DAILY NEWS – AUGUST 26th, 2010
DATELINE: JUMPING INTO A BOWL OF TROJAN SOUP – When it comes to poetic irony, you can’t really beat this one. Easter 2009, Zdenek Philip Hodousek dipped into a bowl of French Onion Soup while dining with his family. He thought he was biting into some melted cheese on top of the soup. Instead, he had sunk his chompers into a condom. Nothing says family brunch like a floating prophylactic. Here’s the funny part... the name of the restaurant that served the tantalizing dish was Claim Jumpers. Think about that for a moment, and if you have a sick enough mind, you will smile. While the restaurant denies there was any foreign object in the dish, and that no one was being jumped on the prep table in the kitchen, yesterday they did agree to make an undisclosed settlement to the claim.
DATELINE: SIPPING TEA IN BP HELL – Well, I am anyways, watching and reading. In coverage of the latest inquiry into the Deepwater Horizon explosion and oil spill, yesterday it was released that the well casing was not properly structured, a point that Halliburton reps say they pointed out to their BP counterparts (they shared the same fucking office, for the love of God) but apparently without being overly emphatic about the engineers concerns. Now it is TransOcean’s turn to point a finger, stating that the blow-out preventor, the one thing that was being depended on to prevent any disasters for this well, had not been recertified when it was supposed to have been. To recertify it, making sure it is working properly and in good condition, would have required the well to be shut down for the process. However, one employee states that it was working properly because he was in charge of maintenance, and he knew it was working. I can save you all a whole lot of fucking time though... the three companies, Halliburton, TransOcean and BP were focused on one thing and one thing only, and it was not the welfare of the ocean, the people who live on the ocean or the people working on the damned rig. Their only concern was the bottom line. That’s why Halliburton pointed out deficiencies, but not really, and why TransOcean made sure the equipment was all working, but not really, and BP made sure they were compliant with all regulations and guidelines issued by the federal government, but not really, especially when it was just a whole lot easier and cheaper to pay off/bribe people in the MMS. Now they will all sit and point fingers, but in the end the cause of the entire incident will come down plain, simple, self-serving greed.
DATELINE: CELEBRATING A NEW LABOR MOVEMENT – This family is either incredibly close or they should be buying up lottery tickets because they do like to challenge odds. On Friday, Saby Pazos and her sister Leslie Pazos both gave birth to their babies, one boy, one girl, at the Westlake Hospital in Melrose Park, Illinois. The following day, a third sister, Lilian, gave birth to a baby girl at the same damned hospital. Three babies in two days in one family in one hospital? Astounding, you say? But wait! On Monday, a fourth sister, Heidi, gave birth to a baby boy in California. In case you are running out of toes to count on, that would be four babies born in four days. Hello, hormones! Welcome to little Abel, Ashley, Emily and Jonathan.
DATELINE: PIMPING BABIES ON CRAIGSLIST – Despite their claims of having all ads reviewed by their attornies to ensure there is no pornographic material being pimped on their sales sites, it seems that ‘the trade’ is alive and well and raking in the ‘craigsbucks’. Enter the attorneys general of 17 states, furious over the still rampant ads peddling women for sick bastardos unable to get a date or tired of the one they have. Despite their claims, some of these ads most certainly involve children, most of them cater to sexual predators, many of them are incredibly degrading to women. Yes, I know there are some women who chose this lifestyle... but there are a hundredfold more of them that do not, but have no way to escape it. And as for th children? No, there is absolutely no fucking excuse for anyone to do anything to a child. No matter how you argue that one, it is just plain wrong and sick. Despite the legal pleas from the collective Attorneys General, though, they have no authority to do bugger all... the onus is totally on Craigslist, and as this issue has been going on for years now, and has been raking in the money for them, it is highly unlikely they really give a flying fuck about any moral, social or ethical responsibility. While I embrace the principle of free enterprise, I have to say that the accompanying disregard for anything but the amount of money to be gained is disgusting at best.
DATELINE: WHERE THE BIG BOYS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN SCHOOLYARD BULLIES -- For the ninth fucking time, a girls’ school in Afghanistan was attacked with poison gas, sending 59 high school students and 14 teachers to the hospital. From 1996-2001, under the rule of those fucking sweeties, the Taliban, girls were not to attend school at all. Today approximately two-million girls attend school, but do so in fear for their lives. What a sad fucking state of affairs. The big bad Taliban only has the fucking gonads to bully little girls. The truth of the matter is that they are afraid of women, realize that women can be smart, arguably smarter and braver than any fucking lowlife who blows poison into their lungs while they are learning. Stonings, scourging, poisoning of women... the Taliban—nothing more than a bunch of lowlife feckless fucking thugs.
DATELINE: ROLLING A CUBAN – Raul Castro, new Cuban Kingpin, has decided to stop the subsidy of cigarettes for men over 55. It would be totally fucking awesome to think he did this in an attempt to help improve health and to stop the devastating effects of smoking, but instead he did it to help increase the government bank account. Sadly for some people, this will present an unbearable burden, because they require the subsidized smokes so they can in turn sell them and have money to buy food for their table. Welcome to the communist way of life. The monthly pension for the average person in Cuba is a whole $10.40. With cuts to cigarettes as well as to coupons for other food items and necessities, the gap between the few rich and the growing number of poor widens. Its a great page to take from Chavez’s book.
DATELINE: SPEAKING OF DESPOTS AND ASSHOLES – Kin Jong Il is in China today. While no one has yet been able to determine the purpose for his visit there, you have to know this is not a good thing. If good old Mahmoud Ahmedinejad happens to stop by to join them for a cup of chinese tea, it could well be time to start building that fucking bunker in the back yard. Climate change – it could refer to political cold wars as well, and it would seem the climate’s a-changing.
Yet they wonder why this chick does not like going to restaurants!!.. I can tell you this, if it had happened to me, no cash settlement would calm me down. I would have gone into the kitchen, grabbed the chef, the owner and any other male in the place and Lorena Bobbitized them.. that is beyond disgusting. I mean really, did they think serving a "to go" sack in the meal was appropriate!..and I must be sick enough, cause I laughed..
ReplyDeleteTHe clusterfuck of corporations responsible for the oil fiasco.. criminal charges are not enough, murder charges are not enough (people forget that some of the crew, died) I think they should be tied up and tossed overboard into the sea of muck and left for chum.