Farewell the Humble Pilgrim

John Wayne, meet Pope Benedict… because he’s just a humble pilgrim now. Well, not really, but damn, that is one hell of an awesome pitch, right?

If Benedict was, in fact, the ‘humble pilgrim’ he claims now to be, he would not have been helicoptered off to Gandolfo Castle as his ‘last’ public image. He would not insist on wearing the white garb of his office, those most holy robes exclusive to the office of Pope. Do I expect that he would head down to Africa, to be a missionary to the people there? No, and that’s a good thing for the people of Africa. They need a few breaks to go their way… the Catholic Church and their voodooistic insistence that the use of condom will put you on the express train to hell has already taken enough of a toll on those people. That anyone who claims to represent God on earth could possible watch impassively while thousands of people contract AIDS every day, all of which could be prevented by the use of a small piece of latex that costs two cents to make, is totally unfathomable. Yet it is this, among other things, that high-geared Mother Teresa to sainthood. Go figure. Yes, she fed the poor. Perhaps if they were given even a remote chance of not having to face a slow agonising death from HIV, then maybe they might have been able to help create food, instead of needing constant assistance, their families needing constant assistance, their poor, starving, orphaned, dying children needing constant assistance. Talk about your holy make-work projects. A condom… Satan’s tool, yet it could save millions of lives. But, I digress.

The Pope is going to retire into humble oblivion… where he will still be addressed with the lofty title of His Holiness. Yeah, there ain’t no ego in that, is there. How much more pilgrimish can he possibly hope to be? He will retire, living his life out in Vatican City… where all the poor, humble pilgrims hang out. More importantly, it’s where he will always have immunity from the law, and if you don’t believe that is the driving force to all of this early retirement brouhaha, you really have been drinking too much of the koolaid.

His spokesmen scream with outrage when someone speculates about what is really happening. They accuse the media of putting political spin on the upcoming conclave… because we are supposed to believe that there are no politics involved. It’s rather insulting. Of course the position is political. That’s ALL it is. It is the politics of God, and the catholic church is one of the best at playing this game. If it was about holy vision, if it was about doing God’s work, there would be NO issue of sexual abuse because it would have been dealt with according to the laws of the people, because all people would be answerable for what they do, and no one who serves God would ever knowingly put a child at risk. There would be no issue of not being able to use a credit card to purchase a tchotsky in Vatican City, because there would be no hint of money laundering. There would be no exclusion of women, and men would be allowed to be married, to rejoice in the gifts that God gives to each of us, the most primary and important being the gift of love. There would be no condemnation of gays or Jews or anyone else. How can there be, if you are the true representative of God, who loves us all?

If the catholic church was about God, it would sell its billions of dollars of art to help feed and house those in needs. The Pope, as head of this church that is really about God, would not care about the ring, the red freaking shoes, the white and gold trappings. None of that would matter, because his office wouldn’t be political. There would be no whispered stories about the prostitution ring being run out of the Vatican, or the acolytes who are forced into performing for the carnal satisfaction of those higher up, because there would be no political influence that creates the higher-ups who abuse their power. If the office of Pope was about God, and not politics, when the first allegations about the murder of Albino Luciani, Pope John Paul I, were mentioned, it would have been openly and transparently investigated and the perpetrators brought to justice, because that is what you do when you so love and respect the people in your community. No, being Pope has NOTHING to do with God, and EVERYTHING to do with politics of the church, of maintaining a ‘Good Old Boys’ club that dabbles in every sort of questionable activity and does so with impunity AND reckless abandon. If it was about God, Pope John Paul I would never have been murdered in the first place, but… wait… perhaps he was the one who was going to make it about God, and not about the other bullshit. More’s the pity.

I will go one step further though, with regard to Cardinal Ratzinger’s hasty departure. We will, at some point in the near future, discover the true reason. It will be about scandal, it will be ugly, and it will land squarely on this Ratzinger’s plate. It will be about innocent victims and horrible pain inflicted on others. How can it not be? He knew about the sexual abuse and he worked to cover it. He has known about the prostitution rings, the abuse, the harm and deaths that have resulted from his decisions regarding condoms, the hatred caused by his words and positions, his misogyny and disrespect. None of this, though, is enough to make the man step down… the man who is still so concerned with his political posturing that he cannot truly be a humble priest. A humble priest would be devoured by what he knows is coming up, and that would never do, not for this man. He needs the protection. It might be word about the murder of a pope that he at the very least was aware of, the destruction of evidence of that crime, or the perpetration of yet more crimes, but something more is coming. Mark my words… that whop-whop-whop of the rotors will not be the last news clip we will see of Cardinal Ratzinger.

John Wayne, up there in that great round-up in the sky, rest easy. Cardinal Ratzinger is one faux pilgrim you will not have to worry about.

FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT - MAY 26th, 2011

DATELINE: ASKING GOD TO PLEASE BLESS THE CHILD – As yet another ‘private special education treatment facility’ is under investigation for abuse of the children in its care and can take its place among the residential treatment centers to come under scrutiny, one has to ask when something will be done to protect the childre, when will someone start to listen to their little voices. If even one of the many allegations are true, the doors should be slammed shut and the owners of the facility locked away for life. That, however, seems unlikely… these are crimes that no one ever seems to be held to account for. How the hell does that happen? I build a fucking doghouse without the proper building permits and I am in a shitload of trouble, yet rampant abuse of children happens on a daily basis and everyone is suddenly blind?

Case in point: The Kingsclear Training School in Fredericton, NB, where it is alleged that Karl Toft, who ran the joint, sexually abused upwards of 700 boys in his care. Admittedly this was not a voluntary program for the boys there, and it was nothing more than a government-sponsored Youth Detention Center, but the same standards should apply, and the same outrage should be heard) He did finally face trial and was found guilty of 34 counts of sexual assault, indecent acts, buggery … he is in a halfway house and is allowed to roam without supervision. He is one of the most heinous pedophiles in Canadian history, but he had help, in the form of the local RCMP. Yes, the boys would run away, would try to escape, and when they were found, S/Sgt Clifford McCann would have his turn at them, then return them back to the school for more from Toft. If they told their parents, the police and Toft would deny anything, saying it was part of the child’s attempts to act out. The facility is closed, but there was no escape for the boys there, and there has been no justice for the vast majority of them. My personal disappointment in the integrity of those of the highest offices of the RCMP where this could have been corrected is immeasurable. McCann has never been held to account for his part in this tragedy.

Case in point: The Elan School in Poland, Maine. This was a private educational facility where parents paid huge amounts of money to get their children ‘help’ for additions, for behavior issues, for learning issues. Thankfully Elan School is now closed, though that victory for the victims of the school was not easily won. The abuse, the humiliation, the hell that children were exposed to behind those doors can never be undone. The only hope now is that lessons can be learned, and learned quickly.

The list is huge, and I won’t even start on the educational facilities run by church groups *glares at that fucking asshole in Rome* because that would just get my blood pressure to high. The truly sad thing is there ARE good places out there to get help for your children. That’s what every parent wants – the best chance and the best help for their children. How the hell are they supposed to know what to do now? How do we know which facility is genuinely there for the benefit and wellbeing of the child, to help provide them with a better chance in the future? They look just the same on the outside as the other ones, they offer the same promises and tout all sorts of certifications and qualifications, but how the hell can any of their claims be confirmed?

It is long overdue that a proper system is set up for these fly-by-night assholes to be caught. They are sick, disgusting predators who have found a way to access an endless supply of victims. Proper monitoring, from agencies outside the community are an absolute necessity. Mechanisms have to be in place for the child to seek help when help is needed while inside the walls. These kids have already got enough to deal with, they have challenges and nightmares and baggage most of us cannot even begin to imagine, and they are vulnerable even before they enter into one of these facilities. They also have the added burden of being children with issues, and are therefore not credible, not to their parents, not to the police, not the a judge, so the disease runs rampant, and hundreds of children are abused. Yes, the majority of these are privately funded, yes, the parents pay many many dollars to have their children there… parents will do damned near anything if they believe their child’s life hangs in the balance. These bastards know that, play on that, and use that fear to get even more money, even more control, even more opportunity to abuse their authority. Absolute transparency with regards to the qualifications of the people within the institute is required. Absolute transparency about the programs, how they are run, what is done within the walls, is an absolute requirement in order to protect both the children AND the care-givers. Why is this not happening? Money? How much does it cost to have all these children, when they are finally free, needing medical, emotional, psychological and abuse treatment or worse, incarceration or commitment as an adult? The cost of proper measures within the facilities is nothing but a drop in the bucket. Privacy issues, you argue? Fuck that bullshit. Security? Yeah, you already know my answer to that as well. It can, it should, and it must be done to protect the children.

For the children involved in this shit, the least we can do is offer justice and a promise that it won't happen ever again. God bless each and every one of you for what you have endured at the hands of people in positions of extreme trust and authority. For the parents of these children, my heart goes out to you, because there is no burden greater than the belief that your actions caused your own child to suffer. Sadly, for the parents of children with special needs, with behavioral issues, with learning and social challenges, the nightmare that this could happen to your child still exists and will exist until someone steps up to the plate and demands definitive structure, regulation and accountability on all levels.

DAILY NEWS - February 14th, 2011 VALENTINE'S DAY!

Nothing says HAPY VALENTINE'S DAY Like a Picture of Muammar Gadddafi!!

