DAILY NEWS, September 21st, 2011

DAILY NEWS, September 21st, 2011

DATELINE: IN AN ELEPHANT GRAVEYARD, WEEPING – In a crime that is heinous beyond compare, nine elephants were found dead, their tusks removed. Along with them were five lions, two buffalo and a number of vultures who had the misfortune to dine on the carcasses. The extent further down the food chain is not yet known, but the cause of these deaths is; the waterholes where these animals drink were poisoned... waterholes in five Zimbabwe game reserves. Who the fuck does this stuff? Are we so sick a species that we can drop poison in water with no regard to the effects, other than the money it will put in our pockets, the dead bodies littering the savannah be damned? The other wildlife is nothing more than collateral damage to them, the thousands of creatures that depend on this water for their lives. Already Zimbabwe officials have found ten dead rhinos as well, resulting in warnings that the animals are facing the worst poaching crisis in decades. Why is this crap happening? It’s not because people need the meat for sustenance, or the skins for warmth and protection. It’s because of the asian markets catering to people who give not a fucking damn about anything as long as they can get a boner, and to fat cats to whom such contraband as ivory carvings are expensive compensation for the penises they apparently lack. I have a wish for these particular poachers though... that they are caught, incarcerated, and given a big pot of water from which they are able to drink... a pot of water that is laced with the same crap they used to indiscriminately kill the animals. If they were subject to the same fate as the animals, and if the purchases of their good were subject to these same tactics, perhaps we might get somewhere with this dickheads and save the magnificent creatures that should be roaming the African landscape. NOTE: While I attempt to find graphics pertinent to the story, I could not bring myself to post a picture of what is done to an elephant or a rhino when their tusts are harvested. It is horrid. In some cases the animals are injured but still alive for the harvesting, then left to die. Instead, I will leave you with a picture that allows you to imagine for yourself the widesweeping consequences, the incalculable number of animals, and potentially people, who will die from the poisoning of these water holes.

DATELINE: MATER DOLOROSA CHURCH, RAISING THE ROOF – Well, okay, it’s not the roof in need of raising; it’s the steeple, and the Vatican has announced that they will not approve the renovations to the 115-year-old church. Apparently the parish is too much in debt, and the cost of repairing the steeple is just too much. Funny, but the over $100M the church spent in legal fees and settlements for all of the assault cases they worked so hard to cover up would have gone a long way to making sure this church, this landmark, was properly preserved. This is yet another testament to the total incompetency, the absolute abomination of the rule of Cardinal Bernard Law... who, by the way, was rewarded for his errors by being given a cushy choice appointment at the Vatican. Since the decision to close this church, the parishioners have staged a vigil, keeping people in there at all times, to prevent the demolition of the building. The Dioceses has tried to raise money by selling church property that is not used anymore, but the Vatican has prevented that too... because the buildings would be sold for ‘secular use’. What a load of fucking bullshit. This stunning building is yet another victim of the gross mismanagement and hubris of those oh so holy rollers in Rome; shame on them. They should be paying compensation to the entire diocese, begging forgiveness from the people who were victimized, their families, their other parish members, all those who supported the church while it willingly, knowingly, deliberately worked to circumvent the laws and protect pedophiles and predators. I’m sorry, but it was bad enough to allow this crap to happen, but to then take Bernard Law to the Vatican, allow him to be in charge of the Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore, and a member of the Congregations for the Oriental Churches, the Clergy, Divine Worship and Discipline of the Sacraments, Evangelisation of Peoples, Institutes of Conscreated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life, Catholic Education, Bishops and the Pontifical Council for the Family and to sit in conclave to elect the current pontiff, is nothing but a colossal slap in the face to the people of Boston, and lends absolutely no credibility to any position the Vatican might spew regarding the sexual abuses propagated by their clergy.

