DAILY NEWS -- February 16th, 2012

DATELINE: STANDING BY THE FONT, WANTING TO PUKE IN IT: It has come to the attention of the media today that the parents of Simon Weisenthal, the now well-known Nazi hunter who passed away in 2005 , has been posthumously baptized into the Mormon faith. While Mr. Weisenthal is not here to defend himself, his faith and the respect of his parents, others have stepped up to the plate, demanding that the LDS church stop the practice of posthumous baptisms… for Jewish Holocaust victims. What the hell is that? No, it should be stopped for all of them! I am sorry, but I am not now, and I will never be a Mormon, and I would be right pissed off if some asshole had the unmitigated audacity to ‘save my soul’ by baptizing me into a faith I did not believe in. Yes, the LDS church claims to have the fastest growing church… it’s just that they are getting dead new members, the ones who can’t cause any problems, or argue about it. It is the most egregious activity I have ever heard from, something that should not be happening, but it does, and it has for years, and GOP front runner Mitt Romney has already acknowledged that he has participated in these activities – ergo he thinks it is just fine to ‘force’ a change of faith for anyone who is not in a position to argue about it. My parents were staunchly Catholic; for them to be baptized into another faith after they are gone would be catastrophic. Where the fuck do these people get off thinking it is their ‘right’ to ‘save’ our souls. The LDS claims these baptisms are their genealogical database, that it only takes relatives of its members, but that does not make it right by any means, especially seeing how far down their bloodlines they are prepared to go in search of a soul to save. If someone wanted to be fucking Mormon, they would have joined that church. If they didn't join the church, then leave them the hell alone! No, they should not be allowed to do it. It should be fucking illegal.

DATELINE: PULLING THAT BARGE AND TOTING THAT WHALE – In what has to be the most offensive mockery of the judicial system and of the suffering of truly enslaved people, PETA once again crossed the line in their fanatical attempts to prove a point. They filed a legal challenge that the whales held at SeaWorld were ‘slaves’, not getting paid to work, their constitutional rights being trampled. First, this is a huge insult to the people who actually do work to promote conservation, because this bullshit sets all of their genuine work into the same category of idiots and assholes that seem to be making decisions at PETA. It is, though, the ultimate slap in the face to those who did live as slaves, generations of them, and their offspring who are still trying to lift that yoke from their shoulders. Don’t even get me going about the waste of fucking tax dollars involved for a court to hear this crap, and the wasted money from legitimate donors wanting to help conservation. This was nothing more than a fucking costly and very ill-advised attempt at self-promotion and it is despicable. Whoever came up with it should have their ass shit-canned from PETA right now. Anything less would be totally unacceptable.

DATELINE: LOOKING FOR A CELEB TO DIE SO THEY CAN RACK UP THE RATINGS – I sent my very sincere apologies to the family and friends of Whitney Houston. Her death was a tragedy, without doubt. That said, the performance of the media in the last week has been, to say the least, disgusting. What the hell is the matter with you freaking death-mongering news anchors? Yes, her passing was news on Saturday. Yes, there was definitely a reason to mention the tribute to her at the Grammy’s because her death was so fresh in the minds of everyone, but come on… five days of coverage of her death?? What the hell is that? There is nothing new to say about it, so give her family and her friends some time to grieve in private. Had I passed in a bathtub, I am not so sure I would want the whole world to be talking about it every minute of the day. If my mother died that way, I would not want it to be fodder for news media for DAYS. This is no longer reporting news. How many times do you have to stick a microphone into someone’s face and ask ‘how do you feel now that she is dead?’ What the fuck are you expecting them to say? This is disrespectful… completely and totally disrespectful and classless. It is disrespectful to Ms Houston, to her family, to her friends, to her colleagues, to others who may have passed, to the family of service men and women who have passed, to the homeless person who did not have the good fortune to be discovered to have an astounding voice. Let it go. Show some fucking class.

