we have actually convinced people that they NEED our effluent. They WANT it, both the money from it and the jobs it will create to put the pipelines through their towns, because there is really no other source of food for anyone. They have heard the stories about the heinous diseases and sickness associated with it. They have heard about the waterways that are destroyed, and the wildlife and plant life destroyed, about the homes that are inhabitable and standing empty for years because no one can return there; the air, like the water and the land, is toxic from all the things put in the effluent to help it flow down the pipelines. None of that matters, though. They have been told they need this, that this is the holy grail for society, that with this pipeline all their worries and needs will be solved and they too will live in paradise.

If this was a children's story, it would be totally unbelievable. A child would laugh at the stupidity of it, mocking the possibility that people would actually allow something like this to happen. These are educated people, smart people, who plead for shit to be pumped over their land, spilled on their land, and injected under their land. There is unrefuted evidence that the chemical cocktails used to extract and to move this shit cause cancer and cause death and destruction to people, plants and animals, and that it makes the water completely undrinkable, yet they still want it. They have evidence that the scientific community and the medical community have been legally silenced, and that the exact details of what is in the chemical cocktails are kept secret by law to protect the companies making them... yet they still want it. They logically know that the huge number of jobs is a gross misrepresentation, that the jobs will be there for one year, or at the most two, then will be gone because once the pipeline is built, there is no need to build any more... yet they choose to ignore this fact as well, because the shit is manna from heaven.

Yes, I drive a car. If I could buy one that ran on something other than gas, I would. As it is, my vehicle is parked 27 days out of the month. Yes, I know that we need oil for plastics and manufacturing, and we probably always will need oil, but there are safer, better, cleaner ways of getting it, and we all know that. There are incredibly innovative programs and plans, some proven and in use already, but we all want one solution that is 'easy'. Wind generators are ugly (but greasy smelly oil derricks are not?) and they don't work where there isn't wind (well, duh) so they are no good. Scrap that plan. Solar energy is good, but expensive (how much do you think the pipelines, the tar sands and all that goes along with it costs?) and won't work where there is limited sun, like in the north, so let's scrap that entirely as well. Sadly, this innovation and research would put many more people to work, for a lot longer, than any pipeline will, but we don't want to see that either. I suppose it doesn't really matter anymore, though. We have come so far, and are so hoodwinked by politicians and their campaign-funding oil chroneys, that the damage is done.

It is a very sad day when the government of a country sells out it's people. it's health, it's food supply, it's water and it's ethics for the sake of a pipeline that has been decried by experts in every field, from around the world, as a disastrous project.

My friends in the United States, please please please understand that it is NOT oil that will be pumped down those pipelines. It is NOT crude. It is dilbit, a cocktail concoction that eats at pipelines, that cannot be contained when spilled, that cannot be stopped once it is in water or land or the air (the chemicals, when a leak occurs, leach into the air making it toxic). Spend some time looking at the dilbit disaster that is still ongoing in Kalamazoo four years, and $1B after the fact. Understand that the driving force behind the politicians and the oil companies is that they are making not millions, not billions, but trillions of dollars while you are taking ALL the risk as their poison, their shit, moves across your land. Please take some time to learn about what is involved with this process, and what harm it does, and what jobs it will truly create. Weigh their gain against your loss. Research the number of leaks that have occurred in these pipelines, and the damage done -- you will be amazed at what you have not been told, and at the lack of commitment and honesty shown by the oil companies, especially when money is on the table. You still have time... not a lot, but enough that you can stop this stupidity from going any further into your country. Canada once was a paradise. Don't destroy yours as we are so intent on destroying ours. Don't risk another dance with this devil.

BOILING IN OIL -- Pipelines and Politicians, If You Please

DATELINE: BOILING IN OIL -- As we wait for that great leader President Obama (aka Spineless Willie) to decide on the Keystone Pipeline, I thought it might be fun to throw some numbers at you. In the past twelve years, in the United States, there have been at least 82 known pipeline leaks. Now, that doesn’t seem like a lot, I suppose, but these are the ones where there was no human involvement to cause them, and these are just the pipelines that carried those elixirs of life – crude, diesel, gasoline and, in two cases, jet fuel. This does not include the ones that were hit by construction workers because the pipeline was plotted wrong on maps or by human error. These are just the suckers that woke up one morning and decided to let that precious lifeblood of a nation land on the ground.

82 leaks – little (or in some cases big) holes that sprung out of nowhere. Just 82, you are saying. Well, yes, but let me clarify this some more. For 11 of those 82, there are no estimates for how much product was lost, so when I say that considerably more than 209,024 barrels were spilled, it is based on only 71 of those leaks. This part you’ll love... I just KNOW it. Oil company talk is 209,024 barrels, but do you know why? Well, it’s because it is a whole lot less scary when they say that than when they say more than 8,778,997 gallons. Yes, that is almost 9 Million gallons of crap spilled, in just 12 years, from just little leaks that happen.