DAILY NEWS, FEBRUARY 14th, 2011

DATELINE: LOOKING AT ANOTHER HUGE FUCKING NUT IN THE NUT BOWL – While the rest of the world congratulates the people of Egypt on their incredible, peaceful push for democracy and human rights, enter that totally fucking insane Sultan of Sweet, Muammar Gaddafi. As some of you may remember, this wonderful piece of egomaniacal international shit is the one who brought us such events as the Locherbie plane crash and the murder of athletes at the Munich Olympics. He has a full roster of this sort of crap, having been in control of his country for the past 41 years. Now he is calling on the people of Palestine to stand up and revolt against Israel, to crowd the wall and man boats until the Israelis back down and give them freedom. God forbid he pass up the chance to create havoc and effect death. Of course, he could not pass up the opportunity to encourage Muslim countries to rise up against Western Powers, because we in the ‘white countries’ are the enemies of Islam. It should be pointed out that this fucking revolutionary dictator has made it illegal for anyone to object to him or his rule – so much for democracy. He also is very well known for his very open encouragement and support of anyone who wants to attack the west, including offering free weapons and supplies to anyone planning an attack against Europe or North America. It should also be noted that George Bush, that good old boy and model of excellent fucking judgment, took Libya and Gaddafi off the list of countries that support and harbor terrorists, but that was because of a nice little $2.7B that Libya still has not made good on. But what the fuck? He has the oil, so he should be the king of the back room ass reaming.

DATELINE: STILLWITH OUR HAND IN THE NUT BOWL – Sarah Palin has hired a new heavy duty Republican political advisor, Michael Glassner, to head her ‘political action committee’. This will be the man to help her when she runs for the White House in 2012. He will be in charge of those cutsey pukesy tweets, which will be a full-time job all by itself. Then there are the facebook status updates, and the negotiations about which reality television show Sarah should attempt next. Michael, honey, let me give you a little tip; duct tape. Seriously, it was created for problems just like Sarah Palin, and not just for across her mouth! That’s the fucking beauty of it – you can tape her fingers so she stays away from the fucking keyboard, and it can double as a replaceable Palm Pilot for her, so she can just rip off a layer to find out what her next stupid fucking answer should be. Or, pick up some shares in some Jose, because you just might be needing it!

DATELINE: HEADING TO THE ‘SHOULD HAVE THEIR NUTS WHACKED OFF’ DEPARTMENT – Yes, you guessed it! Another Catholic Church Cardinal has been accused of covering up for and protecting an abusive priest. This time it is Cardinal Ad Simonis, who moved an abusive priest to another parish where he was able to abuse some more. Yes, he admits it, but he says… wait for it… he thought the priest had changed, so he didn’t even bother monitoring the asshole’s behavior. The initial reports of the abuse came from the priest’s Bishop. For some absolutely impossible to fathom reason, the name of the priest is not being released. This would be the same Cardinal Ad Simonis who, last year, said there was absolutely no knowledge of any abuse by any priest in the Netherlands, but somehow, by some fucking miracle, there surfaced records of over 200 allegations of sexual abuse of children by priests there. One wonders what the fuck Cardinal Ad Simonis was doing all those years when this was happening.

DATELINE: DYING FOR SOMEONE TO CUT THE RED TAPE BULLSHIT – Birgilio Marin-Fuentes was driving to Portland Adventist Medical Center because he was not feeling well. As he pulled into the underground parking garage, under the Emergency Parking Only sign, he crashed his car. Finally someone noticed his wreck and went in to the hospital to report it to a police officer in the emergency room. Officers Angela Luty and Robert Quick found the man, but 20 minutes had passed from the time he had crashed, and he was now unconscious and unresponsive. The police officers started CPR and a third officer ran into the emergency, 125 feet away, to get help. The help he got? Advice to call 911. Yes, the man was in the parking lot of the hospital, an 8 second stroll away from what he needed, and yet there was nothing… NOTHING done by medical staff to help him. Although the hospital says it did send out a security officer with a mobile defibrillator, and a paramedic, the police reported that no one came to help them until the ambulance arrived. Of course, the hospital claims it is protocol to not go out there because what if the patient needs to be extricated? Well, you fucking help him while he is being extricated then, don’t you? An independent investigation has been requested, thank Christ, because hospital staff do have a responsibility to treat anyone critically injured on their premises, including parking lots. Sadly, this bullshit happens too often, excused by the claims of insurance regulations, hospital policy and state protocols, but that is all nothing but absolute bull crap. You have an obligation to help people in trouble medically. One also assumes you were issued with a heart. Too bad there was no one with a fucking heart around when Mr. Marin-Fuentes was desperately in need of a doctor.

DATELINE: LOVING IT UP FOR VALENTINES DAY – Let it not be said that Bambi does not have a soft side, a romantic bent that she prefers to keep under wraps. Well, in honor of the day, thanks to the Bronx Zoo, I can name a roach for the one I love. Hell, for $10 I can afford to have a couple of lovers. These Madagascar hissing roaches are the biggest and loudest of all the roaches, so what could be better to pass on that message of love? Just to give you a few tidbits about your lovers namesake, these fucking buggers can climb up glass, and they hiss when they are disturbed, horny or pissed off. These little darlings can live up to five fucking years. Some people keep them as pets. The only advantage with Dash the Cockroach is that by dropping $5.95 at the local Walmart for a can of Raid, I can keep the son of a bitch under control. Give your lover that present they will remember for fucking every… nothing says love like a cockroach.

DAILY NEWS -- January 19th, 2011

DAILY NEWS -- JANUARY 19th, 2011

DATELINE: WAITING FOR THEIR ISSUE OF PITCHFORKS AND ASBESTOS SUITS – I have a great fucking idea... lets make the man who allowed this bullshit to happen, who particiapted in it, a saint! While reading this please remember that the 'Blessed' John Paul II was at the helm for ALL of this, for more than twenty years. It was only a matter of time before it came about… you just fucking knew it was going to happen, but it would have been much better to have happened many years ago. A letter has surfaced, one stating in no uncertain terms (despite absolutely ludicrous attempts by the current Vatican legal buffoons to claim otherwise) that bishops were instructed to not report any incidents of child abuse or pedophilia to legal authorities. This is a two part story. In the first part, we learn of the letter that was sent to Irish bishops shortly after they released a paper and policy about having to take action against priest pedophilia in their country. The letter was the work of Archbishop Luciano Storero, the Vatican’s diplomat in Ireland, and stressed that the Congregation of the Clergy, a very senior panel at the Vatican, headed by Cardinal Dario Castrillon Hoyos (in 1997 and now) ruled that the Irish church’s new policy of mandatory reporting of abuse to legal authorities conflicted with canon law. Such reporting “gives rise to serious reservations of both a moral and canonical nature”. Moral? This fucking asshole dared to say there were moral issues involved with reporting a crime to the police? He called the document prepared by the Irish bishops to be nothing more than a ‘study document’ and that the current church law which required all abuse allegations to be handled only within the church ‘must be meticulously followed’. It should be noted that Cardinal Castrillon Hoyos is the same cardinal who told a Colombian radio station that under no circumstance should a person be forced to report abuse. He stated in a radio interview “The law in nations with a well-developed judiciary does not force anyone to testify against a child, a father, against other people close to the suspect. Why would they ask that of the church? That is injustice.” I have no idea what fucking planet he lives on, but the sexual abuse of a child is the injustice, allowing someone to continue to do so, with a steady supply of victims, is injustice, and when the hell did the church become the equivalent of a family member? In a nice little aside, this fucking asshole, in 2001, sent a letter of congratulations to a bishop in France because said bishop successfully concealed, in legal proceedings, his knowledge of a priest who was raping and abusing minors, netting that pedophile priest a suspended sentence. I suspect someone should be looking into how many people Castrillon Hoyos has abused, because my spidey senses are going nuts that this guy is working overtime to hide his own shit and justify it in some totally disgusting manner.

The second part of the story is that Vatican legal counsel has said the letter that was issued in 1997 telling the bishops they were forbidden from reporting any abuse cases was ‘deeply misunderstood’. Take a minute to think about that. A letter that explicitly says they are not to report it because it will be handled in-house was ‘deeply misunderstood’? Oh please, elucidate for us! According to Rev. Federico Lombardi, the intent of the 1997 letter to bishops in Ireland was to simply ensure that church law was followed to the letter so that priests who were pedophiles would not be able to evade church punishment because of a technicality. What? I think they have been watching too much fucking Law and Order. They didn’t want to have the assholes evade church punishment… which at the time equaled an all-expense paid transfer to a new parish and a new flock. The time has come for the world to STOP pussyfooting around Rome, the Pope and the Vatican. It is time for a global effort to stop the systematic epidemic of abuse within the church. Search warrants should be issued to access their records… ALL of them, diplomatic ties should be cut… ALL of them, and parishioners should pull their heads out of their asses and take a fucking stand with a whole lot of empty collection plates, because in all seriousness, there but for the grace of God, go their own children. No child is safe where the Catholic Church is concerned, and if that isn’t the saddest fucking statement I have ever typed, I don’t know what is, because I have know a number of absolutely wonderful, devoted, honorable men who have dedicated their life to serving God and would never hurt a child. There aren’t enough of them though, and the time has come to stop this bullshit. The crime now is if they are allowed to get away with this for even one more fucking day.

