ARTSY FARTSY FLUFF CRAP DAY

ARTSY FARTSY FLUFF CRAP DAY

DATELINE: APPARENTLY NOT CONTROLLING HIS IMPULSES – If I worked on the set of Two and a Half Men, I would not be pissing around any longer. I would be going to my co-workers and collectively finding a fucking lawyer to take asswipe Charlie Sheen down, hereafter referred to as simply Asswipe, because he deserves no further attention in his own name. Enough is enough. The people just trying to work for a living, collectively not even getting paid in a year what the asswipe gets paid for even one episode deserve much better, and that should come in the form on financial remuneration taken from the asswipe’s wallet alone. The likes of Jon Cryer, Conchata Ferrell, Holland Taylor and Angus T Jones deserve much better than they have received. For starters, they have to be given awards for patience and understanding because through all the crap the asswipe has handed out, they have remained steadfast. Justice would be for the show to carry on without the asswipe, perhaps with his character being incarcerated for some totally implausible thing like driving while pissed out of his mind, leaving Alan and Jake to move in with Berta. There is a lesson to be learned in this for the networks – when you pay anyone the amount of money that the asswipe was paid for doing a couple hours of work a day, you are courting disaster. There is NO ONE in the fucking world worth that much money, so perhaps it’s time to stop creating these over-indulgent arrogant asswipes. His tirade about Chuck Lorre, the writer of the program, is unacceptable. His comments about a new series with HBO should be clarified immediately, and the possibility of him making it big in the movies would be a mistake of epic proportions on the part of directors and producers, because in light of his comments, despite whatever bullshit excuses will follow eventually for his incredibly terrible behavior, I suspect no one will be holding their breath to see what he can come up with again, because he has used up all of his do-overs about twenty do-over’s ago. The time has come for these puissant little pieces of shit to be held to account for the many many lives they destroy without a thought. To the crew and cast of Two and a Half Men, you all deserve much praise and respect for your incredible patience, understanding and the class you have shown for the last many years in dealing with such a spoiled brat. One might suggest that he take his ‘fire breathing fists’ and go hunt some real maggots and earthworms. He could start by looking in the fucking mirror.

DATELINE: PACKING HER BAGS AND HEADING TO THE CROWBAR HOTEL – Well, we can hope, right? It’s where Lindsay Lohan, another of the infamously ill-behaving overindulgent hack pack, should be going. She thought she could just ‘take’ the necklace? And it maybe wasn’t worthy quite the $2500? What the fuck is that? She walked out of a fucking store with merchandise she did not pay for, when god knows she is more than able to pay for it, so hold the little bitch accountable for what she does. It’s long overdue. If it was anyone in the ‘real’ world, there would be no excuse. There would be no chance to argue that it was a mistake, that it was the action of a drug-induced haze, or the ravings of a truly delusional idiot… anyone else would be in fucking jail, and would do the full term of their sentence. That’s what this bitch needs, with a cell beside Betina the Biker Babe who has a hankering for skinny whiny bitches. Perhaps a dose of some real fucking life and some real drama that far too many people have to endure, would help Miss Lindsay get her shit together… but then again, that would imply she has a fucking brain and a conscience; both a pretty high expectation considering the evidence.

DATELINE: AND THE OSCAR FOR MOST IRONIC PERFORMANCE GOES TO… -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in his famous, yet slightly hilarious hit ‘Condemnation of Libyan Atrocities’. (waits for applause to stop). Mahmoud called the actions of his friend, God G’damned Gadhafi, unimaginable as protestors were killed. He implored all Arab leaders to listen to their people (like he does**) and was baffled at how it could be possible for the leader of a nation to use ‘machine guns, tanks and bombs’ against their own citizens (when gas, torture, and hollow-point ammo in smaller firearms is more than sufficient**). He can make these statements though, with a clear conscience, because there will be no people revolting in Iran. They wouldn’t dare to, would they? We should also mention that Mahmoud is a contender for the Oscar in the category of ‘Best Performance of a Despot in a Leading Role’. It’s one hell of a sad fucking day when the likes of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is considered a voice of reason.

** sarcastic font, because you might not catch that. (rolls eyes)

DATELINE: HITTING THE PAGES AND CLEARING AWARD SPACE ON ASHELF ON THE OLD MANTLE – Whether the world is ready for it or not, thanks to the efforts of the slightly insane people at Writers AMuse Me, Bambi will be presented to the world in a new format. The story that brought life to this big old broad will be available for purchase starting April 7th, at the www.WritersAMuseMe.com website. I have no idea what the people there are smoking, but the Ed-Tit-or in Chief has deemed it publishable, so who the hell am I to argue with him. If you are looking for an interesting ride, please check it out. I have fucking internet bills to pay (thanks to the incredible assholes at the CRTC who think we need to pay more for the limited internet we have) so please be generous, or at least show some pity. The makers of blood pressure medications will thank you… and I will as well.