DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 17th, 2010 - BLUE MONDAY

DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 17th, 2010 - BLUE MONDAY

DATELINE: SITTING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE JANUARY DOLDRUMS – Are you blue? You’re supposed to be, because this is Blue Monday. We probably spent billions of fucking dollars doing studies on this shit, because we really needed a name for the Monday, already a blue day for many, that is supposed to be the most depressing Monday of all. Bills from Christmas, crappy cold weather, and short dark days all combine to make the perfect psychological storm. We need to kick this fucking blue funk. Giving it a name only makes more of us aware of the fact that we are supposed to be blue; giving it that name is a fucking self-fulfilling prophesy. They should have called it “Let’s Pretend is Summertime” Monday, so people would get their damned Hawaiian shirts and berkys out of storage and have some fucking fun, but no, we had to call it something to make the day even more fucking depressing. So, if it’s Blue Monday, I suggest we revolt! Slip into your fuzzy blue cookie monster slippers, pour a couple of Blue Moons, put some Bobby Vinton on the turntable, and just to keep it fucking real, a constant feed of Blue Lagoon on the movie channel (with the prerequisite extra tray full of fucking blue drinks). Blue is relative, people… there are a lot of people who have a lot of reasons to be blue, but if you are not up to your neck in rubble or rain, you have a roof, your family is healthy and can put food on the table, then put that blue shit in the closet, and slap a fucking smile on your face. There is nothing better than proving a fucking government study wrong.

DATELINE: HITTING BACK AT THE GROPE DOPES – This weekend, two incidents surfaced of the assholes in the Airport Security uniforms being abusive with elderly women, both of whom had mastectomies. The first one originally set off the alarm with a pin in her leg, then was pulled aside and asked if she had any liquids or gels on her, to which the 82-year-old replied that she did not. When she went through the full-body scanner machines though, a silicon prosthesis for her breast showed up, causing the attendants to call her a liar and submit her to a ‘vigorous’ pat-down, the whole time making disparaging comments. The woman was totally humiliated as in front of everyone else waiting to go through security, she was forced to reveal her gel prosthesis. The second woman was also in her 80’s, was also subjected to the major grope and was forced to put her hands up over her head. She explained that she could not do that, because she had no range of motion with the arm because of her recent surgery. Despite the pain involved in lifting her arms over her head, the attendant ‘helped’ by pushing up on the arms while continuing to ridicule her for the rest of the crowd to hear. As the woman screamed in pain, the assholes did their jobs, because God knows, we have to watch the 85-year-old Blue Hair Brigade for their nefarious, subversive agenda. It’s nice to know that the arrogance of these power tripping assholes gives them the right to abuse in the performance of their job. If they had even one fucking clue, they would realize that their day, and everyone else’s, would go so much better if they did what they have to do with a fucking smile and a modicum of respect.

DATELINE: BOWING DOWN BEFORE THE FACEBOOK GODS – No, I am not talking about any fucking movie awards, nor am I commenting on their stupid way of changing everything on the damned site all the time, or their ‘new’ profiles. I am, however, throwing a huge fucking thumbs up to the social networking system for the inclusion of Amber Alerts. People can now go to the Amber Alert page, click on their location, and get automatically all Amber Alerts for their area as soon as they are released, as well as updates to what is happening. This is one of the truly marvelous uses for the system, and hopefully will help save the lives of many children. Please sign up, and when you get an Alert, please share it. There are over 800,000 children abducted each year. Let’s make it harder for that to happen.

DATELINE: RETURNING TO HAITI TO PICK WHATEVER IS LEFT FROM THEIR BONES – That would be Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier, the former exiled leader, who arrived back in Haiti this weekend. I can hardly wait to hear the fucking whitewash he will be spewing in his press conference scheduled for today. For those of you who cannot remember, Baby Doc was the dictator who gave us that wonderful group of nasties called the Tonton Macoute, a secret police force that tortured, then killed, anyone who questioned, critisized or opposed Duvalier. Baby Doc robbed the country of millions of dollars, killed the tourism industry there, and totally entrenched those living outside Port Au Prince, and many within the capital city, in a lifetime of abject poverty. As his country began to revolt at the end of 1985, President Ronnie ‘A people free to choose will always choose peace’ Reagan began to negotiate ‘through channels’ for Baby Doc to flee the country, just not to the USA. In early February 1986, Duvalier and his family boarded a US Air Force plane destined for France, where he has lived in luxurious exile... until now. It was pointed out in 2007 by the Haitian government that Duvalier was welcome to return to his homeland, but that he would be instantly held to account for the thefts of millions of dollars and the murder of thousands of people, but with the current state of affairs in that country I suspect we will not be seeing him in cuffs as he pitches his greatness to the masses today. Sadly, because no one else has been able to offer any fucking effective help to people at large, because they are totally desperate for someone to help them in their plight, because they are in total political disarray, the speech today could start a whole new chapter of increased despair and hardship for a people already socially and politically tortured enough in their everyday existence. ‘Free people’? I guess ‘freedom’ is a quantitative anomaly, because while these people are free to cast a vote, they are prisoners of their own overwhelming disasters, and at this point, they will choose whatever might offer even the tiniest glimmer of hope, even if it is more bullshit held together with glitter-glue. If all great change, as President Reagan stated, starts at the dinner table, the people of Haiti have no hope at all. Someone build them a fucking dinner table... it’s long overdue.