DAILY NEWS - FEBRUARY 19th, 2010
DATELINE: FLORIDA – Tiger Woods told his tiny collection of silent adoring reports that he was sorry. It was what was on the teleprompter and what crossed his fucking lips. It was no in his eyes, his face, or his heart. Mostly he was apologizing to his bank account. Why the fuck did anyone bother to carry this tripe in the first place? The arrogant control-freak got away with it, and will do it again, because he is Tiger Woods. Hopefully next time the media will give him his true due.
DATELINE: TORONTO – While driving to the dentist, Gordon Lightfoot heard the radio announcement that he was dead. Hell of a way to get out of a fucking dentist appointment! And what do ya know? The old guy still has his own teeth! Totally fucking awesome, Gord. Glad the reports were wrong... now sing us a song (please).
DATELINE: ARKANSAS – Ya know, it just wouldn’t be a good day without a Toyota recall or Sarah Palin to blog about. Okay, everyone, get out your pens and prepare your hands to take notes, cause you don’t want to miss this one. She is offering advice to the new Tea Party... in that special way only Palin has – you know, the way that makes absolutely no fucking sense. “Now the smart thing will be for independents who are such a part of this tea party movement to, I guess, kind of start picking a party.” Because I already have a fucking headache, I will let you try to figure that out yourselves... and thank god the grammar police are not storming the fucking blog. But then, comes this... “Which party reflects how that smaller, smarter government steps to be taken? Which party will best fit you? And then because the Tea Party Movements is not a party and we have a two-party system, they’re going to have to pick a party and run one of the other: ‘R’ or ‘D’.” First...the smarter government will be anyone that stays totally fucking clear of Sarah Palin. This chick is totally nucking futs. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a party to dress for. Which to wear? Hmmmmm, i hate these hard fucking decisions. Do I go with the red dress or the blue dress?
DATELINE: TORONTO – The cover of the latest Catholic Register slams Michael Ignatieff and his position that contraception and abortion be included as basic components of foreign aid in order to help mothers and babies. For starters, the Catholic Church taking ANY position of criticism about ANYTHING regarding sex is opening up the largest can of hypocritical fucking worms imaginable. You guys all apparently chose to sometimes be celibate when it suits you, so stay the hell out of everyone else’s sexual business. The supplying of condoms is about much more than fucking procreation – it’s about helping to control the spread of STD’s that are destroying so many nations. And while I am not a personal supporter of abortions as a means of birth control, there are situations where it is necessary to save a woman’s life, so blanket statements made by these assholes in their ivory white towers with the stained glass windows and their porn mags tucked under their mattresses are nothing but counterproductive babble that serve only the purpose of keeping women under control and depriving them of the rights to take care of their body. It also clearly states that women are unable to make sound decisions regarding their sexuality and so guidance from a bunch of power-lusting men is the only way to do it. God forbid we give these people some knowledge, some tools to make decisions, some options for their own lives other than to poop out a baby every 12 fucking months when they can't manage to put food on the table for even one. These women have a right to NOT have to be babymachines and they have a right to not wake up every fucking morning and wondering how many of her seven children will she be able to tend with no food and much sickness in all of them. Viva la discrimination and oppression of women at the hands of the clergy one more time. The church needs to stay the fuck out of politics, especially until they start paying fucking taxes like the rest of us.
DATELINE: AUSTRALIA – They have discovered a new weapon to use against the invasion of the Cane Toad in this country – cat food. These disgusting frogs were brought in to the country to help control beetles in the sugar cane, but the experiment was a huge fucking failure when the toads adapted, were unable to be kept under control by predators and began to compete with every other species there. In fact, these little buggers have helped land several other species on the endangered list, and so they have to be taken care of. Aussies have tried killing them with cricket bats and golf clubs (oh, a new career for Tiger, perhaps), but nothing made a difference in the numbers. Enter the Meat Ants. These are some nasty looking fuckers!! They run to get the cat food, find the baby frogs and eat them to death. Of course now there are complaints that the means of getting rid of the toads is inhumane... because beating em on the head with a nine-iron was a sign of fucking love??
DATELINE: ATLANTA – A zebra was seen running through the streets of the city, with police cruisers in hot pursuit. The animal had gotten spooked and ran from its trainer with the visiting circus. Hard to believe that six police card with sirens blaring would not help to calm the poor critter. They finally got it cornered and the trainer was able to catch her and settle her down. Thank God the Atlanta police don’t adhere to the RCMP Policy of ‘taser the crap out of it and ask questions later’ – roasted fucking zebra, anyone?
