DAILY NEWS – FEBRUARY 23rd, 2010
DATELINE: LONDON – Get out your scorecards and get ready for the six finalists for the Diagram Prize, that jerky quirky Brit award for the book with the most interesting title. If you picked “Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter”, “Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich”, “Governing Lethal Behaviour In Autonomous Robots”, “The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease”, “Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes” or “What Kind of Bean is This Chihuahua?” then you are still in the running. If you happened to have your money riding on “The Origin of Feces” or “Bacon, A Love Story” then you are, sorry, shit outta luck. The saddest part of this whole fucking story is that none of it is made up! Past winning titles include “Bombproofing Your Horse” and “Living With Crazy Buttocks.”
We can do better than that, people! We need to unite, come up with the perfect Diagram Prize title and a one sentence premise for the book and post ‘em here.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – A new CNN poll shows that 69% of Americans are okay with having gays in the military. 69%? How fucking wonderful, and perfect is that result! Far be it from me to say that they were in there regardless, but I am sure it is one huge fucking relief for them to know they have the blessing of the people. 69%? Yes, Virgin-ia there is a Santa Claus!
DATELINE: FLORIDA – Newfoundland and Labrador Premier Danny Williams has finally broken his silence about getting his surgery in the United States rather than in Canada. His comment, and I am not making this up… “This is my heart, it’s my health and it’s my choice.” As one who has seen the fucking disaster we call health care here, I have NO DOUBT that there are THOUSANDS of Canadians waiting for medical treatment for a leaky heart valve who have been told to wait, who have been waiting for days, weeks, months, and despite the fact that it is THEIR HEALTH and THEIR LIVES, they have no fucking choice in the matter. They are at the mercy of the system that people like arrogant asshole Danny Williams has helped create. The tone of entitlement, the self-righteous self-importance that he flaunts in the face of every other working middle-class person living in this country is absolutely despicable. You should be fucking totally ashamed, Mr. Premier. While I do not wish to see you in harm’s way, perhaps if you had to deal with the same system that the rest of us had to, you might be more motivated to fix the fucking thing. And while I find it totally incredible that you expect us to believe there was NO place in Canada to get your surgery, I can hardly expect less… who wouldn’t pick warm and sunny Florida over fucking freezing Ontario in the winter.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – The Canadian Olympic Committee said today that Canada would not be meeting its goal to take home the number 1 ranking in this Olympic Games. I will not fucking belabour my personal opinion about their fucking Own the Podium crapolla, however, I will offer the following quote made by Mr. Rudge during his press statement regarding this shortcoming. “We’d be living in a fool’s paradise if we said we were going to catch the Americans and win. We’re not throwing in the towel. You never do that when you are in the middle of a fight, but it’s difficult. They are way out ahead at this point and it would be unrealistic to state that we are going to catch them.” Well, Mr. Rudge, you would certainly take the Gold Medal in the fucking contradictory statement category.
While I totally believe that the athletes have done us more than proud, I can’t help wondering if those in charge of the Own the Podium program and its associated budget of $117M haven’t been taking management lessons from Toyota.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – DC’s very own ‘Rusty the Tin Man’, former VP Dick Cheney, was taken to hospital yesterday, complaining of chest pains. While there is speculation that it is his heart, we know he doesn’t have one, so one can’t help but wonder if it isn’t more that he kept his wallet in his fucking shirt pocket for a day. It is expected that “Socrates, the Scarecrow” former President George Bush will be complaining of headaches next.
DATELINE: KAMLOOPS – Allan Schoenborn today was found ‘not criminally responsible’ for the murders of his three children, all under 10 years of age while he was supposed to be caring for them. This fucking monster admitted to his crimes. He ran away and hid in the bush for 10 days. He fucking well did know what he was doing and was as sane as any other man would be who takes a cleaver to his own child. Yes, the man is fucking nuts, and YES he should still be held responsible for his actions. It’s about time our fucking legal system held people to account. Its time people started owning their fucking actions. It’s time for this sick bastard to be locked away forever.