DATELINE: SITTING ON THE ROYAL CRAPPER – Oh, wait… that should be throne. A new private members bill was presented to British politicians, proposing that the rule of succession for the British throne be amended to remove the exclusion of sex as a factor in who ranks where in the royal family chain. This is in preparation for the next generation of Windsors as Prince William and Kate Middleton prepare to marry – because we just aren’t hearing enough about that already. Should their first child be a girl, Labour MP Keith Vaz believes she should have the right of first succession regardless of whether or not she has a younger brother. That it has taken this fucking long for the brits to get around to this is disgusting. That we should really give a rat’s ass about who takes the throne, because it is really only a photo op position of absolutely no authority or import, is ludicrous and, honestly, insulting. In a time where people are struggling to make ends meet, where we go from day to day wondering if we will have a roof over our heads come the end of the month, to watch the hubbub with a multi-million dollar glitter-fest is insulting and hateful, especially when you look at many of the starving, dying children in the many countries of the Queen’s Commonwealth.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF NUCKING FUTS!! – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in preparation of talks with world powers, stated that nothing will derail his nuclear program, which he claims is making steady process. Even ‘100,000 United Nations Security Council resolutions’ will stop his efforts, and there is no discussion to be had regarding Iran’s rights to enrich uranium. He will be meeting with US, British, French, German, Russian and Chinese officials – and despite the fact that good old Mahmoud is to power and authority, as Wimpy is to a fucking hamburger factory, what grounds do any of these countries have in denying someone else the right to enrich uranium? Other than Germany, they all have nuclear arsenals. I am not sure why India and Pakistan haven’t been invited to the party, and perhaps Israel could be standing in the back of the room, watching but feigning non-participation, but at any moment, any one of these countries could find themselves with an absolute fucking nutcase at the helm (it is seriously not beyond the realm of possibility! Some of em are awfully damned close already) and then where will we be? And what of those countries like Russia who make a hobby of selling this shit to other nutcases, like Huge Chavez, who is building up a very lovely arsenal himself? Who the hell are these countries to decide who has what weapons? Yes, it scares the living crap out of me that all these damned countries have nuclear capabilities. Sorry – but I am not so comfortable with any one of them that has the ability, because they are really only one nutcase away from causing major fucking destruction.

DAILY NEWS – MAY 31st, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MAY 31st, 2010


DATELINE: SO TO BE ON THE TABLOID 'PATHETIC PEOPLE OF THE WORLD'! – Just when you think you heard it all, Sarah Ferguson steps up to the plate and hits the stupid ball out of the park. She was broke, ya see, so under those circumstances, when you are a royal or another of the beautiful people, you are allowed to do damned near anything... and then when that blows up in your face, you go onto Oprah, get some moolah for talking to her, drum up a few new sponsors and start your latest book to exploit your stupid. Some claim she was not able to make the transition from ‘royal’ to ‘ordinary’ as far as her spending went. Funny, but the royals claimed she was not able to make the transition from ‘ordinary’ to ‘royal’ as far as class and poise was concerned (of course, Prince Phillip get a ‘by’ on all issues of class and poise as well, but he has earned that through many years of idiocy). Yes, I suppose the queen was not amused to learn that thorn in her paw was still there, this time selling access to Prince Andrew, the one and only truly beautiful royal... and damn, might I say he is aging well!!


DATELINE: ON A SEA BED, OILED DOWN AND READY FOR MORE SCREWING – On the heels of yet another futile attempt at stopping the oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico, some BP internal documents revealed today far more than was ever revealed before Congress – that the oil giant was already aware of some serious safety concerns and problems with the Deepwater Horizon. In June of last year, BP’s own engineers warned that the metal casings the company wanted to use on the rig were substandard according to the company’s own safety policies and design standards. They were warned that the casings could collapse under pressure, but what the fuck? The company went ahead with them anyways despite being fully aware of the risk, and yet, while testify stated that there were no risks taken by the company at all. Further documents also authored by BP’s own engineers pointed out that the casing was ‘unlikely to be a successful cement job’ and that the plan was ‘unable to fulfill MSS regulations’. This, along with the reports from a BP’s internal investigation regarding warning signs of an immediate blowout of the well leading up to the explosion. These included a report to federal regulators from BP that they were experiencing a loss of ‘well control’ and reports that on at least three occasions there was evidence of problems and leaking with the blowout preventer on the well, and yet it never once occurred to these fucking assholes to stop work and fix the problems? Hell no!! Can you imagine what it would cost to stop the well and do something proactive? Why would ANYONE want to piss away money like that? And where the hell was MMS when all this was going on? Oh yeah, being wined and dined and basically bought out by oil companies and allowing them to put off doing mandatory testing of the blowout preventers. While BP lied... ooops... ‘inadvertently’ failed to include all the details of the problems they were facing with their well when submitting information to government agencies, the problems continued until now, after over a month of oil gushing into the ocean, they are still stymied as to how to fix the fucking problem, and continue to turn to their engineers for help – those would be the same engineers they refused to listen to about the problems in the first place. Yes, the President should put a hold on ALL fucking oil wells in the water unless and until they are all thoroughly examined and can prove they are taking the proper steps. This is NOT a situation confined to the Gulf of Mexico or Louisiana fishermen, who are getting totally fucked over, but is far more reaching than that, and since we have seen that one oil company does not deserve even a shred of public trust, the rest of them should be held to account. I am not a terrorist, yet in order to board a plane I have to submit to a myriad of requirements and inspections and inconveniences... other oil companies might not be so fucking irresponsible as BP was, but then they should be more than happy to prove that fact.


DATELINE: ROME, ROME ON THE RANGE – Well, that could be where Pope Benedict’s ass ends up when all this scandal bullshit is said and done. Seemingly the master of the mixed message, in one report the Pope admits that the disease afflicting the Catholic Church comes from inside and requires correction, and in another report... well, not so much. The Associated Press has, through court filings, obtained documentation that shows Cardinal Ratzinger (the current Pope’s previous persona while doing Rottweiler duty for his predecessor J2P2) was asked in 1989 by Bishop Daniel Ryan of Springfield, Illinois, to defrock one Rev Fr Alvin Campbell. It seems that Campbell was a confessed abuser of many children in his parish and even served time for his actions, but Ratzinger, that paragon of fucking virtue and sound logic, denied the request because it lacked ‘the request of Father Campbell himself’. Lemme get this straight: Because the Priest didn’t ask to be defrocked, our Modern Day Inquisitor would not do so? When the hell was it up to the priest to decide that? The church, and the Vatican in particular, seem hell bent on doing anything to protect the church and it’s priests, no matter what the cost in the destruction of human lives. The time delays and bullshit back and forth about a man who abused children is shameful. In this case, as in many others, bishops once again claim that their hands were tied by the tone, rules and examples provided by Rome, and yet the Vatican argues that they had more than enough opportunity to deal with the issues. This of course follows the Vatican’s other attempt to allow shit to flow down-hill... by claiming that legal suits brought against Bishops for inaction were for the Bishops alone to deal with; Bishops are NOT employees of the Vatican and so the Vatican cannot be held responsible. My number one rule... when they start to pull out the bullshit legal babble and justification, it means that they have no doubt they are guilty as sin but are too fucking feckless to acknowledge just how hugely they have fucked up. Funny how no one, though, comments on where the responsibility of the Cardinals might be... guess we have more than enough proof of that already with the fact that Cardinal Bernard Law was allowed in the last conclave and is still doing his thing in Vatican City. It’s all bullshit. It’s time it was dealt with.


DATELINE: ON A GREEN, LESS ANNOYING PLANET – Studies from Michigan State University show that the use of solar panels is causing a crisis of insect-sized proportions. The shiny dark surface of the panels is confusing to bugs who lay their eggs on water (like mosquitoes) and so the stupid little bug-gers lay their eggs on the panels instead. Yes, the eggs get sizzle-fried, and voila! No more mosquitoes. Now, the researchers say this is a terrible thing, and I suppose for the mosquitoes it might be, but I fail to see the point, especially if I am not getting the point of their pointy proboscises in my ass. Yes, I know there are other species who lay eggs on the water, and yes, i know its not right to mess with the balance of nature, but you have to admit... a way to save money AND get rid of mosquitoes at the same time is pretty much a win/win scenario.


DATELINE: SOUTH KOREA -- A baby is dead because her parents could not stop playing games at internet cafes. Her father, 41-years-old and her mother, 25, were sentenced to two years, which is disgusting enough, BUT the mother will not be doing any time, because, well... somewhere inbetween internet games and cafes, she managed to get knocked up again. Yes, this woman is going to have another one. The little girl that died had struggled against the odds after a premature birth. She was fed one bottle a day, when her parents remembered, and often the formula in that bottle was sour with age. Her parents found her dead in their apartment when they returned home from an all-nighter on the internet gaming rounds. They had left their baby unattended. She died of malnutrition. These people should not be allowed to procreate; they abused that privelege and should never have access to children or computers again.

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 30th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 30th, 2010

DATELINE: FLORIDA – Rejoice! All ye animals who so live and abide by the laws in the great State of Florida, for finally ye asses might be protected. Welcome, Florida to the wonderful, and apparently long overdue, world of bestiality laws – where the government is in your bedroom AND your barnyard all at the same time, regulating your sex with your livestock (although it seems that dogs are the preferred partner according to statistics, giving that old expression ‘fucking the dog’ a whole new, literal meaning). It’s hard to believe that there hasn’t been a bestiality law in Florida, or 14 other US states, up to now. What exactly were they waiting for? Perhaps those political stumps out to the Okeefenokee weren’t just to glad-hand voters? Even more hard *insert snickering here* to believe is that there IS a need for the law… an incredibly sad and slightly nauseating thought, ain’t it? Senator Nan Rich, in her second… I repeat ‘SECOND’… attempt to get such a bill passed, managed to get this one through. The reason it became an issue again? A man accidently choked his goat to death while having sex with it. (You’re all most welcome for that new euphemism. Feel free to use it.)

DATELINE: BRAZIL – Another Catholic priest has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Father Jose Afonso has been charged with abusing 8 boys between the ages of 12 and 16, going back to 1995, with incidents occurring as recently as this year. Afonso is 74. Calls from the media to the diocese and the National Conference of Brazilian Bishops went unanswered… another step towards co-operation and full disclosure, I suppose, as promised by the Pope. This case comes on the heels of the arrest and detention of Monsignor Luiz Marques Barbosa, who was caught on video tape having sex with a young man who was his former altar boy. The discovery of the video resulted in allegations of the Monsignor abusing at least three young altar boys. Two other priests in Barbosa’s diocese are also facing charges of sexual abuse. And in Chile, a priest was charged with eight cases of sexually abusing minors. One of his victims included his own daughter – so yes, they have managed to now take ‘totally fucking sick’ to new levels. What is totally amazing is that, amidst all the promises and fucking lip service we get from Rome, there is NOTHING being said about any of these men. There is no talk of excommunication or defrocking. It’s like when a priest does it, none of the commandments are really so legal and binding, there is no hellfire and brimstone, like the rest of us poor people who are not so totally blessed from above. That a Monsignor has now been caught, WITH VIDEOTAPE no less, AND that there are two of his priests in his diocese also facing charges, the Pope should be the first one to speak out, to demand the law prosecute vigorously and that the Monsignor should be issued his clerical walking papers instantly. Without some firm, clear action by the Vatican, it’s pretty obvious that they still don’t get it, and that children will still suffer.

