Farewell the Humble Pilgrim

John Wayne, meet Pope Benedict… because he’s just a humble pilgrim now. Well, not really, but damn, that is one hell of an awesome pitch, right?

If Benedict was, in fact, the ‘humble pilgrim’ he claims now to be, he would not have been helicoptered off to Gandolfo Castle as his ‘last’ public image. He would not insist on wearing the white garb of his office, those most holy robes exclusive to the office of Pope. Do I expect that he would head down to Africa, to be a missionary to the people there? No, and that’s a good thing for the people of Africa. They need a few breaks to go their way… the Catholic Church and their voodooistic insistence that the use of condom will put you on the express train to hell has already taken enough of a toll on those people. That anyone who claims to represent God on earth could possible watch impassively while thousands of people contract AIDS every day, all of which could be prevented by the use of a small piece of latex that costs two cents to make, is totally unfathomable. Yet it is this, among other things, that high-geared Mother Teresa to sainthood. Go figure. Yes, she fed the poor. Perhaps if they were given even a remote chance of not having to face a slow agonising death from HIV, then maybe they might have been able to help create food, instead of needing constant assistance, their families needing constant assistance, their poor, starving, orphaned, dying children needing constant assistance. Talk about your holy make-work projects. A condom… Satan’s tool, yet it could save millions of lives. But, I digress.

The Pope is going to retire into humble oblivion… where he will still be addressed with the lofty title of His Holiness. Yeah, there ain’t no ego in that, is there. How much more pilgrimish can he possibly hope to be? He will retire, living his life out in Vatican City… where all the poor, humble pilgrims hang out. More importantly, it’s where he will always have immunity from the law, and if you don’t believe that is the driving force to all of this early retirement brouhaha, you really have been drinking too much of the koolaid.

His spokesmen scream with outrage when someone speculates about what is really happening. They accuse the media of putting political spin on the upcoming conclave… because we are supposed to believe that there are no politics involved. It’s rather insulting. Of course the position is political. That’s ALL it is. It is the politics of God, and the catholic church is one of the best at playing this game. If it was about holy vision, if it was about doing God’s work, there would be NO issue of sexual abuse because it would have been dealt with according to the laws of the people, because all people would be answerable for what they do, and no one who serves God would ever knowingly put a child at risk. There would be no issue of not being able to use a credit card to purchase a tchotsky in Vatican City, because there would be no hint of money laundering. There would be no exclusion of women, and men would be allowed to be married, to rejoice in the gifts that God gives to each of us, the most primary and important being the gift of love. There would be no condemnation of gays or Jews or anyone else. How can there be, if you are the true representative of God, who loves us all?

If the catholic church was about God, it would sell its billions of dollars of art to help feed and house those in needs. The Pope, as head of this church that is really about God, would not care about the ring, the red freaking shoes, the white and gold trappings. None of that would matter, because his office wouldn’t be political. There would be no whispered stories about the prostitution ring being run out of the Vatican, or the acolytes who are forced into performing for the carnal satisfaction of those higher up, because there would be no political influence that creates the higher-ups who abuse their power. If the office of Pope was about God, and not politics, when the first allegations about the murder of Albino Luciani, Pope John Paul I, were mentioned, it would have been openly and transparently investigated and the perpetrators brought to justice, because that is what you do when you so love and respect the people in your community. No, being Pope has NOTHING to do with God, and EVERYTHING to do with politics of the church, of maintaining a ‘Good Old Boys’ club that dabbles in every sort of questionable activity and does so with impunity AND reckless abandon. If it was about God, Pope John Paul I would never have been murdered in the first place, but… wait… perhaps he was the one who was going to make it about God, and not about the other bullshit. More’s the pity.

I will go one step further though, with regard to Cardinal Ratzinger’s hasty departure. We will, at some point in the near future, discover the true reason. It will be about scandal, it will be ugly, and it will land squarely on this Ratzinger’s plate. It will be about innocent victims and horrible pain inflicted on others. How can it not be? He knew about the sexual abuse and he worked to cover it. He has known about the prostitution rings, the abuse, the harm and deaths that have resulted from his decisions regarding condoms, the hatred caused by his words and positions, his misogyny and disrespect. None of this, though, is enough to make the man step down… the man who is still so concerned with his political posturing that he cannot truly be a humble priest. A humble priest would be devoured by what he knows is coming up, and that would never do, not for this man. He needs the protection. It might be word about the murder of a pope that he at the very least was aware of, the destruction of evidence of that crime, or the perpetration of yet more crimes, but something more is coming. Mark my words… that whop-whop-whop of the rotors will not be the last news clip we will see of Cardinal Ratzinger.

John Wayne, up there in that great round-up in the sky, rest easy. Cardinal Ratzinger is one faux pilgrim you will not have to worry about.

DAILY NEWS -- January 9th, 2012

DATELINE: WAY DOWN SOUTH, KEEPING AN EYE ON THOSE FUCKING
NUTS – What did one nut say to the other? I’m coming down to Venezuela to pay you a visit.

There you have it: a cluster of nuts, dangling about right there in South America. Chavez and Ahmadinejad are together again, arm in arm, sharing an embrace, the Malevolent Biff and Bob of the Geopolitical Sect. Hugo is still on his tirade about the United States causing all the South American government leaders to get cancer, and is still slinging bargain-basement burritos at the masses, of course not at bargain basement prices, but they are the national food, so shut up and eat. When Hugo says 'eat my fucking burritos', who is gonna argue?

And my old buddy Mahmoud… that crazy bastard started his visit by stating "Our weapon is logic. Our weapon is culture. Our weapons are human values." Who the hell is he trying to kid? Talk about yer fucking brazil nut sammich. So what unites these two fucking Almond Joy bars? Oil, because they have it coming out their asses,and a hate of ‘the imperialistic US’… the one that they have absolutely no intention of harming or invading or bombing, even though it is the 'axis of evil' *insert sinister music here*. Of course they have a logical explanation for the uranium enrichment that has started in Iran – it has some sort of medical purpose (ummm, like ending lives, instead of helping them?)

I’ve said it before, I will say it again: When the mayans were on calendar-making coffee break and opened up their Chinese fortune cookies, it was a picture of these two idiots and that uber-macho,even uberer-dangerous dickhead Putin that they saw, and they just threw up their chisels and hammers and said ‘fuck it’.

