DAILY NEWS – JANUARY 30th 2010
It’s Saturday, which will now be known as Artsy-Fartsy Fluff Crap Day on the BlogAssSphere.
DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – Singer Roy Orbison gets his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. WTF? He didn’t have one yet? What the hell were they fucking waiting for?
DATELINE: NEW YORK – CBS announced that the series Ugly Betty will be cancelled. This has been on every fucking news channel. People, there are people still starving and dying in Haiti, there is a war on, cars are being recalled faster than a monkey can pick fucking nits off his nuts and we are supposed to give a shit about Ugly Betty being cancelled?
DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – Tinto Brass, director of Caligula, has announced his plans for the first 3-D porn movie. Now THIS is something to dig your teeth into. It is rumoured that it will be a remake or reworking of Caligula. Can’t wait till the Pope hears about this one!
DATELINE: CANADA – Today is Hockey Day in Canada, so it is hockey, hockey, fucking hockey on all day, on all news channels, because, apparently, I am supposed to fucking love the sport. Too bad no one asked me. I could think of a whole lot of better ways to spend a Saturday than freezing my fucking ass off watching people play with their pucks. If I didn’t have a satellite dish before, I would be getting one just for today, because NO ONE can handle that much Don Cherry.
DATELINE: NEW YORK – CBS has announced that it will not air a commercial for a gay dating service during the Superbowl. We can have commercials about fucking Happy Periods, yeast infection treatments and little blue pills that make people sit in fucking bathtubs in the middle of fucking nowhere, and then spend the rest of their days dancing down the streets, supposedly because they got lucky last night. Thank you, broadcaster marketing dudes, for the moral compass you provide.
DATELINE: SAN DIEGO – A school pulled their Merriam-Webster dictionaries because of a complaint about ‘sexually explicit content’. Holy crap! A dictionary! The complaint was about the entry ‘oral sex’. They are fucking words, people! It is a means of educating and informing. You want to take the offensive words out of the fucking dictionary start with all those related to politics and organized religion... at least that would be a fucking start. That we have such raving fucking idiots in control of children and their education boggles the fucking mind.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – It has been revealed that Senator John Edwards made tapes of his sexual rompings, some of them in his own home but not with his wife. Apparently Bill Clinton is his idol. He would have been so much fucking fun in the White House! His wife, Elizabeth, bless that woman’s soul, has finally filed for separation. If there is anyone who should be nominated for sainthood, it should be Elizabeth Edwards, because she has gracefully dealt with all this crap that her husband has dished out, has focused on her children, and has not once lowered herself to her husband’s unbelievably low disgusting smarmy level.
DATELINE: MISSISSIPPI – Tiger Woods wife, Elin, has been seen in the area, supposedly helping her man through intensive treatment for sex addiction. I hope she has a fucking caddy along so this time, when he fucks up again in this charade of a public relations stunt, she doesn’t miss.
I see Saturday's are going to be my favorite day here. 3-D porn, and who said everything has been done - ppfffttt. Don't feel bad San Diego, here they want to pull Moby Dick, they think is a STD. And Tiger' wife was once a nanny, and married him - does that connect any modus operandi dots...?
ReplyDeleteI'm with you SM
ReplyDelete3D porn...whodathunk it. Now I wonder should I go out and get a 60", high def television so I can feel as if I am there?
Edwards..now there is a classic case of moronism. Never mind he was running for the oral office, never mind his wife was facing cancer, never mind he was a highly public figure..He FILMED himself.. have we learned nothing from the Paris Hilton debacle?
As for the censorship of the dictionary.. let's see if we can petition for a name change..cause yanno dictionary has the word dic in it.. and we all know how offensive that word is..hell, if you scan the dictionary you will find there are many offensive words. I also think we should reintroduce witch hunts.