DATELINE: CARACAS – ‘Hey, how’s it going? I appeared like I said I would: at midnight. I’m off to Brazil. And very happy to work for Venezuela. We will be victorious!!’ This was the first tweeted message posted by your friend and mine, Hugo Chavez. Yes, that pompous, long-winded and not just slightly crazy asshole has set up a twitter account. Obviously his first post used fewer characters when said in Spanish. Now, you KNOW there has to be a reason for this, and it ain’t because he wants to butt in on any of Sarah Palin’s folksy-charmy schtick. He has totally muzzled the media in his country, preferring to totally control the message locally and globally, which leaves Twitter as about the only means of communication for those few hundreds of thousands who are opposed to the man and his government but can’t do a damned thing about him at the moment. "The opposition thinks it owns the social networking sites. They think Twitter and Facebook belong to them," said Diosdado Cabello, head of the state-run telecommunications regulator. "We're fighting and there are 7 million of us who will have Twitter," Cabello added. Yes, as in all things Hugo, the ulterior motive is nothing more than to stroke his ego and justify his own existence, masturbating the staff of power with a firm hand and a colossal jerk.

DATELINE: DETROIT – Everyone stand and sing with me! Love can build a briiiiiidge, between your heart and mine… Well, maybe not. For starters, it takes one hell of a lot of fucking money to build a bridge, especially one that runs from Windsor, Ontario to Detroit, Michigan, but being loving Canadians we are gonna step in here and get the job done. Well, maybe not, but we are going to loan the money to the people on the south side of the 49th, so we can get the job done. Surprisingly, I am sort of in favor of it, in a way, maybe, but I have a few concerns. First off, many many times we have been, well, fucked over by the US government in NAFTA and WTO issues and that whole ‘Buy American and not anything from Canada’ thing, BUT you know, we’re prepared to look beyond that, because it isn’t just Americans who did the fucking over; undoubtedly we have done some rather dumb-ass things that have pissed all our American friends off as well. It’s sort of like a family with two bratty kids – we argue and we compete and we pout, but when push comes to shove, for the most part we have each other’s backs… well, unless you consider things like the start of WWII, and the war in Vietnam and little things like that. Overall, though, I think we share many of the same dreams and morals and heritage and we don’t want to see the other come to harm. I was rather shocked to see the absolutely violent comments from news readers this issue brought out because there are a whole lot of people with a whole lot of hate out there. Perhaps a bridge in Detroit could be used to bridge the two countries together again – it could happen. Along with the money will come, I hope, a request from the Canadian government that SOME of the materials and SOME of the labor be supplied from this side of the border, and then maybe we can bridge some of those differences, and at the same time, our brother to the south would learn that we are really not a people to fear.

DATELINE: CHINA – There is nothing so heinous as an attack on a child. When the attack involved a knife and 29 kindergarten students, as yesterday's did, there are no words at all. This is what is happening in Beijing, not once, not even twice, but repeatedly – men are walking into classrooms filled with children and slashing as many as they can manage. This morning, although details are still sketchy, a man walked into a school and attacked 8 children with a hammer. The attack on Thursday also injured two teachers and a security guard (six of the children are still in critical condition), and no motive has been given. The man wielding the knife was brought down by a storekeeper and a delivery man who heard the noise and came running in to help; they smacked him with the fire extinguisher. Of course, in typical government double-babble language, which the Chinese government (their propaganda office, they call it, so at least you have to give them points for honesty in fucking advertising) also excels at, they believe this might be a copycat crime, although they are not sure that anyone who has been involved knew about the other attacks. Either way, they believe it’s best to not say much about the attacks to anyone, especially in regard to motive. It is thought that the attacks are because of personal grudges or social pressures because of the rapidly growing economy and the disparity between the rich and poor that accompanies such growth. Some people claim it is the fault of the government and healthcare because of the many untreated cases of mental illness in the country, although none of the attacks so far seem to have much to do with that. An attack on Wednesday left 15 students and one teacher injured, and last month eight children were stabbed to death outside their school. The man accused of that crime was executed yesterday. He claimed that he was upset because his girlfriend jilted him and he was treated badly by her wealthy family. The government line is that these people could be mentally disturbed as well. What I want to know is, what the hell is going on in anyone’s mind that they could possibly think that going into a room of children and killing them does not show you are a man or show you are dangerous. The only thing it does is prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that the such a person is nothing more than a pathetic waste of plasma.

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 28th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 28th, 2010

DATELINE: DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF BIG BANKING – I have a plan, a business plan that absolutely can’t fucking miss. I am gonna go out and buy up all the mad cows and mercury tuna and make a literal killing in the grocery business. I will be able to do this, because I will slip a little money to the food inspectors AND I will promise them a percentage of my OTHER businesses – Bambi’s Poison Control Center (they only need a bandaid budget though, for the plan to work), Bambi’s Oak ‘n Velvet Coffin Factory (producing the Cadillac of coffins, the must have in the dead set) and Bambi’s Mortuary (we carry em and bury em. All our plots have a sunset view of the ocean, starting at a low, low entry cost of $50,000 each *). We can get the meat at bargain basement prices, and once we have the people sick and dying, the rest is easy street for us. How can it miss? I mean, substitute mortgages for the meat, and you have the ‘Goldman Sachs Guaranteed Income Plan for Bank Executives’ and if it’s good enough for Goldman Sachs, it should be good enough for me, right? Thank god they don’t give a rat’s ass about morals or ethics or even laws… they have gotten away with it for so long, they KNOW they can do whatever the hell they want and the masses will still bow and scrape at their fucking feet. This is the type of deal that can only be brokered by big banks, deep in their bowels where all the rest of their crap comes from. When you’re deep in the bowels of the bank, there is now way you can even see the people who are now living in their cars, the kids who are going hungry, the businesses that are shutting down and destroying lives and towns and the total fucking global economy, because in the Bankers Bowel Bunker, everything is rosy (In Tourre’s words, they created ‘a product of pure intellectual masturbation’). I think, however, it’s time for an executive high colonic at Goldman Sachs… it might also help prepare all those Big Banker Boys for a couple years of being bumfucked in prison, a sentence that is, well, only appropriate. Perhaps someone should prescribe the same treatment for government as well, since we're in the roto rooter mode for removing shit from our lives, and since for as long as anyone can remember, BOTH political parties have been securely ensconced in Goldman Sach’s pocket.
(* headstones extra)

DATELINE: ARIZONA – When the youngest grub was little, if he tried to tell me a lie, he would cover up his cheek. The reason? His devious mom told him that when he lied, there was a spot that showed on his face. Admittedly, it was a dimple, so it wasn’t a total load of crap, BUT it served the purpose. Unfortunately, people do not come with ‘lying spots’ on their cheeks, nor do they come with their landed legal immigration status tattooed there. So, what the heck are law enforcement officers supposed to do? Yes, there is a need to control illegal immigration, because to my way of thinking, those who are in a country illegally can have no real quality of life. Living with your head over your shoulder is not living. With illegal immigration comes a hugely increased number of other people who are profiting from the plight of the illegal. Illegal immigration is clearly linked with illegal transporting of drugs, the sale of essentially slave labor, exploitation of people and the forcing of some to become prostitutes. Cleaning up the immigration laws is the right thing to do… for the immigrants, and for the tax payers and their collective safety. Arizona has taken a first step, albeit a very controversial one that leaves a lot to interpretation at this point. In order to enforce immigration laws, the police, the sheriffs and the judges need laws to work with. I am not convinced that the law proposed in Arizona is the right one, that it isn’t too general in what it allows police to do, because lets face it, there are a whole lot of really good cops out there, but there are also a whole lot of power-tripping hate-filled money hungry individuals with badges and political ambitions, and that is where the problem lies. So, on this topic, I am going to plant my ass firmly on a nice white fence picket (woohoo!!), spend some time LISTENING to what is being said and trying to learn about the problem, the solutions, and the implications of both, and hoping that instead of everyone just bitching, someone comes up with a plausible suggestion that deals with the problem of illegal immigration while also protecting the civil rights of all of the people. Hopefully something short of having all legal residents having a tattoo planted on their cheek will come up. Alternately, I will wait to see where Sarah Palin weighs in on this, and then lean the other fucking direction just on general principle.

DATELINE: ROME – Well, I knew we could not go a fucking week without a story about a new development in the ongoing pope-opera of abuse and cover-up. Rev. Ruggero Conti , at his trial for molesting boys, committing sexual violence and prostitution, all only a stone’s-throw away from the Vatican, insisted that he was innocent. “I am not a monster.” No, not a monster, just one hell of a sick prick who used his position to force children to pleasure him. Apparently the stroking of the holy staff is more important than the innocence and protection of the children in some parishes. In an interesting twist though, his Bishop, Monsignor Gino Reali, will also be testifying in the trial. It seems that Reali had heard ‘rumors’ for years about the situation, but seriously, you cannot expect such a busy man to pay attention to rumors… a man sworn to do God’s work here on men, a fisher of men, the protector of the moral code, the… oh, screw it… he was just as much to blame as the priest with the wild and crazy prick, and hopefully they will both land behind bars where they can pass the soap and bend over for their cellmate, Vlad the Impaler. The time has come for justice for the thousands of victims, for the secrecy to end, but how can we expect anything other than more bullshit from the organization who, fully aware of the MANY children tortured on the watch of, and arguably with the blessings of, Cardinal Bernard Law, moved that sick son of a bitch to Rome, where he was still allowed to participate in Conclave, for fuck sake. Do what is right for the good Catholics out there, and there are many of them, what is right for the good priests, because yes, there are many of them as well, and especially for the children. Why is this such a difficult fucking concept for the Pope to grasp?

