DAILY NEWS - APRIL 14th, 2010

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 14th, 2010

DATELINE: THE LAND OF WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY THINKING! – In a move that has pleased many British parents, the Primark chain of stores will be withdrawing all of their padded bikini tops for children. Yes, they had on their shelves and in their adverts, padded bikini tops – for 7-year-olds. The company did bow to public pressure, pulled the items from shelves and have said they will donate all profits from the sale of the outfits to charity. While it is beyond sick and disgusting to even think of selling this crap to little children, it does NOT tops the recent list of products meant to sexualize your six-year-old. Included in the list is the Asda stores with their push-up bra for little girls, and... wait for it... a Tesco pole-dancing kit (sort of the preschool version of ‘My Sexy Little Pole’) that was included in the toy section. Add also to the list the ‘Lolita’ bed Woolworths touted for young girls, WH Smith’s Playboy Stationary, and yes, even Disney’s contribution, sexually suggestive panties for pre-schoolers, meant to promote High School Musical 2, with the catchy little invitation written on them ‘Dive In’. Is it even remotely possible that we can let kids be kids for at least a couple years? Do we have to put this pressure on them to conform, to grow up, to become parents? Sorry, but this takes sick in a whole new fucking direction.

DATELINE: AT NO LOT NEAR YOU – After a report by the Consumer’s Report, one of North America’s leading consumer watchdog’s, Toyota has decided to stop all sales of their Lexus GX 460 In the US. In their article, Consumer’s Report said that the vehicle was deemed ‘Don’t Buy: Safety Risk’ because of instability issues they uncovered in repeated test drives. Toyota has said that they, too, do test drives and never had the issue, but they will, in what has just the hint of a whiff of condescension in the words, ‘try to duplicate the Consumer Reports’ test to determine if appropriate steps need to be taken’. Ohhh, how very kind and accommodating of them. Sorry, but I would put my safety and trust in the report published by Consumer’s Report. The last time they used this very rare rating was in 2001 with the Mitsubishi Montero.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Okay, even Bambi can eat a LITTLE bit of crow from time to time, so I will now get out the salt shaker and a napkin. I have been ragging on Rahim Jaffer for some time now, and today I owe him an apology – an apology that comes though, with a perfect political ‘notwithstanding clause’. In the issue of his arrest and charges, and the subsequent deal he made, there should be heads rolling all over the fucking floor. The agreed-to facts of the case are that yes, he was speeding, going almost twice the legal speed limit; yes, he had been drinking and blew a fail on the roadside Alert test he was given; yes, when he was arrested, Cocaine was found in the pocket of his coat. We have now listed 3 federal Criminal Code offences that would have resulted in a criminal record for Jaffer. Here’s the issue, or issues, as the case may be: He was ‘sort-of’ denied legal counsel, which was wrong, and he was, I shudder to say it, strip searched, a treat reserved for only the most dangerous of prisoners. I have no idea what the fuck planet the cops were on that were processing Jaffer, although I suspect that perhaps they dipped into the fucking cocaine in the exhibit locker, but without doubt their incredibly poor, arguably illegal, performance cost them the conviction AND allowed a now self-confessed criminal to go free. So, while I was wrong to accuse Jaffer and his wife Helena Guergis, of influence peddling, that was not the case. It was ignorant, inexcusably crappy police processing that should result in a couple of cops looking for new work today. It does not, however, change the fact that Mr. Jaffer, in his continuously arrogant public manner, was in fact speeding in the extreme, impaired while driving, and in possession of cocaine. He might not have a criminal record, but he should. *burps* And, for the record, crow tastes slightly like chicken.

DATELINE: CHILE – Just when ya thought that those dopes in the Vatican could not make things much worse or find anything more offensive or asinine to say, enter Cardinal Bertone, the Vatican’s Foreign Minister. He was in Chile, speaking to the holy and faithful there, and decided to take the heat off the church in regards to the issues of pedophilia and priest celibacy. I fully agree that pedophilia is NOT restricted to just Catholic priests and is NOT the result of taking a vow of celibacy. BUT the Cardinal’s claims that pedophilia is directly linked to homosexuality? For the love of all that is fucking holy, get a grip, you dumb ass! Because the church has not caused enough hurt, enough distress among its congregants, lets alienate and blame another totally innocent group of people, lets add to the list of fucking victims who have to bear the burden of your guilt and your inability to claim ownership to what you have done over the years. Sorry, but every time one of you Vatican birds opens your fucking mouths, I end up seeing red, because you and just fucking bound and determined to prove that there are still higher levels of assholedness to achieve. However, in an attempt to 'again' clarify and make it all better, the Vatican then released their own 'statistics', really nothing more than semantics behind which they can again attempt to hide, offering gray-area definitions of 'paedophilia in the strict sense' (of which only a mere 10% of their cases were) and ephopbophilia, which accounted for 90%. Quit splitting hairs, and quit with the shiny distractions. The bottom line is this: Terrible, horrendous, life-destroying crimes were committed against CHILDREN, committed by priests and the victims were further victimized by the fact that the heirarchy illegally covered up the crimes and is still not willing to acknowledge them, and without the full admission of the extent of these crimes and who was involved, this issus is NOT going to disappear. Practice what you preach: It's confession time.

