Sunday Morning Sermon from Dillinger Flaikwaiter

Sunday Morning Sermon from Dillinger Flaikwaiter

So what's up, Kiddos? I have been considering a conversation with God. I admit to being more Elmer Gantry than a true and honest man of God, amen? There are so many questions now that I have a direct line to the Lord Almighty. I have been having intermittent chats with his son. Asked him why he did not ride his pink Caddy on the road to Jerusalem to which he replied, "You are really not only a casual believer Dillinger but incredibly dumb. I had not invented the Caddy as yet, nor the color pink. You think Salome danced with pink veils, you idiot bastardo?" Not much I could say to that, but what the hell, amen and amen.

So, as usual the conversation strove its diligent way back to that old standard-free will and love. I admit that free will and love are his two strongest commitments to his creations via daddy, right?

Consider these great gifts and what we would be without them. Or do you believe that free will was/is His way of playing His little practical joke on His failures? I said this to Jesus-he chuckled, waved his arms high to his daddy and caused another 30 or 40 thousand kids to starve to death on the spot. His only reaction was ‘oops!’ This brings me to the excuse of free will. The kids died. According to the Lord Jesus Christ almighty forever and ever and all that crap it is our fault because we have free will and they do not have to starve to death-that is-other than the occasional arm raising oops, right? So we are indeed his failures as is Lucy-better known to you all as Lucifer, the dark but sexually stimulating beautiful downed angel. Now, there is another conundrum, right? Why did God create him/her? Did He do that to spite Himself or as an excuse in case He fucked us up, which as we all know, He did, right? Amen and amen!

New paragraph----see this is what it is all about really as far as I can see it. New Paragraphs! He can mess up as often as He wishes and that is that and it does not matter because He can keep practicing, right? Get it right forever trying. The God that tries gets it right eventually. Well for the creations of eventually that might be, no, damn that would be nice. Would not mind being around just to see that, but, then again we/us might, you never know. Amen?

Ignoring all of the above, which is just human falderal, the Sunday Sermon is about love and free will. I love free will! It gives me the opportunity to prove the Lord God Almighty wrong which is fun as He cannot be wrong, deduced from all the bible tales, right? He just cannot be. I wonder if He is bored? Can God be eternally bored? Now that would be hotter than the fires of Hell would it not be? Amen.

I tell you, children, that love is free will. Make sense? Hell no, it does not. It is a stupid statement as is all of the above, right and amen? We are the captured slaves of an eternal Rigoletto who plays a tune on his hump. That makes us think that love and free will are the greatest gifts of heaven which they are/not? See, we/you are confused. You do not reach into your pocket to love the Lord but for fear of the consequences which are not, have never been nor ever will be. It is the Lord God's way which is wondrous and not understandable which is perfectly normal, amen? Just imagine if the Lord spoke to us not in parables-maybe that was his son-yeah it was. If we just got nice direct commandments other than the ten not able to follow ones, the main effort being to follow them which is the way He explained it to me, but that is another sermon so on with the motely. Like I said-straight talk-no ‘I wonders’-just straight ‘hey, Dillinger, here is the way. Now go do as I say’. Rhymes right?

Take love and free will and do with them what you will, for we have no choice and we have no free will for genetically-another little joke played on us-we have no choices. Intellectually, of course, we do but our genes put our intellect in the crapper which is sad and again another sermon.

So pull out your wallets and pull out your souls and give to the Lord Almighty for it makes you less sore and afraid, right? Me? I will pour me four and wait for it. What other choice do I have, or maybe?
Your pastor of love and free will-Father Dillinger-love ya, kiddos