DATELINE: UP NORTH, WHERE THE AIR IS CRISP AND BRAINS ARE FROZEN – ‘Whose brain?’ you might (ridiculously) ask. Well, I am gonna surprise you with this one. If you guessed Sarah Palin, you were wrong… well, half wrong. You might want to sit down for this fucking game-changer in the GOP race. This is the announcement the whole fucking world has been waiting for. Leaders in countries far and near have been praying for this fucking moment. YES, Todd Palin has made an endorsement for who he thinks (yes, this word is being used artistically here) should be leader of the Republican Party. Whew! I was getting god damned worried about this. How were they ever going to get by without this bit of fucking information? To top it off, the shit-for-brains fooled me. I was sure Santorum would be his candidate of choice, you know… considering… you know… the whole shit thing, but no, Rick Santorum can breathe easier now, as can Romney, Huntsman, and Ron Paul. The winner (or loser) of this fucking award will be none other than Nut GinGrinch! Rick Perry, eat your heart out.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF CLUSTERS OF NUTS – Charlie Sheen announced today that he is no longer insane. We can take his word for it. Take a minute. Let that news sink in… then laugh your fucking ass off.

DATELINE: PUTTING ANOTHER NOTCH ON THE VATICAN BEDPOST – Because rape, sexual abuse, abuse, sodomy, abuse of authority, obstruction of justice, genocide (yeah, you thought we had forgotten those pesky little Crusades, didn’t you), perjury, assisting in multiple cover-ups, running a brothel from the basement of the Holy City and hypocrisy just weren’t enough, lets add plagiarism to the list of skills the Pope and his gang of merry men have perfected. Yes, they announced that while doing up the biographies for their list of new Cardinals, they stole the bios from, wait for it… Wikipedia… without attribution even -- those sneaky bead-jigglers. Come on, they are your own fucking people. You have the damned personnel files on em, but you had to steal bios to hand out to your few yet-to-be-fleeced-sheep? I guess, in their defense, they used the Italian versions, but seriously? The thing that gave them away… in the releases they made, they described their cardinals as being ‘catholic’. Well, duh! Now they are saying they were just trying to ‘help’ and the biographies were ‘unofficial’. My favorite excuse though, and you would think the catholic church should be getting at least a little better at it (but apparently not) is that they had no advanced notice of the names and had been in a hurry. Man, the kneelers in the confessionals in St Peters have to be just about fucking worn out.

DAILY NEWS, September 21st, 2011

DAILY NEWS, September 21st, 2011

DATELINE: IN AN ELEPHANT GRAVEYARD, WEEPING – In a crime that is heinous beyond compare, nine elephants were found dead, their tusks removed. Along with them were five lions, two buffalo and a number of vultures who had the misfortune to dine on the carcasses. The extent further down the food chain is not yet known, but the cause of these deaths is; the waterholes where these animals drink were poisoned... waterholes in five Zimbabwe game reserves. Who the fuck does this stuff? Are we so sick a species that we can drop poison in water with no regard to the effects, other than the money it will put in our pockets, the dead bodies littering the savannah be damned? The other wildlife is nothing more than collateral damage to them, the thousands of creatures that depend on this water for their lives. Already Zimbabwe officials have found ten dead rhinos as well, resulting in warnings that the animals are facing the worst poaching crisis in decades. Why is this crap happening? It’s not because people need the meat for sustenance, or the skins for warmth and protection. It’s because of the asian markets catering to people who give not a fucking damn about anything as long as they can get a boner, and to fat cats to whom such contraband as ivory carvings are expensive compensation for the penises they apparently lack. I have a wish for these particular poachers though... that they are caught, incarcerated, and given a big pot of water from which they are able to drink... a pot of water that is laced with the same crap they used to indiscriminately kill the animals. If they were subject to the same fate as the animals, and if the purchases of their good were subject to these same tactics, perhaps we might get somewhere with this dickheads and save the magnificent creatures that should be roaming the African landscape. NOTE: While I attempt to find graphics pertinent to the story, I could not bring myself to post a picture of what is done to an elephant or a rhino when their tusts are harvested. It is horrid. In some cases the animals are injured but still alive for the harvesting, then left to die. Instead, I will leave you with a picture that allows you to imagine for yourself the widesweeping consequences, the incalculable number of animals, and potentially people, who will die from the poisoning of these water holes.

DATELINE: MATER DOLOROSA CHURCH, RAISING THE ROOF – Well, okay, it’s not the roof in need of raising; it’s the steeple, and the Vatican has announced that they will not approve the renovations to the 115-year-old church. Apparently the parish is too much in debt, and the cost of repairing the steeple is just too much. Funny, but the over $100M the church spent in legal fees and settlements for all of the assault cases they worked so hard to cover up would have gone a long way to making sure this church, this landmark, was properly preserved. This is yet another testament to the total incompetency, the absolute abomination of the rule of Cardinal Bernard Law... who, by the way, was rewarded for his errors by being given a cushy choice appointment at the Vatican. Since the decision to close this church, the parishioners have staged a vigil, keeping people in there at all times, to prevent the demolition of the building. The Dioceses has tried to raise money by selling church property that is not used anymore, but the Vatican has prevented that too... because the buildings would be sold for ‘secular use’. What a load of fucking bullshit. This stunning building is yet another victim of the gross mismanagement and hubris of those oh so holy rollers in Rome; shame on them. They should be paying compensation to the entire diocese, begging forgiveness from the people who were victimized, their families, their other parish members, all those who supported the church while it willingly, knowingly, deliberately worked to circumvent the laws and protect pedophiles and predators. I’m sorry, but it was bad enough to allow this crap to happen, but to then take Bernard Law to the Vatican, allow him to be in charge of the Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore, and a member of the Congregations for the Oriental Churches, the Clergy, Divine Worship and Discipline of the Sacraments, Evangelisation of Peoples, Institutes of Conscreated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life, Catholic Education, Bishops and the Pontifical Council for the Family and to sit in conclave to elect the current pontiff, is nothing but a colossal slap in the face to the people of Boston, and lends absolutely no credibility to any position the Vatican might spew regarding the sexual abuses propagated by their clergy.

