Saturday, April 17, 2010

SUNDAY SERMON with The Rever-end Dillinger Flakewaiter

SUNDAY SERMON with The Rever-end Dillinger Flakewaiter

My Dear children and penitents-funny thing about penitation-yes I do invent words when it suits me-is that as the great character Tartuffe-Molier's that is-i once saw a production when dear Tartuffe entered the stage whipping himself with a cat-o-nine-tails but not hard enough to cause any damage. So as you sit there on this wonderful Sunday wherever it is or you are-you sit before me in penitential reverence for your sins and hoping that our dear Lord and savior will answer your prayers and he just might. If you reach deep into your pockets and give me all of your ill-gotten gains then you indeed might have a small chance. 'Rubbish' I hear you screaming. How can our dear God and the right reverend be so unabashadly greedy? Well kiddos, we just are and that is that-amen and amen? Note question mark after my amens and think about that, but, much later when you are much less heavy laden. So, back to the penitant thing. God and his minions ask it of us, correct? They ask for sacrifice. At least according to the Bible they do. Now, some of you will think I am being an evil bastardo and making fun of church and God and His minions. I am not! What are we supposed to believe other than what is written in his great book? Truth as the people who wrote it saw truth, right? Ignore the present, live in the past, understand that God gave us a damn brain and an ability to question so we should, right? Or is that indeed the Devil's work? Hmmm!!??

At any rate-new paragraph. We, as believers, are destined to follow the path of the Lord as He would have it, and that is only fair to Him, is it not? We must ask the questions-it is our sacred destiny according to Satan? See kiddos? That is the whole damned problem. How do we know who is speaking to us in the still small voice of our souls that often screams at us but is most often ignored? Is the child born with absolute right versus absolute wrong? I wonder? I think it is learned, don't you? So once again we come to that silly yet insufferable questioning: How do we know who is talking? Beats the hell out of me, so my suggestion is not to take a chance that you might indeed end up in a burning lake of fire. Might as well send me your money so that I may prosper and take the burning bullshit upon myself. See? I am your right reverend and loving father, so just go with the flow, do as you wish, ask for justice in the eyes of the Lord and, as I suggested, send me your manna-or is that mana? No mind-you understand don't you, all of you?

The risk is mine and the Chevy needs a lube job-old but reliable. As always, I am yours, the Right Reverend slush bucket of forgiving sins of all kinds natural and un-natural-love Father Dillinger.

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