Showing posts with label Tea Party Movement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tea Party Movement. Show all posts
Friday, February 19, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
DAILY NEWS - February 5th, 2010
DAILY NEWS – February 5th, 2010
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – Go Australia!!!! WHOOOT!! The Australian Olympic Team has arrived in Vancouver, and they have hung their wonderful kangaroo flag from their balconies at the Olympic Village. The flag is the trademark symbol for the Australian team, and they have the blessing of the Australian Olympic Committee to use this flag. HOWEVER because of sponsorship issues (read this as ‘VANOC cannot make money from this flag’) the Aussies have been told to take it down. VANOC – GO TO HELL! Enough of your fucking fascist bullshit! I hope the Australians keep their flag up. I WANT a flag with that wonderful freedom-fighting Kangaroo on it. I hope every other country coming to the Olympics brings a flag of their own to fly. The greatest day in this province will be the one when the IOC finally gets their fucking pedantic dictatorial asses out of here. I just hope the Aussies know to be careful. If VANOC sends the RCMP in there to take it down, undoubtedly the tasers will be zapping like fucking popcorn kernels on a Delhi sidewalk.
DATELINE: JAPAN – The President of Toyota has apologized to owners of his product and reassured them that their vehicles are safe. This, as he is sitting there waiting for the next recall that SHOULD already be issued... for the faulty re-gen brakes on the new Pruis and also on the Lexus hybrid. I can already hear the fucking class-action lawsuit lawyers zipping around taser beams in the Vancouver Olympic Athletes Village.
DATELINE: IQALUIT – The G7 Finance Ministers and some prominent financial/banking experts will be meeting in the Canadian frozen north, away from distracters (protestors) to go dog-sledding and to discuss bank reform. The G7? Where the hell are the other G13? Apparently this is the meeting that none of them really give a shit about. It’s simple people... the financial institutions are fucking ripping off the people and lining their pockets – just like the fucking governments are doing to us. I can hardly wait to see what the fuck gems come from this erudite meeting.
DATELINE: OTTAWA – Prime Minister Harper told a sports magazine that he would rather be living out his real dream of playing in the NHL. Believe me, SO DO WE wish he was doing that instead of running our fucking country. Someone give that man a puck and send him out on the fucking road.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Figures released today show that there were 20,000 jobs lost in the US last month. They also show that a total of 8.4 million jobs were lost to the ‘bump’ in the economy. Canadians however are rejoicing at the number of new jobs created, although the vast majority of those are part-time without benefits and so the number might look good, but for the working person, it totally fucking blows as well. It is about time the politicians stopped blowing rose-colored smoke up our asses and started doing what they were supposed to, and being fucking straight with us. Maybe if we had even a shred of respect and trust in our leaders we could muster some confidence to help the economy as it still tumbles into the crapper.
DATELINE: NASHVILLE – That wild and crazy collection of Mad Hatters have started their wonderful Tea Party... complete with the head Mad Hatter, Sarah Palin... face it, they really don’t come much madder than that. Talk about fucking wonderland. They sit and sing against big government and big spending, yet they are already fighting within their ranks about who should take the wheel and steer the ship, while they charge the ‘grass roots’ hundred of dollars each just for the privilege of sitting in the fucking room with them. It looks like a very merry unbirthday for this group of political rebels, as they slowly sink into pots of their own tea pee.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – Go Australia!!!! WHOOOT!! The Australian Olympic Team has arrived in Vancouver, and they have hung their wonderful kangaroo flag from their balconies at the Olympic Village. The flag is the trademark symbol for the Australian team, and they have the blessing of the Australian Olympic Committee to use this flag. HOWEVER because of sponsorship issues (read this as ‘VANOC cannot make money from this flag’) the Aussies have been told to take it down. VANOC – GO TO HELL! Enough of your fucking fascist bullshit! I hope the Australians keep their flag up. I WANT a flag with that wonderful freedom-fighting Kangaroo on it. I hope every other country coming to the Olympics brings a flag of their own to fly. The greatest day in this province will be the one when the IOC finally gets their fucking pedantic dictatorial asses out of here. I just hope the Aussies know to be careful. If VANOC sends the RCMP in there to take it down, undoubtedly the tasers will be zapping like fucking popcorn kernels on a Delhi sidewalk.
DATELINE: JAPAN – The President of Toyota has apologized to owners of his product and reassured them that their vehicles are safe. This, as he is sitting there waiting for the next recall that SHOULD already be issued... for the faulty re-gen brakes on the new Pruis and also on the Lexus hybrid. I can already hear the fucking class-action lawsuit lawyers zipping around taser beams in the Vancouver Olympic Athletes Village.