DATELINE: FUCKING THE TAXPAYERS AND GETTING REWARDED FOR IT – This would be Gordon I-Can-Do-What-I-Want-Because-I-Am-King Campbell, former Premier of the province of British Columbia, who had to tuck his tail between his legs and run when the people of the province made it clear they had endured enough of his crap. This was the man who blatantly lied about taxes... not the typical eye-rolling, give them a couple months to forget it, sort of lie. We’re talking saying one thing in a campaign promise WHILE working behind the scenes to be putting the total opposite in place. This was the man who caused an entire province to stand up in protest and take measures to recall every one of his cabinet members because of his lies about the implementation of his Harmonized Sales Tax. This would be the same asshole Gordon Campbell who got the crown-jewel appointment to the diplomatic corps upon his resignation as premier, and now this is the man, the man who deliberately tried to fuck every one of the provincial taxpayers with his HST, his carbon tax and his other measures to tax the living crap out of the rural residences, who is now receiving an Order of BC award, the highest recognition in the province. It’s time for the province to rise up again in order to save the integrity of the award and the credibility of every other person who has ever received this reward. It’s time for us to say, again, that the fuck fest is over.

DATELINE: WHERE THOSE WHO SEXUALLY ABUSE CHILDREN ARE HEROES – Roman Polanski. It is one name that makes my blood pressure shoot up several major notches, especially when the arts community seems to think it appropriate to yet again honor this piece of crap sicko bastard again with a lifetime achievement award. The organizers of the Zurich Film Festival say they are ‘especially proud to welcome’ Polanski so he can receive his award from 2009 – the one he was unable to receive when he was arrested on outstanding warrants for sexually abusing a 13-year old girl. Apparently organizers Karl Spoerri and Nadja Schildknecht are ‘tremendous admirers of his work’. What the hell sort of statement is this for any responsible, remotely moral human being to make? Admirers of his work? For the love of all that is fucking holy, the sick bastard raped and sodomized a child, THEN being the stand-up piece of crap that he is, he ran away to avoid going to prison. What a man! Yes, this is what we honor, because, come on... he’s one of the beautiful fucking people, and who cares about his victims. Talk about a sick fucking society.

DATELINE: IN MALIBU, PAYING MY RESPECTS – Charlie Harper is dead. Yes, the writers of Two and a Half Men killed Charlie’s Sheen’s character off. That’s about all the space I would want to waste on this fucking story... CNN can have it, maybe add it all to the Ridicu-list, where all good artsy fartsy fluff crap belongs.

DAILY NEWS, Monday, July 25th, 2011

DATELINE: IN THE WHITE HOUSE, STILL FUCKING THE DOG – Yeah, you know what I mean. Watching the collection of numb-fucking-nuts calling the shots in Washington playing their games, I am reminded of children who will do anything to have their own way, in that totally self-serving sulk they muster up so well, all the while being too young to appreciate yet the greater consequences outside their own benefits. In children, it’s a teaching opportunity. In politicians, it’s nothing more than puke-inducing. They try to sway their party members by explaining about ‘leverage’ to get their shit agreed to. They argue in public, criticize, and whine. They talk, but refuse to listen because nothing can interfere with their opportunity to score political points by being the ‘one’ to broker the agreement that saves the world from economic destruction. There are elections coming up to consider, you know. What the stupid sons of bitches all need to do, every fucking one of them, is get out on the street, drive through a couple of rural and urban areas, through commercial and retail and residential sectors of the country, and SEE the fucking damage they are doing. They have to tout that party line at all cost, though. How about talking bread lines instead? How about looking at the houses falling apart, the businesses boarded up, the equipment standing still? How about looking at the schools that are crumbling, the people who are standing on the street looking for help, the people pounding the pavement every fucking day looking for a job? They want to work, but they can’t because there are no fucking jobs. How about stopping the god damned grandstanding, the all or nothing posturing, the need to pander to the prerequisite political ‘savior psyche’ and just do the fucking job? Ask any housewife what needs to be done, or any small businessman, or anyone with a fucking grade ten education. You don’t have the money to run your household, then you work to raise more money, you work to save money, and you do it in a way that you can manage. The difference with this though, is that the people making the decisions regarding how to make the adjustments are NOT the ones who will have to feel the cuts or do the extra work to meet the demands for more money, so the posturing and playing and spewing of bullshit altruistic unrealistic principles is apparently easy. These elected officials are the ones who are buying the big huge fucking mansion on the hill that is way out of their price range, expecting that the ‘staff’ they already had will be able to manage the maintenance and upkeep. While you overpaid soap-opera-star wannabe’s play the fucking power game, toe the party line and all that good crap, more businesses go broke by the minute, more jobs are lost, more people lose their homes and their savings, meaning they can’t purchase sweet fuck all, including food, so that more jobs will again be lost. You see where the hell I’m going with this? Do you see now that loading up the fucking pork barrel, holding a $1M piece of legislation hostage to get your own personal political points with a $17B price tag does come back to bite everyone in the ass? You’re all fucking guilty of it, of doing nothing more than working 24/7 to ONLY preserve your own fucking power and authority. Well, here’s a news bulletin for you: you are about to be the all supreme power and authority over a destitute clusterfuck, something to be really proud of and brag to your children about. Something has to be done to stop this insanity, so, here is my suggestion to you fucking idiots in DC: Quit playing games, quit posturing, quit pouting, quit stomping your feet, and start acting like reasonable responsible adults who took an oath to work for the betterment of the people you represent. Everyone, and I do mean everyone in the global sense, is still waiting for that to happen. No one can afford to wait for much longer, because as the markets start to respond, we can all see that this is not one where the US goes down alone. It is one where there is no one else to throw a life preserver ring out in the waves to save you, as much as we might want to. Put the partisan crap aside, start to listen and do what you are fucking paid to do, because I have NO doubt while you default and crash into that green ceiling, you will be about the only ones getting paid, the only ones guaranteed of a roof and a meal tomorrow.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF FUCKING – It seems that even still, those dick heads in the Vatican still cannot pull their heads out of their asses, and put their pricks back in their pants. Under attack for its absolutely undeniably reprehensible handling of sexual abuse and torture issues in Ireland, they reacted by pulling their ambassador from Ireland. *Insert ominous fucking gasp here*. Why did they do this? To prove a point to the Irish government that they don’t like how they are being treated, that they are being held to account for the shit they did. They don’t deny the abuse; they just don’t want to deal with it, be held responsible, own their monumental decades-long fuck-up. Two weeks ago, the Irish government requested a response from the Vatican regarding the allegations of mishandling and covering up what had been done to thousands of people by the church. They demanded an official response to accusations that the Vatican in fact stopped the bishops in Ireland from taking any action or reporting the sexual abuse by priests to the police. The Vatican replied that it will offer that response… ‘at the opportune time’. What the fuck is that!!! At the opportune time? None of their victims were given the option of ‘at the opportune time’. No criminal is given that option. At the opportune time? It seems that the Vatican and its many sick bastard bishops and priests are expert at exploiting the fucking opportune time. When will we start holding these bastards responsible? Get off your asses, people, and let the Pontiff know that the opportune time passes about forty fucking years ago, and now is the time to pay the piper – and their bullshit asswipe useless guidelines for dealing with accusations of sexual assaults as issued last month is not even a fucking baby step in the right direction.