Now, I should be clear about this. These numbers are based on researching the leaks that are made known and are recorded in information on the internet. If anything, they are low-balled, perhaps a lot. Nonetheless, here is more information for you to chew on. Of those 82 leaks, at least 40 of them, so half, resulted in severe environmental damage and contamination, almost always of water sources, many times killing animals, sometimes resulting in evacuations, and sometimes, because that shit is incredibly flammable, causing fires when it ignites. In at least one case, the spill was so bad in the water, the oil company had to burn it off – yes, they set the damned lake on fire. I bet fish and fowl were totally thrilled with that.

Funnily enough, the name Enbridge, as owners of the pipeline, came up 9 times, and Kinder Morgan owned the pipeline 6 times. Even more surprising, while these leaks were spread out over 26 US states, 8 of them happened in Illinois. I bet a lot of oilmen don’t drink the water in that state. While Illinois takes the prize for the most pipeline leaks, it is followed closely by Texas, Oklahoma then California.

These leaks, it should be noted, have occurred many times in areas where they then contaminated major waterways. In several instances, huge numbers of fish and wildlife, including endangered wildlife, were killed – and it is a slow painful death for them. In many cases, these leaks happened in very environmentally sensitive areas, where there never should have been a pipeline in the first place.

Yes, we need cars. No one is so fucking dumb as to say otherwise. We need oil and gas, but we need the oil companies to be responsible. Up to now, they haven’t been. The only guide of any significance to them has a damned dollar sign in front of it. Some of these leaks went on for considerable time because they were small, but their damage was huge. Some of these leaks went unreported for a long time, so the oil companies could ‘hide’ it. There was absolutely NO consideration given to the fact that this contamination could kill more than environments or wildlife; it could kill people. We are gonna look a right asinine lot when we have cars to drive but not one drop of water to drink. Of course, Sarah ‘Blowhole’ Palin, Mitt ‘Who’ Romney, Newt ‘No Funny Nickname Required’ Gingrich, Michelle ‘Harpies Really Were Insane’ Bachman, et all, would have given any oil company the keys to a kingdom and a ticker tape parade – without one moment of consideration for the farmland, wetlands, water tables or homes that the pipeline would casually crash over with no regard for any form of organic life, including the fucking farmers. You see, oil companies are bullies at heart, because their only concern is the money. As for the jobs, take it from someone who knows – they will be there, for a year, maybe, but not as many as they say. Then they will suddenly disappear, and the oil company won’t give a flying fuck about anyone who was promised anything, including a job and great pay. We’re talking politicians and oil companies here. Never ever forget that.

But Mz Palin and friends bring me to another point – it’s not just the oil companies who cannot be trusted. The governments have made it more than clear they would sell out their own fucking children for one vote or a few campaign dollars. The pipeline going through the US now could well mean enough money for the Democrats to purchase the White House deed for decades to come. We are supposed to trust the very same organization that slipped the god damned Monsanto Protection Act through the process to become a law without anyone knowing it? Oh, wait... that happened ‘anonymously’*. The politicians sold out our entire farming community AND our entire food supply to one company, and now they say they have no idea how that happened? I can tell you how. Monsanto is run by bullies with money – the worst sort of human excrement on the planet. They made it legal for Monsanto to do whatever it bloody well wants with our food, genetically modify it and genetically engineer it using sheep crap to make beef steaks, and there is absolutely NO recourse for anyone. They have been given a permanent golden Get Out Of Jail free card and our entire food supply was the cost. We want to sell out the water supply to the oil companies? I suppose at this point in time, why the hell not.

Yes, we need oil and gas. We also need to find ways to NOT need oil and gas. We need that oil and gas to be transported safely. That doesn’t mean that they just bulldoze homes from people who don’t want the pipeline over their pristine land. It doesn’t mean that it goes over sensitive aquifers or through national wildlife reserves or national parks. The fact is, no matter what they fucking do to make it ‘totally safe,’ it is still made by humans and therefore is capable of accidental yet catastrophic failure. There needs to be strict guidelines for how they get their land and where they run their pipelines. There needs to be HUGE penalties for every god damned drop of product that lands in the air or on the ground – not some bullshit slap on the wrist. There needs to be absolute vigilance – not the relying on their state of the art computerized doodads that will protect us, because quite honestly, they fail as well, and when they do, with no human checks and balances, we are totally fucked.

So, Mister President, while you consider the pipeline – and the successful election of your democratic successor, because we KNOW that’s all the party is thinking about – give some thought to how the people have already been sold down the river – the grossly contaminated, undrinkable river. There will be oil for everyone, but there will be no one left to drive a damned car. While you’re at it, passing crap like the Monsanto Protection Act, perhaps you could come up with some new law that involves duct tape and Michelle Bachman’s gaping, stupid, idiotic maw. Now THAT would be a law worth some heavy campaign dollars.

It’s a time for responsible thinking, balance, logic and compromise. It is for this reason, I fear, that perhaps there is no hope, because these are words that don’t exist anymore in the power houses, ivory towers and hallowed halls of the United States of America. More’s the pity; it has become a living, breathing historical display of how empires crumble.


