January 23rd, 2010

DATELINE: SWITZERLAND – Roman Polanski has been told he has to attend court in the USA. Poor fucking baby. His legal team is pushing for his sentence to be ‘time already in custody’. WTF?? The slime has been living the fucking high life in Europe, has been under house arrest in a fucking mansion, and THAT is supposed to be his penalty for sexually abusing a 13-year-old girl? Apparently if you have money, you can get away with anything. The asshole plead guilty. When he couldn’t get the pity plea because he was deemed totally competent and responsible for what he did, he takes the fuck off to where he can hide forever. There’s a fucking man for you. Whoa, I am so fucking impressed. The only justice would be to put him in a room with Lorena Bobitz and a half dozen Ginzu knives.

DATELINE: AFGHANISTAN – Karzei wants to talk truce with the Taliban. Whoop-de-fucking-do. There is a deal we can all sink our teeth into because we KNOW they will fucking honor their word.

DATELINE: ROME – Looks like the Bambini will have some competition in the Blog-Ass-Sphere. The Pope has told his priests to start blogging. Yoo hoo.... Mister Funny Hat Man... it’s not blogging they need. It’s leadership that puts the congregations first. (PLEASE NOTE: Out of a very rare sense of decency AND a fear of suggestion, I did control my language. There will be no bad fucking words in these news spots!)

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Protests will be held across the country and even outside the borders here because of that lame-ass Prime Minister of ours and his power-tripping discovering of the power of prorogation. Am I attending the rallies? No fucking way! Why? Because that fucking lame-ass Prime Minister came on television the other night and told me that Canadians don’t give a rat’s ass about prorogation, and I know that man never lies to me! Besides, who the fuck am I to disrupt his three-month fucking run at dictatorship again. No use in getting in a stir about rallies. Pretty soon he will either tax em or make em illegal... cause that’s what you do when you are a self-centered fucking maniacal control-freak despot.

DATELINE: NEVADA – FINALLY some incredible news to report! Male prostitutes are now legal in some parts of Nevada. I have me a map, and I might be unavailable for the next couple days... doing quality control and field research and fucking crap like that.