DAILY NEWS -- January 21st, 2011

DAILY NEWS -- January 21st, 2011

DATELINE: STANDING OUTSIDE THE VATICAN ‘GLASS HOUSE’ – If this wasn’t so fucking sad it would be hilarious. I’ll take Most Idiotically Moronically Hypocritical Comment of the Fucking Millennium’ for $2000, please, Alex. WOO HOO!!! It’s the fucking Double Jeopardy selection. The answer is… "The Church urges and invites everyone, especially those who hold a position of public responsibility [...] to commit themselves to a more robust morality, a sense of justice and legality,". The answer, Alex is, yet another piece of evidence that shows the Catholic Church has its collective heads up its ass. The statement was delivered by Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, speaking out on the Vatican’s position regarding Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s current sex scandal. I am sorry, but is it only me that sees a problem in the catholic church criticizing anyone in regard to sexual activity and the legalities thereof? The church urges a more robust morality? How the fuck would they even know what morals are? How the hell do robust morals, or a sense of justice and legality apply to the repeated, covered-up, practically encouraged raping and abusing of children by catholic priests? The statement was delivered on behalf of the Holy See. Perhaps what the Holy See needs is a house of mirrors, not glass, so they can get some fucking perspective of their absolute undeniable sense of privilege and superiority. How about when they get their own fucking back yard cleaned up, then they start preaching to the rest of the world. Until then, they should just sit the fuck down and shut up, safely entrenched in their ongoing rendition of Sodom and Gomorrah right there in Vatican City.

DATELINE: IN THE DICTIONARY, DEFINING ‘STUPID’ – Cathy Cruz Marrero went on to Good Morning America to plead her case in preparation of her legal suite against a mall in Reading, Pa. Up until yesterday, no one had a fucking clue who she was, and probably didn’t give a damn. Her story is that on Wednesday last week, she was walking through the mall while texting, and while totally absorbed in texting her date of birth to the church – why we need to know this is really a bit beyond me – she didn’t see the giant fucking reflecting fountain in the middle of the place, and she walked right into it, falling face-first into the water. I defy anyone to see that and not fucking laugh, and why the hell not? She jumped up, jumped out of the water and took off through the mall. Now she is complaining that no one helped her, but watch the fucking video (which has now gone viral on YouTube) – there is no one around her to help. If she hadn’t jumped up and run out, I imagine people might have gone to her aid, but she jumped right back up and out. She then claims that she contacted Mall Security the next day, on Thursday, to complain, wanting to know why they didn’t help her, and why they didn’t contact her to apologize for what happened. How the fuck would they know who to phone to apologize, and what the fuck were they supposed to apologize for? She said that she didn’t want her identity known and didn’t want people to see what happened because she was embarrassed – so far the only thing to come out of her mouth that makes sense. The security person she talked to said that was understandable and would try to take drastic measures. The thing is, she said she didn’t know anything about the video until Friday when her nephew called. If store security released the video, they fucked up. BUT if Cathy Cruz Marrero did not want to be on public display, did not want to have her name out there for the world to see, did not want to be ridiculed, then what the fuck was she doing going on national television? She walked into the fucking fountain while texting and I am sorry but considering she was not hurt at all, it was totally dumbass fucking funny. Ms. Cathy Cruz Marrero who does not want people to know who she is should pull on some fucking big girl panties, have a fucking laugh quietly with the absolutely miniscule number of people who would have known it was her, and gotten on with her life instead of wanting to sue someone else for her fucking stupidity.

DATELINE: ON THE FOOT-IN-MOUTH WARD, RIGHT BESIDE SARAH PALIN – Tennessee Democrat Representative Steve Cohen has done his job, if his job was to prove that stupidity is truly, undeniably, and once again proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be non-partisan. Apparently the call for all politicians to take a step back from the fucking bullshit comments weren’t heard by him, or he thought perhaps they didn’t apply to him, especially when he opened up his mouth to make a comparison between the GOP’s position on healthcare and their efforts to pass legislation to the workings of Joseph Goebbels in his attempts to disparage the Jews in Germany. Think about that for a minute. Less than a week after Sarah Palin is on the mat for comparing her self-perceived political persecution to a blood-libel, this asshole again invokes a comparison absolutely totally reprehensible and inappropriate to civilized society… even if that civilized society is the uncivilized members of the two political parties. "Just like Goebbels, you say it enough, you repeat the lie, you repeat the lie, you repeat the lie, and eventually people believe it, the Germans said enough about the Jews and the people believed it and you had the Holocaust." After the fact, he said his comments were taken out of context, that he did not intend to offend and that the comparison was regarding tactics, not people. Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo! Perhaps a little crash course in what things were like back then, perhaps some perspective on how this ‘end of the world’ issue is absolutely NOTHING compared to what was happening back then, because quite honestly the asinine fucking comments coming from politicians who believe their voice is the only right voice, their thoughts are the only logical thoughts and their issues are the only issues that should matter to the world, are getting fucking tired.