DATELINE: DEMANDING SMALLER GOVERNMENT BY CREATING MORE GOVERNMENTAL BULLSHIT RED TAPE – Women wanting to have an abortion, for whatever reason, have to submit to a vaginal ultrasound probe if they live in Virginia. In the midst of all the bullshit about Republican demands about the sanctity of marriage (while the concept seems to mean nothing to them personally), while they thump their bible and decry the rights of other religions, while they try to legislate contraception where women are concerned (I don’t see any of them demanding the end of the sale of Viagra though. Hmmm, if sex is to be done only for the religiously-determined procreative purpose, what the hell do men need Viagra for? Or does the penis earn an exemption again in the population control issue? Penis perhaps are not required to be procreational?) So, while I do not agree with partial-birth abortions or with late-term abortions, to create a law that subjects a woman to an invasive medical procedure for NO reason is un-fucking-believable! What about the woman who, because of cultural reasons, is forced by her husband to have an abortion because the baby is the wrong sex? Now she has even more to deal with? An unnecessary chance for a doctor to stick something more up her crotch just for the sake of making her life more difficult? What the hell is wrong with you people? I guess it’s official, based on this new Virginia legislation and the GOP primaries, that the US is now completely determined to strip absolutely anyone of their rights unless they strictly adhere to the tenets of some convenient religious dogma. Way to go. How fucking sad.

DAILY NEWS -- February 7th, 2012

DATELINE: MAKING POPCORN, WATCHING THE SHOW – Isn’t that what everyone is doing? My set is tuned to Syrian TV, and they have this really vivid, gripping horror movie on about the people there, being persecuted, being shot as they walk out their doors, being tortured because, well, who the fuck needs a reason to torture in a movie, right?

For almost a year this has been going on, in a large part fueled by a big old oil-burning engine that gave Al-Assad more power and money than he ever could have dreamed possible. For a year, the people in that country have lived with terrible daily atrocities, while the rest of us sit and watch, chewing our cud, and wondering what oil prices will do tomorrow because of it. Man, do we have a fucked-up set of priorities.

It is a long-held tenet that the global world does not get involved in ‘civil’ wars. There is a reason for that, an understandable one. I have no doubt that no one really would have appreciated the French picking sides in the American civil war, although, come on, we all know that no one stays neutral. Canada never participated in Vietnam, declared the war to be unjust, yet was more than happy to rake in the coin from the sales of munitions, equipment and other supplies, hypocrites that we are.

War is one hell of a funny thing – and not in the ha-ha sense. A long time ago, it was okay, in fact, it was expected that armies fight to conquer territory for their kings, legitimately crowned or otherwise. Their intent was to ‘civilize’ heathens. There was a lot of death in that civilization process, making it one of the most moronic oxymorons of all time. Then came a time when it wasn’t so cool to move your armies onto someone else’s turf. The bar had been raised, the table set; that shit didn’t happen anymore. The other change, though, was that countries had started to elect their leaders, the people playing a part in the game now as well. When the people spoke, government listened – not just their own, but governments of other countries as well, respecting the will of the people who lived in that country to choose their own path, and all was good.

But then came along a man who wooed his people (as disgusting as the word ‘woo’ might be where he was concerned) and got elected by the people of his country, promising economic fortune, telling them what was wrong with their world, who to blame for it, and what to fear. Once in power, the rules changed though. He built armies, he conquered lands that no longer belonged to him. He then went further, pushing the limits, declaring war on a whole continent that he wanted to call his own. At that point, the rest of the world (well, almost… those tricky Yanks said it was none of their business and had no intention of getting involved) said ‘enough’ and we had our second great war, another war to end all wars.

