DAILY NEWS -- MARCH 24th, 2010

DAILY NEWS -- MARCH 24th, 2010

DATELINE: QUEBEC – Just when you think they cannot be any more obtuse or closed minded, the politicians in Quebec fucking come through with bells on. I avoided comment about the issue of the province believing they should have their own Olympic team (undoubtedly at OUR fucking expense), I have not waded into the issue of language or distinct society, BUT TODAY the Quebec government passed legislation that no one will receive services at government offices if they have anything concealing their faces... like a niqab worn by some Muslim women. Not only is this DECIDEDLY discriminatory against Muslim women, it is beyond disgusting. Nothing like a democracy that works to exclude one small group of people from exercising the most basic of rights. Does this mean that if a woman in a niqab shows up at an election booth, she will be denied the right to vote? The government’s excuse for this incredible load of fucking horsecrap (which, for all intents and purposes is nothing more than their prejudices and hatreds leaking out their fucking ears) is that it will help to restore women’s rights and stop them from being oppressed. WHAT THE FUCK??? Who comes up with this crap? If anything, you have done exactly the opposite because now, if they have made the choice on their own to wear the niqab, they will be denied services. How about trying EDUCATION??? Is that one totally beyond the realms of possibility? Perhaps if you tried to pull your heads out of your francophone catholic asses, you might learn something about other religions and thereby stop the hatred. So, here is my suggestion, Mr. Stupid-Ass Charet: Because you also argue that it impedes the ability to make proper identification, I will argue that the same applies for nuns in habits, who, when not wearing a wimple, can look entirely different and thereby could pose the same fucking security threat. I also argue that expecting nuns to live a life of poverty and to wear religious garb is oppressing them, so perhaps your next bit of legislation should include that. I have to say, I am so fucking sick and tired of the complaining and wimping and demanding that comes from that province, I am embarrassed to say that my family tree has roots that go right back to the founding of the place. Park your hatred for a while, sir, and do something that is right FOR ALL PEOPLE and not just the few distinct elite that live in la belle Provence. I cannot believe this fucking crap would happen in Canada. For shame.

DATELINE: IRELAND – Well, Bishop John Magee, bishop of Cloyne, has submitted his resignation to The Pope. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. That he is not longer a bishop should be the least of the things that happens to him. Let’s do a quick fucking recap here: Three investigations conducted by agencies NOT associated to the church have documented now that THOUSANDS of children were raped, molested, beaten and otherwise abused by their priests and by the nuns and brothers who ran boarding schools and orphanages. THOUSANDS. Bishop Magee was one of several bishops who knew about this, who did absolutely NOTHING to help those children other than to get into major damage control and start paying off the victims after the first civil case of abuse was filed in 1996. For this the Pope apologized, and now a bishop has apologized and resigned? That’s it?? Not only is that not even fucking close to what needs to be done, it borders on insulting. I might not have a degree in theology, but I will go out on a limb and state that I rather doubt this is what Jesus meant when he said “Suffer the children to come unto me.” Thousands of children, their lives destroyed, their families destroyed, their faith destroyed, all because a bunch of priests could not keep their peckers in their pants, and those that could stop it did nothing? Sorry, but the apology really isn’t even worth shit.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Speaking of the totally fucking vile, that paragon of putrid crap Ann Coulter (sort of a blonde Glen Beck with boobs) had her speech cancelled last night at the University of Ottawa. Why the hell she was even speaking there is beyond me, because to be totally honest, we have more than enough general hatred spewing around the globe right now, that her addition to that vitriolic verbal vomit really isn’t necessary. After comments about how Muslins should not be allowed on airplanes, but should rather use their flying carpets, and if they don’t have one, perhaps they should use their camels then, infuriated enough people that they really did not want to offer her a platform on which to speak such fucking bullshit again. She later said that it was intended as a joke. The only joke in the matter is Ann Coulter herself, and the fact that Fox has given her a soap box to stand on totally removes any doubt as to the seriousness of journalism within that organization. Speaking out is fine, but rather than sitting there and screaming stupidity, why not offer some viable alternatives instead of using the same bullshit tactics of hate and fear that the church has resorted to for so long? Sad to say, but this woman almost makes Sarah Palin look classy AND intellectual. Ewww, I think I tasted a bit of vomit in my mouth, just saying that.

DATELINE: SAN DIEGO – Picture it: a foursome out for a round of golf. They tee up at the 9th, the first player, Charles T White swings, swacks, and sinks the fucking ball. A hole in one!! WHOOT. BUT THEN, the next player in their foursome, Kitty Tinker, does exactly the same fucking thing! Holy crap! The odds were calculated out at 17 million to one for two people in the same foursome to hit back-to-back holes-in-one on the same hole. I would expect they each should have a car, or a trip or a million dollars for such a feat. Instead, the club house bought them each a free round of drinks. Seriously, two free rounds of fucking drinks? Not even a fucking picture of them on the internet? I would have been drinking fucking Kristal Champagne for my two rounds, and then I would find someplace else to play where they actually give you something more than bar spillage for the accomplishment.

DATELINE: GERMANY – I just fucking love a good car story. Daimler, the German car company that makes Mercedes-Benz vehicles, has been accused of paying bribes to government officials. In court papers filed in the United States, the allegation states that between the years of 1998 to 2008, Daimler spent millions of dollars bribing officials of at least 22 foreign countries so that they would use and promote the Daimler name. Countries allegedly included in the list are China, Russia, Egypt and Greece. They are accused of paying kickbacks to officials in the Iraqi government (in violation of the UN’s Oil for Food Program), and of giving an armoured car to a Turkmenistan official for his birthday in an attempt to garner a government vehicle supply contract. A source close to Daimler, however, reports that they are preparing to pay the hundreds of millions of dollars in fines without going to court. So, the lesson for the day – buy a fecking Bimmer, people.