DATELINE: ON THE BRINK OF EXTINCTION – In the last year, in just the country of South Africa, 333 rhinos were killed. Of these, 10 were critically endangered Black Rhinos, of which there are only 4000 left in the world. The number of rhinos killed is triple what it was last year, and the tactics used now are drastically different. These high-tech poachers are using helicopters, night-vision goggles, tranquilizers and silencers to kill the rhinos at night, when it is almost impossible for them to be stopped. Here are some quick little tidbits for consideration: There are less than 4000 black rhinos left in the world and they are very slow to reach sexual maturity and reproduce; When Rhinos are poached, the only thing taken is the horn, which is hacked off, leaving the rest of the carcass to rot (the same applies for elephants which are poached for their ivory tusks). The reason for the increase? Well, up until now, thanks to the many-times debunked theories of Chinese medicine regarding the product, the horn of the rhino has been ground down and used to cure fever, gout, headaches, vomiting, and... wait for this one... ‘devil possession’. Yes, instead of some holy water, they kill rhinos for this. But now, some genius practitioner of Chinese medicine has decided that the ground up horn can also cure cancer... a claim that has very clearly, very positively been proven wrong many times. Rhino horn sells for from $21,000 to $54,000 per kilogram (2 pounds). I have a plan for curing the problem of poaching. You take any poacher caught, anyone caught in possession of the illegal horns, anyone caught selling them, transporting them or using them, and you take one of those nice knives they use, and fucking go for the gusto, whacking off their fucking horns just like they did to the animals, without the benefit of any tranquilizers or anything else... then just leave em laying there to die. If that happened once or twice, perhaps people will think a bit before they go out on illegal safari.

Daily News – May 10TH, 2010

Daily News – May 10TH, 2010

DATELINE: IN THE LAND OF ‘WILL WE EVER FUCKING LEARN’ -- In the wake of the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon and subsequent oil spill disaster that is still gushing unchecked, Chevron has started drilling their new deepwater well off the coast of Newfoundland. No worries, though, because according to the CBC, Chevron ‘promises they will be careful’. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. They will be careful. Well, I will rest much easier now, as will the puffins and whales and lobsters and everything else living along the east coast. Chevron says that despite the fact that this will, the deepest in Canadian waters, will be a full kilometre deeper than the Deepwater Horizon was, and will be in infinitely colder and rougher waters, they have done a complete review... of themselves and their processes... and THAT should be enough to ensure nothing can happen. And even after the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, Chevron says that there are no changes necessary to how they will be doing their drilling because ‘...the systems, the equipment, the processes, the people and the skills’ are all hunky-dory. There has been no mention of an Acoustic Switch, the remote controlled shut-off at the ocean floor that is meant for catastrophic situations, and there has been no mention by Comrade Harper and his Gang of Merry Men about requiring one, because, well, god forbid we fuck with an oil company. Chevron promises to have people watching though; I imagine that will be just like all those people with BP who sat and watched the fucking oil consume the Gulf for the last two weeks. Perhaps we should make sure they have some tax-payer funded popcorn to chow down on while ‘watching’, cause once the shit starts to happen, that seems to be the extent of what they are able to do while water is contaminated and animals by the thousands die.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF THE GULF OF MEXICO CLUSTERFUCK -- The giant con-dome of hope didn’t work to contain the oil spewing from the seabed. Crystallized hydrates clogged the top of the structure and made it buoyant. It was a neat idea, although one that had never been tried in such deep water, and so some of the complications that came up were unforeseen. I commend them for trying the idea, because something has to be done before all coastal life there is wiped out. So, while they continue to drill relief wells that could take up to three months to get into place (Plan A) and they continue to overcome the problems with their concrete dome (Plan B), they will now work on a Plan C – stuff the whole with crap and hope that it clogs. Yes, this is the science we are now looking at... let’s jettison some shredded tires and old golf balls and other crap like that, and cram it into the end of the pipe, sorta like sticking wadded up panties into the mouth of a volcano. While I applaud the creativity, it does nothing to stop the surge of total fucking rage within me that NO ONE bothered to consider what would happen ‘if’... well, they did, but the fucking piece of equipment that very well could have been their saving grace cost a whole $500,000, and god forbid money gets pissed away on something so totally frivolous. Oil companies should be REQUIRED BEFORE starting to drill to provide detailed disaster relief plans that do consider the unlikely, properly thought out plans that don’t leave the fate of a whole fucking ecosystem hanging on the hopes of pressurized crap. Perhaps they should be sending invites to SpongeBob Squarepants to come and help, because seriously, that makes about as much fucking sense, and at least he would do it with a song in his heart.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF CLUSTERFUCKS – The Pope has accepted the resignation of German Bishop Walter Mixa. Mixa was accused of hitting children in his care, and of making funny business with the books for the orphanage. Yes, this man is accused of stealing money from orphans, because apparently one way or another, the kids are gonna get fucked. According to canon law, a member of the clergy can resign ‘because of illness or some other grave reason’ (apparently the only other ‘grave’ reason would be that the guy died) or if he has ‘become unsuited for the fulfillment of his office’ (which seems to assume he was suited for it at some point, which in light of recent developments, seems questionable). Funny enough, though, there is NOTHING from Rome about them requesting the police to investigate either the assaults or the theft/fraud – it’s just fucking business as usual for them; so much more the pity.

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 12th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 12th, 2010

DATELINE: VICTORIA – Premier Campbell and his gang of sodomizing policy writers are back at it again. The amount of time these people have to spend finding new ways to totally screw over the working people of this province is phenomenal. Now, tucked in the back recesses of their latest budget, they have slipped in a nice little thing about how all private used car, truck and boat sales will subjected to a 12% tax. Nothing like sticking it to the middle class again, the ones who cannot afford a new fucking car, the families struggling to make ends meet, so let’s fuck them over once again. The carbon tax (nothing more than a fucking rural cash grab) wasn’t enough, the harmonized tax wasn’t enough… let’s just get the tax payer to bend over a little bit more for King Gordon. It’s time to take a page from Saskatchewan’s book (It almost pains me to say that!) and stop purchasing all Lottery tickets in the province. They want to bleed us, let’s stop giving them that easy money. It worked for the stubble jumpers, maybe we can make them hurt enough here to stop giving us the shaft, at least for a while.

DATELINE: PETERBOROUGH – Imagine it! Sitting at your computer, minding your own business as you surf the net when, BOOM! A four-foot long fucking snake strikes out and sinks its teeth into your hand. Yup, it happened. The guy shook the snake off his hand, trapped it in a garbage can and ran to get medical attention. He has no idea where the California King Snake came from, but it is suspected it was a stray pet that travelled through the pipes in the apartment building. The guy was fine because the snake is not venomous. The snake had to be put to sleep because of the injuries it received when it was thrown across the room. If it was me that got bit while working on my computer, the guy who had it as a pet and then lost track of it would be in fucking traction.

