FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT - JUNE 7th, 2011

DATELINE: FINDING THE PONY IN A PILE OF POO – Pile of poo? More like a fucking boatload of bullshit, at least on the political front. We wonder why people are frustrated with politics, why people have tuned it out, why they don’t bother to vote, while there are some hugely important issues that need to be discussed and acted on. You want to know why? It’s because politicians lie, and the ones that are not lying are either covering up or making excuses for the ones that lie... which makes them no fucking better than the political Pinocchio’s that seem to have taken over the entire system.

First we have John Edwards, the man who would be President... thank God that didn’t happen. He denied being involved with another woman...for a while. When that was no longer deniable, he swore on a stack of Bibles that he did not father a child. (Bambi’s rule #69 – when they volunteer what they DIDN’T do or who they DIDN’T do, it’s usually a key indicator that hell yes, they are guilty as all holy hell). He did this while his wife was standing beside him, holding his hand and stroking his fucking ego while she was dealing with her own challenges in the form of cancer, a cancer that took her life. She was concerned about their children, the ones down the hall from Dickhead Edwards as he was boinking his tart in the bed he would have been sharing with his wife... if she hadn’t been in the hospital dealing with, remember... cancer. Now the man says he did not break any laws, that he did not misappropriate funds in order to hide his affair. Sorry Johnny hon, your three denials are used up, stupidly, and it is to be hoped that you spend a long time in prison with a cellmate with a dick that was as uncontrollable as your own has been.

Enter penis pics, the really, really sad choice of Anthony Weiner, the quintessential Peter Tweeter. With a name like that, did he really want to take crotch shots and send them off to people he claims he doesn’t know anything about... he just randomly offers pictures of the family jewels, I guess. When this all started, he claimed his computer account had been hacked, then he said that it might be pictures of him that were doctored and someone else sent, then he claimed that it might have been a picture of him, but he really couldn’t be expected to remember exactly what pictures of his dick were floating around. He claimed to not know any of the people he has been having intimate conversations with over the internet then admits that yeah, he knew where they were, he has talked to some of them for months, some before his recent marriage, some after. He says he has had no physical contact with them, but you know he was at the very least yanking on the celeb wanker while he was talking about their tits, sharing naked pics, and bragging about his prick. The man is a newly wed... if he were mine, he would be newly dead. He has now volunteered that he had no sex with them, that he has never met them, that he never used any government equipment or time to do his digital dalliances, and that none of them would be under age... **See Bambi Rule #69 above. Nuff said... this prick needs a few minutes with my friend Lorena and her rusty trusty Ginsu de-boning knife.

Of course, not ALL their lies about their peckers. It was revealed yesterday that at Fukushima Diiachi nuclear plant, three of the nuclear reactors experienced a complete meltdown within hours of the earthquake and tsunami that hit two months ago. Yes, the owners of the plant denied, still do, that there was any danger, that there was any meltdown, that there was any problem at all other than perhaps a bit of a leak. They told the people around there that there was no danger, so not to worry. The fucking things were in meltdown, spewing radiation into the air all around there. It takes some effort to take a life threatening disaster and turn it into a clusterfuck of BP proportions, but hell, the Tokyo Election Power Co has managed, hands down. Rather than looking like a bunch of incompetent assholes, they chose to lie about the situation, endangering hundreds of thousands of lives at least, turning down assistance, shunning other agencies, and firmly entrenching their place in the Lying Asshole’s Hall of Fame.

Take heart though... I believe in equality. Not all politicians and executives lie about their dicks or their impotence, in whatever form it might present. We still have Sarah Palin. She is out there doing her damnedest to convince the world that she is NOT campaigning, that she is wanting people to know about history, about Americana, about being proud to say you are American. She is teaching her children and the children of the world a valuable lesson about the importance of history, the value of knowing where you are from. I believe I know where she is from... she is the fucking ding-a-ling in the bell that she claims Paul Revere rang on his famous ride to warn the British that they would never take the arms (or legs) of the Americans. Yes, while secretly delivering the message he fired shots of warning and rang his bells to alert the people... the stupid bastard probably warned the British too. On the good side, at least she didn’t get totally fucked up and claim that he was screaming The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming, although that would be a totally understandable mistake since she can see them from her fucking window. She then defended her version, while her mental midgets worked hard to send ‘the corrected Sarah Palin historical perspective’ out on the interwebs by posting changes to Wikipedia entries. Now that, Sarah, is a fucking Gotcha moment, and you didn’t even need the press to help you make an ass of yourself. All that was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by all this is that the educational, historical, altruistic aspects of the Sarah Palin Rouge Road Trip are nothing more than a fucking busload of bullshit, and the real agenda is to get Sarah in front of the press at every possible opportunity... because we hadn’t already figured that out.

At what point will someone figure out that the time for this crap is over. There are people desperate for work, people scrambling to keep their homes, children starving, while Howard Stern is making a porn movie that is supposedly a recreation of reality in his world of excess, abuse and asskissing. There is a European coalition preparing to ask the UN to intervene on behalf of tortured Syrians, but that doesn’t make the news. There are floods killing hundreds of thousands in China... but our priority is hockey, for ten minutes at the opening of the news. Ask me again why we are losing interest? Sadly, I have no fucking idea what it will take for us to care enough before it’s too late.