DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 17th, 2010 - BLUE MONDAY

DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 17th, 2010 - BLUE MONDAY

DATELINE: SITTING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE JANUARY DOLDRUMS – Are you blue? You’re supposed to be, because this is Blue Monday. We probably spent billions of fucking dollars doing studies on this shit, because we really needed a name for the Monday, already a blue day for many, that is supposed to be the most depressing Monday of all. Bills from Christmas, crappy cold weather, and short dark days all combine to make the perfect psychological storm. We need to kick this fucking blue funk. Giving it a name only makes more of us aware of the fact that we are supposed to be blue; giving it that name is a fucking self-fulfilling prophesy. They should have called it “Let’s Pretend is Summertime” Monday, so people would get their damned Hawaiian shirts and berkys out of storage and have some fucking fun, but no, we had to call it something to make the day even more fucking depressing. So, if it’s Blue Monday, I suggest we revolt! Slip into your fuzzy blue cookie monster slippers, pour a couple of Blue Moons, put some Bobby Vinton on the turntable, and just to keep it fucking real, a constant feed of Blue Lagoon on the movie channel (with the prerequisite extra tray full of fucking blue drinks). Blue is relative, people… there are a lot of people who have a lot of reasons to be blue, but if you are not up to your neck in rubble or rain, you have a roof, your family is healthy and can put food on the table, then put that blue shit in the closet, and slap a fucking smile on your face. There is nothing better than proving a fucking government study wrong.

DATELINE: HITTING BACK AT THE GROPE DOPES – This weekend, two incidents surfaced of the assholes in the Airport Security uniforms being abusive with elderly women, both of whom had mastectomies. The first one originally set off the alarm with a pin in her leg, then was pulled aside and asked if she had any liquids or gels on her, to which the 82-year-old replied that she did not. When she went through the full-body scanner machines though, a silicon prosthesis for her breast showed up, causing the attendants to call her a liar and submit her to a ‘vigorous’ pat-down, the whole time making disparaging comments. The woman was totally humiliated as in front of everyone else waiting to go through security, she was forced to reveal her gel prosthesis. The second woman was also in her 80’s, was also subjected to the major grope and was forced to put her hands up over her head. She explained that she could not do that, because she had no range of motion with the arm because of her recent surgery. Despite the pain involved in lifting her arms over her head, the attendant ‘helped’ by pushing up on the arms while continuing to ridicule her for the rest of the crowd to hear. As the woman screamed in pain, the assholes did their jobs, because God knows, we have to watch the 85-year-old Blue Hair Brigade for their nefarious, subversive agenda. It’s nice to know that the arrogance of these power tripping assholes gives them the right to abuse in the performance of their job. If they had even one fucking clue, they would realize that their day, and everyone else’s, would go so much better if they did what they have to do with a fucking smile and a modicum of respect.

DATELINE: BOWING DOWN BEFORE THE FACEBOOK GODS – No, I am not talking about any fucking movie awards, nor am I commenting on their stupid way of changing everything on the damned site all the time, or their ‘new’ profiles. I am, however, throwing a huge fucking thumbs up to the social networking system for the inclusion of Amber Alerts. People can now go to the Amber Alert page, click on their location, and get automatically all Amber Alerts for their area as soon as they are released, as well as updates to what is happening. This is one of the truly marvelous uses for the system, and hopefully will help save the lives of many children. Please sign up, and when you get an Alert, please share it. There are over 800,000 children abducted each year. Let’s make it harder for that to happen.