DATELINE: IQALUIT – The G7 Finance Ministers and some prominent financial/banking experts will be meeting in the Canadian frozen north, away from distracters (protestors) to go dog-sledding and to discuss bank reform. The G7? Where the hell are the other G13? Apparently this is the meeting that none of them really give a shit about. It’s simple people... the financial institutions are fucking ripping off the people and lining their pockets – just like the fucking governments are doing to us. I can hardly wait to see what the fuck gems come from this erudite meeting.
DATELINE: OTTAWA – Prime Minister Harper told a sports magazine that he would rather be living out his real dream of playing in the NHL. Believe me, SO DO WE wish he was doing that instead of running our fucking country. Someone give that man a puck and send him out on the fucking road.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Figures released today show that there were 20,000 jobs lost in the US last month. They also show that a total of 8.4 million jobs were lost to the ‘bump’ in the economy. Canadians however are rejoicing at the number of new jobs created, although the vast majority of those are part-time without benefits and so the number might look good, but for the working person, it totally fucking blows as well. It is about time the politicians stopped blowing rose-colored smoke up our asses and started doing what they were supposed to, and being fucking straight with us. Maybe if we had even a shred of respect and trust in our leaders we could muster some confidence to help the economy as it still tumbles into the crapper.
DATELINE: NASHVILLE – That wild and crazy collection of Mad Hatters have started their wonderful Tea Party... complete with the head Mad Hatter, Sarah Palin... face it, they really don’t come much madder than that. Talk about fucking wonderland. They sit and sing against big government and big spending, yet they are already fighting within their ranks about who should take the wheel and steer the ship, while they charge the ‘grass roots’ hundred of dollars each just for the privilege of sitting in the fucking room with them. It looks like a very merry unbirthday for this group of political rebels, as they slowly sink into pots of their own tea pee.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
DAILY NEWS – February 4th, 2010
DAILY NEWS – February 4th, 2010
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – As the torch relay approaches the Olympic Stadium, it has been revealed that VANOC, those fucking brain surgeons who are apparently above all laws and moral standing, have been using a film to ‘inspire’ all carriers of the torch for the last several months. This film is shown as the carriers are transported by bus to where they will begin. It is a short film, only four minutes long, but almost 20% of that film is taken from clips put together by a Nazi propagandist from the Berlin Olympic games. The ‘incriminating’ items... little things like soldiers standing in Nazi salutes and swastikas... have been blacked out. Whoop-de-fucking-do. Out of all the years and millions of miles of film footage available, they pick THAT to ‘inspire’ our torch carriers? To say that this is a fucking abomination is an understatement. To say that the total lack of interest or concern about the undeniable impropriety of this is totally fucking embarrassing. We should be fucking ashamed that NO ONE is addressing this issue. For VANOC to say that they will now replace the footage is pointless. It has been out there for months, shown to hundreds of people... TO INSPIRE THEM... and with seven days left in the relay, far to fucking little -- way to fucking late is about the only thing that can be said now. Finding inspiration in Nazi propaganda... VANOC has now sunk to a totally fucking immeasurable low.
DATELINE: CHICAGO – Speaking of new lows... Mel Gibson did his first live interview in four years for a Chicago tv station in an effort to promote his new film. When the obvious, inevitable and necessary question came up about his DUI broo-haa-haa, he arrogantly, and with absolutely not one fucking shred of anything BUT contempt, said he had ‘done all the necessary Mea Culpa’s’ and it was time for people to move on, while draining a drink and glaring at the interviewer. The TV journalist complied, finished his interview and thanked Gibson, to which Gibson replied with the required nicety, followed with an “Asshole”. He later stated the comment was directed to someone in the room with him and NOT the interviewer. What a fucking asshat! Like ANYONE believes that load of crap. Mel, I think your time is up because anyone who might have been interested in giving you even a modicum of the benefit of the doubt now knows better.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Because it just wouldn’t be a new day without a new fucking Toyota story... The US Safety regulators have opened up an investigation into the braking system of the 2010 Toyota Prius because of the increase in accidents for those vehicles. Toyota has acknowledged there is a problem in the brakes. DUH! So why the hell haven’t you fixed it. The Recall for all the other Toyota’s with the faulty gas pedals has now spread to India and the UK. Apparently like its faulty brakes and sticky gas pedals, Toyota management is hurtling at breakneck fucking speeds into the abyss just as if they were behind the wheel of one of their fucking cars. Bet there is one shitload of Tylenol sitting on their boardroom tables.