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Finally, we have someone in parliament who has some ball, some fucking principles, a conscience… hats off to Speaker of the House of Commons, Peter Milliken, for doing what was right. Comrade Harper has tried every trick in the book to avoid being accountable about everything, but in this case, it was about Canadian soldiers turning over POW’s, knowing they would be tortured, a complete violation of the Geneva Convention. For months Parliamentary members have demanded answers but have basically been told, by Comrade Harper, to go fuck themselves. In order to quash the work of a parliamentary committee into this issue, he went so far as to prorogue parliament, another action that was arguably unconstitutional, but who gives a rat’s ass when Harper is on his throne. Papers that were released regarding the matter had page after page of blacked-out content, censored by the PMO under the guise of national security, but we all know that was a load of horse crap… again. The opposition parties, in a rare show of combined effort, finally filed a motion to dispute Harper’s stock response, and in reply today, Milliken ordered that the Government will comply with the request or will be found in contempt of Parliament. Mark down one incredibly long-overdue win for democracy, something that was tettering on the brink in this land. How Comrade Harper chooses to respond to this has yet to be seen, but being the arrogant prick that he is, my money says that he will force us into another election so we can piss more money down the crapper he uses as a throne. God forbid, for the sake of the country, he put his ego in his back fucking pocket and act like with some dignity and respect, mustering up just a modicum of sense of co-operation for the greater good. Parliamentarians used to be able to do that. Now, I am afraid, its just nothing more than a pipedream.

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 23rd, 2010

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 23rd, 2010

DATELINE: CALIFORNIA – You might want to put down the morning muffin for this one, Sugar-britches. You know the old thing about boys and their toys? It takes a new spin today. 60-year-old Steven Ferrini was arrested for drug possession earlier this month by California Highway Patrol officers, and taken for processing. It was at this time that the arresting officer found wires running around Ferrini’s body, starting at his front pants pocket where he had a small on/off switch. He explained that it was his anal vibrator, and since he could not be thrown into the cell with his funny twitchy thumb up his bum, it was decided that medical personnel would be required to remove it. It’s probably safe to say that the arresting cop was not having a good day. However, while making arrangements for ‘the procedure’, Ferrini started talking about his skills in bomb construction, always a wise brag while in police custody, which caused police officials to reconsider what had to be done. Yes, folks, it could have been that the really hip terrorists might have just created the Ass Bomb. The decision was made that the offices would be evacuated (*insert severe nose-snort snicker here*) and the ‘Explosive Ordinance Disposal’ Team brought in for removal of said possible explosive ordinance – aka Mr. Knobbly Long Finger. Three hours later… yes, it took three fucking hours for them to decide if they should cut the red one or the blue one… Ferrini’s ass was defused. Sorry, but there is just not enough Hazard Pay for this sort of work.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON, DC – While we are on the subject of taking it up the ass, in an interesting and quirky bit of irony, it seems that while the economy and taxpayers were being fucked over by the likes of Goldman Sachs, high-ranking officials at the SEC were busy watching porn on their work computers, some for up to 8 hour a day, downloading it onto their hard drives and burning it onto discs which were also paid for by taxpayers. Inspectors for the SEC conducted 33 probes (yes, we are just totally chock a fucking block full of anal euphemisms today, aren’t we?) 31 of which were done just before the economic crash and burn. Over half of the people found to be spending their time and tax dollars ‘fucking the dog’ were making over $200,000/year. Assholes, spend your own time and your own fucking money to get your jollies. That any of these people would still be allowed to work for the government is absolutely astounding, and not just a little bit sickening.

DATELINE: VANCOUVER – And sticking to what is sure to be a successful theme, in the aftermath of the Olympics, and the subsequent presentation of the bill for same, questions have arisen as to the disposition of a huge fucking number of tickets purchased by Crown Corporations, corporations that are funded by we, the taxpayer, yet administered as if they were private entities other than for the fact that those who head those entities all seem to have the typical government ‘let’s fuck the taxpayers up the ass just one more time’ mentalities. In response to a request from opposition members, a list was provided detailing who used the incredibly expensive Olympic tickets at BC Hydro, a fair request, because it would be nice to think that the tickets were used not to take the chairman’s extended family for a fun week on our dime. The list was provided, with EVERY fucking name blacked out ‘for privacy’. This has become the new favorite Canadian government game, apparently at all levels of administration. The evidence regarding torture of prisoners was also issued on totally black pages. Not to worry, though, because Mary McNeil, the minister for the Olympic games has said that all government-purchased tickets will have the user disclosed in an upcoming report, and then thought she adeptly tap-danced her fucking way around the whole issue of the crown corporation ones, brushing it off with the explanation that the crown corporations have their own process and requirements to report the information to, and their own boards to receive that information. That would be code for ‘Yes, we are going to sit back and watch the show, make the popcorn and prepare the Boom-chacka-chacka music for the repeated fucking of the taxpayers once again. Have a nice day.’

DATELINE: SAUDI ARABIA – I totally accept that different cultures have different customs and beliefs, but no matter how the hell you try to explain this, it still comes out as fucking sick. Parents of an 11-year-old girl had her married last year, for a dowry of $23,350.00 to the father’s 80-year-old cousin. How in the name of all that is fucking holy can anyone think this is okay? They sold their CHILD, essentially prostituting her. This week, the girl was finally able, through what has to be an incredibly awesome (I also imagine him to be rather hawt) lawyer with the Human Rights Commission, to divorce her husband. Her family agreed that a settlement could be reached privately, without court involvement. While some clerics there would argue that the Prophet Muhammad set the precedent for child brides, it is unlikely, back in the time of Muhammad, that women lived much beyond the age of 40, so they probably had to get an early start. Congratulations to the girl, both for her new-found freedom, and for making the Saudi government take notice that perhaps their laws regarding minimum marriage ages should be reviewed. Duh! Look, if you have to marry them off, find a couple of Larry King’s for them – you know, one foot in the grave and pockets heavily laden with gold they might stand to inherit in no time at all.

DATELINE: INDIANA – Flying directly in the old adage ‘happy as a pig in shit’, police in Albion, Indiana found a wanted suspect buried up to his neck in a liquid manure pit. They had been searching for him regarding drug charges (qu’elle surprise!) when they found him hiding in a mixture of hog and dog shit (apparently big fucking dogs). The suspect was pulled from the shit and taken to hospital for treatment of hypothermia, I am sure crowning off a perfectly lovely day for some paramedics and nurses, who found themselves cleaning shit for hours after the fact.

DATELINE: POPE BENEDICT’S HELL – Yes, they are falling like fucking chess pieces, and I have to blame those promiscuous women that cause the earthquakes. First a German bishop, then an Irish bishop, a Belgian bishop have all resigned this week. "When I was still a simple priest and for a while when I began as a bishop, I sexually abused a young man in my close entourage," the bishop of Bruges, Roger Vangheluwe, said in a statement at a news conference in Brussels. Two more Irish bishops are waiting in the wings, their letters already submitted and just waiting for the Pope to accept. Well, Whoop-de-fucking-do! To accept their resignations, to see them fade off into the evening, their pensions secured, to live a life of idyllic peace in the country is a load of fucking papal crap. Not until criminal charges are laid, until proper civil legal process is started, will there be anything close to a fucking resolution to this. Please quit insulting us and just stop victimizing the victims further and do what you know is the right thing to do.

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 23rd, 2010

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 23rd, 2010

DATELINE: BEHIND A PRETEND NEWS DESK – Bernie Goldberg went onto ‘almost’ national television (because, well, he was on Fox) and slammed Jon Stewart in an ‘explosive’ response that was really nothing more than burrito after burn. You might ask ‘who gives a shit?’ Well, I will explain to you why you have to give a shit. Mainline news, news that is supposed to be serious, informative, help us to understand our world and the issues that affect us all, every day, in every walk of life and in every part of the world, should NOT be wasting fucking time taping rebuttals to, (and Jon, I love you dearly and you are so incredibly fucking lickable hawt, as well as pinchably cute AND incredibly funny) a COMIC SPOOF news program. Obviously there is only one reason for this, and that is jealousy. Well, it could also be Goldberg could, in fact, be a total raving idiot (not to mention hypocrite), since he spent all that time slamming you from the safe confines of a little box at Fox. I noticed a sad glimmer of a tear of rejection in his eye when he complained about not getting any tongue when Jon kissed him. The sad fact of the matter is that we get more accurate, more pertinent, more professional and WAY more informative news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert than we do from any of the fucking yellow drool that oozes from the lips of too many political commentators on television, and the assholes at Fox know that. So, Bernie, hon… stick with Tucker Carlson cause, well, he’s about all the man you can handle. Leave the likes of Jon Stewart to me; believe me, I would take that lap dance with him in a fucking heartbeat. Oh, and Mr. Colbert, for the record, Ice holes are mine!

DATELINE: TORONTO – Nothing says ‘Welcome to Canada’ like being hit on by the immigration judge handling your case. Apparently Judge Steve Ellis believed it was just fine to boink newcomers. I would love to know how the issue of his ‘terrible’ marriage and his desperate need for a girlfriend comes up in an immigration interview, but goddamn it, he managed. He had it all figured out, that even though the woman he was hitting on was in a relationship already, it was okay, because he was married too, and so they would just do it ‘on the side’. You have to give this perverted sick son of a bitch credit though, because he probably taught her a whole new fucking vocabulary to help her adjust to life in North America. Oh, and he even went so far as to reassure her that he would not be too demanding, because he was ‘not going to fall in love with’ her. This guy was one smoooooth talker. I just can’t imagine why the hell he was in a miserable loveless marriage. Little did he know that the woman’s other half was aware of his attempts and was recording these conversations. That his victim was seeking asylum in Canada because of her physically abusive father and threats she received in her homeland makes this story even more sickening. What I want to know is why it took FOUR fucking years for this to come to light and for this son of a bitching power-abusing prick to have his ass kicked off the bench.