That’s the thing though, isn’t it? It sort of did, at least by the standards of conquering other lands. Kim Il-Sung and Ho Chi Minh both tried, and thankfully, although no one likes to talk about it, they were stopped. It wasn’t just their thrust for power that was stopped though; it was like a final confirmation that it was not okay to invade and conquer another land… and that was as it should be. Therein lies the conundrum, I guess, because if someone goes in to help, that word ‘invade’ is quickly tossed into the air. The soldiers and marines who went into Vietnam were accused of being involved in something they had no right to be involved in, but that’s not true. They were there to help a people who did not have the means to help themselves, and that is NEVER wrong. In both Vietnam and Korea, the people they were helping were people who had the cards stacked against them, with Russian or Chinese forces backing the original invaders.

So now, we sit back, watch Russia and China make a mockery of the international process created by the United Nations. Did anyone really think for one fucking minute that they would have done anything different? Seriously? Russia, under Putin, is one scary-assed place with a war-mongering power-craving megalomaniac at the helm. We are told that it’s a ‘civil’ matter in Syria – none of our concern.
Let me ask you this though. Suppose it was OUR country who had the power-craving megalomaniac calling the shots (insert hysterical laugher here, cause, well, we do have that) and he changed the rules of the game for all of us. Say it was us who were starving, being shot in our streets by our own government, being forced to live destitute, accept torture and brutality on a daily basis. Say it was us who were unable to set foot outside our doors, unable to get food for ourselves… say it was us who were finding our babies bodies mutilated, decaying, wrapped in plastic and dropped on our doorsteps weeks after they had gone missing and been tortured. Would we not be wanting… praying for someone to come and help us? Is that not what being human, a member of the human race, about?

Had Hitler not gone beyond taking back that which was lost in the Treaty of Versailles, if he had been content with just ‘reclaiming’ land and people, but still went on his binge of cleansing society of all Jews, people of color, people of different nationality, people with handicaps, would that have been okay? Would the world just sit and watch? Would we accept that it was his right, in his country, to kill whoever he wanted? I hope not because what a sad fucking excuse for humans we would be. Let me ask one other question – had Germany been blessed with huge reserves of oil, would we have capitulated and let Hitler run amok? Is a barrel of oil really worth a human life in a fair barter system?

The bar has been set, raised on the lives of incredibly generous men and women who stood up to say ‘that’s not right’. This has nothing to do with any religion or custom, but it has everything to do with greed – ours and theirs. We want the oil. We claim it is better to take oil that is paid for by the lives of little children shot dead in the street, than to take oil that comes from sand pits, and somehow justify that it’s okay. No, I am not making a pitch for Canadian oil and how it is processed. I am saying we have alternatives though, and we should put more effort into finding cleaner ways of extracting what we have, and of using what we have responsibly, but it would still be better than what is happening in Syria. Despots have risen to unprecedented authority because of the money handed to them, by us, for a product we are using in excess to pollute the earth. You want to sit there and tell me we don’t have some responsibility to claim for the terrible abuse the people of Syria are facing today? You are fucking right we do, and we have an obligation, as global community of humans, to help them.

DAILY NEWS: January 31st, 2012

DATELINE: SPEAKING OF VOMIT – As if the GOP, with its endless, nauseating bullshit debates and ads, has not gotten bad enough, if Romney’s arrogant, indifferent attitude towards the millions he makes, or Gingrinch’s misogynistic spewing and Fanny May ass-covering weren’t enough, enter The Rev. O’Neal Dozier. This self-proclaimed ‘prayer warrior who faithfully spends time in his own prayer closet’ is the posterboy for why the hell church and state HAVE to be separated. Have you listened to the ravings of this total fucking idiot? The fact that he endorses that baby-faced fascist Santorum is bad enough, but now, well, he is presenting to the world some incredible insight into the likes, dislikes and digestive issues of none other than, well, God.

Yes, Dozier says ‘God loves homosexuals. He hates the act of homosexuality’. What the fuck? God tells him this? He says that ‘homosexuality makes God want to vomit’. What? Has he held the holy barf bucket for Him?