DATELINE: CHINA – I am about ready to start a movement to fucking forbid the existence of ANY non-government funded zoo in China. Sorry, but the absolute disregard for the well-being of animals, and apparently children now too, is pretty fucking clear. Yesterday footage was shown of a three-year-old girl tightrope walking over top an open cage where nine Siberian Tigers sat watching and waiting for dinner to be served. Yes, they were probably hungry. Based on recent articles about big cats in zoos in China, the poor cats were probably starved, being fed cornmeal because it’s cheaper than giving these incredible carnivores meat. Then, lets torment the fucking crap out of them by dangling a child over top, teasing the animals, waiting for them to do the inevitable – snatch her up the second she falls. She was, arguably, on a safety rope, but cats can jump, and they would certainly jump for the sweet little morsel that was being tortured herself right above them. Yes, to have a child walk over the cats, knowing they are hungry, knowing they could kill her in a heartbeat, knowing that if she fell, even with the rope to secure her, she might not be safe, is torture. This child should be taken away from her parents (and yes, I am apparently using that word very loosely today) and she should be taken away from the zoo. A child is not a fucking machine that should be forced to perform life-threatening stunts for the thrill of sick fucking onlookers and even more sick, money-grubbing zoo owners who apparently have no shame and no morals at all. Let’s torture the child AND torture the cats by teasing them to distraction waving food over their heads that they can’t get. When these cats finally decide they have had enough of this torture, I hope the fucking asshole that runs the zoo and makes these asshat decisions of what goes on there is the one in the fucking cage with them. You might want to yo-yo the little girl’s dad right into the cage as well.

THE FIRST EVER EVENING EDITION!!

THE FIRST EVER EVENING EDITION!!

Yes, there is soooo much of this shit out there, we just had to do another one, because we could not wait for Monday, and none of this is fodder for the artsy-fartsy fluff crap page.

DATELINE: FLORIDA – Spirit Airline has announce their latest innovation in streamlining air travel and making it so much more appealing to the public – a $45 charge for each piece of carry-on luggage. Yes, because they love to enhance your travel experience, you get to fork out more money, and we all love that. It’s their attempt to cut down on the amount of large luggage pieces that are taken into the cabin of the airplane, so because some asshole can’t stand to have to wait and the conveyor belt for ten minutes for his suitcase to arrive, we all get to foot the fucking bill. Big carry-on crap annoys me. Extra fucking fees like this annoy me that much more. Sadly, once one airline starts with this crap, its only a matter of days before the rest get that wiff of more money and jump aboard.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – MP Helena Guergis has resigned her office. About fucking time! Not only has she submitted her resignation, but she has been kicked out of Caucus, AND Prime Minister Harper has asked for a full RCMP investigation into recent ‘serious allegations’. It is to be hoped that should the investigation shows any costs to the tax payer because of Guergis or her snappy, happy hubby Rahim Jaffer, it will be completely refunded. Yes, I am doing a fucking Happy Dance. May her elitist, entitled ass get the royal fucking kicking it deserves. Nah na na na, Nah na na na, hey hey hey, Go-ooooodbye…..

DATELINE: BOSTON – Phoebe Prince had gone to administrators about the threats made against her prior to her death. Documentation revealed today that she in fact did talk to an unnamed school administrator because she was afraid of the threats she had received, and to ask that she be allowed to go home early because of these threats. Her request was denied, and she was returned to her class with the knowledge that NOTHING would be done to help her. While District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel states that the inaction is troublesome but not criminal, I would argue that, if nothing else, they should be held civilly liable for their indifference to the problem. It’s time to make some serious changes in how bullying situations are handled in schools. There is no tie to wait on this, and inaction should NEVER be an option again.

DATELINE: WEST VIRGINIA – Information provided to congressional lawmakers this afternoon indicated that the Upper Big Branch Mine had received 61 orders for closure for all or parts of the mine in the last 15 months because of safety violations. Despite the extraordinary number of ‘withdrawal orders’ no one in the Mine Safety and Health Administration bothered to take action to cite the mine for a ‘pattern of violence’. While the federal agency does not have the authority to shut down a mine without going to court first, they can issue orders that force the mine to be evacuated until known hazards are eliminated. Proper ventilation and gas emission measures have been an issue at this mine for the last year, and in fact one of the 25 victims mentioned the previous Friday that they were shut down early because of the high gas levels within the mine. Perhaps it’s time for the government to take these issues seriously and create some legislation that has some teeth. Little puissant fines mean nothing to these large mining companies, but with the available technology there is absolutely no fucking excuse for there to be any issues like this in a mine these days. It’s time to hold corporate executive’s to account, and let them know that they cannot fill their wallets at the cost of bodies left in a mine.