DATELINE: NASHVILLE – Grassroots junkies are gearing up for the opening of the Tea Party Movement and the keynote address to be delivered by none other than Sarah ‘Nasty Fish’ Palin. While I understand the frustration with the political system and politicians in general, and the desire to see the country moving forward in a positive way, one has to wonder if the grass and roots aren’t being smoked down there to be thinking that Sarah Palin has the fucking answers. Sarah Palin?? Seriously?? Have a fucking laugh at least and invite Tina Fey to speak.
DATELINE: BRITAIN – Studies have now shown that people in a vegetative state can hear, understand and respond to verbal stimulation. While this is no real surprise to many of us because our instincts have always told us they were aware, (but find me a doctor who listens to a person’s fucking instincts) researchers say this discovery is significant because it will emphasize the need for doctors to be more compassionate and caring while dealing with these patients, because the patient knows what they are saying. Hello? It’s called fucking ‘bedside manner’, something that doctors apparently leave on the fucking golf course most days. It might be suggested to them, as a group, that yes, patients either vegetative or totally fucking conscious, should be treated with compassion and care and dignity.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – As the torch relay approaches the Olympic Stadium, it has been revealed that VANOC, those fucking brain surgeons who are apparently above all laws and moral standing, have been using a film to ‘inspire’ all carriers of the torch for the last several months. This film is shown as the carriers are transported by bus to where they will begin. It is a short film, only four minutes long, but almost 20% of that film is taken from clips put together by a Nazi propagandist from the Berlin Olympic games. The ‘incriminating’ items... little things like soldiers standing in Nazi salutes and swastikas... have been blacked out. Whoop-de-fucking-do. Out of all the years and millions of miles of film footage available, they pick THAT to ‘inspire’ our torch carriers? To say that this is a fucking abomination is an understatement. To say that the total lack of interest or concern about the undeniable impropriety of this is totally fucking embarrassing. We should be fucking ashamed that NO ONE is addressing this issue. For VANOC to say that they will now replace the footage is pointless. It has been out there for months, shown to hundreds of people... TO INSPIRE THEM... and with seven days left in the relay, far to fucking little -- way to fucking late is about the only thing that can be said now. Finding inspiration in Nazi propaganda... VANOC has now sunk to a totally fucking immeasurable low.
DATELINE: CHICAGO – Speaking of new lows... Mel Gibson did his first live interview in four years for a Chicago tv station in an effort to promote his new film. When the obvious, inevitable and necessary question came up about his DUI broo-haa-haa, he arrogantly, and with absolutely not one fucking shred of anything BUT contempt, said he had ‘done all the necessary Mea Culpa’s’ and it was time for people to move on, while draining a drink and glaring at the interviewer. The TV journalist complied, finished his interview and thanked Gibson, to which Gibson replied with the required nicety, followed with an “Asshole”. He later stated the comment was directed to someone in the room with him and NOT the interviewer. What a fucking asshat! Like ANYONE believes that load of crap. Mel, I think your time is up because anyone who might have been interested in giving you even a modicum of the benefit of the doubt now knows better.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Because it just wouldn’t be a new day without a new fucking Toyota story... The US Safety regulators have opened up an investigation into the braking system of the 2010 Toyota Prius because of the increase in accidents for those vehicles. Toyota has acknowledged there is a problem in the brakes. DUH! So why the hell haven’t you fixed it. The Recall for all the other Toyota’s with the faulty gas pedals has now spread to India and the UK. Apparently like its faulty brakes and sticky gas pedals, Toyota management is hurtling at breakneck fucking speeds into the abyss just as if they were behind the wheel of one of their fucking cars. Bet there is one shitload of Tylenol sitting on their boardroom tables.
DATELINE: NASHVILLE – Grassroots junkies are gearing up for the opening of the Tea Party Movement and the keynote address to be delivered by none other than Sarah ‘Nasty Fish’ Palin. While I understand the frustration with the political system and politicians in general, and the desire to see the country moving forward in a positive way, one has to wonder if the grass and roots aren’t being smoked down there to be thinking that Sarah Palin has the fucking answers. Sarah Palin?? Seriously?? Have a fucking laugh at least and invite Tina Fey to speak.
DATELINE: BRITAIN – Studies have now shown that people in a vegetative state can hear, understand and respond to verbal stimulation. While this is no real surprise to many of us because our instincts have always told us they were aware, (but find me a doctor who listens to a person’s fucking instincts) researchers say this discovery is significant because it will emphasize the need for doctors to be more compassionate and caring while dealing with these patients, because the patient knows what they are saying. Hello? It’s called fucking ‘bedside manner’, something that doctors apparently leave on the fucking golf course most days. It might be suggested to them, as a group, that yes, patients either vegetative or totally fucking conscious, should be treated with compassion and care and dignity.
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