For this, he is now Santorum’s Honorary Campaign Chairman. Yes, he is the fascist’s mouthpiece. How the fuck can anyone take this shit seriously? We laugh when an Iranian Imam preaches to his people that it is women’s promiscuity that causes earthquakes and other natural disasters, and we laugh. How the fuck are the rantings of this asshole reverend any different? They rail about Islamic extremists and the huge security risk, safety risk they are. How are radical Christian extremists any fucking different?

He also has a lot to say about Mormons – who he claims still claim the black man’s skin is a curse. Yes, there was a time when a black man could not be ordained into the Mormon priesthood, but that was lifted (though not repudiated) in 1978. Lemme ask you this; have you gone into a bar in the southern US and tried to sit and have a beer with a black person? I know that Reverend Dozier is black – more is the shame that he is so fucking intolerant of everyone else. How many of those Bible-thumping ultra right-wing evangelicals don’t actively voice their opinion that blacks still belong in the back of the bus? Far to fucking many, is the answer, so where the hell do they get off pointing a finger at a decades-gone church edict? How is what the Mormon church said, way back when, about blacks any fucking different than the woman-hating edicts of the Catholic pope regarding who can have what role in a church, that they STILL hold dearly to their hearts and pronounce every day as a God-written law?

What annoys me the absolute most though, is that ANYONE feels they have the fucking right to tell me what God thinks. How can they know? How the fuck can Reverend Dozier sit in front of a television camera and state with absolute surety what God wants, likes or dislikes? Does he have tea with the Maker every morning? No, he bases his OPINIONS on what he reads in the Bible. That’s fine, and his right. We all have opinions, and I have no problem voicing mine or letting others voice theirs, unless they are so absolutely fucking stupid, like just about every word that comes out of Dozier’s mouth, but he screams that he knows what God thinks.

Here is a little tip for you, Idiot. The Bible, while a wonderful, and at times enlightening, story is nothing more than the writings of men who had their own god damned agenda to promote, and so over the years it gets edited and interpreted to suit the needs of the interpreter. It was not written in English, so right from the get-go there is much lost, and much augmented in the first translation.

The one thing that is in every book attributed to God in his every form and name, is that we are to treat others as we wish to be treated. Why the fuck is that one the ONLY one that seems to get lost in all of this bullshit? Amid the contractions, the turn the other cheek unless you are taking an eye for an eye crap, the unconditional love unless I have to strike you down fear-mongering bullshit meant to keep the writer’s minions in line, why is the one basic tenet of the entire book always lost.
Any government leader who claims to have insight into God’s mind, or who claims to have a conduit to that same place, deserves the same consideration as the nut-bar on the fucking corner who gets messages from the dead beyond through the smell of his dog’s farts. They certainly don’t belong anywhere near a fucking election, let alone being an advisor to someone running for the fucking White House and the post powerful position in the land. You are talking about the GOP party here, not the GOD party, for shit sake. These fucking nimnos serve no useful public purpose other than to make me spray potable beverages through my nose while watching how Jon Stewart deals with it on late-night television. It’s pathetic but these two idiots make Gingrinch and Romney seem almost reasonable. How fucking sad. God help the United States of America.

DAILY NEWS -- January 26th, 2012

DATELINE: IN THE LAND OF WHAT THE FUCK!! – Nine years, $214 Million… there is no one in the fucking world who is worth that and I don’t give a damned how well they can swing a bat. His fucking nuts could be made of platinum and he could crap gold bricks, but he still would not be worth that. No one is, and certainly not for playing a fucking game.

Today, though, the Detroit Tigers said that Prince Fielder is worth this to stand on the first bag and swing his bat. He doesn’t wear a uniform and stand a post to defend his country. He doesn’t parachute into enemy territory and have to live off his wits and adrenalin for days, or rescue people caught and held by Somali pirates. He does not spend 14 hours standing at an operating table trying to rebuild a fireman’s melted, peeling flesh. He doesn’t run into burning buildings to rescue people who may otherwise have only three minutes left to live. He doesn’t even make fucking decisions about the smooth flow of a fucking hamburger patty as it goes from freezer to fucking cash register. HE PLAYS A FUCKING GAME. He hits a ball with a fucking stick. Cavemen were doing that too, except even they were worth more because they had to gather the balls of sabertooth cat shit from the bushes and gnaw down a fucking tree with their teeth to make the bats.

