Daily News - February 27, 2012

DATELINE: HANGING WITH CHAD ON CANADIAN ELECTION DAY: You remember that whole US / Bush / Florida / Hanging Chad crap twelve years ago? You remember how we all stood around shaking our heads in disgust that what amounted to possible election fraud happened right on our doorstep? So what the fuck do we do now that it is in our country, that it is not ‘possible fraud’ but plain outright criminal fraud, and that it was committed by the party in charge?

Yes, Harper, in typically fashion, found the guy who happened to be at the bottom of the downhill shit express and offered him up as a sacrificial lamb, and has now declared that the issue is solved, that there is no reason to look any further into the matter. How fucking convenient. Yes, the sacrificed lamb was young, and patently stupid, but he did not have the ability to do this fraud alone. This was a crime that spanned, at last count, 39 national ridings, all across the country. It was a fraud that started out during the campaign as people, falsely representing themselves as members of the Liberal, Green and NDP parties, phoned and harassed voters in an attempt to turn them against those parties. They went so far as to phone known Jewish families during Sabbath, in their attempts to garner favor for their own party while lying, pretending to be from one of the other three parties. This alone was unconscionable.

But then came election day. Yes, our sacrificial lamb went to the University of Guelph and tried to steal a ballot box, claiming that the voting station was illegal, but there was no way he orchestrated the calls that went out all throughout the country in yet another attempt to defraud Canadians. These calls, represented as being from Elections Canada, the Liberal Party and the NDP party, told the voter that their polling booth had changed, sent them across town, confused the voting public, all in an attempt to get them to either go to the wrong place or not bother voting at all. Funny thing, but there are none of these calls made to registered Conservative party members and there have been, so far, no indications that these calls were made to any voters in ridings that were undisputable conservative.

To suggest that Harper was unaware of this whole operation is absolutely insulting to the Canadian public. Harper: Mr. Megalomaniac himself? Captain Control-Freak? Master micro-manager extraordinaire? For the love of all that is fucking holy, do not even try that crap. It’s tired, and we are getting really rather sick of the schoolyard bully tactics that the Conservative Party embraces so much. They are nothing more than urban thugs, gang members in Armani suits, but the mentality is the same – do whatever you have to do to maintain power and line your pockets. This country is a democracy. Men died to preserve for all of us the right to vote, and the Harper conservatives have completely desecrated the sacrifice of these men, as well as their own fucking office. We get told that if we don’t agree to unwarranted searches and tracing of our internet communications, we are child pornographers. We get slighted, insulted, abused on a daily fucking basis, and this has to stop. I realize that the other national parties, every fucking one of them, is in leadership disarray right now, but a god damned capuchin monkey with an ‘anything but Harper’ button on could make a better showing for Canada, and would treat the people who pay his fucking salary a hell of a lot better than the dickhead sitting in the big house on Sussex Drive right now. What does it say about a party that KNOWS the only chance they have to obtain or maintain their power is to lie, cheat and steal to get it?

DAILY NEWS -- January 17th, 2012

DATELINE: TAKING THE PLUNGE INTO THE LOGIC POOL – I’m Canadian, and what do all Canadians talk about ALL the time? Why, oil pipelines, of course! We are in the midst of two broohaahaas, one regarding the Keystone Pipeline to the Gulf Coast, and one regarding the Gateway Pipeline, running to the Queen Charlotte Islands along BC’s Pacific Ocean coast. The routes for both are problematic, but in our usual inimitable manner, we humbly strong-arm and threaten the people whose land these pipelines will cross over. Aren’t we fucking special?

Here are some of the simple truths that no one has the god damned balls to say. Yes, we need fossil fuels. Even if, tomorrow, we come up with the perfect solution, the magical alternate fuel to run our vehicles and engines, we STILL need oil. We still need it to fuel our homes, and up here, there aren’t a lot of other options. We use it globally to make plastics and nylon, wrinkle-free fabrics, aspirin, cd’s, shoes, dyes… every room in every home will have items in there that are the result of oil extraction. Yes, some could be made from organic sources, but even the process of processing the organic sources requires oil, especially on the scale that services the population. Current means of producing ethanol uses more oil than it saves, and how many fields of corn would be required to keep our vehicles on the road just in this country? So, Yes, we need fossil fuels. Oh, and that whole 'clean coal' shit? yes, its shit. Coal is coal, it is dirty to mine, it is dirty to use, but its a necessary evil as well, but call it what it fucking is. There is no 'clean coal'. That's like saying there is sugar-dipped shit and expecting we will all chow down.

Is there room to compromise? Hell yes, and that is exactly what is needed. Yes, measures need to be taken to protect the environment, but why does everything have to be so fucking extreme now? The Republicans and the Democrats, the Environmentalists and the Oil Companies, do NOT have the ability, the desire or the guts to compromise on ANYTHING. It’s ‘my way or the highway’ in all regards, and that is what will kill us all.

So, we want to stop the pipeline because it is a hazard. God damned right they are a hazard. So is every big tanker truck on a railroad, being dragged down the highway by truckers who are dead on their feet because they can’t slow down for even one fucking minute because of the spiraling costs they face in this fucked-up economy, and in those crap boats that will haul it across the oceans. What about the carbon footprint created by those trucks, those boats and those railway trains? There is one hell of a lot of oil to move, and a long way to move it, and these guys chugging along, farting black every inch of the way seems a bit… counterproductive to the cause.

