DAILY NEWS – APRIL 28th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – APRIL 28th, 2010

DATELINE: DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF BIG BANKING – I have a plan, a business plan that absolutely can’t fucking miss. I am gonna go out and buy up all the mad cows and mercury tuna and make a literal killing in the grocery business. I will be able to do this, because I will slip a little money to the food inspectors AND I will promise them a percentage of my OTHER businesses – Bambi’s Poison Control Center (they only need a bandaid budget though, for the plan to work), Bambi’s Oak ‘n Velvet Coffin Factory (producing the Cadillac of coffins, the must have in the dead set) and Bambi’s Mortuary (we carry em and bury em. All our plots have a sunset view of the ocean, starting at a low, low entry cost of $50,000 each *). We can get the meat at bargain basement prices, and once we have the people sick and dying, the rest is easy street for us. How can it miss? I mean, substitute mortgages for the meat, and you have the ‘Goldman Sachs Guaranteed Income Plan for Bank Executives’ and if it’s good enough for Goldman Sachs, it should be good enough for me, right? Thank god they don’t give a rat’s ass about morals or ethics or even laws… they have gotten away with it for so long, they KNOW they can do whatever the hell they want and the masses will still bow and scrape at their fucking feet. This is the type of deal that can only be brokered by big banks, deep in their bowels where all the rest of their crap comes from. When you’re deep in the bowels of the bank, there is now way you can even see the people who are now living in their cars, the kids who are going hungry, the businesses that are shutting down and destroying lives and towns and the total fucking global economy, because in the Bankers Bowel Bunker, everything is rosy (In Tourre’s words, they created ‘a product of pure intellectual masturbation’). I think, however, it’s time for an executive high colonic at Goldman Sachs… it might also help prepare all those Big Banker Boys for a couple years of being bumfucked in prison, a sentence that is, well, only appropriate. Perhaps someone should prescribe the same treatment for government as well, since we're in the roto rooter mode for removing shit from our lives, and since for as long as anyone can remember, BOTH political parties have been securely ensconced in Goldman Sach’s pocket.
(* headstones extra)

DATELINE: ARIZONA – When the youngest grub was little, if he tried to tell me a lie, he would cover up his cheek. The reason? His devious mom told him that when he lied, there was a spot that showed on his face. Admittedly, it was a dimple, so it wasn’t a total load of crap, BUT it served the purpose. Unfortunately, people do not come with ‘lying spots’ on their cheeks, nor do they come with their landed legal immigration status tattooed there. So, what the heck are law enforcement officers supposed to do? Yes, there is a need to control illegal immigration, because to my way of thinking, those who are in a country illegally can have no real quality of life. Living with your head over your shoulder is not living. With illegal immigration comes a hugely increased number of other people who are profiting from the plight of the illegal. Illegal immigration is clearly linked with illegal transporting of drugs, the sale of essentially slave labor, exploitation of people and the forcing of some to become prostitutes. Cleaning up the immigration laws is the right thing to do… for the immigrants, and for the tax payers and their collective safety. Arizona has taken a first step, albeit a very controversial one that leaves a lot to interpretation at this point. In order to enforce immigration laws, the police, the sheriffs and the judges need laws to work with. I am not convinced that the law proposed in Arizona is the right one, that it isn’t too general in what it allows police to do, because lets face it, there are a whole lot of really good cops out there, but there are also a whole lot of power-tripping hate-filled money hungry individuals with badges and political ambitions, and that is where the problem lies. So, on this topic, I am going to plant my ass firmly on a nice white fence picket (woohoo!!), spend some time LISTENING to what is being said and trying to learn about the problem, the solutions, and the implications of both, and hoping that instead of everyone just bitching, someone comes up with a plausible suggestion that deals with the problem of illegal immigration while also protecting the civil rights of all of the people. Hopefully something short of having all legal residents having a tattoo planted on their cheek will come up. Alternately, I will wait to see where Sarah Palin weighs in on this, and then lean the other fucking direction just on general principle.

DATELINE: ROME – Well, I knew we could not go a fucking week without a story about a new development in the ongoing pope-opera of abuse and cover-up. Rev. Ruggero Conti , at his trial for molesting boys, committing sexual violence and prostitution, all only a stone’s-throw away from the Vatican, insisted that he was innocent. “I am not a monster.” No, not a monster, just one hell of a sick prick who used his position to force children to pleasure him. Apparently the stroking of the holy staff is more important than the innocence and protection of the children in some parishes. In an interesting twist though, his Bishop, Monsignor Gino Reali, will also be testifying in the trial. It seems that Reali had heard ‘rumors’ for years about the situation, but seriously, you cannot expect such a busy man to pay attention to rumors… a man sworn to do God’s work here on men, a fisher of men, the protector of the moral code, the… oh, screw it… he was just as much to blame as the priest with the wild and crazy prick, and hopefully they will both land behind bars where they can pass the soap and bend over for their cellmate, Vlad the Impaler. The time has come for justice for the thousands of victims, for the secrecy to end, but how can we expect anything other than more bullshit from the organization who, fully aware of the MANY children tortured on the watch of, and arguably with the blessings of, Cardinal Bernard Law, moved that sick son of a bitch to Rome, where he was still allowed to participate in Conclave, for fuck sake. Do what is right for the good Catholics out there, and there are many of them, what is right for the good priests, because yes, there are many of them as well, and especially for the children. Why is this such a difficult fucking concept for the Pope to grasp?

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Finally, we have someone in parliament who has some ball, some fucking principles, a conscience… hats off to Speaker of the House of Commons, Peter Milliken, for doing what was right. Comrade Harper has tried every trick in the book to avoid being accountable about everything, but in this case, it was about Canadian soldiers turning over POW’s, knowing they would be tortured, a complete violation of the Geneva Convention. For months Parliamentary members have demanded answers but have basically been told, by Comrade Harper, to go fuck themselves. In order to quash the work of a parliamentary committee into this issue, he went so far as to prorogue parliament, another action that was arguably unconstitutional, but who gives a rat’s ass when Harper is on his throne. Papers that were released regarding the matter had page after page of blacked-out content, censored by the PMO under the guise of national security, but we all know that was a load of horse crap… again. The opposition parties, in a rare show of combined effort, finally filed a motion to dispute Harper’s stock response, and in reply today, Milliken ordered that the Government will comply with the request or will be found in contempt of Parliament. Mark down one incredibly long-overdue win for democracy, something that was tettering on the brink in this land. How Comrade Harper chooses to respond to this has yet to be seen, but being the arrogant prick that he is, my money says that he will force us into another election so we can piss more money down the crapper he uses as a throne. God forbid, for the sake of the country, he put his ego in his back fucking pocket and act like with some dignity and respect, mustering up just a modicum of sense of co-operation for the greater good. Parliamentarians used to be able to do that. Now, I am afraid, its just nothing more than a pipedream.