DATELINE: FUCKING THE TAXPAYERS AND GETTING REWARDED FOR IT – This would be Gordon I-Can-Do-What-I-Want-Because-I-Am-King Campbell, former Premier of the province of British Columbia, who had to tuck his tail between his legs and run when the people of the province made it clear they had endured enough of his crap. This was the man who blatantly lied about taxes... not the typical eye-rolling, give them a couple months to forget it, sort of lie. We’re talking saying one thing in a campaign promise WHILE working behind the scenes to be putting the total opposite in place. This was the man who caused an entire province to stand up in protest and take measures to recall every one of his cabinet members because of his lies about the implementation of his Harmonized Sales Tax. This would be the same asshole Gordon Campbell who got the crown-jewel appointment to the diplomatic corps upon his resignation as premier, and now this is the man, the man who deliberately tried to fuck every one of the provincial taxpayers with his HST, his carbon tax and his other measures to tax the living crap out of the rural residences, who is now receiving an Order of BC award, the highest recognition in the province. It’s time for the province to rise up again in order to save the integrity of the award and the credibility of every other person who has ever received this reward. It’s time for us to say, again, that the fuck fest is over.

DATELINE: WHERE THOSE WHO SEXUALLY ABUSE CHILDREN ARE HEROES – Roman Polanski. It is one name that makes my blood pressure shoot up several major notches, especially when the arts community seems to think it appropriate to yet again honor this piece of crap sicko bastard again with a lifetime achievement award. The organizers of the Zurich Film Festival say they are ‘especially proud to welcome’ Polanski so he can receive his award from 2009 – the one he was unable to receive when he was arrested on outstanding warrants for sexually abusing a 13-year old girl. Apparently organizers Karl Spoerri and Nadja Schildknecht are ‘tremendous admirers of his work’. What the hell sort of statement is this for any responsible, remotely moral human being to make? Admirers of his work? For the love of all that is fucking holy, the sick bastard raped and sodomized a child, THEN being the stand-up piece of crap that he is, he ran away to avoid going to prison. What a man! Yes, this is what we honor, because, come on... he’s one of the beautiful fucking people, and who cares about his victims. Talk about a sick fucking society.

DATELINE: IN MALIBU, PAYING MY RESPECTS – Charlie Harper is dead. Yes, the writers of Two and a Half Men killed Charlie’s Sheen’s character off. That’s about all the space I would want to waste on this fucking story... CNN can have it, maybe add it all to the Ridicu-list, where all good artsy fartsy fluff crap belongs.

DAILY NEWS -- January 21st, 2011

DAILY NEWS -- January 21st, 2011

DATELINE: STANDING OUTSIDE THE VATICAN ‘GLASS HOUSE’ – If this wasn’t so fucking sad it would be hilarious. I’ll take Most Idiotically Moronically Hypocritical Comment of the Fucking Millennium’ for $2000, please, Alex. WOO HOO!!! It’s the fucking Double Jeopardy selection. The answer is… "The Church urges and invites everyone, especially those who hold a position of public responsibility [...] to commit themselves to a more robust morality, a sense of justice and legality,". The answer, Alex is, yet another piece of evidence that shows the Catholic Church has its collective heads up its ass. The statement was delivered by Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, speaking out on the Vatican’s position regarding Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s current sex scandal. I am sorry, but is it only me that sees a problem in the catholic church criticizing anyone in regard to sexual activity and the legalities thereof? The church urges a more robust morality? How the fuck would they even know what morals are? How the hell do robust morals, or a sense of justice and legality apply to the repeated, covered-up, practically encouraged raping and abusing of children by catholic priests? The statement was delivered on behalf of the Holy See. Perhaps what the Holy See needs is a house of mirrors, not glass, so they can get some fucking perspective of their absolute undeniable sense of privilege and superiority. How about when they get their own fucking back yard cleaned up, then they start preaching to the rest of the world. Until then, they should just sit the fuck down and shut up, safely entrenched in their ongoing rendition of Sodom and Gomorrah right there in Vatican City.