Showing posts with label Own the Podium. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Own the Podium. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
DAILY NEWS - FEBRUARY 22, 2010
DAILY NEWS – February 22nd, 2010
DATELINE: FRANKFURT – Lufthansa pilots have gone on strike, an action that could result in 3000 flights being cancelled over the next 4 days. British Airways is also poised to strike. To be totally honest, I have no fucking idea who to be pissed off at about this. I am pissed off. I can’t imagine how it would feel in this economy to have saved and struggled for the money to take a honeymoon or a holiday, especially those who are not in a position to do so often, and to find out the day of your flight that you are going nowhere. At least Lufthansa is reimbursing the customers, or they claim they will be. I can totally understand the position of the airline workers at being concerned over deregulation and the very real fact that their jobs are on the line. This is one of those fucking situation where there are no winners... and this is another example of how the global economy has been totally fucked over by irresponsible governments who feel the need to get involved when they can’t even run their own fucking business. It’s another example too, of how the working person takes it on the fucking chin every time. I have no doubt that holiday plans for any fucking bank CEO will be just fine though.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Toyota – again. You would think that a company smart enough to save hundreds of millions of fucking dollars by deliberately delaying complying with safety requirements would at least be smart enough to not brag about it in a fucking 10-page internal report. A Toyota listing their ‘successes’ report lists things like slowing down on the process of complying with industry requirements regarding side air bags (saved the company $124M AND 50,000 manpower hours), delaying installing new standard door locks (saved them $11M), and avoiding investigations about rusted truck bodies and faulty floor mats. They even negotiated to limit a 2007 recall. Among other documents is an acknowledgement that they knew about the acceleration problems years before they did any recall. Yes, Toyota, you did good. Those are great fucking successes. So, lemme ask you this, although I know god damned well that the answer is ‘settle lawsuits... many, many, many lawsuits’ ... “What will YOU do with all the money you saved?”
DATELINE: LONDON – JK Rowling is being sued for copyright infringement... again. The estate of Adrian Jacobs claims that Rowling copies substantial parts of Jacobs’ book ‘The Adventuress of Willy the Wizard – No 1 Livid Land’. All writers of the world, here is my fucking advice. When you write, keep every single fucking scrap of paper that you doodle on while writing. To be realistic, something I know many people avoid like the fucking plague, there are in reality only so many stories out there to tell. What makes the difference is the way they are told. Keep your scraps so you can protect yourself from a potential $1B settlement like this one could, rightly or wrongly, result in.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – President Obama is about to release his newest new plan for health care reform in the US. In the event you want advice from an interested observer from across the line, and who the hell doesn’t want that, the first thing you have to do is get the fucking pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies out of the equation. As long as they fucking fund both politics and medical offices, you are totally fucked no matter what you try to do.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – Own The Podium. If there was ever a more arrogant fucking in-yer-face un-Canadian slogan, I have no idea what it could be. This plan was ill-conceived from the beginning, pissing off the competition with our smug fucking attitude that we could actually think we could buy the Olympic Athletic Accolades, but it also built huge stupid fucking expectations in the media and the public. Now, lemme ask you this. Does it really fucking matter how many medals we win in the grand scheme of things? Does it make us a better country? Not so far. Does it save lives? Does it matter if our athletes go out and do their fucking best and NOT make it onto the podium? Does that make them less than deserving of our admiration and appreciation? The whole plan is fucked. Our priorities are fucked. Maybe one day the Olympic Games will be able to be as it was intented... a competition between athletes – not fucking governments, corporations or media outlets. Too bad it will take even more global catastrophe to get us there.
DATELINE: OTTAWA – A report issued by six Liberal Senators, headed by Colin Kenny, has indicated that there is a drastic need for proper, strong oversight of the RCMP. It proposes that members of the national police force must face an outside agency that can independently review conduct, subpoena witnesses and lay charges when the need requires, as opposed to having the organization investigate itself. Well... DUH! We can see what happens when they fucking investigate themselves. They are a national institution that has gone the way of other big national institutions – like Banks, Insurance companies and Government. They have absolutely no fucking credibility, sweeping even murders and rapes under the carpet.