DATELINE: RETURNING TO HAITI TO PICK WHATEVER IS LEFT FROM THEIR BONES – That would be Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier, the former exiled leader, who arrived back in Haiti this weekend. I can hardly wait to hear the fucking whitewash he will be spewing in his press conference scheduled for today. For those of you who cannot remember, Baby Doc was the dictator who gave us that wonderful group of nasties called the Tonton Macoute, a secret police force that tortured, then killed, anyone who questioned, critisized or opposed Duvalier. Baby Doc robbed the country of millions of dollars, killed the tourism industry there, and totally entrenched those living outside Port Au Prince, and many within the capital city, in a lifetime of abject poverty. As his country began to revolt at the end of 1985, President Ronnie ‘A people free to choose will always choose peace’ Reagan began to negotiate ‘through channels’ for Baby Doc to flee the country, just not to the USA. In early February 1986, Duvalier and his family boarded a US Air Force plane destined for France, where he has lived in luxurious exile... until now. It was pointed out in 2007 by the Haitian government that Duvalier was welcome to return to his homeland, but that he would be instantly held to account for the thefts of millions of dollars and the murder of thousands of people, but with the current state of affairs in that country I suspect we will not be seeing him in cuffs as he pitches his greatness to the masses today. Sadly, because no one else has been able to offer any fucking effective help to people at large, because they are totally desperate for someone to help them in their plight, because they are in total political disarray, the speech today could start a whole new chapter of increased despair and hardship for a people already socially and politically tortured enough in their everyday existence. ‘Free people’? I guess ‘freedom’ is a quantitative anomaly, because while these people are free to cast a vote, they are prisoners of their own overwhelming disasters, and at this point, they will choose whatever might offer even the tiniest glimmer of hope, even if it is more bullshit held together with glitter-glue. If all great change, as President Reagan stated, starts at the dinner table, the people of Haiti have no hope at all. Someone build them a fucking dinner table... it’s long overdue.

DAILY NEWS -- FRIDAY, JANUARY 7th, 2011

DAILY NEWS -- FRIDAY, JANUARY 7th, 2011

DATELINE: OVER THE RAINBOW -- He lived in a tent, in Ohio, in the winter… Ted Williams had fallen on some hard times, had succumbed to drugs and booze, and was left to panhandle on mucky winter streets. That was on Monday. On Tuesday, he had been offered a job, a home, a chance to see is 94yr-old mother in New York, whom he hadn’t seen in twenty years. Do stories get any better than this? Not really… and the most astounding part of this is that it was so easy for someone to make a difference in the man’s life. Doral Chenoweth stopped to talk to Williams, to maybe do a story on him, but it just happens to be in Chenoweth’s nature to stop and talk and offer whatever help he can – a dollar, a blanket, a ride to a shelter, or even just a kind word. It was easy and profound all at the same time. Why is this not the norm? How many people out there could be saved by some simple act of kindness? How many starving children could be helped? How many kids who are turning towards drugs and the accompanying life theft, assault, abuse that goes with it could be helped with just a random act of human kindness? Embrace this story, learn from it, and take a minute from your hectic schedule – the Ted Williams’ of the world are not the only ones who win; the Doral Chenoweth’s also come out on top, because you have to believe that man’s smiling from ear to ear over what his 30-second sound bite did.

DATELINE: SOMEPLACE WHERE PEOPLE LIVE WITH THEIR HEADS UP THEIR ASSES – In complete and total fucking contrast with the first story, we now come to the story of Simone Beck, a 42-year-old woman in Brighton, England. On Christmas Day, she posted on her Facebook page that she had taken all her pills and was going to die. She said ‘bye bye’ to her friends. Like most things that have extreme highs associated with them, the downs are also more extreme – such is the case with Christmas as well, and it can be an incredibly depressing time for many. So, Simone reaches out to those friends she has, posts that she needs help in the most critical way. She was not ignored at all, though; her post received 148 responses… Let me say that again, for those of you not paying attention; Her post received 148 responses, including taunts, teasing, and a discussion about how Simone ‘OD’s all the time and lies’. This is from fucking friends? 148 fucking posts, and yet not one person called her, went to knock on her apartment door, contacted the police or anything else. Not one. It was 17 hours later when Simone’s mother was made aware of the post on Facebook, and called the police. Of course, it was too late by that time. 148 posts! It is just totally fucking unbelievable that NOT ONE PERSON could be bothered to respond in any sort of human way. I understand that for some it might have been overwhelming and they might have not known what to say – so phone the fucking police then! Phone her mother, her neighbor… but fucking phone someone! Hell, Facebook has a site set up so that you can contact someone if you are worried about a post… it would have taken a couple of key strokes to have saved her life, but no, they were too busy looking at a woman standing on the ledge of a fucking 20-storey building and screaming at her to jump just because they wanted to see the splat on the sidewalk. Just one Doral Chenoweth in Simone’s life might have made one hell of a difference. Everyone… absolutely everyone… who posted on Simone Beck’s last status should be totally fucking ashamed of themselves, but I have no doubt they all enjoyed their Christmas dinner just fine, thank you.

