SUNDAY SERMON
Every Valley Shall be Exhalted, Every Mountain and Hill Made Low.
Have you ever sung the song, my children? Have you hopped in the car of your souls and driven through the valleys, over the mountains, watched as the Lord made the Hills low? Easy enough, I suppose, to drive through a valley or a mountain. Then there is that Hill Made Low! Why is the Hill Low, children? Our Lord made it so to help us all; of this there is no doubt. So why do we go in search of pain, trouble, torture, ill health, ill wealth? A few of the things that we lust for, right kiddos?
One time long, long ago I walked into a bar. This place of peace, of joy, of the love of mankind's sawdust filled escapades was where your good reverend indeed belonged. I had found a man who, when asked where was the worst dump around, answered me so: 'Just down the street, asshole. Ya can't fucking miss it!', to which I responded with quick thanks and a hearty high ho silver.
I sat gently in the corner of this dark abyss. I nurtured four fingers of the best they could find. Of course I had hammered one or two quickly then, as I said, settled in to await a victim. I did not have to wait for long.
'Hey Mister, ya wanna fuck fer a beer?' The first words I heard out of Wanda's lips. A fine woman. Tall, yet well rounded, teeth of an elderly mule. Yes a true beauty for a man such as I was.
'Of course I do, dear heart.' Even then I spoke often with the Lord's love in my heart. We sat for some time drinking. Soft, fine converstation distilled only on occasion by the thud of some poor man hitting the sawdust.
It was then that our Heavenly Father spoke directly to my heart. It was then that I rose, looked down on fair Wanda and asked her if she believed He made Every Hill Low?
'Christ almighty man, every slut in the barrio knows that. Damn you are some idiot mister!' Like I said -- she spoke to me as the angel of our Lord -- 'you wanna fuck for a beer?'
'Silly lady,' I replied. 'We have already spoken from our hearts. You have already partaken of many. The libidinous spirit speaks strongly, firmly from your soul. I do believe you have the Lord God of Hosts deep within your loins.'
To which she replied, 'fucking right I do, He gave me his love and a six pack. Hell of a fella, that God man.'
'Wanda, he truly found the Hills Made Low by our Father.'
With this in mind we entered into our contract.
Fullfilled, I walked the warmly lit streets of my heart. I had found through the love of our Lord that indeed all Hills had been Made Low.
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With this love of your Lord, go now into the streets, sing the song of His Love, breath the fresh air, do not worry but walk in the Hills that He made Low so that you can find your way through the Barrio and into God's joint.
Love the Right Reverend D. Flakewaiter
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