DAILY NEWS – AUGUST 24th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – AUGUST 24th, 2010

DATELINE: DOWN THE CRAPPER -- J.D. Salinger’s toilet is up for sale. Yes the catcher in the rye’s catcher of the crap – how can anyone resist such a fucking bargain? It is listed as being ‘uncleaned and in its originial condition’. Holy fucking crap! Can you believe it?? A literary loo! A tale-teller’s toidy! A journalistic john! Okay... that one is maybe a bit much, but seriously, what the fuck? One million dollars for a crapper? I hate to break it to you, ebay fanatics, but probably he crapped just the same way the rest of us do. Considering the man was totally fed up with society and spent his final years as a recluse, I would think the irony of this whole idiot plan, and the fact that someone is making a cool million on his $49 shitter (accompanying shit at no extra charge) would only confirm his disgust for where the hell we are going as a world.

DATELINE: ON THE ROAD TO HELL – Actually for the people stuck on the fucking Beijing-Tibet Highway, it probably seems like they are already there... hell, that is. There has been the mother of all traffic jams; nine fucking days stuck on the highway, no cars moving, because of road repairs. 62 miles of crawling at a snail’s pace, for days at a fucking time, is one hell of a price to pay just to get to a fucking McDonald’s Drive-Thru. Of course, the people trapped on the road have been taken to the cleaner, trying to get food and water, and paying unbelievable prices for the little they can get, but what the hell? If there is a dime to be made, throw morals and human consideration to the fucking shoulder and charge on. The one thing that this has resulted in is that I will no longer be flipping the bird when I have to slow down for the old lady crossing the street and delaying me by a minute or two.

DATELINE: IN THE LINE OF FIRE – Good old Hugo Chavez has a new claim to fame. He is now the president of the country with the highest homicide rate in the world. Venezuela passes Mexico, in fact leaves Mexico choking in the dust as it screamed past for the dubious honors – Iraq and Iran as well. In 2009, 16,000 Venezuelans were murdered. In fact, since Hugo took office, there have been over 116,000 murders, a number that has shot (pun intended... sorry) up almost instantly thanks to his wonderful fucking leadership. Some claim the ever-widening gap between the rich and the poor is partially to blame. Some say it’s the 30%... yes that is 30% annual inflation the country has enjoyed under Chavez. It could also be the crappy police salaries that have caused some cops to turn to kidnapping and crime in order to put food on their tables, or it could be the ‘politicizing’ of the judicial system, where a judge’s time on the bench is directly proportional to the amount of Chavez ass-kissing he is prepared to do. The government takes the position that some of those, especially the little ones who end up in small white coffins in front of church altars, are simply unfortunate to have been caught in the line of fire, or by stray bullets. It’s all bullshit and nothing more! No matter how you cut it though, this shit starts right at the very top, and is not about to change until Chavez is gone... there’s some fucking dreaming. Chavez – giving a face to political corruption every day and every fucking way.

DATELINE: CELEBRATING A MIRACLE – 33 men, 17 days, 1 mine shaft -- yes, its a miracle. To find all the men alive after the collapse of the Chilean mine over two weeks ago was incredible, but the story is far from over for them; now there is the rescue, and that also will require another miracle or two. It is expected that it will take up to four months to get those 33 men out of the mine, as they did a new access 700m through the hard rock. The miners below ground have not been given a timetable – for now they are concerned about getting water, food, medical supplies, lights, books and some sort of communication with their loved ones above ground. In the meantime, it will be necessary to keep the men busy, active, alert, and calm... for four months? That is not a small task, especially in such a confined place. As they go through the next one hundred days, they are going to ask questions, they are going to get pissy with each other – how can it be helped as they have a life so close at hand, yet essentially a million miles away – and they also have the potential to get ill down there. Officials with the mine are making lists of what is allowed to be sent down the access hole, and what is not. Music, journals, and communication devices are good, games of any kind are not because they could create a sense of competition or heirarchy... let the erudite management mindgames begin. I cannot even begin to fathom what it would like to have a loved one down there, so close and so far, being totally unable to help in any way in what they will endure in the next couple months. I know it would be a challenge for me if I had to listen to the guy beside me playing his fucking hip hop rap crap day and night for 100 days... heads would roll. Let’s hope for another miracle, that all 33 will walk out of that damned shaft for Christmas with their families.

DATELINE: IN A PLACE WHERE NOTHING THESE ASSHOLES DO SHOULD SURPRISE US – The year was 1972, the place: Claudy, North Ireland. On July 31st, 1972, three bombs exploded, killing nine people. The first person to perish in the explosions was a Kathryn Eakin, an eight-year-old girl who had the misfortune of washing the window of her family’s grocery store when the bomb went off. Why do we give a shit about this right now? It was a terrible time in North Ireland. The difference though is that it has now been revealed that the main (virtually the only) suspect for the bombings was James Chesney, a Roman Catholic Priest who, once he and his supervisor Cardinal Conway were interviewed, happened to get an instant transfer to a new parish, one in Donegal, right on the other side of the border in the Irish Republic. This week, Irish officials have issued their report revealing their beliefs that Chesney was an IRA leader and was directly involved in the bombings... bombings that at the time were denounced even by Sinn Fein, bombings that took the lives of nine people, both Catholic and Protestant. Within the report is evidence of how investigators were impeded by the church, the government and even by the police force, all of whom claim that with the climate of the times, it could have been a disaster for a catholic priest to be looked at as a bomber, and that social unrest might occur. Might occur? Give me a fucking break... this man was a priest! He was a priest that was suspected of murdering at least nine people on one fucking day -- blowing them to hell. He denied his involvement when he talked to his cardinal. Well, pfffft... I am soooo fucking sorry. If he denied it, then he MUST have been innocent. Perhaps if he had been allowed to stay in the fucking country to face the investigation, there might have been some answers. Perhaps a real killer could have been identified, whether it was the priest or not, but by running and hiding across the border, close enough to still carry on with an IRA agenda, there can never be justice. Once again, the Catholic Church stands up as a paragon of fucking virtue, the ‘do as i command, not as i do’ leader of the world.