DATELINE: IN THE DICTIONARY, DEFINING ‘STUPID’ – Cathy Cruz Marrero went on to Good Morning America to plead her case in preparation of her legal suite against a mall in Reading, Pa. Up until yesterday, no one had a fucking clue who she was, and probably didn’t give a damn. Her story is that on Wednesday last week, she was walking through the mall while texting, and while totally absorbed in texting her date of birth to the church – why we need to know this is really a bit beyond me – she didn’t see the giant fucking reflecting fountain in the middle of the place, and she walked right into it, falling face-first into the water. I defy anyone to see that and not fucking laugh, and why the hell not? She jumped up, jumped out of the water and took off through the mall. Now she is complaining that no one helped her, but watch the fucking video (which has now gone viral on YouTube) – there is no one around her to help. If she hadn’t jumped up and run out, I imagine people might have gone to her aid, but she jumped right back up and out. She then claims that she contacted Mall Security the next day, on Thursday, to complain, wanting to know why they didn’t help her, and why they didn’t contact her to apologize for what happened. How the fuck would they know who to phone to apologize, and what the fuck were they supposed to apologize for? She said that she didn’t want her identity known and didn’t want people to see what happened because she was embarrassed – so far the only thing to come out of her mouth that makes sense. The security person she talked to said that was understandable and would try to take drastic measures. The thing is, she said she didn’t know anything about the video until Friday when her nephew called. If store security released the video, they fucked up. BUT if Cathy Cruz Marrero did not want to be on public display, did not want to have her name out there for the world to see, did not want to be ridiculed, then what the fuck was she doing going on national television? She walked into the fucking fountain while texting and I am sorry but considering she was not hurt at all, it was totally dumbass fucking funny. Ms. Cathy Cruz Marrero who does not want people to know who she is should pull on some fucking big girl panties, have a fucking laugh quietly with the absolutely miniscule number of people who would have known it was her, and gotten on with her life instead of wanting to sue someone else for her fucking stupidity.

DATELINE: ON THE FOOT-IN-MOUTH WARD, RIGHT BESIDE SARAH PALIN – Tennessee Democrat Representative Steve Cohen has done his job, if his job was to prove that stupidity is truly, undeniably, and once again proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be non-partisan. Apparently the call for all politicians to take a step back from the fucking bullshit comments weren’t heard by him, or he thought perhaps they didn’t apply to him, especially when he opened up his mouth to make a comparison between the GOP’s position on healthcare and their efforts to pass legislation to the workings of Joseph Goebbels in his attempts to disparage the Jews in Germany. Think about that for a minute. Less than a week after Sarah Palin is on the mat for comparing her self-perceived political persecution to a blood-libel, this asshole again invokes a comparison absolutely totally reprehensible and inappropriate to civilized society… even if that civilized society is the uncivilized members of the two political parties. "Just like Goebbels, you say it enough, you repeat the lie, you repeat the lie, you repeat the lie, and eventually people believe it, the Germans said enough about the Jews and the people believed it and you had the Holocaust." After the fact, he said his comments were taken out of context, that he did not intend to offend and that the comparison was regarding tactics, not people. Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo! Perhaps a little crash course in what things were like back then, perhaps some perspective on how this ‘end of the world’ issue is absolutely NOTHING compared to what was happening back then, because quite honestly the asinine fucking comments coming from politicians who believe their voice is the only right voice, their thoughts are the only logical thoughts and their issues are the only issues that should matter to the world, are getting fucking tired.

DATELINE: ON THE BRINK OF EXTINCTION – In the last year, in just the country of South Africa, 333 rhinos were killed. Of these, 10 were critically endangered Black Rhinos, of which there are only 4000 left in the world. The number of rhinos killed is triple what it was last year, and the tactics used now are drastically different. These high-tech poachers are using helicopters, night-vision goggles, tranquilizers and silencers to kill the rhinos at night, when it is almost impossible for them to be stopped. Here are some quick little tidbits for consideration: There are less than 4000 black rhinos left in the world and they are very slow to reach sexual maturity and reproduce; When Rhinos are poached, the only thing taken is the horn, which is hacked off, leaving the rest of the carcass to rot (the same applies for elephants which are poached for their ivory tusks). The reason for the increase? Well, up until now, thanks to the many-times debunked theories of Chinese medicine regarding the product, the horn of the rhino has been ground down and used to cure fever, gout, headaches, vomiting, and... wait for this one... ‘devil possession’. Yes, instead of some holy water, they kill rhinos for this. But now, some genius practitioner of Chinese medicine has decided that the ground up horn can also cure cancer... a claim that has very clearly, very positively been proven wrong many times. Rhino horn sells for from $21,000 to $54,000 per kilogram (2 pounds). I have a plan for curing the problem of poaching. You take any poacher caught, anyone caught in possession of the illegal horns, anyone caught selling them, transporting them or using them, and you take one of those nice knives they use, and fucking go for the gusto, whacking off their fucking horns just like they did to the animals, without the benefit of any tranquilizers or anything else... then just leave em laying there to die. If that happened once or twice, perhaps people will think a bit before they go out on illegal safari.