DATELINE: ON A DANCEFLOOR, DOING THE RESEARCH SHUFFLE – Like many parents, twelve years ago I listened carefully to the findings of Doctor Andrew Wakefield when he proposed his work made a direct connection between the incidents of Austism and the receiving of MMR booster shots in children. Like many parents, while the news did not cause me to stop getting booster shots for my children, it was more than enough to have me living in guilt for years at the thought of having destroyed my child’s life – yes, I have an autistic child, yes, I would young and desperate for some understanding of why he was autistic and yes, I am absolutely fucking furious as that asshat for what he did to parents and children all over the world. There are few things that piss me off more than people who prey on those who are desperate for help, because the vile depth of their moral abyss not only builds false hope while creating the asshat money, but it also creates huge distrust of the system and anything that might be legitimate information. That said, my anger does not lie with just Wakefield. What the fuck what the Lancet thinking publishing ANY study that was so unsubstantiated, based on a handful of study subjects without anything to substantiate it? We are talking the Lancet here! How much money did they make on that edition alone, as it was scooped up by parents who were desperate to not have their child ‘become’ autistic, or who were consumed by guilt because their child was autistic? They DO have to take some of the responsibility for what happened and the resulting outbreaks of measles and mumps, and the emotional crap they created for the parents of thousands of children. They are a professional medical paper, a reputable one, and they cannot just dump this on Wakefield’s door. Perhaps I should send in my research findings, that a vast number of people in this world are double-jointed and double-faced enough, stricken with the disease of greed, to be able to live with their heads up their own asses. I can surely create the numbers to support a study like that.

DATELINE: BUSTING BASTARD PAROLE BOARD MEMBERS ON BEACON HILL – On December 26th, police officer John ‘Jack' Maguire was shot on duty, responding to a robbery call at a Kohl’s store. Maguire, a 60-year-old husband, father, and veteran police officer was shot by Dominic Cinelli, who also died as a result of the ensuing gun battle. Already this is a tragic story… and it is about to get a whole lot worse. Cinelli was on parole from three… yes, THREE… life sentences, the result of a 9-page list of violent offences. I can here you already asking ‘Parole? This man had parole?’ For starters, Cinelli was not a man, he was a fucking asshole… but not as big as the assholes who voted unanimously for his release. Yes, there was not even one person on that Parole Board who thought there might be some issues releasing this fucking animal back onto the streets. As a result, a bi-partisan group of state senators is heading a push to have the entire parole board investigated and the people responsible for releasing Cinelli relieved of their duties. I will go you one better… they should make it a requirement that anyone who is paroled gets to live next door to a member of the parole board for two years after their release. Perhaps knowing that the assholes will be right there in their faces, beside their families, will make Parole Board members just a little more accountable for their fucking asshat decisions.

DATELINE: ENJOYING MEALS ON WHEELS – There is nothing like the taste of a good old vinyl seat from the back of a 2006 Impala police cruiser! Jesse Ray Stewart, an 18-year old who went on a bit of a spree of breaking into cars in New Port Richey, Florida, while he was pissed out of his mind, chowed down on the seat while being taken into custody. There is a lesson in this, people – stay away from the fucking BC Bud… damn, that crap makes you hungry for just about anything.