DAILY NEWS - FEBRUARY 18th, 2011

DAILY NEWS - FEBRUARY 18th, 2011

DATELINE: GETTING SOME MORE IRONY IN MY DIET – Catholic Bishops in Brazil have joined together to raise awareness of a ‘low moral level’ and the ‘abusive and immoral exploitation’ so prevalent… not in their own institution, but rather in Brazilian reality television. They must have a reality show called ‘So You Think You Can Be A Priest’. They have pointed out that television network officials must consider their role in society, that they have to bear in mind the huge audiences that watch these shows, especially Brazil’s Big Brother… oooo la la … and that the amount of sexual innuendo and bad language is excessive. The shows, claim the collective bishops, are an ‘attack on the human dignity of the participants…blah blah blah…’ So, tell me this and no more; where the hell does anyone associated with the Catholic Church get off spewing moral platitudes and issuing warnings about sexual impropriety and exploitation? I suppose, to be fair, they have the gig down pat, as well as the covering up of whatever improprieties and exploitations they participate in, but seriously? Clean up your own fucking confessional first, before you start talking to people about what happens everywhere else, because, seriously, whatever the issue, no matter how superficial or serious it might be, you decrease credibility of all of it. It’s time to stop casting stones, you hypocritical asses.

DATELINE: FROM SQUIRRELS TO NUTS – What could be more perfect than Prince Charles, the heir to the throne, going squirrely. It was just a matter of time, and I have to say, if I had to wake up to the likes of Camilla, I might be inclined as well to head out to the bush to save the little acorn chompers. Hell, cleaning out the septic tank would hold more appeal than waking up to the likes of Camilla, but I digress. Prince Chuckles has thrown his heart and his support into efforts to help restore the dwindling numbers of local red squirrels, which are being threatened by the introduction of the grey squirrels, those pesky little buggers that brought a pox with them to England – seriously, they carry a fatal pox. His dream is that the red squirrels will thrive through the United Kingdom, and his great ambition? “…to have one in the house, sitting on the breakfast table and on my shoulder’. Anything would be a step up from his bride.

DATELINE: NOT HAVING A WHALE OF A TIME – The Japanese whaling ships have called it quits for the year. Excuse me a minute while I try to drum up something other than complete total fucking joy at this news! They claim that Sea Shepherd activists have been harassing them, preventing them from completing their catch of 850 animals – yes, that is 850 whales they are ‘allowed’ to hunt thanks to the exploitation of an international legal loophole that permits the hunt for ‘scientific purposes’ (that is why it is for sale on the shelves of grocery stores all over the fucking country). What a flaming crock of shit that is. Now, to be fair, the primary target for these idiots is the Minke whale, one of the few species that is not endangered, however their official quota is the provision for them to hunt both fin and humpback whales, both of which are on the endangered list. What the fuck is that about? There are people busting their asses to preserve and protect these species from extinction, only to have these assholes come along and shoot them… for science? Other whale species caught recently by the Japanese whaling fleets include Bryde’s, Sei and Sperm whales. Yes, the Sperm are just considered vulnerable because of their diminished numbers, and the Bryde’s is rare enough that they cannot even give a head count other than to say there is under 100,000 of the animals in the entire world, but why split hairs? It is past due for the international community to finally grow some fucking balls and stand up, saying loud and clear that this shit cannot and will not be tolerated any more.

DATELINE: WITNESSING THE BADGER – Cows in England were dying of Tuberculosis, so what is the obvious thing to do? Why, kill the badgers, of course. According to the government, badger populations are definitely related to the spread of TB in cattle herds, but no one seems to really know what the hell that relationship is. The problem with the theory is that in the past years, without killing any badgers, the cases of TB have gone down… amazing the miracle of fucking inoculations. Now, however, every freaking farmer in the country is hell bent on culling badgers, a desire borne from the fear mongering of politicians blessed more with the need to create campaign issues than they are with fucking brains. The cull is currently on hold, because the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs is still licking their wounds from the clusterfuck they created by unadvisedly selling off a bunch of forest land, so thankfully in this case, especially for the badgers, they are a tad gun shy. Halleluiah for small mercies.