Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday Sermon with Reverend Dillinger Flaitwaker
It was a dark and stormy night.
People of faith unite behind the new King of Kings. I saw him-his name is Bernie. He is a cornyoucopeyeah of various colors, feathers, long flowing gown which was vermillion with a beige interior. He is striking to say the least. If you as yet have not seen him allow me to succle your voracious curiosity re: our new King of Kings. He is of average height for a King-about eight foot two. Tan of skin I would say with a long slightly elevated proboscus and large-very large nostrils. Two furious eyes sit atop this symbol, deeper blue than a good Greek grotto, eyebrows flaming orange that do not intersect at the bridge of his nose but rather collide. Of course he is without hair of any kind which I have heard is also quite the God trend these days. Wings, huge damn black wings. About a twenty foot span I reckon. So the question I hear you all asking-how the hell you know if this turd is our new King of Kings? Yes, yes I hear your mumbles which are not yet screams but soon will be on the day of reckon-oystering. Next paragraph.
He said he was and he performs miracles as well which are they say at least marginally telling. He has made light where there was none. He has held the small child broken, dead. Touched its forehead with long gentle finger which made the child live once again. He forgot to mend the broken bones and the burns, but, hell half assed miracles are still miracles right? I heard he shed a long tear over ruddy cheeks as the little brat crawled away and eventually was killed again by a rabid snail. That of course was Lucy's work-the bitch never learns and keeps on and on admousoleum. As I said he did many wonderous things. He created a span across the Rubeyecon bridging hatred from one religion to the other so that it was easier for the haters to kill one another and so grow closer to him. Yes, yes there were a whole lot of naked broads who were almost virgins walking behind him and on occasion flying with him. Now if that is not a damned miracle what the hell is right? New Paragraph.
He is heading your way my children. I am making ready the highway of our God because every valley shall be annointed and every mountain and hill made low which is not so good for ski people, flooding and general global warming but another sure sign to be ready as I am. When he comes I am going to kill him with an ass load of buckshot. I kinda like Lucy's world. Hell at least I get regular sex from a nice and pretty broad and to tell you the truth them naked broads with wings? I think sticking to the lower road is perhaps better for me. So you see once again your Reverend Dillinger will save you all and kill the King of Kings. I shall be with you my children in your hours and hours and hours of need.
If you want this to be the last Sunday Sermon which most of you I think do, send money. Lots of it. I gotta live for a long time right?
Love Reverend D and the deesciples of earthly pomegranites and shit like that!