DAILY NEWS – MAY 19th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MAY 19th, 2010

DATELINE: CAUGHT IN A FLOOD – OF FUCKING STUPIDITY -- President Mugabe of Zimbabwe might not have a God complex, but he apparently has one hell of an identity crisis happening anyways. In his attempt to rewrite the whole Noah’s Ark story, Mugabe, in the title role, has decided for some absolutely unfathomable reason to send a present to Kim Jong Il. ‘And the present?’ you ask. Well, nothing less than two of each species of animal found in Zimbabwe’s Hwange National Park. It doesn’t matter that there is NO facility in North Korea that meets international standards for animal care. It doesn’t matter that some of the animals they are planning to send have virtually no chance of survival, because they are being taken from their mothers too early in their lifecycle – like the two baby elephants Mugabe has ordered. Included on the list are black and white rhinos, cheetahs, lions, leopards, giraffes and gazelles (for the record, black rhinos are an endangered species, as are some species of white rhinos as well) – but apparently what the hell does that matter?). Now, I ask you, what the fuck does Kim Jong Il need with these animals? In a time when global organizations are working their asses off to protect many of these species, and when it is absolutely critical to get the exotic pet trade under control, along come Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumb-Il. Keeping these animals in private collections cannot be tolerated anymore. The promoting of wild animals as status symbols has contributed greatly to the demise of many species, and yet these two dumbasses decide it would be a good idea... totally out of the blue. Johnny Rodrigues, head of the Zimbabwe Conservation Task Force has been looking for international influence to help stop this stupidity, but already there are trappers running all over the fucking park collecting this damned order. It is to be hoped that world leaders pay attention... although it is sadly unlikely that they will do sweet fuck all about it, because so far they seem intent to just sit back and watch these two run totally amok. It’s to be hoped the animals aren’t sent to Korea by boat, since, well, you know... they seem to be getting shot at a lot by the North Korean military. I wonder how long it will be before the ark is delivering a similar present to that pillar of humanity Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or good old Vladimir up north there, because apparently Mugabe thinks his little presents will hold him in good stead with the Batshit Crazy Despot Society of the world, totally forgetting that they, like him, are totally fucking nuts and will turn on him in a heartbeat once the opportunity arises.

DATELINE: ON A PROLIFE SPEECH CIRCUIT – Speaking of total fucking stupidity, Sarah Palin’s teen-queen daughter Bristol has signed on to the speech-giving circuit, speaking out about abstinence and her pro-life position. I am sorry, but WHY??? Why the hell would people pay money to hear her erudite analysis of any situation? The Palin protégée speaking about the reasons NOT to get pregnant and have a baby while getting paid thousands of dollars to pimp her bad choices seems rather counter-productive to me. This is sort of the same as Monica Lewinsky speaking about the huge monetary benefits of getting an education. The fact that she would whore out her life and, more to the point, her child’s life, all because Mommy is ‘famous’ is rather nauseating. If she was sincere about her position, about wanting to help and reach out to young people, she would not be soaking them for $30,000 an hour. If she was sincere about her desire to be a mother to her child, she would not be traipsing all over the continent telling others that she made a ‘mistake’ and they should not do what she did because it will ruin their lives. Hmm, I guess that alone explains why she will need the money – to pay for her son’s counselling when he is trying to grapple with being considered a ‘mistake’ for the rest of his little life. The child deserves better than that. Teenagers deserve better as well... not someone from a ‘famous’ privileged family spewing platitudes at them that are nothing more than ‘Do as I say, not as I do... because I already have the market cornered on this’. It’s one hell of a way to line the pockets though. Guess the apple... well... you know. Drill Baby Drill... truly a Palin motto.

DATELINE: FRANCE, A FREE AND DEMOCRATIC LAND – UNLESS YOU WEAR A BURQA – From those same people who brought you the Peugot and Camembert cheese comes the latest contribution from France – ‘Burqa rage’. This one we could have lived without. While shopping the other day, a Muslim woman, a young woman of 26 who had made the conscience decision to convert to the religion, was approached by a woman raging about a fellow shopper wearing a veil. The raging woman, a 60-year-old lawyer, no less, then reached out and ripped off the veil, voicing her opinion that the law to prohibit them should already be in effect. By all accounts, the Muslim woman had done nothing to cause this bullshit reaction from a woman who is sworn to uphold laws and protect human rights. When the Muslim woman retaliated and tried to get her veil back, the lawyer’s daughter then also stepped into the fray. In the end, all three women were arrested, the Muslim woman being charged with common assault, the charges pressed by the bitch lawyer who started the whole fucking thing. The Muslim woman has accused the lawyer of racial and religious assault. Well, ain’t this a lovely situation. I wonder if the bitch lawyer would walk up to a Catholic nun and rip off her wimple for the same reason... that it represses a woman’s freedom and dignity. Yes, nothing says ‘let’s give them freedom and dignity’ by allowing them to be attacked while shopping because of what they wear. There is no way to disguise this – it is absolute outright discrimination and religious persecution, and this from the country that claims to have given the world ‘constitutional separation of church and state’ AND the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Apparently they also give us, based on those two claims, the living definition of hypocrite. There is nothing to be gained by banning the burqa other than to propagate more hate. Well done, Sarkozy... what a fucking sexist chauvinistic hate-monger you turned out to be.

DATELINE: PAKISTAN – Nope, I can’t even come up with a smart-ass dateline for this one because I am too busy smacking my head in disbelief, and to be totally frank (which some might find unusual for me) there are NO right parties in this one... it’s just a whole lot of stupid on every side of the board. The Pakistan high court has ordered that Facebook be blocked throughout their whole country. The government had already ordered that an offensive page be blocked, but that was overturned, and the whole site has become forbidden. The page that kicked all this off? Well, it is called ‘Everybody Draw Mohammed Day’. Now, as you all recall, I TOTALLY supported Boobquake because of the entirely dumbass premise offered by Iranian clerics who obviously had their heads up their asses and who totally fear women because we might have brains as well as boobs (unlike the clerics who have two heads and neither one housing a brain). Boobquake was about stopping religious persecution and did not fly in the face of any accepted religious premise. Everybody Draw Mohammed Day, however, is about nothing more than taunting an entire religion and ridiculing the beliefs of that religion, the one belief that is a founding principle of their faith... and that is just ignorant. While I understand that it was a fun thing for some, and for some it spoke to the freedom of religion, in a time when religious tolerance and education are so very important, this was not the way to prove a point. Bookquake was about dumbass clerics, and in my world, every cleric, especially the dumbass ones, are fair game. The defiling of a critical deity to any religious group, though, crosses the line to religious hate propagation. That said, the reaction of the Islamic Lawyers Forum and the Lahore High Court are equally as ridiculous and detrimental to society. The government’s original move to block the page in question was arguably logical; the decision to appeal and push for the blocking of the entire site, however, is a dangerous precedent. The decision robs the people of Pakistan, all people including those who are not Muslim, the right to access public communication and information, and that is also wrong... although I suppose no one has ever accused the Pakistan government of actually embracing the ideals of democracy and human rights. Losers: everyone in this story, in every possible meaning of the word.