Saturday, August 14, 2010
AUGUST 14th, 2010 - ARTSY FARTSY FLUFF CRAP DAY
AUGUST 14th, 2010 – ARTSY FARTSY FLUFF CRAP DAY
DATELINE: IN THE RING, ON THE MAT, GETTING HIS ASS SERVED UP ON A PLATTER – A rather nauseating thought when considering ‘his ass’ belongs to that fucking moronic blowhard Bill O’Reilly. This week, his target was Jennifer Aniston, because she is in a movie in the roll of a woman who wants a child without having the pre-requisite husband. For starters, Bill... she is playing a fucking fictional character. Duh! But amidst all your babble and crap about the needs of two parents, a mother and a father in order to raise a child ‘properly’, where the fuck are you and your tirades when movies come out about the handsome, charming, witty fucking playboys? Where is their responsibility, or does it not matter that their playing around can, and... I know this will shock the fucking crap out of you, Bill... it can and it does result in children being born out of wedlock and with the father having no intention at all of being tied down? Why is it okay for that to happen? Because the men don’t get pregnant, so its fine for them? Or perhaps you embrace that wonderful Middle East ‘beat the adultresses to death’ mentality because obviously if she is sleeping with men, she must be a whore and a sinner. How convenient to be able to forget that for every woman sleeping with a man, there is a man sleeping with a woman. Do you not ever get tired of the fucking double standards that constantly spew from your indignant fucking lips? Why do you not damn these male characters, and the actors playing them, for totally destroying the moral values of the world? Get a fucking grip on reality, Idiot.
DATELINE: ON THE STAGE ACCEPTING THE PRIZE FOR THE MOST APTLY NAMED MOVIE OF THE MILLENIUM – Stallone is back, in what is nothing more than another really really really really bad fucking Rambo movie, but what else should we have expected. There is one character he is able to play, the one limited to cliche lines, bad acting, posing with automatic weapons and extolling the virtues of being the monosyllabic low-IQ herculean ‘tough guy’ who has the solution for everything in life strapped around his shoulder. As if a plethora of fucking Rocky and Rambo movies just were not enough, Stallone now has a new character (co-written, directed and played by himself – because seriously, what the hell writer would want to even touch this crap), Barny Ross, to flog us with for the next ten fucking years... he is truly the master at taking an incredibly one-dimensional character way beyond the fucking limit. Why anyone would pay ten cents to see this crap is beyond me. At least, through, the title will make it easier to do the single word review of this blather – Expendable.
DATELINE: ON A THREAD, OVERHEAD – This has to be the way he will be making his entrance. Who? Well Spiderman, of course. Yes, he will be swinging onto a stage near you, singing his fucking ass off because where the hell would we be without Spiderman: The Musical – Turn Off The Dark. Topping the roster as one of the most expensive stage productions ever, this one will even have superheroes flying around the fucking theatre – quite a feat if you happen to land the roll of Super Chicken. It will be interesting to see how they manage to recoup their costs with this erudite piece of true Fluff-Crap. So, to spare you the two hours of your life that this production will totally fucking rob you off.... *SPOILER ALERT*... Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can, spins a web, anysize, catches thieves just like flies Look out! Here comes the spiderman.
DATELINE: WHAMMING INTO SNAPPY SNAPS – That’s what George Michael was done while he was pissed and stoned and behind the wheel. The Wham! star drove his car into a photo shop. Other than the fact that he has the skills of a great prophet when it comes to naming his group, what the fuck is this doing on the news? A star? Drunk, stoned, driving? In possession of contraband? Oh My God what is this world coming to? I am totally shocked... well, not really, but since every media outlet in the world covered this crap, I thought I should as well. You can't have too many venues providing excuses and justification for celebrity bad behavior... well, okay, i don't provide either, but i just fucking love to be on that bandwagon.
DATELINE: HAITI, THE MUSICAL DISASTER – Just what Haiti needs! As the country is still one fucking mess after a disastrous earthquake over six months ago, they now are setting the stage for what will be nothing more than a clusterfuck edition of Haiti’s Got Talent. First Michel Martelly, that diaper-wearing, sometimes kilt-clad singer/dancer has decided he should run as leader of the impoverished, rubble-strewn country because he knows how to help them. His buddy, singer Wyclef Jean, has also made the same decision, and so both names will be on the ballot, along with about 34 others. It’s to be hoped that someone with at least one true qualification has his name in the hat, because the last thing Haiti needs right now is to be used as a fucking pawn in a perverted game of nothing more than Public Relations whoring. The Haitians have been through enough. They deserve something more than an idiot leader parading around on stage wearing a diaper and making farting noises into a microphone.
DATELINE: ALLOWED BACK AT THE GROWN-UP'S TABLE, FOR NOW ANYWAYS -- Kanye West, that bad boy's bad boy, will be allowed to return to the MTV Awards this fall, after his class act performance last year when he stole the microphone away from Taylor Swift to extoll the reasons why Swift should not have won her award... well, okay, he was saying that Beyonce should have won, which is the same fucking thing. It would be the cynical bitch in me that points out once again money will supercede morals, ethics, manners or anything else. First off, there will be no better way to get the ratings for the show to go up than by having this asshole there again, splashing that fact over every fucking tabloid in the world, and baiting viewers to watch and wonder just what asshatted thing he will do this time... and you KNOW he will find something to do because despite his claims of learning humility, he is nothing but a fucking attention whore. Ratings equal money, so there really cannot be one person on the planet even remotely surprised that he will be allowed back or that the media will make a big fucking circus of that announcement. Oh, and it doesn't hurt the pocketbook that he has a new album coming out shortly after the awards. Yup, its all about the fucking money.
DATELINE: STRAYING FROM FLUFF-CRAP BUT BOOKENDING THIS BLOG WITH MORE ASSHATTEDNESS FROM THE LAND OF THE MALE DOUBLE-STANDARD – In Blackpool, England, as in many other communities around the world, there is a war memorial in a park. 32-year-old Wendy Lewis was this week found guilty of ‘outraging public decency’ because she was caught urinating and ‘performing a sex act on a man’ at the memorial. Yes, I fully believe she should be held accountable for this. It’s wrong... there is no discussion there. However, it is incredibly interesting to know that while her name is splattered over international websites for her heinous crime, the person she was performing the sex act with is only referred to as ‘a man’. His name and reputation are fully intact, despite the fact that what he did was equally as wrong as what Wendy Lewis did. One has to wonder what the fuck public office this ‘man’ holds that he is totally fucking immune from carrying his responsibility in the crime.