So how does this completely obscene money pay out to poor widow pwincy? He will get $23MILLION for each year one and two, $24MILLION each of the remaining years of his contract. Too bad there won’t be any fucking fans able to afford a fucking ticket by that time, without being able to auction off a god damned kidney first. He will be paid an additional $500,000 if he manages to become the MVP for the American League, and for each MVP title he wins after that, he gets another cool million for a bonus. In case you have forgotten, let me remind you – HE PLAYS A FUCKING GAME. That’s it. He can’t even balance fucking Frisbees on his nose.

He doesn’t help rebuild Haiti – but he could do that and foot the bill comfortably all by himself. He doesn’t think about how many little babies in Africa might be fed with that sort of money, because if the MBA was to put their money pissed away to PAY PEOPLE TO PLAY A GAME into something a bit more… significant, this world would be one hell of a better place.

“But Bambi! What about Al Pujols? He makes more.” Yes, he does, and that is even a sadder truth, isn’t it? The same applies to the Yankee’s arrogant AssRod (yeah, we KNOW he was worth that kind of money, don’t we?), Ryan Howard and Cliff Lee.
So with all that huge obscene fucking money, guys, where were these geniuses when it came time for the World Series last year? Did all that money really get you any further ahead? It should be twice the shame for the Phillies.

I keep asking myself when the hell are these leagues going to grab some fucking brains and become realistic about this shit. The salaries alone could clear the national fucking debt. Then I realize that perhaps it’s not the league who bears the blame, or the teams even. It’s the fans. It’s the fans who, despite not having money to make a mortgage payment will still hang on to that fucking season’s pass for the year. It’s also the fans who could put a stop to this. Think about it… these guys are getting made in one hour more than most of us will see in a fucking year, and yet we celebrate it and subsidize it? What the fuck is wrong with us? We work hard for our money and we don’t get paid millions of dollars every year. We need some perspective. THEY ARE PLAYING A GAME, for fuck sake.

VIEW FROM THE DRIVER'S SEAT

DATELINE: IN THE BLEACHERS AT PENN STATE – After false reports of his death last night and denials this morning that he was still alive, it has been announced, and confirmed, that Joe Paterno has died. Sadly, some hope that the issue regarding his friend and colleague Jerry Sandusky will die with him. For that to happen would be an even greater injustice to the many victims who suffered at Sandusky's hand.

As I read reaction to his death, it is truly revolting to hear the praise stacked on this man, for the sake of a game. The fact that he was an active enabler seems to be irrelevant. I wonder if it would be so unimportant if it had been your child who had been sexually assaulted in the Penn State locker rooms. Let me state, first and foremost, that I understand the grief of losing a parent. Been there, done that; but it’s a pain that unites the vast majority of us, one thing in life that, regardless of class or position, we share. As hard as it is, the death of a parent, though,is a natural process; the way it is supposed to be, as opposed to a parent experiencing the death of their child.

I know it’s natural to not want to speak ill of the dead,that in death people become bigger than they were in life, but come on. To wish that his legacy is based on his successes on the playing field as opposed to that little blip at the end of his life, that little secret that we would all rather be shoved under the carpet so we can praise and adulate before the great coach of a fucking game, is stomach-churning. At what point does it sink in that he spent his life playing a game, and when does it ever become even remotely possible to consider a game to be more important than protecting the lives of innocent,vulnerable children.

