DAILY NEWS - JANUARY 10th, 2012

DATELINE: OBSERVING THE CORONATION OF TURD ISLAND’S KING SHIT -- Finally, the damned GOP primaries have started – not a fucking moment too soon, because I was really starting to get sick of the gazillion debates so far. I’m excited. I’m a bit of a politics junkie, and, well, there is no nice way to say this, but the US has become the ultimate crack/speed/LSD fix – always extreme, always ugly, with a surreal quality of constant ‘what the fuck, man!’ that continually offers a follow-up hit with more pizzazz and less time in between, exactly what a junkie longs for. Their new prayer is Thank God for the United States of America and its never-ending election cycle. That said, I do not envy the Republicans their job of gleaning the wheat from the chaff in this weed-infested crop of crooks, hate-mongers and idiots.

I have grown tired of the hypocrisy of Romney and Gingrinch – holy crap, those two have written the damned book on hypocrisy in the extreme! I have given thanks (and even lit a candle) that Palin and Trump decided not to run – yet – and that Bachmann and Cain pulled out, because that was just way too much stoopid to even consider a possibility. That Santorum is still in there astounds me: to my dear friends on the warm side of the border, there are no coincidences – there is a reason that the man’s name is synonymous with frothy semen-filled shit. That ain’t no accident, and is something you really don’t want to be looking at every night for the next 8 years while eating dinner and watching the flatscreen. The man is fucking insane, and will seriously take your human rights back to a point where Kim Jong Il and Stalin would look moderate.

Of the many concerns I have with Ron Paul, the top one is that I can’t look at him without hearing Mr. Magoo’s voice. I can’t imagine the most powerful country in the world being led by a cartoon character. The thought of Mr Magoo strolling into the United Nations building with a passionate plea to call the world to arms, to unite against some heinous mutual threat, would have people laughing their asses off. Sorry, but he may as well talk like Alvin the Chipmunk as well, because as far as credibility goes, anyone who had good cartoon taste as a kid is not gonna take him seriously… and that could be more the danger.

Rick Perry, apart from having terminal Foot-in-Mouth Disease and needing Ed The Talking Horse on stage with him to help him count to three, proudly uses as his big boast the fact that he loves to kill people (just slightly better than Romney stating that he likes to fire people). Yes, thanks to the valiant efforts of Rick Perry, the US is essentially tied for third place at the International Government Executions Olympics in 2011 -- just a handful of lives behind North Korea and Yemen, but miles ahead of the next competitor. With Perry at the helm, you can well expect, with great pride, to give second place Iran, or even the front-runner, China, a run for their money. Does it not bother anyone that there is NO developed country in the world even competing in this event?

Here are the things that make me scream at the set though. How can this incredible collection of excrement stand there and scream about the evils of class warfare while bragging about being a product of it with every other sentence? How can they logically think there is one magic ticket to curing the economic woes of a country? For fuck sake, dropping taxes to the ‘job creators’ is the biggest load of cow crap I have ever heard. It’s the ‘job creators’ taking their jobs overseas, to where they get essentially slave labor at the hands of impoverished, desperate people (and a resultant crap product) that contributed to the problem, as well as Gingrinch’s Freddy Mac and Fanny Mae shit – and sorry, you can paint that outhouse with any color paint you want, but it’s still gonna be nothing more than a hole full of shit, Newt. Historical consultant? My ass! The largest corporations out there right now are sitting on billions, praying for that tax cut, not so they can hire more people on this continent, but so they can line their own fucking pockets and fuck the people over again – while passing handfuls of money under the table to the politicians who are pushing this fucking agenda. Why is this so hard for you dopes to see? There is a desperate need for tax reform, and that does not mean to keep taxing the middle class and lining the pockets of the likes of Gingrinch and Romney, but giving it some mile-long bullshit new name. You wanna talk about fucking class warfare, you better start looking in a mirror, then watchin your ass, because someone is gonna put on their Robin Hood costume and you two dolts are surely gonna be mistaken for that lousy, crooked, evil, heartless Sheriff of Nothingham.

