DAILY NEWS - JANUARY 29th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – JANUARY 29th, 2010

DATELINE: SWITZERLAND – Prime Minister Harper delivered his keynote address – to an almost empty fucking room. Then he was on a panel discussing bank regulation and in his typical arrogant up-yer-ass way argued the case for the banks and Canadian regulation of them, he soundly had his ass returned to him on a platter by Prime Minister Calderon. The words didn’t fucking matter a damn though, not nearly as much as the totally petulant pouty grade-school face on the Canadian Prime Minister, that someone would fucking dare to challenge HIS word. People, wake up... the G8 is seeing this man for what he is: nothing more than a fucking schoolyard bully with a 12-year-old mentality. Harper will go down in history as the second-most-notable fucking disappointment in Canadian politics, pretty big position considering the other runners (Mulroney and Cretien topping the fucking list). The only bigger disappointment is that willow-in-the-wind muppet-smiling idiot Ignatief, who despite having the political world at his fingertips still has not figured out what the fuck to do with it. Note to the Liberal Party of Canada – GET A LEADER WITH BOTH BRAINS AND BALLS AND LETS GET THIS FUCKING COUNTRY BACK ON TRACK.

DATELINE: TORONTO – The Canadian National Institute for the Blind will have to stop its literacy program for lack of funds. This is an organization that converts literature to brail for distribution to those visually challenged across the country. Glad we have a prorogued Parliament so these real fucking issues don’t waste the time of all you terribly erudite fucking elected officials. Thank you again Mr. Harper, for taking care of the people of this country.

DATELINE: DETROIT – or wherever the hell Honda’s are built – A new auto recall to announce, because we just don’t have enough of them right now. Honda is recalling some of their vehicles because of a faulty switch that could cause a fire in the car.

I can’t wait to hear the fucking economic analysts now explaining, like they have with Toyota, that this will just be a little blip, just like Tylenol and toys with lead paint in them. HELLO????? My bottle of Tylenol cost me $3 and would last about a month (less when Parliament is in session up here, because we all know there is nothing better for a headache than to follow fucking politics). My Toyota that I bought last year cost a hell of a lot more than $3 and should last more than a month. Wake up, assholes, and quit blowing corporate smoke up the consumer’s ass.

DATELINE:WASHINGTON – Bin Laden has released a new tape blaming Obama and all countries that did not sign on to the Koyoto Accord for global warming. He has called for a boycott of American products ‘to free humanity from slavery’. It’s a pretty sad fucking day when Bin Laden feels he can take the high road and spew human rights rhetoric at the rest of the world. I am not saying he is wrong – he could well have a valid point. It’s just that, well, considering the fucking source for the complaint, it is nothing more than a joke. Apparently bomb dropping, plane crashing and terrorism allows him to be a moral compass for the rest of us. I think he has been spending too much time puffing on the fucking poppies they beat people into growing.

DATELINE: LONDON – Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is testifying before their Iraq Commission. If this is like any Canadian Commission, the government will stop it before it gets any fucking answers and it will all be nothing more than a fucking waste of time. That said, Mr. Blair is totally fucking hawt, and I am sure he has no sweat glands.