DATELINE: ROME – More correspondence has surfaced regarding reports to the Vatican of pedophile priests, all of them ignored by the Vatican. In Canada, Bishop Joseph Windle sent a letter to the Pope in 1993, expressing deep concerns over the elevation of Father Bernard Prince, a personal friend of Pope John Paul II, to the Pontifical Society for the Propagation of the Faith, referring to victims and the priest’s conduct. The letter had the backing of several other prominent Catholic leaders in Canada, but it was not until 2008, when he was convicted of molesting 13 boys over a span of twenty years, that the Vatican seemed to notice. Originally over 30 charges were laid, including buggery, indecent assault and gross indecency again the boys, aged 12-15, most of whom were altar boys. Following his conviction, Prince was defrocked and is now in jail, where the fucking asshole belongs.
Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, a letter has surfaced WITH Cardinal Ratzinger’s (aka Pope Benedict) signature, stating that despite pleas from within the church to defrock a known pedophile priest, Ratzinger’s ONLY concern was ‘the good of the universal church’. The letter is one of several, over years of correspondence regarding Father Stephen Kiesle, dating back to 1981, when Ratzinger was appointed head Rottweiler for the Vatican. The case was allowed to go unanswered for another four years, and in his reply at that time, the future Pope agreed that the arguments were of ‘grave significance’, but for the good of the Church (ie, to cover up the fact that this was happening fucking everywhere and that it really was of no importance to the Pope or Vatican officials) nothing would be done hastily. Let me recap… Kiesle, in 1978, had plead no contest to charges of tying up and molesting two boys in the rectory of a church in San Francisco. For starters, how the hell can ANYONE argue that this offence was a fucking misdemeanor? When his probation ended, he was allowed to return back to the church, and in fact allowed to work with children again. It was not until another volunteer in the youth ministry found out about the charges and began to write letters and to confront diocese officials that anything was done. Keisle was eventually arrested in 2002, charged with 13 counts of child molestation. All but two of the charges were tossed because of statute of limitations issues. This man, this Priest that was protected by Ratzinger’s department and absolute need to prevent scandal within the church, reportedly bragged that he was the ‘Pied Piper’, that ‘he tried to molest every child that sat on his lap’ and that he did molest ‘tons’ according to Lewis VanBlois, attorney for six of his victims. This same scenario played out for two priests in Arizona as well, one case being taken over by Ratzinger for review, and then left to sit on a back burner despite years and repeated requests for action. Of course, the Vatican’s response to ALL these allegations is that they are taken out of context – bullshit! – and that they will not reply to every piece of paper that may or may not have the pope’s signature on them. Yes, that’s it… continue to hide the facts, continue to blame everyone else for the clusterfuck you created, continue to allow innocent children to be abused and violated.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Bishop Raymond Lahey, the Catholic bishop stopped at airport security and found to be in possession of child pornography, was today named in a civil lawsuit alleging sexual abuse by a former resident at Mount Cashel Orphanage. Sadly, this wasn’t totally unexpected because of the long history of abuse and cover-up that was exposed several years ago regarding Mount Cashel. The charges against Lahey, stretching over a four year period for this one victim, include simulated anal intercourse and fondling. The entire situation, that men in positions of authority and unquestioning trust, could take such vile advantage of children who are in the worst of situations, and the hierarchy STILL turns a blind eye. These children were in an orphanage, already emotionally suffering more than any child should have to. Orphans, deaf children, special needs children… these men, ‘men of God’ who demand that we uphold the laws of the church and we confess our crimes, and who pass judgment on people far too often with their hellfire and brimstone damned-to-hell preaching, have been preying on the most vulnerable in society, and others have allowed it. Both the doing and the allowing are crimes. Time to start atoning.