Plus what is this crap about wanting less government, but then saying the government should federally regulate who sleeps with who, who can use birth control, and what church is acceptable? You might be wanting to lead the most powerful nation in the world, but that is not quite the same as being God. A leader with a god complex is… well… Kim Jung Il or Stalin. You want to control religion and ethnicity? Well, Hitler also managed to do that – for a while, but I guess anything is on the table when world domination, your pocketbook and a place in history is on the line. Fucking with this shit in politics is incredibly dangerous, and incredibly stupid, but I guess if the republican party is so narrow-minded and asinine to put someone like this in a position of leadership, they can reap what they sow. That a country the size and scope of the United States of America can only come up with this list of lame-brains to offer as their best and brightest is the saddest fucking thing I have ever seen.

That said, I will go out on a limb and make a prediction. Based solely on the very scientific process of pulling a name out of my ass (the same principle apparently employed by these candidates when discussing just about any issue), I will predict it will come down to sadly, Romney and Huntsman, with a Trump card being played in the end run. Why? Because everyone else on the playing field has had their one major pass, that one chance to take it across the goal line in a hail of glorious cheers, and they have dropped the ball. Bachmann, Paul, Perry, Cain, Gingrinch (twice), and now Santorum all did a meteoric rise to the top of the heap, only to open their mouths with a bit more press coverage and say that thing that made the people go ‘Holy Hell, What Were We Thinking!’. There is a reason for the huge undecided vote among republicans, and that is because the choices they are being offered are about the same as offering them a choice of death by disembowelment or being tied to an anthill and covered with honey to allow the critters to eat them alive. Huntsman has not had that chance to rise to the top yet. He’s a late bloomer, and he will start his holy ascension now, late enough in the game to put him near the top in the end, which leaves the evangelical right with the unbelievable choice of picking from a table with only two dishes – neither one being fish, but both of them belonging to that radical upstart cult of Mormonism. How sad that a candidate’s religion is even a topic of discussion, but if there is one thing it’s easy to scare people about, to bring out the worst in them, its religion.

But what about the Trump card, you ask? Well, I suspect that SOME people, when his choice isn’t going to make it across the finish line, is gonna toss his hat into the ring as an independent. That’s sad on two counts, the first being that he really should not take off any hat that hides that bad comb-over, but is also sad because of the elementary school-yard attitude it portrays. For God’s sake, the man has a golden crapper but still uses a ShamWow on his hair. More to the point though, it will give the Republicans just what they don’t need – another reason to be idiotically divided.

DAILY NEWS -- January 9th, 2012

DATELINE: WAY DOWN SOUTH, KEEPING AN EYE ON THOSE FUCKING
NUTS – What did one nut say to the other? I’m coming down to Venezuela to pay you a visit.

There you have it: a cluster of nuts, dangling about right there in South America. Chavez and Ahmadinejad are together again, arm in arm, sharing an embrace, the Malevolent Biff and Bob of the Geopolitical Sect. Hugo is still on his tirade about the United States causing all the South American government leaders to get cancer, and is still slinging bargain-basement burritos at the masses, of course not at bargain basement prices, but they are the national food, so shut up and eat. When Hugo says 'eat my fucking burritos', who is gonna argue?

And my old buddy Mahmoud… that crazy bastard started his visit by stating "Our weapon is logic. Our weapon is culture. Our weapons are human values." Who the hell is he trying to kid? Talk about yer fucking brazil nut sammich. So what unites these two fucking Almond Joy bars? Oil, because they have it coming out their asses,and a hate of ‘the imperialistic US’… the one that they have absolutely no intention of harming or invading or bombing, even though it is the 'axis of evil' *insert sinister music here*. Of course they have a logical explanation for the uranium enrichment that has started in Iran – it has some sort of medical purpose (ummm, like ending lives, instead of helping them?)

I’ve said it before, I will say it again: When the mayans were on calendar-making coffee break and opened up their Chinese fortune cookies, it was a picture of these two idiots and that uber-macho,even uberer-dangerous dickhead Putin that they saw, and they just threw up their chisels and hammers and said ‘fuck it’.

