DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 12th, 2011

DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 12th, 2011

DATELINE: CRAWLING OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK, PLANNING TO MAKE AN ALREADY HORRENDOUS SITUATION EVEN WORSE – While some families watch, wait, and silently celebrate the improved conditions of loved ones shot and injured in front of that Tucson grocery store, and others prepare with much confusion and pain to put their loved ones to rest, enter that fucking despicable excuse for a human being, Reverend He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-I-Refuse-To-Give-Him-Any-More-Free-Publicity and his gang of wacked-out hoodlum Holier-Than-Thou’s, preparing to disrupt the funeral of nine-year-old shooting victim Christina Green. Has that family not been through enough hell already? Has Tucson not been through enough? That legislation has to be drawn up on the spur of the moment to allow a family some modicum of respect while they grieve is yet another sad, discouraging chapter in this already sickening story. That any group, let alone one that claims to have a religious purpose, would celebrate what happened on the weekend and use it as a pulpit for their own fucked-up agenda is staggering. That there is a faction out there who actually makes financial contributions to this fucking asshat so he can travel the country spreading his little bit of up-yer-ass sunshine is beyond disgusting. Fred, hon, my prayer is that your day in the headlines is over. You have made more than enough people’s agony your ecstasy, and I have no doubt when your time comes Karma is going to be one hell of a hot bitch for you.


DATELINE: IN A LAB SNIFFING THE CHEMICALS – There are few things that piss me off as much as people taking advantage of those dealing with medical conditions or diseases. Okay, there is a whole hell of a lot that pisses me off, but this one is rather near the top of the list. When someone comes up with a snake-oil cure for cancer or the waving of chicken intestines as a cure for MS, I get just slightly fucking irritated. In the wave of the clusterfuck that was Doctor Wakefield’s study linking autism to the MMR vaccine, which should by now be totally debunked, we are now treated with a list of ‘possible causes’ instead of the MMR booster. Believe me, I saw the headline and I immediately ran to the report, wanting to know just what it is that causes this condition in so many children now. The offering was nothing less than walking into a weekend Smorgasbord at the damned roadside hotel… so parents can pick the thing that they ‘did wrong’ that brought about this plight on their child. The list included things like waiting too long to get pregnant (the over 50 set), taking drugs like Thalidomide while pregnant, exposing your children to pesticides that ‘kick in’ the full-blown disorder, irregularities in the brain and genetics. Well, thank you for that fucking list – which was really nothing more than another load of wasted fucking print on a blank screen. Yes, there is a definite, indisputable need to understand why there is an increase in the cases of autism, and yes there is a definite, indisputable need to know how best to help those who are diagnosed with it. There is also a need, though, for us to learn from these children and to see them as incredibly precious gifts, not anomalies or something that should be relegated to the Island of Misfit Toys; they and many other children with similar challenges have an incredibly pure perspective on all issues, a way of processing and prioritizing and identifying with the world around them that can teach us so very much.

DATELINE: IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE, GETTING HIT WITH THE BIBLE BELT – Oh, to be a student in the Halton, Ontario, Catholic school system, where you can learn from the top that being gay and being a nazi are pretty much one and the same. The Ministry of Education for the province put forward a new policy that said if there was a request from the students for a club or organization within the school to promote inclusion and equity – how the hell dare they suggest something so realistic and acceptable, and even sensible? The Halton Catholic School Organization saw the problem with this plan immediately, though, and had their own vote at the school board level where it was determined the Gay-Straight Alliance would not be permitted. Why? You might ask. Well, because being Gay is ‘not within the teaching of the Catholic Church.’ In her explanation to the press, board chairperson Alice Anne LeMay pointed out that they did not allow ‘Nazi groups either’. Despite provincial policy, the Catholic Church will attend to its own flock, with its own agenda, deciding what will be appropriate than 'condoning the action of gays and lesbians’ because, after all, the church loves to teach that sex is intended ONLY for the procreation purposes – unless you are some asshole pedophile priest or the bishop/ cardinal/ pope who just sweeps that little technicality under the fucking rug. Perhaps while teaching tolerance and acceptance, as they claim to do on a daily basis, they should create a new course – Crusades 101 – because nothing says acceptance and tolerance like those peaches did.

DATELINE: HAVING A WIENIE ROAST IN FLORIDA – Victoria Eltonya Bynes is one lady you do not want to piss off. Just ask her boyfriend, Andrew ‘Charred Willie’ Williams if you don’t believe me. Bynes, pissed at Williams for some reason no one really seems to be able to grasp just yet, sprayed his wee willie with gasoline while, as happenstance would have it, flicking her bic, and set his genitals on fire. Is this the new Lorena? Hell no! Lorena whacked, and proudly announced what she had done, taking credit for her accuracy with a knife. Bynes, however, played it coy. At first, she had no idea why police were at her home after they found Williams writhing in pain on the ground, unable to even speak. Then she caved, saying that she just happened to pick up the plastic bottle of gasoline, just happened to start shaking the bottle in one hand, and playing with her lighter in the other hand, and happened to spray him with gasoline. Well, pfffft, that is totally understandable. When something like that happens, there is really only one fucking thing to do – and Byrnes did just that; she dropped the lighter on Williams, watched him catch on fire, and ran like hell, explaining to the police that he looked just fine to her when she left. I suppose you gotta admit that the girl has balls – you just don’t want to speculate about who the hell she probably ripped them from.

DATELINE: IN THE HALLWAY, CELEBRATING A VOICE OF REASON – Hats off to chairman and CEO of Fox News, Roger Ailes, for stepping up to the plate and setting an example that should be heeded and repeated by every other fucking media outlet on the continent. In an interview with Russell Simons of GlobalGrind.com, Ailes is quoted as saying ‘I told all our guys, shut up, tone it down, make your argument intellectually. You don’t have to do it with bombast. I hope the other side does that.” Thank you for being the only one with the brains and the cojones to actually acknowledge that no matter how you argue it, the media definitely had a roll in what happened in Arizona this past weekend. He acknowledged that it was wrong, that they are all, both those with red banner and those with blue banners flying over their newsrooms, wrong, and it was unconscionable for anyone to use the deaths of these people or the shooting to make political hay or to help boost Nielson ratings points. Finally a voice of reason, while the likes of Sarah Palin hide away, sending emails that decry the bum wrap she has received for her gun-toting tough-talking take aim at anything you don’t like or agree with bullshit. Perhaps now, maybe, if others follow in Ailes footsteps, we can have some real, honest, sensible and necessary political debate that will actually be listened to, rather than the shouting theatrics of those who come across as nothing more than pure lunatics. We are in need of real political discussion, discussion that is not shouted at us or implies that if we don’t totally agree, we MUST be idiots. It’s time to have those discussions, without the colored banners overhead, and for all voices to be heard.