DAILY NEWS - APRIL 14th, 2010

DAILY NEWS -- APRIL 14th, 2010

DATELINE: THE LAND OF WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY THINKING! – In a move that has pleased many British parents, the Primark chain of stores will be withdrawing all of their padded bikini tops for children. Yes, they had on their shelves and in their adverts, padded bikini tops – for 7-year-olds. The company did bow to public pressure, pulled the items from shelves and have said they will donate all profits from the sale of the outfits to charity. While it is beyond sick and disgusting to even think of selling this crap to little children, it does NOT tops the recent list of products meant to sexualize your six-year-old. Included in the list is the Asda stores with their push-up bra for little girls, and... wait for it... a Tesco pole-dancing kit (sort of the preschool version of ‘My Sexy Little Pole’) that was included in the toy section. Add also to the list the ‘Lolita’ bed Woolworths touted for young girls, WH Smith’s Playboy Stationary, and yes, even Disney’s contribution, sexually suggestive panties for pre-schoolers, meant to promote High School Musical 2, with the catchy little invitation written on them ‘Dive In’. Is it even remotely possible that we can let kids be kids for at least a couple years? Do we have to put this pressure on them to conform, to grow up, to become parents? Sorry, but this takes sick in a whole new fucking direction.

DATELINE: AT NO LOT NEAR YOU – After a report by the Consumer’s Report, one of North America’s leading consumer watchdog’s, Toyota has decided to stop all sales of their Lexus GX 460 In the US. In their article, Consumer’s Report said that the vehicle was deemed ‘Don’t Buy: Safety Risk’ because of instability issues they uncovered in repeated test drives. Toyota has said that they, too, do test drives and never had the issue, but they will, in what has just the hint of a whiff of condescension in the words, ‘try to duplicate the Consumer Reports’ test to determine if appropriate steps need to be taken’. Ohhh, how very kind and accommodating of them. Sorry, but I would put my safety and trust in the report published by Consumer’s Report. The last time they used this very rare rating was in 2001 with the Mitsubishi Montero.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Okay, even Bambi can eat a LITTLE bit of crow from time to time, so I will now get out the salt shaker and a napkin. I have been ragging on Rahim Jaffer for some time now, and today I owe him an apology – an apology that comes though, with a perfect political ‘notwithstanding clause’. In the issue of his arrest and charges, and the subsequent deal he made, there should be heads rolling all over the fucking floor. The agreed-to facts of the case are that yes, he was speeding, going almost twice the legal speed limit; yes, he had been drinking and blew a fail on the roadside Alert test he was given; yes, when he was arrested, Cocaine was found in the pocket of his coat. We have now listed 3 federal Criminal Code offences that would have resulted in a criminal record for Jaffer. Here’s the issue, or issues, as the case may be: He was ‘sort-of’ denied legal counsel, which was wrong, and he was, I shudder to say it, strip searched, a treat reserved for only the most dangerous of prisoners. I have no idea what the fuck planet the cops were on that were processing Jaffer, although I suspect that perhaps they dipped into the fucking cocaine in the exhibit locker, but without doubt their incredibly poor, arguably illegal, performance cost them the conviction AND allowed a now self-confessed criminal to go free. So, while I was wrong to accuse Jaffer and his wife Helena Guergis, of influence peddling, that was not the case. It was ignorant, inexcusably crappy police processing that should result in a couple of cops looking for new work today. It does not, however, change the fact that Mr. Jaffer, in his continuously arrogant public manner, was in fact speeding in the extreme, impaired while driving, and in possession of cocaine. He might not have a criminal record, but he should. *burps* And, for the record, crow tastes slightly like chicken.

DATELINE: CHILE – Just when ya thought that those dopes in the Vatican could not make things much worse or find anything more offensive or asinine to say, enter Cardinal Bertone, the Vatican’s Foreign Minister. He was in Chile, speaking to the holy and faithful there, and decided to take the heat off the church in regards to the issues of pedophilia and priest celibacy. I fully agree that pedophilia is NOT restricted to just Catholic priests and is NOT the result of taking a vow of celibacy. BUT the Cardinal’s claims that pedophilia is directly linked to homosexuality? For the love of all that is fucking holy, get a grip, you dumb ass! Because the church has not caused enough hurt, enough distress among its congregants, lets alienate and blame another totally innocent group of people, lets add to the list of fucking victims who have to bear the burden of your guilt and your inability to claim ownership to what you have done over the years. Sorry, but every time one of you Vatican birds opens your fucking mouths, I end up seeing red, because you and just fucking bound and determined to prove that there are still higher levels of assholedness to achieve. However, in an attempt to 'again' clarify and make it all better, the Vatican then released their own 'statistics', really nothing more than semantics behind which they can again attempt to hide, offering gray-area definitions of 'paedophilia in the strict sense' (of which only a mere 10% of their cases were) and ephopbophilia, which accounted for 90%. Quit splitting hairs, and quit with the shiny distractions. The bottom line is this: Terrible, horrendous, life-destroying crimes were committed against CHILDREN, committed by priests and the victims were further victimized by the fact that the heirarchy illegally covered up the crimes and is still not willing to acknowledge them, and without the full admission of the extent of these crimes and who was involved, this issus is NOT going to disappear. Practice what you preach: It's confession time.

DATELINE: CHINA – I am about ready to start a movement to fucking forbid the existence of ANY non-government funded zoo in China. Sorry, but the absolute disregard for the well-being of animals, and apparently children now too, is pretty fucking clear. Yesterday footage was shown of a three-year-old girl tightrope walking over top an open cage where nine Siberian Tigers sat watching and waiting for dinner to be served. Yes, they were probably hungry. Based on recent articles about big cats in zoos in China, the poor cats were probably starved, being fed cornmeal because it’s cheaper than giving these incredible carnivores meat. Then, lets torment the fucking crap out of them by dangling a child over top, teasing the animals, waiting for them to do the inevitable – snatch her up the second she falls. She was, arguably, on a safety rope, but cats can jump, and they would certainly jump for the sweet little morsel that was being tortured herself right above them. Yes, to have a child walk over the cats, knowing they are hungry, knowing they could kill her in a heartbeat, knowing that if she fell, even with the rope to secure her, she might not be safe, is torture. This child should be taken away from her parents (and yes, I am apparently using that word very loosely today) and she should be taken away from the zoo. A child is not a fucking machine that should be forced to perform life-threatening stunts for the thrill of sick fucking onlookers and even more sick, money-grubbing zoo owners who apparently have no shame and no morals at all. Let’s torture the child AND torture the cats by teasing them to distraction waving food over their heads that they can’t get. When these cats finally decide they have had enough of this torture, I hope the fucking asshole that runs the zoo and makes these asshat decisions of what goes on there is the one in the fucking cage with them. You might want to yo-yo the little girl’s dad right into the cage as well.