DATELINE: UP NORTH, WHERE THE AIR IS CRISP AND BRAINS ARE FROZEN – ‘Whose brain?’ you might (ridiculously) ask. Well, I am gonna surprise you with this one. If you guessed Sarah Palin, you were wrong… well, half wrong. You might want to sit down for this fucking game-changer in the GOP race. This is the announcement the whole fucking world has been waiting for. Leaders in countries far and near have been praying for this fucking moment. YES, Todd Palin has made an endorsement for who he thinks (yes, this word is being used artistically here) should be leader of the Republican Party. Whew! I was getting god damned worried about this. How were they ever going to get by without this bit of fucking information? To top it off, the shit-for-brains fooled me. I was sure Santorum would be his candidate of choice, you know… considering… you know… the whole shit thing, but no, Rick Santorum can breathe easier now, as can Romney, Huntsman, and Ron Paul. The winner (or loser) of this fucking award will be none other than Nut GinGrinch! Rick Perry, eat your heart out.

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF CLUSTERS OF NUTS – Charlie Sheen announced today that he is no longer insane. We can take his word for it. Take a minute. Let that news sink in… then laugh your fucking ass off.

DATELINE: PUTTING ANOTHER NOTCH ON THE VATICAN BEDPOST – Because rape, sexual abuse, abuse, sodomy, abuse of authority, obstruction of justice, genocide (yeah, you thought we had forgotten those pesky little Crusades, didn’t you), perjury, assisting in multiple cover-ups, running a brothel from the basement of the Holy City and hypocrisy just weren’t enough, lets add plagiarism to the list of skills the Pope and his gang of merry men have perfected. Yes, they announced that while doing up the biographies for their list of new Cardinals, they stole the bios from, wait for it… Wikipedia… without attribution even -- those sneaky bead-jigglers. Come on, they are your own fucking people. You have the damned personnel files on em, but you had to steal bios to hand out to your few yet-to-be-fleeced-sheep? I guess, in their defense, they used the Italian versions, but seriously? The thing that gave them away… in the releases they made, they described their cardinals as being ‘catholic’. Well, duh! Now they are saying they were just trying to ‘help’ and the biographies were ‘unofficial’. My favorite excuse though, and you would think the catholic church should be getting at least a little better at it (but apparently not) is that they had no advanced notice of the names and had been in a hurry. Man, the kneelers in the confessionals in St Peters have to be just about fucking worn out.

ARTSY FARTSY FLUFF CRAP RECAP

Goodbye 2011, We hope you take these idiots with you!

*cues CanCan music*

Hey, here comes that time of year
When we sit back and gladly cheer
We wave goodbye to stories queer
And Lindsay Lohan Lohan Lohan

Chris Aquilera tried to sing
A truly patriotic thing
Perhaps next time the words she’ll bring
Since she don’t really know em.

Kate and Willie tied the knot
And Spidey’s webs he finally shot
Then Chaz raised shit with his foxtrot
The sponsors tried to blow ‘im.

Gaga carried shoulder-high inside an egg
Rupert Murdoch for clemency he had to beg
Kim Kardashian married for a whole week
Mel Gibson should never speak, never speak, never speak!

Maria kicked out Ahnold’s ass
And Beiber’s semen moved real fast
Show hosting torches had to pass
Bye Oprah, Regis Philbin, Philbin

A rock appeared on Britney’s hand
And Charlie Sheen amazed the land
With his tiger piss/Adonis plan
The ratings he was killin’, killin’

Palin, Romney, Bachmann too
Santorum spewing lots of poo
With Cain and Ron Paul (oy vey) What a crew!
Scripts for Jon Stewart fillin, fillin.

So now we start a brand new year
It will require much more beer
As more of this crap we’ll have to hear
Damn Lindsay Lohan, Lohan Lohan.

SANTORUM -- NAME AND NATURE?