Politicians and oil companies, what about you? *sigh* Yes, I lumped you together. Why not? One is in the pocket of the other, so what the fuck. Let’s just call it like it is. What’s with this crap about threatening people so they get off their land and give you access? What sort of fucking bullshit is that? What gives you the right to not give fair dollar and work in good faith on this? Is it just because, when you start to work in oil, you become a colossal dickhead? You are so greased up, your head lives up your ass? Get a fucking life! The path you chose for the Keystone is asinine, and you know and you knew it even before you started going in there like fucking schoolyard bullies. The people down there have a right to be pissed. Is it really so hard to do something ethically? Really?

So, here is where the logic kicks in… for some of us maybe. It makes sense to move the oil by pipeline, but ONLY if the pipeline is incredibly well maintained. It will be cheaper, over time, to not have trucks hauling it, so yes, the pipeline makes sense. It also is reasonable to say that there is no way to get a pipeline across a fucking continent, or across a continental divide, without disrupting very sensitive environmental areas. The pipeline should not ever cross migratory paths without some compensation being made to the species… bridges, pathways, something to allow them to do what the good lord intended them to do in order to survive. It should not go over aquifers that would destroy water tables for thousands of people and animals, and it should be on land that is fairly purchased by the oil company, with deals that don’t consistently fuck the real land owners. I realize that one is a reach, but it is possible, if the fucking politicians would hold these assholes to task.

But in order for this to work, why not do it to everyone’s advantage. The land owners make a fair dollar for their land. The oil company gets their pipeline… and the environmentalists? Yes, they too can win, and not just by having fewer trucks and trains out there moving this shit. They need to hold the politicians accountable as well, setting up a program that allows for joint programs (government/private) to consistently patrol, protect and nurture the land around the pipeline. It could, conceivably, become the cleanest, safest, most naturally abundant area in the world with some cooperation and compromise. It would help the economy by creating jobs that could not be farmed out to foreign slave workers, and could be done in conjunction with efforts to refining more sources of fuels that are with not run out and will be less harmful to everyone. It will also, perhaps, lessen the need to frack. Sorry, but that process is just fucking wrong and it has way more potential to do way more fucking damage to everyone than anything else the damned oil companies can come up with.

So there you go – a win/win/win/win, but it requires cooperation and acceptance of some truths, which probably means it won’t ever happen. Although, for someone looking to get re-elected, it might be a handy thought, President Obama?

DAILY NEWS - JANUARY 29th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – JANUARY 29th, 2010

DATELINE: SWITZERLAND – Prime Minister Harper delivered his keynote address – to an almost empty fucking room. Then he was on a panel discussing bank regulation and in his typical arrogant up-yer-ass way argued the case for the banks and Canadian regulation of them, he soundly had his ass returned to him on a platter by Prime Minister Calderon. The words didn’t fucking matter a damn though, not nearly as much as the totally petulant pouty grade-school face on the Canadian Prime Minister, that someone would fucking dare to challenge HIS word. People, wake up... the G8 is seeing this man for what he is: nothing more than a fucking schoolyard bully with a 12-year-old mentality. Harper will go down in history as the second-most-notable fucking disappointment in Canadian politics, pretty big position considering the other runners (Mulroney and Cretien topping the fucking list). The only bigger disappointment is that willow-in-the-wind muppet-smiling idiot Ignatief, who despite having the political world at his fingertips still has not figured out what the fuck to do with it. Note to the Liberal Party of Canada – GET A LEADER WITH BOTH BRAINS AND BALLS AND LETS GET THIS FUCKING COUNTRY BACK ON TRACK.

DATELINE: TORONTO – The Canadian National Institute for the Blind will have to stop its literacy program for lack of funds. This is an organization that converts literature to brail for distribution to those visually challenged across the country. Glad we have a prorogued Parliament so these real fucking issues don’t waste the time of all you terribly erudite fucking elected officials. Thank you again Mr. Harper, for taking care of the people of this country.

DATELINE: DETROIT – or wherever the hell Honda’s are built – A new auto recall to announce, because we just don’t have enough of them right now. Honda is recalling some of their vehicles because of a faulty switch that could cause a fire in the car.

I can’t wait to hear the fucking economic analysts now explaining, like they have with Toyota, that this will just be a little blip, just like Tylenol and toys with lead paint in them. HELLO????? My bottle of Tylenol cost me $3 and would last about a month (less when Parliament is in session up here, because we all know there is nothing better for a headache than to follow fucking politics). My Toyota that I bought last year cost a hell of a lot more than $3 and should last more than a month. Wake up, assholes, and quit blowing corporate smoke up the consumer’s ass.

DATELINE:WASHINGTON – Bin Laden has released a new tape blaming Obama and all countries that did not sign on to the Koyoto Accord for global warming. He has called for a boycott of American products ‘to free humanity from slavery’. It’s a pretty sad fucking day when Bin Laden feels he can take the high road and spew human rights rhetoric at the rest of the world. I am not saying he is wrong – he could well have a valid point. It’s just that, well, considering the fucking source for the complaint, it is nothing more than a joke. Apparently bomb dropping, plane crashing and terrorism allows him to be a moral compass for the rest of us. I think he has been spending too much time puffing on the fucking poppies they beat people into growing.

DATELINE: LONDON – Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is testifying before their Iraq Commission. If this is like any Canadian Commission, the government will stop it before it gets any fucking answers and it will all be nothing more than a fucking waste of time. That said, Mr. Blair is totally fucking hawt, and I am sure he has no sweat glands.