DATELINE: LONDON – Prince Foot-In-Mouth Phil rides again. While his wife was touring a military base and inspecting the cadets, Phil stopped to chat. For starters, that has to automatically send a shiver up poor Liz’s spine, but whatcha gonna do? He asked one sea cadet what she did for a living. It was a simple question, a good ground-breaker. She replied that she worked in a club. She was a pretty girl, a young girl, looked very nice in her uniform, so of course the next obvious question from the Prince would be ‘A strip club then?’ Of course, it had to be, because that’s the only place in the fucking world for a nice, pretty young girl to work, right? She replied no, and because Phil just could not leave it alone, he replied, before moving on, that it was probably a good thing she didn’t because it was rather cold out there that day. I have no idea what the hell this guy does for drugs, but by God, it has to be good stuff.

DATELINE: NEW JERSEY – A black-market ‘practitioner’ has been offering butt enhancement treatments from his hotel room in New Jersey. Yes, women have gone to him, paid him money and dropped their drawers for him to create an ass to die for. Well, sadly… that could have been the fucking case because he was injecting them with bathroom caulk. Sorry, ladies, but you do NOT go for medical treatments in hotel rooms in New Jersey, because probably the ‘practitioner’ is more interested in your fucking money than he is in your health. So far six women have had to have corrective surgery and a treatment of antibiotics in an attempt to reduce the damage. However, take heart, because local doctors there are promising to be on the lookout for more cases, watching with the utmost of diligence the asses that pass them by.

DATELINE: ROME – Just when you think the Catholic Church can’t get more hypocritical, enter Bishop Gerhard Ludwig Mueller, German Bishop of the Regensburg. The good Bishop is annoyed that the Pope had been alerted to the level of wrongdoing done by the Church in Germany. His opinion? ‘This is a great fuss made by the mass media’. A great fuss? He went on to state ‘Besides, there is no need to act because those cases are in the past’. Wow, did he say a mouthful that goes a long fucking way to explain why the church is in the midst of this clusterfuck. Despite how long ago it was, the people who were abused are still suffering. And despite how long ago it was many of those priests are still involved in the church and the people involved in covering up this crap are still covering up crap. It comes down to this. They have no fucking credibility. Why the hell should we believe anything that they say? They have created a sense of entitlement among themselves, that they can do what they like, but they will condemn anyone who does likewise.

And, even still, the German Justice Minister has accused the church of covering up these scandals for decades, and said that the secrecy of the Vatican, their rules and practices, is hampering the investigation. The Education Minister has suggested that there should be a ‘zero tolerance’ when it comes to sexual abuse of children. This needs to be suggested? The Irish government-commission Murphy report has found that the church willingly concealed abuse. So, Bishop Mueller, do you still maintain that this is just a great fucking fuss created by the mass media? How dare you even suggest such a fucking thing. There is an absolute need for this to come out, because otherwise it will continue. In light of abuse allegations and the revelation of a gay prostitution ring operating in the Vatican, you STLL maintain this? Please bear in mind that for how many years was the current pope the last pope’s fucking watchdog and so it is incredibly hard to believe that he knew nothing about this crap going on. As Bishops the world over were shuffling bad priests around the country so their dirty little secrets could be easier concealed, someone had to know, otherwise why would there have been over $2B in settlements in the US because of concealed repeated abuses? The countless number of people who were told to trust the church, to believe in the church, that the church was their only salvation, and that they had to accept this crap from the church or risk burning in hell for the rest of their lives is staggering. Sadly the countless number of good priests who do live and teach by example are also victims of this bullshit, so don’t you dare, Bishop Meuller, blow this off like yesterday’s bad bratwurst.

DAILY NEWS - MARCH 8th, 2010

DAILY NEWS - MARCH 8th, 2010

DATELINE: SCOTLAND – Trust the Scots to give new meaning to snow balls. It’s got to be a great fucking day when you look up and see… 235 men racing down a hill with nothing on but a pair of skis and a kilt! Yes, led across the finish line by two pipers and a drummer, also on skis, they proved there is no-one so brave as a man in a kilt. They set a new world record, made money for charity, and showed the world that the threat of skidding down a snow-covered mountain on yer bare ass is more than enough motivation to stay on your feet. Damn, I wish I had been there to see it.

DATELINE: POLAND – Yes, we have a good news story finally. In fact, this is a great news story, from something so simple as rubber boots. Town officials in Jarocin have arranged for all the students and teachers at a local school to be supplied with a pair of boots to help them get through the muck and mud of a construction site around the school. It was an investment of 20,000 zloty ($1,000), and yes, I think it was the best money ever spent. The needs of the students were paramount, and the right fucking thing was done to help them out when. How can you not like this story? And how the hell can you not totally fucking love that the money is call a zloty!! That is the coolest fucking money name ever!

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Speaking of money… The Canadian Government announced that it will no longer be printing paper money on paper. Why the hell not? There is no silver in our silver dollars, and no copper in our pennies, and no more nickel in our nickels… I have no fucking idea how come a dime is called a dime. It seems that we will be selling out to, yes, the oil companies yet again and be printing up plastic money… sort of like play money, I guess. It was only a matter of time, but they could save a hell of a lot of time and pollution by just letting us use the actual oil as currency… it could just be put into jars and traded, like clams in Fred Flintstone’s day. I guess it’s one way to get some fucking value into the damned currency.

DATELINE: COLORADO – A preschooler has been kicked out of school… a catholic school… because her parents are gay. Stating that ‘the church expects their families to live in accordance with catholic teachings’, the local priest was adamant that sinners should not be allowed into their hallowed learning halls. For starters, I fail to see how this child has sinned. Oh… wait… yes, it’s the whole sins of the father (or mother in this case) crap! Give me a fucking break. While in Rome they are dealing with literally thousands of cases of sexual abuse of children, abuse cases that were covered up in some cases for decades, AND while now being in the midst of an investigation that uncovered a fucking gay prostitution ring being run out of the Vatican, they have the unmitigated fucking gall to pass judgment. They don’t want sinners in their churches or schools? The self-righteous members of Parish counsels and other groups want only purity and sanctity among their numbers… by the time they take out the people who have used some form of birth control, have cheated on their income tax, have told a lie or, God forbid, slept out of holy wedlock, they really will diminish their numbers. Then there are those who have not gone to Confession, who have used the name of the Lord for purposes other than his praise, dared to rub elbows with people of other faiths… Damn, they will have one hell of an empty collection plate. Perhaps they should also exclude all those who cast the first stone, who judge, who exclude for stupid arrogant fucking reasons, who hate and want to teach hate… THAT’s who they should be upset about, and not some harmless preschool little girl.