DATELINE: DABBING AT THE FROTH THAT OOZES PAST HIS SPHINCTER – Who else could I be talking about but that GOP glaring bright light of hope for the future, the blessed one, the chosen one, the fucking nuts one -- RickSantorum, the ‘Jesus Candidate’. Well, he might be that, because whenever I see him come on my television, I scream ‘Oh Jesus!’ and turn the fucking channel.

To just remind all of you religious rage-aholics, there is a wonderful document in the United States of America. It’s called the Constitution, and within it, right there in the very first amendment, it states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof ....". Further along, in the fourth article, just for added clarity, it also states "no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."

Now enter Rick Santorum, that frothy bit of butt juice, with his repeated spewing of "our civil laws have to comport with a higher law: God's law." So, apparently, Christian law’s trump everything else? Which of God’s laws are we talking about? And while he is saying this, he is talking about the ‘creeping threat of Muslim law’ – because apparently THEIR God is not the God Rick is talking about.

"We have Judeo-Christian values that are based on biblical truth. ... And those truths don't change just because people's attitudes may change." Well, Rick, you just said a mouthful! True enough… so which biblical truth are we going to embrace? If we sin with our arm, we should cut it off, or do we turn the other cheek? Perhaps the Lord helps those who help themselves trumps the fact that you are your brother’s keeper, unless of course, you are keeping them in prison, because they couldn’t help themselves. Do we embrace the vengeful god or the loving god.

Here is the first of my problems… the government should not force you to adhere to any one religion. If I want to worship a fucking cabbage, that is my business, and as long as I do not infringe on other people’s rights in the process, just fuck off and let me and my cabbage have at it. If you look at ALL of the religions on the world, every one of them has one basic, guiding principle – do unto others. All the rest is just a load of propaganda, crap inserted by the current interpreter to make the words meet his own needs. Why is this so fucking difficult? Rick Santorum’s God might be white-skinned, red-haired, bearded and speaking in English, and that’s cool. I rather doubt that if that same image of God showed up to the Maori people, he might just be a tad different, speakin a different language that they could relate to and understand, speaking the same fucking thing – do unto others. The absolute unmitigated arrogance of pricks like Rick Santorum about their religion is enough to make me puke.

But more than that, he, as President of the most powerful nation on the planet, is planning to deny millions of people their rights, impose his own (idiotic) beliefs on everyone, and that will make the world perfect. He is planning to overturn decisions and laws set up to protect everyone in the nation, all so he can tout his own god, and in the process make himself a saint. He will thump that Bible and, like those who wrote the Good Book, will twist its words to his own end. Any book that is a transcription of a transcription of a transcription, morphing through languages, interpretations and changes at the same rate as Depends in a senior’s home, cannot be touted as ‘the whole truth’. It was written by men for political purposes, with specific agendas, heavily laden with metaphor and symbolism, just so that it could be
this perfect weapon of abuse when it comes to individual rights. Yes, you can argue, but if you think about that, you will know its truth, and then you will be going to hell along with me. No worries, we will be in good fuckin company in our hell. The bar there is kickass.

This cannot be overstated: the man is nuckin futs, a fruit case of the most arrogant kind, a man who is bent on using religion to set himself on a pedestal while all others around him are tossed into the pits of hell, and yes, he will make sure they are in his own sick fucking version of hell. That he is taken seriously for even a minute is astounding, and makes me throw up a little in my mouth. The man who campaigns on DENYING human and religious rights is now a front runner. What the fuck does this say to you?

Freedom, honor, respect, tolerance, acceptance -- in the Santorum lexicon, these words don't exist. What is most disturbing of all, though, is the fact that even for one fraction of one minute this bastard is being taken seriously? I don't care what else he brings to the table -- the rest of it is just too much to sacrifice.

So, to the people who embrace what Santorum represents -- quit blaming people who are a different color than you for your fears, quit blaming people who practice a different religion than you for your insecurities about your own shortcomings, and quit blaming gays and lesbians for your unhappy fucking marriages and sexual hangups. Those are all YOU problems, not theirs, and the are certainly not something for which the entire nation should pay the price. Get a life, get serious about what is needed in leadership right now, and find someone to fucking elect who is not the raving lunatic of the god damned year.

SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT YEAR

DATELINE: SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT YEAR: Well, it is encouraging to know that some things will never fuckin change. First, the catholic church. *insert almost patient sigh here*. They created this bullshit front/homage to tolerance by creating Courage. Now, I have no idea what the hell ‘Courage’ is to me, but after spending time listening to the Catholic Church expounding on its wisdom, and perusing its website, if I wasn’t completely offended before by the church I grew up with and their hypocritical loads of bullshit, I certainly am now. Courage is sort of a Catholic AA for homosexuals, a 12-step program to rid them of their need for...affection? Intimacy? The Catholic Church's Courage Program is NOT about tolerance at all. This is about ‘curing’ gays and lesbians. I am surprised Michelle Bachmann’s face isn’t all over the fecking website, being the posterbitch for the Intolerant Movement.

Catholic Church Courage: Their site claims to promote tolerance ‘By developing an interior life of chastity, which is the universal call to all Christians, one can move beyond the confines of the homosexual identity to a more complete one in Christ.’ Universal to all Christians? What the fuck is that!! An interior life of chastity? Shall I start the fucking list of oh so chaste fucking catholic priests and bishops, and that doesn't have anything to do with their god damned internal life? They were right out there, for the world to see, getting away with rape, sodomy, sexual abuse, manipulation, corruption, abuse... while the Church withheld the evidence and obstructed justice. Where the hell do they get off (okay, considering who I am talking about, ‘get off’ is probably not the greatest choice of words) telling ANYONE else what to do when they sure as hell don’t adhere to those principles, or apparently any principles, at all?

So, apparently they are saying that 'it’s okay for you to be gay, we as a church embrace that, as long as you come to us to be cured, and as long as you don’t call it marriage'. According to Deacon Robert Pallotti, the directorate of the Office of the Diaconate in Connecticut, New Hampshire, “These are people in the Roman Catholic Church who need our care and love. In some cases, they have been rejected by society. They need to be accepted, affirmed and supported as Roman Catholics trying to remain faithful to church teachings.”

They have been ‘accepted, affirmed and supported’. How the hell is it possible that a lightning bolt did not take this asshole out the minute he started to speak?
He goes on to say “Through support and spiritual intervention, we can help those with same-sex attractions live moral and fulfilling lives. These people are hurting and so are their families. Doing nothing would be a lack of compassion.”

These people are hurting,because they are being forced to live a lie, because they are made to feel ashamed of who they are, because of dickhead narrow-minded intolerant pieces of shit, like Pallotti and the rest of his Courage friends, who can’t even say love or marriage or relationships. All this ‘same sex attractions’ is just another way of them denying that a person who is gay is allowed to have feelings or is allowed to love. All of this 'Courage' bullshit being spewed from catholic mouths is akin to the futuristic horror movie The Rick Santorum Solution, undoubtedly a low budget film that will star Rick in the leading role, backed with a wonderful array of fucking junkyard dogs.

In the past week, we have been subjected to reports of catholic bishops admitting to fathering families, allowing the mother to raise the children alone. We have had priests in court because of their procurement and possession of child pornography (yes, it was in Canada, so yes, the fucking sick bastard was sentenced yesterday to time already served). Yes, this one is STILL a priest. Apparently this sort of thing is NOT reason for them to get the boot. Counseling a woman to follow her doctor’s advice if he advises a hysterectomy, however, is. Excuse me if I don’t bow down to the amazing brilliance and erudite guidance offered by the Catholic Church. Until they clean up their own fucking mess, in every sense of the term, they have absolutely no business telling anyone else what to do. As for them expounding the merits of tolerance and acceptance? Yeah, go check out their ‘Courage’ site; you’ll soon learn that those words are not even a possibility in this organization.