* The whole bullshit that is the anonymous inclusion of something in a bill being considered for legislation is probably the most lame-ass ignorant slap in the face to the voting public I have ever heard of, because there is no way in hell they don’t know how it got in there, but it’s just a whole lot more convenient to blame no one than be responsible and wear your convictions yourself. Shame on the entire political system for allowing this mountain of crappola to exist at all.

DAILY NEWS -- January 17th, 2012

DATELINE: TAKING THE PLUNGE INTO THE LOGIC POOL – I’m Canadian, and what do all Canadians talk about ALL the time? Why, oil pipelines, of course! We are in the midst of two broohaahaas, one regarding the Keystone Pipeline to the Gulf Coast, and one regarding the Gateway Pipeline, running to the Queen Charlotte Islands along BC’s Pacific Ocean coast. The routes for both are problematic, but in our usual inimitable manner, we humbly strong-arm and threaten the people whose land these pipelines will cross over. Aren’t we fucking special?

Here are some of the simple truths that no one has the god damned balls to say. Yes, we need fossil fuels. Even if, tomorrow, we come up with the perfect solution, the magical alternate fuel to run our vehicles and engines, we STILL need oil. We still need it to fuel our homes, and up here, there aren’t a lot of other options. We use it globally to make plastics and nylon, wrinkle-free fabrics, aspirin, cd’s, shoes, dyes… every room in every home will have items in there that are the result of oil extraction. Yes, some could be made from organic sources, but even the process of processing the organic sources requires oil, especially on the scale that services the population. Current means of producing ethanol uses more oil than it saves, and how many fields of corn would be required to keep our vehicles on the road just in this country? So, Yes, we need fossil fuels. Oh, and that whole 'clean coal' shit? yes, its shit. Coal is coal, it is dirty to mine, it is dirty to use, but its a necessary evil as well, but call it what it fucking is. There is no 'clean coal'. That's like saying there is sugar-dipped shit and expecting we will all chow down.

Is there room to compromise? Hell yes, and that is exactly what is needed. Yes, measures need to be taken to protect the environment, but why does everything have to be so fucking extreme now? The Republicans and the Democrats, the Environmentalists and the Oil Companies, do NOT have the ability, the desire or the guts to compromise on ANYTHING. It’s ‘my way or the highway’ in all regards, and that is what will kill us all.

So, we want to stop the pipeline because it is a hazard. God damned right they are a hazard. So is every big tanker truck on a railroad, being dragged down the highway by truckers who are dead on their feet because they can’t slow down for even one fucking minute because of the spiraling costs they face in this fucked-up economy, and in those crap boats that will haul it across the oceans. What about the carbon footprint created by those trucks, those boats and those railway trains? There is one hell of a lot of oil to move, and a long way to move it, and these guys chugging along, farting black every inch of the way seems a bit… counterproductive to the cause.

Politicians and oil companies, what about you? *sigh* Yes, I lumped you together. Why not? One is in the pocket of the other, so what the fuck. Let’s just call it like it is. What’s with this crap about threatening people so they get off their land and give you access? What sort of fucking bullshit is that? What gives you the right to not give fair dollar and work in good faith on this? Is it just because, when you start to work in oil, you become a colossal dickhead? You are so greased up, your head lives up your ass? Get a fucking life! The path you chose for the Keystone is asinine, and you know and you knew it even before you started going in there like fucking schoolyard bullies. The people down there have a right to be pissed. Is it really so hard to do something ethically? Really?

So, here is where the logic kicks in… for some of us maybe. It makes sense to move the oil by pipeline, but ONLY if the pipeline is incredibly well maintained. It will be cheaper, over time, to not have trucks hauling it, so yes, the pipeline makes sense. It also is reasonable to say that there is no way to get a pipeline across a fucking continent, or across a continental divide, without disrupting very sensitive environmental areas. The pipeline should not ever cross migratory paths without some compensation being made to the species… bridges, pathways, something to allow them to do what the good lord intended them to do in order to survive. It should not go over aquifers that would destroy water tables for thousands of people and animals, and it should be on land that is fairly purchased by the oil company, with deals that don’t consistently fuck the real land owners. I realize that one is a reach, but it is possible, if the fucking politicians would hold these assholes to task.

But in order for this to work, why not do it to everyone’s advantage. The land owners make a fair dollar for their land. The oil company gets their pipeline… and the environmentalists? Yes, they too can win, and not just by having fewer trucks and trains out there moving this shit. They need to hold the politicians accountable as well, setting up a program that allows for joint programs (government/private) to consistently patrol, protect and nurture the land around the pipeline. It could, conceivably, become the cleanest, safest, most naturally abundant area in the world with some cooperation and compromise. It would help the economy by creating jobs that could not be farmed out to foreign slave workers, and could be done in conjunction with efforts to refining more sources of fuels that are with not run out and will be less harmful to everyone. It will also, perhaps, lessen the need to frack. Sorry, but that process is just fucking wrong and it has way more potential to do way more fucking damage to everyone than anything else the damned oil companies can come up with.

So there you go – a win/win/win/win, but it requires cooperation and acceptance of some truths, which probably means it won’t ever happen. Although, for someone looking to get re-elected, it might be a handy thought, President Obama?