DAILY BLOG – Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

DAILY BLOG – Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

DATELINE: TOKING WITH GOD – That’s what one Toronto church wants you to believe as they argue in Canada’s court system that smoking marijuana is part of their religious rites, and the charged they face for dealing should be tossed. The church, you ask? Why, it’s the Church of the Universe and Nudist Colony, that runs out of the founder’s basement. How can you miss when the church has declared marijuana as the Tree of Life and is used as a sacrament in ‘their lives and worship’. Seriously, the Reverend Brothers Peter Styrsky and Shahrooz Kharaghani (Walter Tucker and Michael Baldasaro on the court documents) have argued this in Canadian Courts for five years now, ever since they accidentally sold the reverend weed to a couple of undercover narcs who were attending church in the basement. We are not sure if the narcs had their clothes on or off, but that might bear some investigation. The website for the church states ‘church members are encouraged to surround themselves with the holy Tree of Life, not just inhaling it, but wearing it, growing it, writing on it, eating it, etc’ – which according to the Courts might just be ‘one toke over the line’. Talk about blowing some holy smoke up yer ass, but now we sort of know where the nudist part comes in… other than the lovely BC Bud Nub Cover that replaces the fig leaf. I have to say, this Church might actually have the ability to bring a tear to the eye of our own beloved, revered Rever-End Dillinger.

DATELINE: SELLING EARPLUGS AND RAKING IN THE DOUGH – that is what I plan to be doing the next time I hear that Christina Aguilera will be singing the US National Anthem. If you missed it (consider yourself to be one of the blessed) then imagine a cat in heat getting hit by my Mac truck, and you might come close. Can someone explain to me what the fuck is wrong with the song the way it is written? Why do we have to put in ten minutes of caterwauling and screaming, forced crescendos and other shit where they never needed to be before. For the love of all that is fucking holy, the song is about the damned words... something Christina might want to take into consideration... so that when she does that proud, smug wave at the end it says to the world something other than ‘oh look at me, I am too fucking stupid to even realize I fucked up in front of 284 billion viewers, but I looked hawt doing it’. Sorry to break it to you, but no, it wasn’t hawt at all. It was fucking disturbed, and if you can’t be bothered to learn the damned words properly and if you are concentrating so fucking hard on the prolonged screaming shit, perhaps you should stick to The Mickey Mouse Club and Pokemon movies. Sing the fucking song like it was meant to be sung, and pay attention to what the hell it means instead of how you can add your ‘personal flavor’ to it. Apparently the flavor of the day for Superbowl was fucking awful!

DATELINE: IN MALAWI, CUTTING ROSES – There is much political debate about this issue... to fart or not to fart, that is the question. A new bill to be introduced next week reads “Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour.” So, the debate is, ‘does that apply to farts’. The new bill would criminalise flatulence in order to ‘promote public decency’, because, as one lawyer says, ‘Would you be happy to see people farting anyhow?” For starters, Mr. Snotty-Cork-up-Yer-Ass-Lawyer, you don’t see farts... you smell them, although some people do like to add that cheek lift, just in case, you know. They want to ban public farting in Malawi?? What about BO? Or bad breath? Or cabbage!!! The fact that this is being debated by adults is un-fucking-believable! How do they intend to prove who issued the fart? How will they know who to arrest? Will they have police going around sniffing people’s asses, or will they rely on the old ‘whoever smelt it dealt it’ principle? There is finally the potential of a law even more stupid than the one prohibiting Bostonians from putting tomatoes in their damned clam chowder. No farts in Malawi? Guess that is one more place off my list of ‘must see’ destinations.

DATELINE: TAKING A WIKILEAK INTO THE WIND – It’s never a good idea, and is something that Julian Assange maybe should have considered before he released his hundreds of sensitive diplomatic documents. He is afraid now that he will face execution if he is tried in the US. Well, he probably will, and perhaps that is the ultimate in reaping what you sow. I don’t know if the guy is a rapist or not; if he is, he will probably be able to skirt around the issue because of his high profile and self-appointed role as avenger of all things behind-doors. If he did it, the whole issue of what he did as far as information leaks will take precedence over what he did to brutalize and rob those two women of everything they hold dear, and for that, yeah... he should hang. If he didn’t commit rape, then the people who cooked up this ruse should be hanged, because they have once again discredited the claims of every legitimate rape victim in the world, and minimalized the seriousness of the issue by using it as a convenience, and to hell with the consequences. If Assange does end up on US soil, I hope he considers very seriously the scope of what he has done; he has essentially robbed, violated private documents, something that we are not allowed to and should never be allowed to do, regardless of the reason. There are means in place to get privileged information. Some of that information is not good, not nice and not complimentary, but under the guise of enlightening the masses, Assange has tried to justify his acts. Is there really a value to us knowing what names one diplomat calls the other behind his back? Seriously, there is so much fucking bullshit within those documents that anything of substance is lost. What the hell was the service to the public this offered? If he had gone through normal, legal channels to find the information for a reason and then exposed some major wrong-doing, then perhaps he might have a case. The way he did it, the coward’s way, the lazy way, the vindictive way, did nothing but put military lives at risk by revealing military intelligence... and absolutely nothing more. He was tilting at windmills with a fucking water pistol (water pistol... leak... get it??? Geesh) and now he should have his day in court in the US to do some pissing with the big dogs. Be a fucking man, Assange; live by your convictions or shut the fuck up, but don’t play poker if you’re not prepared to ante up.

DATELINE: SINGING AND DANCIND DOWN A GOLD-PAVED ROAD TO HELL – That would be JP Morgan Chase, the wonderful banking institution that, in 2008, received a $25B bailout from the people of the United States of America. That would be JP Morgan Chase, the wonderful banking institution that says they have recorded one of their strongest years, so much so they can afford raises in pay and bonuses, the average investment/sales staff member.. AVERAGE one... making $379,000 a year... for being able to count fucking money? This is also the same JP Morgan Chase who had overcharged servicing military for their banking services and who now, it seems, has decided to no longer defer student loan payments from active duty military. These people are overseas, fighting, prepared to give their lives and making chickenshit pay in the process, and the bank has the fucking audacity to say ‘gee, sorry, but pay up on your student loan – today’. They foreclose on homes, they call in loans and now they are fucking once again with soldiers who are not even in the damned country to argue the point, and it was done without notice. Of course, the useless, feckless piece of shit banking bureaucrats changed their mind when the media caught wind of it, but why does it take that? How many more people are going to get fucked over while these assholes sit there and pick at the bones of the working class? They have now decided that they will allow those who request the continuance to receive it, but no new applications for deferment while on active duty will be considered. All of this would be much easier to swallow if it wasn’t so clear the decisions are being made by nothing more than free enterprise terrorists sit in those incredibly posh overpaid ivory towers, working out more ways to pillage and rob and keep the rest of us living in terror of what they might do next to strip us of all that we have