APRIL 9th, 2010 – Daily News

APRIL 9th, 2010 – Daily News

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Rahim Jaffer and Helena Guergis are to bloggers what George Bush was to late-night comedians. A quick review – Guergis is that little number that behaved like a prima dona spoiled brat at the Charlottetown airport (her actions would have landed ANYONE else in a court of law), her husband managed to miraculously avoid penalty for possessing cocaine, dangerous driving and driving while impaired, there are questions circling about the use of her influence in obtaining a mortgage free of any down-payments, and now… her husband has been accused of professing to have a direct line to the Prime Minister’s office, whoring himself out as the go-to guy for organizations needing government grants, funding and assistance. The arrogance of this asshole makes the claim totally plausible. That was topped off with information that his cellphone and email are courtesy of the Canadian taxpayer as well, and lend credibility to his claims of being able to procure political favor for private enterprises. Here is the thing that is totally pissing me off with the whole Guergis/Jaffer load of fucking crap – The original issue that came up with this woman was MORE than enough grounds for her to not only lose her political portfolio but to also have her removed from Parliament. Instead, there was absolutely NO corrective or disciplinary action taken by Comrade Harper… it was all just peachy keen. It totally pisses me off that THIS is the crap that is consuming the public and politicians, and not the real fucking issues that are plaguing this country. That she is still there is an abomination and an abuse of power. That Harper is doing nothing about it says to me that he needs the public and the media distracted while he takes care of his own fucking agenda. Jaffer needs to be investigated and anything that he procured or used that has anything to do with taxpayers money needs to be reimbursed WITH INTEREST. Guergis just needs to move to a seat at the back of the house for now, and needs to be ousted from politics altogether.

DATELINE: RUSSIA – A seven-year-old boy was put on a plane from Washington to Russia, by himself, with nothing more than a note from his US adoptive mother saying she no longer wanted to care for the boy. Torry Hansen, who adopted the boy in September and took him home to Tennessee, now says she was lied to by the orphanage, claiming the child is mentally unstable and violent. Hansen and her mother claim they did not abandon the child because they had a stewardess on the plane watching him, and they paid $200 to have the child picked up. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. You do not ship a child half-way across the world with a fucking Return to Sender sticker slapped on his back. Regardless of the reasons, the actions are totally unacceptable. This is a child, not a used pair of fucking running shoes, and proper help should have been supplied for the child. If the family had done any research prior to adopting the child, this would not have happened. One has to wonder if the child was further exposed to the bullshit process of mail-order adoptions, but how is it even remotely possible to think of adopting a child without considering that perhaps the child might have a few issues that need to be worked through.

DATELINE: RIO DE JANEIRO – As the death toll from mudslides climbs towards 400 people, it is shocking how little is said on the news, how there is no mention of campaigns to raise money to assist the people who have had their lives destroyed by the tragedy. Those mostly affected were the poor and the desperately poor, living in shantytowns built on landfills and garbage sites, so perhaps that means they don’t deserve as much attention or help. In order to prevent more deaths, the government has undertaken to remove people from the shacks they built on unstable ground. There has been no mention of to where they have been moved or what will happen to them. Attempts to rescue people from the mud and garbage have not been possible because of the still-imminent danger of more slides coming down. These people built in the only places they could afford, with the only materials they could afford. As the gap between rich and poor widens globally, perhaps it’s time for the rest of us to sit up and take notice.

DATELINE: WISCONSIN – In a totally wildly original interpretation of law, Juneau County (Republican Christian Evangelical)* District Attorney Scott Southworth has warned teachers that to teach about contraceptive measures in Sex Ed class is ‘contributing to the delinquency of a minor’. This comes on the heels of a new (democratic)* law that requires the teaching of comprehensive approach to sex ed. Southworth warned against even the hint of teaching birth control measures, including the taking of the pill and the use of condoms, would be grounds for charges. Yes, one would assume this over-paid asshole has his own (political)* agenda to peddle, and it does not have anything to do with providing students with the information they require to make sound fucking decisions. I’m totally thrilled that Pro-Life groups support his decisions, however, if Pro-Life would understand that the use of preventative birth control measures help their cause more than anything else, perhaps they could make a much stronger impact. Here’s a news bulletin, and I hate to be the one to tell you this but – people have sex for pleasure as well as to recreate. If this was not the case, the makers of fucking Viagra would be out of business, because old people cannot have sex if there is no hope of conception, and sex for pleasure is not just something reserved for men because they need to get their rocks off on a regular basis. The first step in the Pro-Life agenda, as well as in DA Southworth’s, is coming to terms with the fact that sex happens regardless of religious platitudes and dogma. This realization is a huge fucking step in being proactive regarding the issues of teenaged pregnancy. To push religious agendas and threats on teenagers is nothing but counterproductive, especially for the wellbeing of the child in ALL cases.
* -- decide for yourself if this information is relevant. I will refrain from comment (rolls eyes)*