DATELINE: FRANKFURT – Lufthansa pilots have gone on strike, an action that could result in 3000 flights being cancelled over the next 4 days. British Airways is also poised to strike. To be totally honest, I have no fucking idea who to be pissed off at about this. I am pissed off. I can’t imagine how it would feel in this economy to have saved and struggled for the money to take a honeymoon or a holiday, especially those who are not in a position to do so often, and to find out the day of your flight that you are going nowhere. At least Lufthansa is reimbursing the customers, or they claim they will be. I can totally understand the position of the airline workers at being concerned over deregulation and the very real fact that their jobs are on the line. This is one of those fucking situation where there are no winners... and this is another example of how the global economy has been totally fucked over by irresponsible governments who feel the need to get involved when they can’t even run their own fucking business. It’s another example too, of how the working person takes it on the fucking chin every time. I have no doubt that holiday plans for any fucking bank CEO will be just fine though.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Toyota – again. You would think that a company smart enough to save hundreds of millions of fucking dollars by deliberately delaying complying with safety requirements would at least be smart enough to not brag about it in a fucking 10-page internal report. A Toyota listing their ‘successes’ report lists things like slowing down on the process of complying with industry requirements regarding side air bags (saved the company $124M AND 50,000 manpower hours), delaying installing new standard door locks (saved them $11M), and avoiding investigations about rusted truck bodies and faulty floor mats. They even negotiated to limit a 2007 recall. Among other documents is an acknowledgement that they knew about the acceleration problems years before they did any recall. Yes, Toyota, you did good. Those are great fucking successes. So, lemme ask you this, although I know god damned well that the answer is ‘settle lawsuits... many, many, many lawsuits’ ... “What will YOU do with all the money you saved?”
DATELINE: LONDON – JK Rowling is being sued for copyright infringement... again. The estate of Adrian Jacobs claims that Rowling copies substantial parts of Jacobs’ book ‘The Adventuress of Willy the Wizard – No 1 Livid Land’. All writers of the world, here is my fucking advice. When you write, keep every single fucking scrap of paper that you doodle on while writing. To be realistic, something I know many people avoid like the fucking plague, there are in reality only so many stories out there to tell. What makes the difference is the way they are told. Keep your scraps so you can protect yourself from a potential $1B settlement like this one could, rightly or wrongly, result in.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – President Obama is about to release his newest new plan for health care reform in the US. In the event you want advice from an interested observer from across the line, and who the hell doesn’t want that, the first thing you have to do is get the fucking pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies out of the equation. As long as they fucking fund both politics and medical offices, you are totally fucked no matter what you try to do.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – Own The Podium. If there was ever a more arrogant fucking in-yer-face un-Canadian slogan, I have no idea what it could be. This plan was ill-conceived from the beginning, pissing off the competition with our smug fucking attitude that we could actually think we could buy the Olympic Athletic Accolades, but it also built huge stupid fucking expectations in the media and the public. Now, lemme ask you this. Does it really fucking matter how many medals we win in the grand scheme of things? Does it make us a better country? Not so far. Does it save lives? Does it matter if our athletes go out and do their fucking best and NOT make it onto the podium? Does that make them less than deserving of our admiration and appreciation? The whole plan is fucked. Our priorities are fucked. Maybe one day the Olympic Games will be able to be as it was intented... a competition between athletes – not fucking governments, corporations or media outlets. Too bad it will take even more global catastrophe to get us there.
DATELINE: OTTAWA – A report issued by six Liberal Senators, headed by Colin Kenny, has indicated that there is a drastic need for proper, strong oversight of the RCMP. It proposes that members of the national police force must face an outside agency that can independently review conduct, subpoena witnesses and lay charges when the need requires, as opposed to having the organization investigate itself. Well... DUH! We can see what happens when they fucking investigate themselves. They are a national institution that has gone the way of other big national institutions – like Banks, Insurance companies and Government. They have absolutely no fucking credibility, sweeping even murders and rapes under the carpet.
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