Artsy Fartsy Fluff Crap Day – April 3rd

Artsy Fartsy Fluff Crap Day – April 3rd


DATELINE: RATINGS HELL – Sarah Palin’s show ‘Real American Stories’ premiered on FOX this week, to less than stellar ratings. Sorry, despite the fact that was dying to see if she was going to use one of those giant foam hands so she could get all her cheat notes down on one palm, I did not turn it on. Yes, she had enough viewers to hold the spot, but the number of viewers was down from the lead-in Hannity show, and viewers dropped another 18% after 15 minutes. Yup, that glorious, wonderful 15 minutes of fame, Sarah. Yours are up, apparently. Now, go back home to Alaska and watch them Russians for us, okay.

DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – ‘Two and a Half Men’ will soon be down to ‘One and Three Quarters’ as Charlie Sheen finishes up meting the terms of his latest contract on April 9th. He is quietly telling people that he will not be signing the offered contract for the eighth year. Warners, the other party involved in all contract negotiations, is not so quick to write off the actor though. Rumor has it, and we fucking love rumors, that Sheen is really holding out for more money, somewhere in the neighborhood of $1.5M/episode. Yes, let me say that again… he has reportedly not signed on at $1M/episode and it is thought he is holding out for $1.5M. How in the name of all that is fucking holy can ANYONE be worth that much money for a half-hour weekly television comedy? Take the money, Chuckles, and since you don’t need it, send it all down to Haiti where it can do some fucking good.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Those pesky Republicans are showing off their randy fucking sides these days. First came news that a group of young Republicans had gone to a sex-themed Hollywood club, all on the RNC’s tab. When the powers that be found out about the unauthorized expense, they said it would be paid back by those silly kids, and they hoped the issue would end. Nothing is worse than those God-fearing Bible-thumping moral signpost RNC members, BUT then, enter the fundraising flyer! Yes, what has been claimed to be a typo on a fundraising letter sent to RNC member sent them all calling an 800 number. Instead of being able to pledge their donations, they got to talk to ‘naughty ladies’ who were very much into thumping as well, just not on a Bible, unless of course you were willing to pay more money for that.

DATELINE: PITY PALACE – Lindsay Lohan is broke, unable to pay her rent, unable to get a job, and is depressed about it. News bulletin… there are a whole lot of people out there unable to pay their rent, legitimately out of work by no fault of their own, and still they don’t get their name splashed all over the fucking papers in an appeal for global pity. The girl has an abuse problem, yes. She has spent more money on drugs, booze and other crap than the vast majority of the population of the continent will ever see in their entire lives. She however has had more fucking opportunities passed her way, she has had more changes, more resources, more help… sorry, but it is not so easy for me to drum up any sympathy for people whose sense of eternal entitlement bites them in the ass. I prefer to spend my time admiring those who are able to deal with what they are dished out and who keep on trucking. Print about them in the fucking papers.

DATELINE: TURKEY – A new speed record has been set, in a Ferrari, by an unaccompanied blind man. Singer Metin Senturk, blind since the age of three, navigated the car at speeds averaging 180 mph. In response to hearing the news that he had set a new record, he said it was like ‘a dance with death’. He was verbally guided around the track by former rally driver Volkan Isik, who followed Senturk in a second vehicle around the track. He could probably put a ton of sighted drivers to shame with his abilities. Way to go, Metin.

DATELINE: ROME – I know… not artsy fartsy at all, but it has to be done. I am sitting here totally fucking amazed, astounded… sickened, even, by the crap I am reading from the Vatican. In his Good Friday Prayer Service, the Pontiff’s pastor actually had either the unmitigated gall OR the phenomenal stupidity to dare to compare the criticism the Pope and the Church is currently receiving, to the atrocities, violence and ‘shameful aspects’ of the Holocaust and the persecution of Jews. How the hell dare they? That the two issues could be used in the same sentence is criminal. The church, in all its pomp and fucking glory harbored criminals. The church, with full knowledge and apparently apostolic blessing, allowed children to be abused in the most horrendous manners possible. Members of the church committed these CRIMES, more members of the church covered up these CRIMES, and even more members of the church spent phenomenal amounts of time and money making sure that these CRIMES never became knowledge to the congregants while still allowing the CRIMES to continue. The Church has experienced no violence (which actually astounds be, because if someone did that to my child, I would want to take the son of a bitch into a back alley and beat the fucking crap out of him). They brought on the situation themselves with their deception, sense of entitlement and fucking arrogance. To compare this to the hate-filled violence, the persecution against an entire people, a people completely innocent, a people who were trying to go about their own lives hurting no one, and who suffered unbelievable tortures that resulted in more than six million deaths? That they could even begin to make the association is beyond fucking despicable. Shame on you! All of you! What a wonderful fucking name you give to all of Christianity. I am ashamed, but obviously it is clear the Pope and his fucking gang of theological thugs will stop at nothing in an attempt to protect their sorry asses.