DATELINE: UP SHIT CREEK -- A lawyer who formerly worked for Toyota claims he has information and supporting evidence showing that Toyota not only knew about the mechanical and design flaws of their vehicles, but they had them fully documented within their offices and worked tirelessly to maintain none of that information became public. Information regarding vehicle issues was hidden from government regulators and the company continued to sell vehicles that they KNEW to be unsafe, according to lawyer Dimitrios Biller. Biller was Toyota’s managing counsel in charge of rollovers and roof-crush complaints from 2003-2007, and is prepared to reveal the inner details of a litany of hypocrisies and deception regarding vehicle deficiencies. Of course, Toyota claims that Biller is a disgruntled former employee, currently suing Toyota for, among other things, wrongful termination and emotional distress. Hmmm… could that be the result of being forced to lie and deceive as per company policy? It would make the job pretty fucking stressful for anyone with morals and ethics, I would think. This information comes on the heels of yet another ‘smoking gun’ in the form of internal emails where one Toyota exec is almost pleading with another, stressing the company has to come clean with the issues and details about their problems with accelerators and other recall issues. **Exeunt blog to the playing of Taps**

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 1st, 2010

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 1st, 2010

DATELINE: ENGLAND – The poor, poor Queen of England is facing financial crisis! According to the incredibly credible top secret secretly intercepted documents those fucking tabloids love, there is terrible under-financing of the Royal ‘Estate’. This ‘Estate’ is a collection of the queen’s 360+ individual properties on approximately 160,000 square meters of land. The cost of the upkeep of these residences, maintained by taxpayers, is $23Million a year, or it was back in 2004. In 2008, the taxpayers increased that amount to $24Million, which, because it is not nearly enough money, has caused a ‘backlog’ in ‘maintenance projects’. This is an OUTRAGE. In these hard times, we can’t possible expect the Queen to dip into her own fortune, estimated between $180 Million and $1 Billion. The woman obviously NEEDS that money… although since she (along with all her family) lives rent free, the cost of purchasing all those fucking hats has to run into the thousands of dollars at least. So, here is my solution. The British Government could save a whole lot of reconstruction money being sent to Haiti by instead bringing homeless Haitians to live in some of those 360+ properties, some of which have enough rooms in them to house a whole fucking Haitian city. Or perhaps some of that fortune, accrued on the backs of the working class in the form of taxes, could be used to stimulate the economy or provide healthcare for those who cannot afford it, or provide a roof for those many who no longer have one in these troubled times. The days of this sort of fucking privilege should be over.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Well, whenever the name Helena Guergis comes up in the House of Commons, you KNOW it’s going to be a great day on the Blog! Seriously, Helena Geurgis is a bloggers gift from heaven, ranking right up there with Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter and the Pope! *insert insane giggle of fucking glee here* The Minister of State for the Status of Women is now explaining how it is that letters written to media outlets defending Guergis’ incredibly bad (arguably illegal actions for the rest of us puissant tax-payers) and applauding her work, came from HER OFFICE STAFF, and not just one of them, working under altered names. Yes, her little minions wrote wonderful glowing letters to media outlets. Now, she claims she has no prior knowledge of the action, that she has told her staff that it was inappropriate and all that crap, BUT considering her hubby dear (you remember, Rahim ‘I got Caught with Cocaine and Beat the Rap’ Jaffer) did the same sort of crap when he was in public office, having someone impersonate him for a radio interview (yeah, that one sort of blew up in his fucking face as well). I am sure glad that this fucking Bimbo is on the tax-payers payroll, and doing one hell of a job championing the cause for women all over the nation. Yes, I feel much better. Thank you, Comrade Harper, because once again you have shown us the lengths you will go to in order to be honest and give a shit about the people in this country -- NOT. Obviously, we don’t deserve anything better than this crap to represent us, and she comes with full fucking government endorsement.

DATELINE: FENWAY PARK -- *gets out giant foam finger, stocks beer fridge* Yes, this Sunday at 8:05 pm Boston Time, the Red Sox will welcome the likes of Jeter, Posada and A-Rod onto their home turf as they kick off the start of their first regular game of the season. The Beckett/ Sabathia match-up will set the stage for another seven-month rivalry guaranteed to offer us many enjoyable fucking hours of watching those guys in the tight white pants, with butts to totally fucking die for! And this year, in Bambi’s household, those butts will be in Hi Def! Yes, life is good.

DATELINE: PUNXSUTAWNEY – Kissing a frog is one thing, but what the hell happens when you kiss a possum? You land in jail! That’s what happened to Donald Wolfe who, in an alcoholic haze, found a dead opossum on the road and tried to breathe life back into the poor little bugger. Since the critter had been dead for a fairly long time already, his efforts did nothing, other than entertain people along Route 36. So, this begs the question: if he would do this for an opossum, what the hell would he do for a groundhog he might find in distress? I am willing to bet though, he might have a problem getting a goodnight kiss for a while, cause the things that his lips touched just with that one possum would require several gallons of Scope and Lysol to kill.