Ding, Dong the Dick(tater) is Dead

DATELINE: ON THE RED CARPET AT THE NORTH KOREAN SEVERELY-OVERACTED OSCARS – And the award goes to... the masses of people wailing, clawing in the streets, pulling their hair out as they scream in agony at the loss of their incredible amazing altruistic generous loving leader. Hang on a minute while I go puke. At first I watched the coverage very carefully, looking for the tanks and guns that had to be trained on the people performing in the streets as the coffin screamed past. Then I thought that perhaps it was just that the people were offered fucking food for their outlandish performances.

North Korea – an oxymoron inside an oxymoron, run by a moron. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is, at the same time, a Juche Unitarian Single-Party State, and is nothing more than a fucking autocratic dictatorship run by a heartless thug who will sacrifice any number of his people for the sake of maintaining his almighty power and authority. This is a country run by a familial thread of despots, who cleverly guised their three-class union as the ultimate equalization of all classes, even though they are divided into peasant, worker and intellectual cliques. No matter how beautiful the fucking flag they drape over it, this is still an Orwellian ‘all pigs are created equal, but some pigs are more equal than others’ society... just with fewer more-equal pigs than most. Kim (insert any of the three given names in here -- they are one in the same) claims to allow freedom of religion while teaching children from the time they are born the proper way to pay homage to Kim Il-sung, the God of Korea, and his holy offspring. This Democratic Republic of Communism Oppression does, in fact, have a very impressive level of literacy, and believes in the value of education. Unfortunately the true value of education in their world is totally about brainwashing and control of the masses, making them willing to accept their need to freeze and starve while the government spends billions on nuclear weapon development and a fucking space program. They expound to their people the virtues of progress while keeping the entire population in an iron-clad bubble, designed to prevent them from knowing anything about what potential is out there, what equality is, that there really is hope for a life of freedom. They accept the starvation of their own babies, they watch their children die, they watch people executed for not toeing the line, but they save all their tears for the death of a politician.

Indifferent, unmoving, heartless and completely egomaniacal, Kim Jong-il ruled North Korea. Under his watch, two million people starved to death in one winter. Under his watch, international aid to help starving people was denied. Under his watch, people lived in hovels, froze in the extreme Korean winter cold, and lived in blissful ignorance of what the world is really about, what is really possible, that their lot is not the norm the world over. How could they know? They read what he allowed them to read, they did the jobs he told them to do, they heard what he allowed to be said. Now they cry hysterically in the streets, dropping to their knees, crawling along the fucking dirt streets on their hands and knees in grief, screaming for their beloved leader not to leave them. Such a contrast from the Arab Spring, where similar heartless dickheads could be joyfully executed in the streets by the people they oppressed, now aware of what they had been deprived and not willing to tolerate it any more. If, perhaps, the North Korean people had an inkling of the abuse they have been forced to tolerate, perhaps there would be no crying in the streets. Perhaps they would throw the bastard the ticker-tape parade he deserves on his trip through the streets on his way to hell, joining the likes of bin Laden, Hussein, Gadhafi, Hitler, Stalin and the other long string of tyrants who used the blood and flesh of the people to pad the walls of their fucking castles and the interior of their wallets. The sad truth of the pictures on television is that a country mourns, naively unaware, wrapped tightly in a blanket of deceit they will never shed in our lifetime. They do it, because that is what they are told to do... and you don’t disregard orders when you live in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

US STUPID COMMITTEE -- WELL DONE, ASSHATS

DATELINE: ON SEASAME STREET, LEARNING ABOUT CO-OPEATION: Apparently some place that NONE of the fucking assholes from the US Senate and the US Congress ever bothered to do, and the cost, not to them, because they will still get paid, will be huge. The Republicans can’t bear the idea of taxing the rich, because that’s where they are getting their money, and where a lot of those politicians fall in the tax schedule! Democrats are too attached to their social programs and don’t want to give them up! The Republicans don’t want a deal because then they can use the whole clusterfuck to campaign against Obama and when they get in and control Washington, they can put whatever bills they want forward. The Democrats didn’t want a deal so that Obama could campaign against Congress. Quit playing the God damned games and do what you are paid to do. We all have to do that; why don’t you? You have a job – be fucking glad for that! – so just do it and quit with the kindergarten theatrics.