DATELINE: THE SOCIALIST AREPA SHOP NEAR YOU – Hugo Chavez has done it again! The man is a fucking genius. In an attempt to help feed the many many starving people of his country, he has opened up The Socialist Arepa Shop line, a government-owned fast-food joint that offers arepas at one third of the normal cost, as well as “Chavez is a winner’ t-shirts. Of course, inflation has already hit their customers, because the cost of an arepa has gone from 5 bolivars to 7.5 bolivars overnight. With the snappy socialist slogans on the walls, it seems as though Chavez has found yet another way to stick it to his people, filling their tummies and their heads at the same time, not that it matters, because he seems to have the fate of the country locked up, thanks to HIS lap- dancing with the likes of Putin and Ahmadinejad. For some reason this smacks of yet another ‘ohhhh shiny – over there’ distraction while he gives the real food to him growing armies and saves the grease for his adoring public.

DATELINE: WISCONSIN – It was only a matter of time before someone filed a legal suit naming Pope Benedict and his involvement in the thousands of sexual abuse cases that have plagued Catholics. All I can say is ‘It’s about fucking time’. The Vatican, a religious equivalent of Toyota, has much to account for, and to offer lame-ass lip service about the changes they will make is too little too late by all standards. That the Pope, either now OR in his Cardinal Ratzinger beanie, was unaware of what was happening, the scope of it OR the hiding of it, is a totally asinine suggestion. A priest couldn’t pass fucking meat-tinged gas on a Friday without him knowing about it, so there is no reasonable, logical, believable way that he did not know about the priests that were abusing children. That this is only a civil case is annoying. Why the hell are there not criminal charges being sought? This man was the ONE MAN who could have, for the last twenty-plus years, stopped this bullshit from happening. He had the authority, he had the knowledge, he was almost assuredly aware of what was happening, and he allowed it to continue, making him also criminally responsible. That the stories were hidden, the priests removed and relocated to offend again, also makes him an accessory to what they did. This man, this wonderful holy-er than thou pajama-clad hypocrite needs to be held to account; it’s the only right thing to do for the sake of all the victims, it’s the only right way to make sure it does not happen again to other children, and it is the only way the Church and all its good priests will EVER regain that lost credibility.

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 21st, 2010

PRESIDENT SARKOZY - PROTECTING OUR DIGNITY ONE WOMAN AT A TIME!

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 21st, 2010

DATELINE: PARIS – President Sarkozy seems bound and determined to pass his law forbidding women to wear a burqa. He claims this is because he wants to fight for the rights and dignity of women in his country, because they are being forced to do something they don’t want to do. Apart from the obvious irony (and arguable idiocy) of that statement in regard to a woman’s right to choose what she wears, there is one other little twist that sort of blows this theory all to hell in a hand basket. IF he felt this way about a woman’s dignity, a woman’s ability to not be abused or coerced, then why in the hell is Sarkozy playing post office for Polanski in his lame-ass attempt to plead his case in regard to sexually abusing a very young teen and then fleeing the country after working out a plea bargain to the lesser offence. When Sarkozy met with President Obama for his nuclear summit last week, it is reported in L’Expresse that he delivered a letter written by Polanski to the US President, pleading for clemency. Why the hell Sarkozy would be involved in this is totally fucking beyond me, but can you please explain to me how he can possible support clemency for an admitted rapist, a man who planned, drugged and raped a teenage girl, the ultimate attack on the rights and dignity of the victim, while at the same time claiming that he is doing the right thing for the rights and dignity of women by demanding they remove their religious garb? Welcome to the two faces of the President of France. If the issue of the burqa is nothing more than an issue of hate and intolerance, then the same restrictions on oppressive religious garb would apply to nuns as well. If the issue of the rights and dignity of a woman, then why the fuck is he doing anything to support an asshole rapist like Polanski?

DATELINE: REALITY TELEVISION HELL – Because there just aren’t enough of these fucking shows to make us puke, Sarah, Duchess of York, is pitching her own addition to the roster. Her premise? She will go around to middle American towns and fix their problems. Don’t that sound special? She can talk to them, solve all their problems, sort of like Anne Landers meets Ty Whatever-The-Hell-His-Name-Is who does the Extreme Make-overs. The fucking hubris of the plot is overwhelming. She will ‘fix the school in Boise or get another restaurant for Allentown’. Of course, her qualifications for doing this speak for themselves – former Royal, guest-hosting on the View, doing weightwatcher commercials… yup, she is more than qualified to snake a toilet in the council chambers of some bum-fuck town in the middle of nowhere. Of course, using that wonderful Palin logic, she is more than qualified, because she has seen a throne, even if it was from a distance. The ONLY fun part of this might be to see her go head-to-head with the former Alaska Governor… The Rogue Royal and the Gone Rogue being a Royal fucking pain in our television viewing asses.

DATELINE: IN A FOREST NEAR YOU – Speaking of Sarah Palin, researchers have discovered that some caterpillar species are able to speak through their asses. **waits patiently for readers to make that connection** It’s a behavior meant to scare interlopers away. It seems it works for people as well.

DATELINE: ROME – Pope Benedict announced today that the Catholic Church will now take the issue of sexual abuse committed by priests more seriously, that they will implement steps to protect the children of the parishes. Well, it’s about fucking time. He even said those magic words that these priests should be reported to the legal civil authorities when there are laws requiring them to do so. So, does that mean that it’s okay for priests to carry on with sexually abusing children in places where there are no laws to protect the children? That where the children are most vulnerable of all, well, what the hell? Those kids don’t matter so we don’t need to do the right thing there as well? Why the hell would he make such a stupid fucking statement as that? We shall see. However, they have a long way to go, because at this point in time, its nothing more than lip-service, and we know how experienced they are at that game.

DATELINE: DELAWARE – Indicted on 58 counts of rape, unlawful sexual contact, continuous sexual abuse of a child, sexual exploitation… 24 female victims, 10 years of committing crimes, 471 felony counts in total involving 102 girls and one boy. The numbers had to be seen first, because they are staggering. The person indicted: a Delaware pediatrician. The victims: his patients. One other scary statistic? This man has practices in three other states, so the list of victims and charges will undoubtedly grow as authorities start to look into his activities in Pennsylvania, New jersey and Florida. His defense: of course it will be that he cannot be held mentally responsible for his actions. Earl Bradley was a fucking doctor running a thriving practice for more than ten year, but what the hell. Bambi’s suggestion for sentencing? A case of Ginsu knives and a locked room with the parents of those children. His pecker should be served up on a platter. It’s time to do something to stop all this crap from happening, because these people in positions of trust and authority are totally fucking up society.

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 15th, 2010

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 15th, 2010

DATELINE: MALTA – It will be like a whole country will be flipping the bird at the Pope when he arrives at Malta Airport this weekend. In preparation for the arrival of the Holy Father, the Mayor of Malta has asked that the ‘vulgar’ and ‘embarrassing’ structure be removed. However, the piece of art, titled Colonna Mediterranea, is actually within the town of Luqa. Artist Paul Vella Critien replied, saying that his critics were ‘ignorant’ and ‘uneducated’ and explained that his work is not a ‘phallic’ symbol but rather a representation of an ancient Egyptian symbol. The incident is causing some distress in what is, according to the Mayor of Malta at least, ‘considered to be the most Catholic country in the world’. So, right now I am not sure that’s something you want to brag about, BUT I cannot imagine why a piece of art on display for the whole community to see is NOT something worthy of the eyes of the Pope? And the fact that it looks like a giant blue penis… well, sorry, but the irony is just to fucking wonderful. Mr. Mayor, take a fucking chill pill. I love the damned erection (yes, the word my mother uses for things that are erected, and I totally love her for it!), and I think every airport should have one.

DATELINE: THE BOOKSHELF – The American Library Association has released its new list of the most ‘challenged’ books of the year. This would be the list of books that has drawn the most concerns and complaints from parents and educators, resulting in formal letters requesting the removal of the book because of content or language or inappropriateness. The list is also the perpetual home of the titles ‘Catcher in the Rye’, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Color Purple. This year, joining Salinger is Stephanie Meyer with her Twilight series, primarily because of the sexual content. The Harry Potter books were previously on the list, because of the very vocal objections of the Catholic Church about books forwarding the agenda of wizardry. Now, while this all seems like a whole lot of tight-ass bullshit spewed by adults who apparently are not ‘getting enough’, the truly sad fact is that while the number of challenges is down to 460 this year as opposed to 513 last year, 81 books have actually been removed from shelves because of these complaints. So much for freedom of expression and the end of literary censorship.

DATELINE: PULITZER PRIZE LAND – An Associated Press investigation has turned up a litany of paedophile priests who had been moved by the church to other countries to avoid prosecution. The list is long, involving 21 countries, and paints an incredibly disturbing picture of the lengths to which the church stooped. These priests, the ones that AP was able to identify, were sent abroad where many of them had access to children and some are known to have reoffended. In some cases the church claims they believe the priests were ‘cured’ – how’s that for divine intervention. In many cases, church officials believed the priest when he said he was innocent, despite police findings, criminal charges, statements of multiple victims, whatever it seemed to take to excuse the inexcusable and protect the church under any circumstances. Of course, we know that the lies will continue with Vatican officials responding to this new story as gossip, persecution, unsubstantiated… I can hardly wait to hear the crap they will spew this time.