DATELINE: ROME – When the going gets tough… hire a fucking lawyer. Yes, today the top legal official for the Vatican has stated that regardless of what any investigation turns up, despite whatever responsibility he should shoulder, regardless of any legal action or suit filed in regard to the abuse of children by anyone within the Catholic Church, the Pope cannot be called to testify because he has...wait for it... immunity. As head of a sovereign state, he enjoys the same privileges as any other leader of a country. I am sorry, but it always seems that those who need it most are the ones who so readily claim ‘immunity’. I have to admit, I had wondered about the legalities that might be involved with the Pope should evidence conclusively point to his knowledge of the thousands of abuse cases, his condoning them, his essentially permitting this to carry on for decades, first is his role as Cardinal Ratzinger, and then as Pope. Would he hunker down in St Peter’s and claim sanctuary? Do any extradition treaties exist between Vatican City and any other country, allowing the arrest of criminals from within those holy walls should charges be laid in other countries? But I needed to fear not, because he has it all in the bag already, and it is very safe to assume that, like that fucking Russell on Survivor, he will hang on to that fucking immunity idol till his dying breath.

DATELINE: NEW JERSEY – a 15-year-old Renton girl sold her 7-year-old step-sister, making her have sex with as many as seven men and boys at a party on the weekend. She started off the evening having sex for money with the guests herself, then branched out, selling first the opportunity for the men to ‘touch’ her sister, and things progressed from there. The little girl was told she would be killed if she screamed or said anything. There are no words. The men involved in this should never be allowed to see the light of day. Regardless of circumstances there is NO ONE who would believe that this was okay, and any man who participated should have their fucking nuts in a Slap Chop.

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 11th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 11th, 2010

DATELINE: ROME – A high school in Rome has announced that it will be installing condom machines. It is hard to believe that this is news, but, when in Rome... Of course, the Vatican had an immediate and definitive response. The placement of condoms in a school ‘trivializes sex’ and of course, the action ‘cannot be approved by Rome’s ecclesiastical community or by Christian families who are seriously concerned with the education of their children’. Far be it for me to point out that, amidst the reports of gay prostitution rings being run out of the Holy City, as well as the hundreds of reports of abuse, both sexual and physical, at the hands of Catholic priests, that the position of the Vatican regarding condom machines would be totally fucking hilarious if it was not so fucking sad. The obvious thing to do would be to let your children go to a Catholic school, where they can be sold to the highest bidder for a nightly lesson in anal sex? How about more lessons in hatred as when little girls are kicked out of fucking pre-school because they have two moms? The level of hypocrisy is totally unbelievable. In the case of the condom machines, however, they went one step further. The head Italy’s national association of Catholic pharmacists has gone so far as to say that condoms are responsible for increased numbers of rapes and violence. That a man with an education and a modicum of ethics would make such a fucking preposterous suggestion is deplorable. There are very few rapists who take the time to slip on a rubber. Perhaps though, the Holy Father is only in favour of them being handed out by his priests, on an as-needed basis. I cannot begin to tell you how fucking sick this whole thing makes me. Someone has to step in and stop this fucking stupidity.

DATELINE: MISSISSIPPI – Speaking of the propagation of hatred, lets run over to the Itawamba County Agricultural High School, where the high school prom has been cancelled. Why? Well, obviously because there was the Level Red National fucking threat that a same-sex couple might actually attend the dance. *Insert sarcastic gasps of shock and horror here* The school planned on just banning the student in question, but was then advised by the ACLU that to do that would violate her rights. The next best thing to do then, obviously, is to cancel the whole fucking prom and let the student take the blame for it. Not only did the school district come up with this hateful fucking idea, the mayor of the town says that his whole community supports the decision. The whole community supports the decision to exclude, shame, and thrust hatred upon an 18-year-old? Well, there is a fucking endorsement to put on your billboards. The whole fucking town should be ashamed. Schools in Mississippi – teaching hatred and intolerance damned near better than anyone else on the continent. The Catholics must fucking love you people.

