DAILY NEWS – Sunday, March 21, 2010

DAILY NEWS – Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sorry, folks, but the awesomely good Reverend Flakewaiter is out administering to the masses. Hopefully he will be back next Sunday with his sermon.

DATELINE: DOMINCAN REPUBLIC – Jorge Puello, the lawyer who originally represented the US missionaries accused of kidnapping 33 Haitian children, was arrested today. Yes, the man was a fugitive, wanted in both the US and El Salvador for… wait for it… illegal trafficking of women and children. You might remember that he had originally acted as spokesmen for the group of miscreant missionaries, and then he excluded himself. Guess he didn’t want to be associated with the riff-raff, or perhaps he just realized that perhaps his picture might make it into the press and he would be found? The fucking prick should be locked in a room with Lorena Bobbit, because that might be the only way he learns to respect women and children. Hopefully this one will never again breathe fresh free air.

DATELINE: IRELAND – While the Pope’s long-awaited letter was read to many Irish congregations, a few key issues were glossed over. Primarily the whole issue of Cardinal Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict, instructions several years ago that these things priestly discretions are to be kept secret, was totally overlooked. The issue of responsibility was never addressed. The fact that these cases, once reported, should be handled by the police EVERY time was never addressed. In essence, there was not one hell of a lot of substance in this 8 page tome, other than to pass the fucking blame to anyone OTHER than the pope and the Vatican. Well done… now as reports of more abuses are starting to erupt from yet another continent. Welcome, Brazil, to the very sad, very sick club of countries where the Catholic Church is in crisis. That anyone can believe that Cardinal Ratzinger, Pope John Paul II’s pit bull when it came to discipline within the entire church, knew nothing about any of this -- about the relocating of priests, about the huge settlements for abused children, about the bishops and cardinals that condoned and covered up this crap -- is totally fucking beyond me. Prior to his election as Pope, Benedict’s ‘underground communications network’ within the church was legendary, reaching even into the conversations of those priests who advised female congregants to obey their doctors’ recommendations when it came to required hysterectomies and birth control, resulting in the defrocking and excommunication of those priests. The then-Cardinal Ratzinger went so far as to interrogate these priests in the same rooms used for Inquisition purposes centuries earlier. This Pope is far from innocent, far from contrite about anything other than being caught. Sorry, folks, but what else can be expected from a Pope elected by a conclave that welcomed the likes of Cardinal Bernard Law in its midst? The epitome of hypocrisy though, is that some of the victims of this abuse offer details that include the use of condoms. Apparently they are okay for the clergy to use, as it isn’t intended to prevent pregnancy but only the spread of disease. Too bad the same clergy, the same Pope who embraces this principle, cannot see his way to allowing the same protection against disease to the thousands of people in Africa who are victims of AIDS.

DATELINE: SWITZERLAND – Also from the ‘let’s leave him in a room with Lorena’ list… Roman Polanski’s lawyer has filed a new appeal based on judicial misconduct. This is yet another attempt to get the kid-diddling director off the hook. Perhaps Polanski should be allowed to spend the rest of his exile in Rome at the Vatican. He should be hanging out with his own kind, and not fucking tying up taxpayers dollars on what can never alter the facts of what the man did over thirty years ago. If the man had any balls to brag of, he would have stepped up back then. This crap now is just plain fucking pathetic.

DATELINE: RUSSIA – Protesters gathered all over the country yesterday to demand the resignation of Vladimir Putin. Even though Putin stepped down as president of Russia in 2008, he still maintains a firm grasp of the reins from his position of Prime Minister. Some might even argue that now he wields even more power and influence, working his megalomaniacal magic outside of the public eye and of public scrutiny. Complaints against Putin include the diminishing of democratic rights, the extensive amount of red tape hindering the accomplishment of even the smallest daily routine, the always increasing taxes and the incredibly high level of corruption at all levels of government. Yes, fellow Canadians, take a good fucking look, because Comrade Harper, with his arrogance, taxes, and ambivalence is trotting down the same fucking road.

DATELINE: BOSTON – Because there just isn’t enough politics played within the confines of the Church, Boston’s Cardinal Sean O’Malley had to stick his fucking toe in the water regarding the upcoming vote on healthcare reform. Did he speak out on the hundreds of thousands of poor people and elderly this bill might have? No. Did he speak out about his concerns regarding the possible increased financial burden this will put on the middle and working classes? No, not that he should either, because as a member of that elite group of people who do NOT pay taxes, he really should not tell the government who to tax or what to do with the moneys collected. But once again stomping all over the line that separates Church and State, the Cardinal decided to speak out against the fact that the bill might allow easier access to abortions. Whether the bill does or not, the Church acting as a moral compass at this point in time is at the very least fucking ludicrous. Based on the Catholic Church’s ‘position’ about a number of written works, their calls for works like that terrible villain and model of all that is unholy, Harry Potter, to be condemned, I find it crosses over from the sublime to the ridiculous to think that anything uttered by an official in the church right now would have the slightest credibility.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON -- Today's the Big Day, Obama-drama Day, Health Care Reform Day. This is one debate I firmly stayed away from because, well, it's not my place to tell people from another country how they should live or vote or be taxed on, because there are so many factors to consider within this bill, and because, and there is no polite way to state this, but based on my own reading of the issue, my great big huge fucking fat ass is firmly implanted on the picket fence. You have more than enough fucking idiots and raging maniacs down there telling you how to vote, what to fear and who to blame. You don't need me muddying the waters any further, because I KNOW how much stock you all put in my opinion on such critical matters.