DATELINE: MONMOUTH, NJ – Ya just gotta suspect a guy has something to hide when, while sitting in the back of a police car, he manages to pull his handcuffed wrists under his ass so they were in front of him, kicks out the side window of the back door and takes off… while chewing off his own fingertips! Yes, it’s the new do-it-yourself fingerprint prevention kit. He was pulled over and his car was being searched by sniffer dogs when he did this incredibly act of almost magic. I am guessing he suspected the cops would find something, cause it would really be a sucky ending if he went through all that for nothing. Talk about playing it cool! Kids… lesson for the day: it is highly unlikely that you will be able to chew your fingerprints off while in cuffs and running. You would have to run one hell of a long time. Where’s that fucking chainsaw when you can really use it?

DATELINE: SOUTH CAROLINA – Turn down yer fucking music, or you might get whacked in the head with a snake. Yup, that’s how they do it in South Carolina. Tony Smith, annoyed about the music volume, argued with his motel neighbor and several hours later walked up to Mister Loud Music and hit him across the face with a 4-foot python. Nothing says ‘I am pissed off’ like sacrificing you pet snake for the sake of an hours-old inconvenience.

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 14th, 2010

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 14th, 2010

DATELINE: THE LAND OF WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY THINKING! – In a move that has pleased many British parents, the Primark chain of stores will be withdrawing all of their padded bikini tops for children. Yes, they had on their shelves and in their adverts, padded bikini tops – for 7-year-olds. The company did bow to public pressure, pulled the items from shelves and have said they will donate all profits from the sale of the outfits to charity. While it is beyond sick and disgusting to even think of selling this crap to little children, it does NOT tops the recent list of products meant to sexualize your six-year-old. Included in the list is the Asda stores with their push-up bra for little girls, and... wait for it... a Tesco pole-dancing kit (sort of the preschool version of ‘My Sexy Little Pole’) that was included in the toy section. Add also to the list the ‘Lolita’ bed Woolworths touted for young girls, WH Smith’s Playboy Stationary, and yes, even Disney’s contribution, sexually suggestive panties for pre-schoolers, meant to promote High School Musical 2, with the catchy little invitation written on them ‘Dive In’. Is it even remotely possible that we can let kids be kids for at least a couple years? Do we have to put this pressure on them to conform, to grow up, to become parents? Sorry, but this takes sick in a whole new fucking direction.

DATELINE: AT NO LOT NEAR YOU – After a report by the Consumer’s Report, one of North America’s leading consumer watchdog’s, Toyota has decided to stop all sales of their Lexus GX 460 In the US. In their article, Consumer’s Report said that the vehicle was deemed ‘Don’t Buy: Safety Risk’ because of instability issues they uncovered in repeated test drives. Toyota has said that they, too, do test drives and never had the issue, but they will, in what has just the hint of a whiff of condescension in the words, ‘try to duplicate the Consumer Reports’ test to determine if appropriate steps need to be taken’. Ohhh, how very kind and accommodating of them. Sorry, but I would put my safety and trust in the report published by Consumer’s Report. The last time they used this very rare rating was in 2001 with the Mitsubishi Montero.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Okay, even Bambi can eat a LITTLE bit of crow from time to time, so I will now get out the salt shaker and a napkin. I have been ragging on Rahim Jaffer for some time now, and today I owe him an apology – an apology that comes though, with a perfect political ‘notwithstanding clause’. In the issue of his arrest and charges, and the subsequent deal he made, there should be heads rolling all over the fucking floor. The agreed-to facts of the case are that yes, he was speeding, going almost twice the legal speed limit; yes, he had been drinking and blew a fail on the roadside Alert test he was given; yes, when he was arrested, Cocaine was found in the pocket of his coat. We have now listed 3 federal Criminal Code offences that would have resulted in a criminal record for Jaffer. Here’s the issue, or issues, as the case may be: He was ‘sort-of’ denied legal counsel, which was wrong, and he was, I shudder to say it, strip searched, a treat reserved for only the most dangerous of prisoners. I have no idea what the fuck planet the cops were on that were processing Jaffer, although I suspect that perhaps they dipped into the fucking cocaine in the exhibit locker, but without doubt their incredibly poor, arguably illegal, performance cost them the conviction AND allowed a now self-confessed criminal to go free. So, while I was wrong to accuse Jaffer and his wife Helena Guergis, of influence peddling, that was not the case. It was ignorant, inexcusably crappy police processing that should result in a couple of cops looking for new work today. It does not, however, change the fact that Mr. Jaffer, in his continuously arrogant public manner, was in fact speeding in the extreme, impaired while driving, and in possession of cocaine. He might not have a criminal record, but he should. *burps* And, for the record, crow tastes slightly like chicken.

DATELINE: CHILE – Just when ya thought that those dopes in the Vatican could not make things much worse or find anything more offensive or asinine to say, enter Cardinal Bertone, the Vatican’s Foreign Minister. He was in Chile, speaking to the holy and faithful there, and decided to take the heat off the church in regards to the issues of pedophilia and priest celibacy. I fully agree that pedophilia is NOT restricted to just Catholic priests and is NOT the result of taking a vow of celibacy. BUT the Cardinal’s claims that pedophilia is directly linked to homosexuality? For the love of all that is fucking holy, get a grip, you dumb ass! Because the church has not caused enough hurt, enough distress among its congregants, lets alienate and blame another totally innocent group of people, lets add to the list of fucking victims who have to bear the burden of your guilt and your inability to claim ownership to what you have done over the years. Sorry, but every time one of you Vatican birds opens your fucking mouths, I end up seeing red, because you and just fucking bound and determined to prove that there are still higher levels of assholedness to achieve. However, in an attempt to 'again' clarify and make it all better, the Vatican then released their own 'statistics', really nothing more than semantics behind which they can again attempt to hide, offering gray-area definitions of 'paedophilia in the strict sense' (of which only a mere 10% of their cases were) and ephopbophilia, which accounted for 90%. Quit splitting hairs, and quit with the shiny distractions. The bottom line is this: Terrible, horrendous, life-destroying crimes were committed against CHILDREN, committed by priests and the victims were further victimized by the fact that the heirarchy illegally covered up the crimes and is still not willing to acknowledge them, and without the full admission of the extent of these crimes and who was involved, this issus is NOT going to disappear. Practice what you preach: It's confession time.

DATELINE: CHINA – I am about ready to start a movement to fucking forbid the existence of ANY non-government funded zoo in China. Sorry, but the absolute disregard for the well-being of animals, and apparently children now too, is pretty fucking clear. Yesterday footage was shown of a three-year-old girl tightrope walking over top an open cage where nine Siberian Tigers sat watching and waiting for dinner to be served. Yes, they were probably hungry. Based on recent articles about big cats in zoos in China, the poor cats were probably starved, being fed cornmeal because it’s cheaper than giving these incredible carnivores meat. Then, lets torment the fucking crap out of them by dangling a child over top, teasing the animals, waiting for them to do the inevitable – snatch her up the second she falls. She was, arguably, on a safety rope, but cats can jump, and they would certainly jump for the sweet little morsel that was being tortured herself right above them. Yes, to have a child walk over the cats, knowing they are hungry, knowing they could kill her in a heartbeat, knowing that if she fell, even with the rope to secure her, she might not be safe, is torture. This child should be taken away from her parents (and yes, I am apparently using that word very loosely today) and she should be taken away from the zoo. A child is not a fucking machine that should be forced to perform life-threatening stunts for the thrill of sick fucking onlookers and even more sick, money-grubbing zoo owners who apparently have no shame and no morals at all. Let’s torture the child AND torture the cats by teasing them to distraction waving food over their heads that they can’t get. When these cats finally decide they have had enough of this torture, I hope the fucking asshole that runs the zoo and makes these asshat decisions of what goes on there is the one in the fucking cage with them. You might want to yo-yo the little girl’s dad right into the cage as well.

DAILY NEWS, APRIL 13th, 2010

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 13th, 2010

DATELINE: ALABAMA – Erica DeRamus was all set to attend her senior prom. She had the hair done, the shoes, the dress. But when she arrived at the prom, she was told her dress did not comply with the school dress code. DeRamus was aware of the code, and believed that her dress complied, that it wasn’t too short, that it wasn’t that revealing. Now, what from the pictures available, I would probably agree with her, but I am not privy to the school dress code. That is not really my issue. Here is my fucking issue: the young woman – and yes, she is a young woman – was given the option of being paddled by the principal OR taking a three-day suspension. Of the 300+ students at the prom, 18 were given the same option for the same infraction. 17 of them accepted the corporal punishment as opposed to having the suspension on their file. Now, I realize that I might be a tad old-fashioned, but I cannot help to think that apart from it being just fucking WRONG to allow this sort of corrective action at a school under ANY circumstance, that for a man in a position of authority to apply such correction to young women is incredibly disturbing and, well, just plain fucking sick. I am sorry, but a paddling of this nature crosses the boundary between inappropriate sexual harassment and sexual abuse because it is simply NOT something that a school principal does to young women unless he is wanting to get his fucking jolly off. For starters, the policy needs to be replaced. Then, if I was a parent with a child in that school, I would be demanding a fuckin review of just who the hell this man is ‘paddling’, what the infractions were, and just why the hell he chooses this specific penalty for his female students. Sorry, the whole thing smacks of him being nothing more than a sick fucking bastard who has no business around children of any age.