DATELINE: FLORIDA – Starbucks in introducing the new Trenta, because apparently you just cannot get enough caffeine in a cup. This is their new large 31 ounce container for iced drinks… and because they just totally like to fuck with people who just want to order a damned cup of fucking coffee.

DATELINE: NIGERIA – 200 more people died today as fighting between Christians and Muslims again erupted. A holy war, you might ask? No fucking way. While under normal circumstances proving that your god is better than their god is more than enough reason to mow down women and children with machetes, this time there is more to it. Yes, the dead were mostly women and children, in the middle of the night, again… the biggest fucking threat to the globe is found in sleeping women and children. For starters, people, NO God tells a sane fucking person to kill. However, the kicker in this one is that the fighting erupted once there was and exploration for and discovery of… wait for it…. Fucking oil, the REAL almighty force that drives man these days. Now, in this light, it makes so much more fucking sense… those women and children were a HUGE fucking threat because… well…. Who needs a reason, right? More to the point, it now makes more fucking sense as to why the world is just sitting back and waiting to see who wins. Who the hell is stupid enough to go in there and stand up for what is fucking right when there are the spoils of oil sitting on the table.

DATELINE: MASSACHUSETTS – A local mortuary is trying to put a new spin on life. You gotta admire the crazy bugger for at least trying a new approach, right? With a combination of chili cook-offs, limo rides, visits by the Easter Bunny and monthly birthday parties, the guy wants to prove that the funeral home is really the center of community life, a setting for happier times. The smell of embalming fluid and carnations might be a bit of a problem, but will undoubtedly help to set the tone for the Murder Mystery Dinner and Show. Sadly, I am not making this fucking crap up.

DAILY NEWS - MARCH 5th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 5th, 2010

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Although I have heard many completely asinine fucking ideas come from politicians, the depth of the stupidity of Comrade Harper still astounds. He wants to change the national anthem? THIS is what he has spent the last 3 months thinking about? While people are losing jobs, losing homes, losing their fucking lives because of the problems in the health care system, he was sitting on his fat fucking ass, watching the Olympics on our dime, and thinking “Gee, I think the people of my world will love me if I change the national anthem.” FIX THE FUCKING COUNTRY, YOU EGOMANIACAL IDIOT! That he would even try this smoke and mirrors crap while we still have so much that needs to be taken care of, LIKE A HUGE FUCKING DEFICIT, he wants us to learn new words for a song. But being truly Canadian and politically correct to a fucking fault, I will sit back and work on my plan to milk this stupidity for all its worth (which ain’t really a pinch of rat crap). So, bearing in mind that none of us will remember the new fucking words, I am starting my marketing on the Patriotic Palin Plan Pen... so we can write the words on our hand for when we need them.
*Stands, hold arm out in straight-armed solute and starts to sing* Ohhhhh Harper-land... *checks hand for the rest of the fucking words*

DATELINE: NEW YORK – I love the thought of flying in to one of the US’s busiest airports and knowing that a pre-teen is calling the shots from the control tower. Yes, I realize that the child’s father was there, BUT his child was obviously the one on the radio and the one in control should there have been an incident that required immediate action. In light of another recent incident of an air traffic controller chatting on the phone for a moment and missing the circumstances developing that resulted in a crash, you would think that the rest of the industry was a tad more astute. These are fucking planes you are directing. When they crash, people die... lots of people, both on the plane and in their houses on the ground. This shit happens in the blink of an eye, so no, I do not believe the incident has been blown out of proportion. You are responsible for people’s lives, so fucking act like it, please.

DATELINE: BERLIN – Police raided a monastery in southern Germany yesterday. They were looking for evidence linked to a series of complaints of sexual abuses that took place both in the 1950’s and then for a period including the 1970’s and 1980’s. That is thirty fucking years of sexual abuse. You mean to tell me that NO ONE in the fucking joint had any idea what was happening? This whole attitude of entitlement on the part of the Catholic Church is totally inexcusable. Since January 1st of this year, just over two months, there is an estimated 150 NEW individual reports of sexual abuse involving the Catholic Church in Germany. Wow, a whole new fucking batch of priests unable to keep their hands off the altar boys. Be ashamed... because there is no way others didn’t know this was happening and either stood back to watch, ignored it to let the child suffer, or felt it was an invitation to participate. This crap has to stop. Pope Benedict, clean out your own fucking closets before you start going to other religions and other world leaders to tell them how to clean out theirs.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON, DC – I love Toyota’s new slogan ‘Committed to the Right Fix’. It might actually fucking mean something had it not been for the people ALREADY returning to their Toyota dealerships and the government to report that they had their cars fixed, but the cars still accelerate on their own. Well done. Now you have a slogan that is blowing smoke as well. On Tuesday, though, in an attempt to help rebuild flagging customer loyalty, Toyota offered two years of free maintenance to any Toyota owner who comes in and buys a new one. Don’t get me wrong, but offering MORE free maintenance does not bode well for your own confidence in your fucking product.

And now, it the land of the class-action lawsuits against Toyota, the Pontiac Vibe has been added to the list of cars that could have actionable problems. Because this vehicle was produced by Toyota in a joint GM/Toyota project that ultimately failed, the Vibe has the same fucking problems... it’s just that Toyota is probably hoping like hell that no one figures that out. ‘Committed to the Right Fix’ might just be a bit too little a whole lot too late.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON – This is a Bambi Public Service Announcement. DO NOT PEE ON FALLEN POWER LINES. After hitting a power pole with his truck, a man in Washington State climbed out, called for help on his cell phone and then decided to relieve himself in the ditch while he waited for a tow out. The power line had fallen into the ditch though, and when his took his wiz, the charge travelled up-stream like fucking salmon in the fall, and killed him. Who would have known that piss is a fucking electrical conductor? Please note that on issues such as these, Bambi takes the high road and does not go for the cheap fucking wienie roasting joke.