DATELINE: ONTARIO – Dr. Barbara Hartwell, the surgeon who performed not one, but at least two unnecessary mastectomies, has had her operating room privileges reinstated. Yes, before the investigation into her actions has even really begun, she has been ruled fit to wield a fucking knife again. Here is my take on this... In this case I totally fucking adhere to the eye-for-an-eye principle. Perhaps before she steps in to operate on anyone, she should have both of her breasts whacked off and thrown away for absolutely no reason. Perhaps then she might be a bit more careful. Sadly with the health care system such as it is in this country, there will be women forced to go to this doctor for treatment. Sorry, but I would rather take my chances, because there is no fucking way I would allow anyone I love or care about within ten fucking miles of this doctor.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Public Safety Minister Vic Toews wrote an open letter to newspapers slamming their coverage of the Rahim Jaffer case that was tossed in court... you remember, the one where he was picked up for speeding in the extreme, blew a fail on the breathalyser, was found with cocaine on him? Yeah, that delightful asshole, who for the whole time he was a Member of Parliament screamed about harsher laws and penalties and more accountability from the justice system. So now, he has Vic Toews pleading his case to the public, and doing it soo fucking well, stating that the reporters where advancing ‘liberal spin’. Here is the thing Mr. Toews. You do not have to be a fucking liberal to be able to smell a steaming pile of shit when it is plopped there right in front of you. If this had been me, I would be in fucking jail. If it had been any one of millions of other Canadians, they would be in jail. Speaking of which, I defy you to find me a fucking normal non-privileged person who could do even a quarter of that bullshit that Helena Guergis pulled at the airport in Charlottetown and not go to jail. Yes, your party has that ripe aroma that comes with the feeling of being totally fucking above the law and you prove it every fucking day. The fact that you would put any god damned political spin on this shows me that you also know that what happened was wrong... you just won’t admit it. It’s one of those fucking ‘me think he doth protest too much’ things. There, Comrade Harper... I managed to get a ‘doth’ in there just for you.

DATELINE: REGINA – The Saskatchewan Party is having a Pig Roast Fundraiser. I know that, because I saw it on a poster... probably the most inappropriate fucking poster ever printed. The words are printed over a picture of the World Trade Center as flames and smoke billow from the windows. Yes, they actually have the words ‘Second Annual Spring Fundraising Dinner’ and ‘Pig Roast Dinner’ slapped right across the picture. That anyone could be so stupid as to think this was okay actually boggles the fucking mind. I stared at the damned thing for ten minutes trying to understand why they would use that picture. The reason – because they have Chief Richard Picciotto, the highest ranking firefighter to be pulled from the rubble, as a guest speaker. Nowhere on the poster does it say this. Nowhere does it explain with anything even resembling tact or diplomacy or even compassion that the guest speaker was associated to the 9-11 attacks. Instead they jam the words Pig Roast right over the fucking flames. This is a new low in political clusterfucks. Hopefully they plan to use more thought when running the damned province than they did in designing a fucking poster.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON – President Obama has announced that he will be donating the full amount of his Nobel Peace Prize money to charities around the world. The $1.4M will help students, veterans’ families and Haiti earthquake victims, to name a few. Say what you will about the man and the politics, this is one hell of a first class thing to do. Kudos to the man.

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 10, 2010

DAILY NEWS – MARCH 10, 2010

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Once again, the politics of this country is enough to make me want to fucking puke. Former Conservative Member of Parliament Rahim Jaffer was pulled over for speeding. He was asked to provide a breath sample, which he did and produced a Fail. He was charged with speeding, impaired driving and... wait for it... possession of Cocaine. Yesterday, in court, he plead guilty to the absolutely insignificant charge of careless driving, and received a $500 fine. All other charges were dropped. Now, how in the fuck does the Cocaine thing disappear even IF the impaired driving charge could not be substantiated enough for a court of law? Did the fucking crack just disappear? Or was the real difference that this man who once loudly endorsed a ‘get tough on crime’ and ‘mandatory minimum’ line for justice happens to have a few strings he can still pull, especially in the form of his incredibly badly mannered wife Helena Geurgis, the spoiled brat who already showed her sense of superiority and entitlement through that bru-ha-ha at the airport in Charlottetown? No matter how you look at this, it fucking reeks. Of course, Comrade Harper fails to see it that way, but what the fuck? He is like that about all things Conservative, fanning the rampant flames of entitlement that burn so brightly in his fucking caucus. It is well past time that the works of them be put in fucking Prius’ and allowed to drive off a fucking cliff before the rest of us have to goose step our way around the grocery store, shouting ‘Heil Harper’ at his picture that hangs at the end of every fucking aisle as a reminder of his vast superiority and power.

DATELINE: FLORIDA – A highway patrol trooper got more than an eyeful when he pulled over a 37-year-old driver the other day. She was in the process of shaving her ‘bikini area’ while driving, and so had her ex-husband, who was in the passenger seat steering for her. For starters, how the hell much do you think he was REALLY looking at the fucking road? But, when asked why she was in such a hurry that she had to take care of this task while driving, she said she was on her way to a date with her boyfriend, and she didn’t want to be late. Now, I am not sure what the hell sort of drugs you have to be on to want to shave that particular area while driving. A speed bump could have been a fucking catastrophe. And while ex-hubby is watching you get ready for your date? It’s surprising that he even noticed the fucking trooper pulling him over.