DATELINE: CONNECTICUT – Speaking of sick fucking bastards… in Connecticut, the State legislature called for the removal of the statute of limitations regarding the sexual assault of a child. I am at a loss to understand why there would be any statute of limitations on a crime of this nature, but I congratulate the people of Connecticut for making the long-overdue change. Apparently, however, the Catholic Church does not feel the same way about the change, and in fact has lobbied intensely for their parishioners to voice their disapproval. Is this because they feel the change targets them? How the hell can they in good conscience dare to oppose a law that is intended strictly for the protection of the most vulnerable in our society, the children? Here is what pisses me off about THIS – I have not heard ANYONE ever say that pedophilia is limited ONLY to the Catholic Church, and I fully accept that the issues of pedophilia have no logic or proven connection to the taking of a vow of celibacy. I DO have a HUGE fucking issue with the Church claiming that this is how society perceives them. No, the issue is NOT that they are Catholic, but rather that what they did was wrong, that they illegally and systematically hid the facts that crimes had been committed, that they continued on with their ‘holier than thou’ attitude towards their parishioners, that FAR TOO MANY within the church either committed the crimes or covered up the crimes to the total detriment of the victims, and then had the unmitigated gall to hide behind the fucking robe and plead that THEY are being persecuted. Unless and until the church acknowledges ALL that they have done, that they have hidden, that they have allowed to happen because of their fear of fucking scandal, unless and until they offer total validation to the hundreds, nay, thousands of victims, and unless and until they offer guaranteed assurances that NO other case will be allowed to be swept under the carpet, they will have this issue dogging them for one hell of a long time. Bishops in Connecticut, your complaints, your desperate need to interfere YET AGAIN in these laws, are something you should be incredibly fucking ashamed of.

DATELINE: ON A USED CAR LOT NEAR YOU -- Documents collected for upcoming Toyota investigations and legal suits show that the company has known since 2004 about the problems with their accelerators in several models. In some incidences shown, the company was aware that, if tested or pushed, they knew some aspects of the vehicles would not pass Canadian safety standards, but still they worked hard to hide the facts and sell the damned cars. It would seem that they did this with absolutely no regard to anything but their reputation and their bottom line, and to hell with the lives that might be destroyed because of their inaction. It is hoped that, among other things, the all-important Chi factor comes back to bite Mr. Toyoda in the ass; it flows in both directions, and has a way of knowing who is deserving. Law-ignoring, money-grubbing, corporate bigwigs who make victims of their every customer are NOT deserving of that awesome chi flow.

DATELINE: MONTREAL – After five weeks in a government-offered language class for immigrants to Canada, a 25-year-old immigrant from India was expelled… because she wore a niqab to school. Take a minute. Think about the irony of this. A class, offered by the Ministry of Immigration and Cultural Communities is denied to a woman who was fully qualified to be in the class, and had been for over a month, because she chose to exercise her cultural beliefs. She was given an option… remove the veil or be expelled. This is the second time a woman has been expelled from the school for wearing a niqab. The truly distressing aspect of this, as well as the proposed legislation before the Quebec provincial government that would refuse any woman in a niqab ALL access to government services, is that there are actually people out there who support this, while still embracing their passion for democracy and our always supreme tolerance of others. It’s enough to make me puke. If a woman chooses to embrace her religion, that is her fucking business, and the government has no business butting in. When you are prepared to ban the nun’s habit, then feel free to start on other religions as well, but until you aim the legislation at ALL religions and cultures, of course under the bullshit guise of freeing them of oppression, then this whole thing is nothing more than sexist religion persecution, and is completely shameful.

DATELINE: CUBA – For the first time since 1968, Cubans will be able to get a haircut in a non-government barber chair. In a huge move towards the always-dreaded capitalism, all barbers and hair dressers in shops with three seats or less, will be privatized, allowing for private ownership, the payment of taxes, and no more government monthly wage. Can corner hot-dog stands be far away for the streets of Havana?

THE FIRST EVER EVENING EDITION!!

THE FIRST EVER EVENING EDITION!!

Yes, there is soooo much of this shit out there, we just had to do another one, because we could not wait for Monday, and none of this is fodder for the artsy-fartsy fluff crap page.

DATELINE: FLORIDA – Spirit Airline has announce their latest innovation in streamlining air travel and making it so much more appealing to the public – a $45 charge for each piece of carry-on luggage. Yes, because they love to enhance your travel experience, you get to fork out more money, and we all love that. It’s their attempt to cut down on the amount of large luggage pieces that are taken into the cabin of the airplane, so because some asshole can’t stand to have to wait and the conveyor belt for ten minutes for his suitcase to arrive, we all get to foot the fucking bill. Big carry-on crap annoys me. Extra fucking fees like this annoy me that much more. Sadly, once one airline starts with this crap, its only a matter of days before the rest get that wiff of more money and jump aboard.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – MP Helena Guergis has resigned her office. About fucking time! Not only has she submitted her resignation, but she has been kicked out of Caucus, AND Prime Minister Harper has asked for a full RCMP investigation into recent ‘serious allegations’. It is to be hoped that should the investigation shows any costs to the tax payer because of Guergis or her snappy, happy hubby Rahim Jaffer, it will be completely refunded. Yes, I am doing a fucking Happy Dance. May her elitist, entitled ass get the royal fucking kicking it deserves. Nah na na na, Nah na na na, hey hey hey, Go-ooooodbye…..

DATELINE: BOSTON – Phoebe Prince had gone to administrators about the threats made against her prior to her death. Documentation revealed today that she in fact did talk to an unnamed school administrator because she was afraid of the threats she had received, and to ask that she be allowed to go home early because of these threats. Her request was denied, and she was returned to her class with the knowledge that NOTHING would be done to help her. While District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel states that the inaction is troublesome but not criminal, I would argue that, if nothing else, they should be held civilly liable for their indifference to the problem. It’s time to make some serious changes in how bullying situations are handled in schools. There is no tie to wait on this, and inaction should NEVER be an option again.

DATELINE: WEST VIRGINIA – Information provided to congressional lawmakers this afternoon indicated that the Upper Big Branch Mine had received 61 orders for closure for all or parts of the mine in the last 15 months because of safety violations. Despite the extraordinary number of ‘withdrawal orders’ no one in the Mine Safety and Health Administration bothered to take action to cite the mine for a ‘pattern of violence’. While the federal agency does not have the authority to shut down a mine without going to court first, they can issue orders that force the mine to be evacuated until known hazards are eliminated. Proper ventilation and gas emission measures have been an issue at this mine for the last year, and in fact one of the 25 victims mentioned the previous Friday that they were shut down early because of the high gas levels within the mine. Perhaps it’s time for the government to take these issues seriously and create some legislation that has some teeth. Little puissant fines mean nothing to these large mining companies, but with the available technology there is absolutely no fucking excuse for there to be any issues like this in a mine these days. It’s time to hold corporate executive’s to account, and let them know that they cannot fill their wallets at the cost of bodies left in a mine.

DATELINE: ROME – More correspondence has surfaced regarding reports to the Vatican of pedophile priests, all of them ignored by the Vatican. In Canada, Bishop Joseph Windle sent a letter to the Pope in 1993, expressing deep concerns over the elevation of Father Bernard Prince, a personal friend of Pope John Paul II, to the Pontifical Society for the Propagation of the Faith, referring to victims and the priest’s conduct. The letter had the backing of several other prominent Catholic leaders in Canada, but it was not until 2008, when he was convicted of molesting 13 boys over a span of twenty years, that the Vatican seemed to notice. Originally over 30 charges were laid, including buggery, indecent assault and gross indecency again the boys, aged 12-15, most of whom were altar boys. Following his conviction, Prince was defrocked and is now in jail, where the fucking asshole belongs.
Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, a letter has surfaced WITH Cardinal Ratzinger’s (aka Pope Benedict) signature, stating that despite pleas from within the church to defrock a known pedophile priest, Ratzinger’s ONLY concern was ‘the good of the universal church’. The letter is one of several, over years of correspondence regarding Father Stephen Kiesle, dating back to 1981, when Ratzinger was appointed head Rottweiler for the Vatican. The case was allowed to go unanswered for another four years, and in his reply at that time, the future Pope agreed that the arguments were of ‘grave significance’, but for the good of the Church (ie, to cover up the fact that this was happening fucking everywhere and that it really was of no importance to the Pope or Vatican officials) nothing would be done hastily. Let me recap… Kiesle, in 1978, had plead no contest to charges of tying up and molesting two boys in the rectory of a church in San Francisco. For starters, how the hell can ANYONE argue that this offence was a fucking misdemeanor? When his probation ended, he was allowed to return back to the church, and in fact allowed to work with children again. It was not until another volunteer in the youth ministry found out about the charges and began to write letters and to confront diocese officials that anything was done. Keisle was eventually arrested in 2002, charged with 13 counts of child molestation. All but two of the charges were tossed because of statute of limitations issues. This man, this Priest that was protected by Ratzinger’s department and absolute need to prevent scandal within the church, reportedly bragged that he was the ‘Pied Piper’, that ‘he tried to molest every child that sat on his lap’ and that he did molest ‘tons’ according to Lewis VanBlois, attorney for six of his victims. This same scenario played out for two priests in Arizona as well, one case being taken over by Ratzinger for review, and then left to sit on a back burner despite years and repeated requests for action. Of course, the Vatican’s response to ALL these allegations is that they are taken out of context – bullshit! – and that they will not reply to every piece of paper that may or may not have the pope’s signature on them. Yes, that’s it… continue to hide the facts, continue to blame everyone else for the clusterfuck you created, continue to allow innocent children to be abused and violated.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Bishop Raymond Lahey, the Catholic bishop stopped at airport security and found to be in possession of child pornography, was today named in a civil lawsuit alleging sexual abuse by a former resident at Mount Cashel Orphanage. Sadly, this wasn’t totally unexpected because of the long history of abuse and cover-up that was exposed several years ago regarding Mount Cashel. The charges against Lahey, stretching over a four year period for this one victim, include simulated anal intercourse and fondling. The entire situation, that men in positions of authority and unquestioning trust, could take such vile advantage of children who are in the worst of situations, and the hierarchy STILL turns a blind eye. These children were in an orphanage, already emotionally suffering more than any child should have to. Orphans, deaf children, special needs children… these men, ‘men of God’ who demand that we uphold the laws of the church and we confess our crimes, and who pass judgment on people far too often with their hellfire and brimstone damned-to-hell preaching, have been preying on the most vulnerable in society, and others have allowed it. Both the doing and the allowing are crimes. Time to start atoning.