DATELINE: LONDON – Some of you may remember the absolutely horrendous murder of two-year-old James Bulger twenty years ago. He was taken from the mall by two ten-year-old boys, beaten, tortured, killed and left on a train track to be cut in half by an oncoming train. The two boys responsible were tried in adult court because of their full knowledge of what they had done and because of their apparently lack of remorse, and were sentenced to Life. However, both were released after 8 years, so they still got to live their full lives free, with new identities and lives provided by the British government. Now, one of these little pieces of shit, Jon Venables, is back in jail, where he belongs, for breaching his parole conditions. Although the nature of his breach is not known, the Minister of Justice for England has stated that it is definitely in the publics’ interest that he be returned to jail. After the money spent on getting this little monster back into society, it would have to be one hell of a parole violation to make authorities act. So, I am missing something. When the fuck did a life sentence for murder become just 8 fucking years in custody? When the hell are the court systems going to wake up and realize that when a jury says ‘Life’ it’s for a fucking reason. It’s to be hoped that no one was further harmed by the failed experiment that was Jon Venables. My heart goes out to little James Bulger’s mother and family, who still are being tortured by Venables and the system. They have more than a lifetime of hell. They deserve better.

DAILY NEWS -- MARCH 5th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 5th, 2010

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Although I have heard many completely asinine fucking ideas come from politicians, the depth of the stupidity of Comrade Harper still astounds. He wants to change the national anthem? THIS is what he has spent the last 3 months thinking about? While people are losing jobs, losing homes, losing their fucking lives because of the problems in the health care system, he was sitting on his fat fucking ass, watching the Olympics on our dime, and thinking “Gee, I think the people of my world will love me if I change the national anthem.” FIX THE FUCKING COUNTRY, YOU EGOMANIACAL IDIOT! That he would even try this smoke and mirrors crap while we still have so much that needs to be taken care of, LIKE A HUGE FUCKING DEFICIT, he wants us to learn new words for a song. But being truly Canadian and politically correct to a fucking fault, I will sit back and work on my plan to milk this stupidity for all its worth (which ain’t really a pinch of rat crap). So, bearing in mind that none of us will remember the new fucking words, I am starting my marketing on the Patriotic Palin Plan Pen... so we can write the words on our hand for when we need them.
*Stands, hold arm out in straight-armed solute and starts to sing* Ohhhhh Harper-land... *checks hand for the rest of the fucking words*

DATELINE: NEW YORK – I love the thought of flying in to one of the US’s busiest airports and knowing that a pre-teen is calling the shots from the control tower. Yes, I realize that the child’s father was there with his child while he worked at JFK, BUT his child was obviously the one on the radio and the one in control should there have been an incident that required immediate action. In light of another recent incident of an air traffic controller chatting on the phone for a moment and missing the circumstances developing that resulted in a crash, you would think that the rest of the industry was a tad more astute. These are fucking planes you are directing. When they crash, people die... lots of people, both on the plane and in their houses on the ground. This shit happens in the blink of an eye, so no, I do not believe the incident has been blown out of proportion. You are responsible for people’s lives, so fucking act like it, please.

DATELINE: BERLIN – Police raided a monastery in southern Germany yesterday. They were looking for evidence linked to a series of complaints of sexual abuses that took place both in the 1950’s and then for a period including the 1970’s and 1980’s. That is thirty fucking years of sexual abuse. You mean to tell me that NO ONE in the fucking joint had any idea what was happening? This whole attitude of entitlement on the part of the Catholic Church is totally inexcusable. Since January 1st of this year, just over two months, there is an estimated 150 NEW individual reports of sexual abuse involving the Catholic Church in Germany. Wow, a whole new fucking batch of priests unable to keep their hands off the altar boys. Be ashamed... because there is no way others didn’t know this was happening and either stood back to watch, ignored it to let the child suffer, or felt it was an invitation to participate. This crap has to stop. Pope Benedict, clean out your own fucking closets before you start going to other religions and other world leaders to tell them how to clean out theirs.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON, DC – I love Toyota’s new slogan ‘Committed to the Right Fix’. It might actually fucking mean something had it not been for the people ALREADY returning to their Toyota dealerships and the government to report that they had their cars fixed, but the cars still accelerate on their own. Well done. Now you have a slogan that is blowing smoke as well. On Tuesday, though, in an attempt to help rebuild flagging customer loyalty, Toyota offered two years of free maintenance to any Toyota owner who comes in and buys a new one. Don’t get me wrong, but offering MORE free maintenance does not bode well for your own confidence in your fucking product.

And now, it the land of the class-action lawsuits against Toyota, the Pontiac Vibe has been added to the list of cars that could have actionable problems. Because this vehicle was produced by Toyota in a joint GM/Toyota project that ultimately failed, the Vibe has the same fucking problems... it’s just that Toyota is probably hoping like hell that no one figures that out. ‘Committed to the Right Fix’ might just be a bit too little a whole lot too late.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON – This is a Bambi Public Service Announcement. DO NOT PEE ON FALLEN POWER LINES. After hitting a power pole with his truck, a man in Washington State climbed out, called for help on his cell phone and then decided to relieve himself in the ditch while he waited for a tow out. The power line had fallen into the ditch though, and when his took his wiz, the charge travelled up-stream like fucking salmon in the fall, and killed him. Who would have known that piss is a fucking electrical conductor? Please note that on issues such as these, Bambi takes the high road and does not go for the cheap fucking wienie roasting joke.

DATELINE: LONDON – Some of you may remember the absolutely horrendous murder of two-year-old James Bulger twenty years ago. He was taken from the mall by two ten-year-old boys, beaten, tortured, killed and left on a train track to be cut in half by an oncoming train. The two boys responsible were tried in adult court because of their full knowledge of what they had done and because of their apparently lack of remorse, and were sentenced to Life. However, both were released after 8 years, so they still got to live their full lives free, with new identities and lives provided by the British government. Now, one of these little pieces of shit, Jon Venables, is back in jail, where he belongs, for breaching his parole conditions. Although the nature of his breach is not known, the Minister of Justice for England has stated that it is definitely in the publics’ interest that he be returned to jail. After the money spent on getting this little monster back into society, it would have to be one hell of a parole violation to make authorities act. So, I am missing something. When the fuck did a life sentence for murder become just 8 fucking years in custody? When the hell are the court systems going to wake up and realize that when a jury says ‘Life’ it’s for a fucking reason. It’s to be hoped that no one was further harmed by the failed experiment that was Jon Venables. My heart goes out to little James Bulger’s mother and family, who still are being tortured by Venables and the system. They have more than a lifetime of hell. They deserve better.