DATELINE: CALGARY – Sarah Palin has again opened her mouth and crammed her fucking foot right in there, 3” stiletto and all. Ya know, this stupid woman is working hard to ensure her place in the books – the dictionary, beside the word ‘Idiot’. While giving one of her homey-type speeches to the folks down there in Calgary, she mentioned how her family used to slip across the line to Whitehorse for medical treatment. Take a minute and let that sink in. This woman and her family used to come into Canada for medical treatment from our socialized health care programs, and yet she will scream at the top of her ever-loving window-breaking voice that she is against socialized health care. So, while her comments make her out to be the top candidate for the fucking Hypocrite of the Year statuette, not to mention it shows the morals of her coming here so WE could pay for her fucking health care, she compounds the whole situation. She cites a case where her brother got burned in ‘some little kid accident thing’ and her parents rushed him on the train to Whitehorse for treatment. Since the medical records show that he actually was rushed by train to Juneau, either her brother suffered burned feet more than once, or she was totally up her ass again about what she was saying. My money is on the latter. I can’t wait to hear how THIS part will play up in her new book about patriotism – running across the border for health are treatment on a regular basis and all. Sarah, honey, how is that stupidity thing working for ya so far? Hopefully this will mean she will finally just fade off into that Alaskan sunset once and for all.

DATELINE: GERMANY – The Catholic Church has announced that it will launch an investigation into the growing number of reported sexual and physical abuse cases. Whoop-de-fucking-do. We have seen how well they investigate and police themselves, and there are countless hundreds of thousands of lives destroyed in the process, because nothing ever happens. This time, the allegations include many cases of abuse among the boys in the Domspatzen Choir, which has been under the control of the Pope’s brother, Father Georg Ratzinger, for the last 30 years. Yes, Georg denies any knowledge or involvement, but would we expect any less? He did, however, apologize to the victims for doing nothing to stop the beatings at an elementary school in Germany. As all of this also happened while the current Pope was archbishop of Munich, and then de facto watchdog for the Pope, interrogating and disciplining priests who did not condone women who were required to have hysterectomies or take birth control pills for reasons other than birth control, what happens now? Is it even remotely fucking possible to believe he knew nothing of what was happening under his watch? Is it possible to remove a Pope? Because, as long as this man (and I use this term loosely because he was more of a feckless fucking thug than a real man) is at the helm of the church, credibility for the religion in its entirety is not possible. Now is the time for the church to fucking well wake up and shake up the rotted timbers keeping the roof in place.

DATELINE: CALIFORNIA – A police car helped to stop a run-away Prius. The owner had called 9-1-1- to say that he could not stop, that the car had accelerated to 90 miles per hour, and that he was trying to do anything to get it under the car. No, his car was not named Christine. It was a Toyota, the car that takes Stephen King’s book off the fucking fiction shelf and plants it firmly in the non-fiction category. The cop confirmed that the guy was trying to stop, was stomping on the brakes, the brake lights were on and the smell of burning brakes was obvious. I can’t fucking wait to see how Toyota is gonna spin this baby.

DATELINE: KENTUCKY – A woman, originally picked up for the minor offence of being drunk in public, now is facing $10,000 bail and charges of 3rd Degree Assault on a Police Officer. Her weapon of choice? Breast milk. Now, I ask you, why in the hell did Agatha Christie miss this opportunity? I can’t wait to see the CSI: Miami version of this, because what a perfect fucking weapon. People the world over will be screaming for safety features to be added to women’s breasts to prevent them from squirting milk on a fucking cop. The woman was being put into her lovely little cell overalls and the cop helping her got squirted.

DATELINE: CALIFORNIA – US Senator Roy Ashburn, a man who has spoken out at length against gay rights, gay marriage and anti-discrimination laws is... yes, you guessed it, gay. Is there a fucking politician ANYWHERE in North America who is NOT trying out for the liar/hypocrite Olympics? Are they ALL taking lessons from the Vatican in this crap, or what? Ashburn had been picked up for drunk driving (a charge he will probably get a walk on anyways) and realized it might just come out that the place he had been drinking all night was his gay bar/nightclub, so after much soul-searching (because it would take this jerk a long time to search for his soul... he is a politician: they apparently turn them and everything having to do with morals and ethics in at the ballot box) he decided it was time to come out of the closet. First, I really don’t care that you are gay. That might surprise some, but I don’t. What I care about is the fact that the son of a bitch fought against what was the right thing to do. How the hell can anyone be against anti-discrimination laws? That he is done in politics is a reason for California to fucking celebrate.

DATELINE: COLORADO – An 85-year-old man was assaulted by a 52-year-old man in a parking lot at a McDonalds. The reason for the long-running disagreement between the two? A fucking parking space. The older dude ALWAYS parked there, the younger one wanted the place. These are supposed grown fucking adults, mature people, the source of sober second thought for a fucking community, and they are fighting over a parking space? At a McDonalds? Neither one should go to jail. They should both be committed.