Here’s a little fucking reality check for all of you dickheads. The social programs will die anyways when there is no one working because there are no jobs. As they walk away from their homes to let them rot because they can’t pay their mortgages or their utilities, they will NOT be paying taxes either. They will not be buying the shit that the merchants who still have stores are trying to sell. They will not be buying cars, putting more people out of work. They will not be travelling, because who the fuck can afford to. If they are expected to carry the weight of the debt because those in the top 1% have the money for the accountants to find the loopholes to get them out of paying taxes. It’s happened for years, but god forbid that get dealt with. God forbid they may have to coin up a little bit. Of course, they will have more desperate, destitute people to take advantage of, because those trying to feed their families will do anything they have to, so let’s take advantage of them.
Now, why do I give a flying fuck about the US Congress and US Senate being populated with colossal dickheads, and a committee of Super-assholes? I don’t live down there, I don’t pay taxes down there, and my passport does not have the seal of the United States of America on it. But I do care. I care because I have friends down there who already cannot make ends meet. I have friends who have lost everything they worked years to build, and they lost it through no fucking fault of their own, but because of the crap pulled by the companies and government officials who have only one interest in mind – their own pockets and the amount of money in those pockets. They don’t give a flying crap about anyone else, about the people who pay their wages, and go without so there can be huge bonuses for work that a fucking trained monkey and an abacus could do.

I care because not only did these idiots fuck over their own country, they have fucked over a whole lot of other countries whose currencies and economies are already suffering from the shit going on from the mismanagement down there. Welcome to the shit that goes along with being a world power, the ‘most powerful country in the world’. Yes, we are pissed off, because by being a trading partner with you, you just fucked us as well. Yet the politicians have the audacity to thank each other for their work on the committee? Sorry, but they all fucking failed. You couldn’t be civil in the room – oh, wait... were you even in the same room? – so why the hell go through the absolutely insulting pretence now? You failed. You were PAID to do a job, and yet again, you pocket the money and fuck the tax payer. Well done. Please, remind us again, what exactly is your own personal wealth, Super Committee members? Perhaps if you depended on food stamps, medicaid, or were a vet living on just a veteran's benefits, you would have been more motivated to get off your ass and do something.

I would love for each of those idiots to do one thing, now that they have shown their priorities and their maturity. I would love for them to sit down in a fucking classroom with some Grade 10 students, and explain exactly what the fuck they were doing and why they were not able to agree on anything. I would like them to do it together, all of them, in one classroom, talking to the future, explaining to THEM why it was so impossible, why the word ‘compromise’ is nowhere in the political dictionary anymore, at least not in this era of the eternal election campaign. I would like for them to walk into the VA and explain to the men and women who have served and given so much for the safety and security of their country that their benefits, already abysmal, will be further cut. I would like them to explain to the people who depend on food stamps because they lost their jobs because of the shit pulled by corporate offices as they send the work overseas where it can be done cheaply (who cares about the quality) and will mean more money in their own pockets, that they can no longer have food stamps, because those were cut as well. I hope they have some lubricant with them for that, because it would at least be a believable sympathetic gesture in this pitiful comedy.

I guess, as the gap between rich and poor expands like a bank executive’s waistband, and the middle class is totally wiped out, elections just won’t matter a damn anymore. It’s hard to follow all that mudslinging when you have no television or radio, and you can’t afford a newspaper. Well done, Dickheads. Could John Kerry (D-Massachusetts), Max Baucus (D-Montana), John Kyl (R-Arizona), Pat Murray (D-Washington), Xavier Becerra (D-California), Jim Clyburn (D-South Carolina), Chris Van Hollen (D-Maryland), Rob Portman (R-Ohio), Pat Toomey (R-Pennsylvania), Jeb Hensarling (R-Texas), Fred Upton (R-Michigan) and Dave Camp (R-Michigan) please stand up and take a bow, for ensuring that those who can least afford it will once again carry the brunt of this partisan bullshit.