Joe Paterno, more than anyone else in this whole Sandusky clusterfuck, was the one person who could have… and should have… made a difference. He could have set the standard in moral and ethicals in spite of the immediate fallour. He could have proven that the right thing to do is always preferable, and that the hit that comes from doing it would be short-lived, nothing more than farts from the lips of idiots, but he chose not to. He KNEW what was happening, yet he chose to not do a damned thing about it. I wonder if he would have been so ineffective if it had been his child in the shower being taught how to soap and lather? JoPa claimed that he did report it to campus authorities, but he wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t sure? Holy crap. He delivered this lame-ass explanation, but wasn’t pressed on it – more’s the shame for the interviewer. He didn’t know what to do… because he didn’t want his assistant coach who helped win games to be in trouble, and he didn’t want his precious fucking football team or the university to be held accountable and perhaps have to get a different assistant coach, which could have cost them a game or two. Holy fuck! Well then, of COURSE it’s okay to keep your mouth shut about vulnerable children being horribly, irreparably abused right there under your nose. What were we thinking? Where are our priorities? We were talking about losing some games here! That could never be allowed to happen.

Sarcasm aside, what absolutely enrages me about this whole thing is that here was a man who was in a perfect place to make a difference… a real difference, a significant difference, in LIVES, not in a fucking game. He dedicated his life to working with young men, preparing them, undoubtedly giving them some life lessons, some counseling, some guidance to navigate the waters that lie ahead, and that’s all good. But he absolutely destroys that good by turning a blind eye to kids who were not his problem, but were being abused by someone he knew, in heinous ways, right on the worksite. He COULD have stood up. Imagine the lessons he could have taught, the example he could have set for others. Imagine the difference Joe Paterno could have made if he had stood up and fought for children desperately needed someone to fight for them. He reported it to the campus then didn’t know what else he could do? What? Was he prepped for questioning by some catholic bishop?

Joe Paterno is dead, his family rightly grieves for the loss of their loved one, and my sympathy goes out to them. Too bad so few have no sympathy for the children who are abused. It's too bad no one considered stopping it before more children were hurt, no one stood up, like a man, and did what needed to be done. A game was more important than the lives of innocent children in the hands of a monster. Shame on you, Joe Paterno. The one person who could have made a difference, and you took the selfish coward’s way out. Your family’s pain will be real. I won’t pretend though; there will be no crocodile tears from me. Those are reserved for the true victims. They’ve been slapped in the face enough times over this; I won’t participate in further abuse against them by idolizing this man, not even in death.Joe Paterno's legacy SHOULD be about that which he chose not to do; God knows, that's what it will be for Sandusky's victims and their families.

DAILY NEWS -- January 17th, 2012

DATELINE: TAKING THE PLUNGE INTO THE LOGIC POOL – I’m Canadian, and what do all Canadians talk about ALL the time? Why, oil pipelines, of course! We are in the midst of two broohaahaas, one regarding the Keystone Pipeline to the Gulf Coast, and one regarding the Gateway Pipeline, running to the Queen Charlotte Islands along BC’s Pacific Ocean coast. The routes for both are problematic, but in our usual inimitable manner, we humbly strong-arm and threaten the people whose land these pipelines will cross over. Aren’t we fucking special?

Here are some of the simple truths that no one has the god damned balls to say. Yes, we need fossil fuels. Even if, tomorrow, we come up with the perfect solution, the magical alternate fuel to run our vehicles and engines, we STILL need oil. We still need it to fuel our homes, and up here, there aren’t a lot of other options. We use it globally to make plastics and nylon, wrinkle-free fabrics, aspirin, cd’s, shoes, dyes… every room in every home will have items in there that are the result of oil extraction. Yes, some could be made from organic sources, but even the process of processing the organic sources requires oil, especially on the scale that services the population. Current means of producing ethanol uses more oil than it saves, and how many fields of corn would be required to keep our vehicles on the road just in this country? So, Yes, we need fossil fuels. Oh, and that whole 'clean coal' shit? yes, its shit. Coal is coal, it is dirty to mine, it is dirty to use, but its a necessary evil as well, but call it what it fucking is. There is no 'clean coal'. That's like saying there is sugar-dipped shit and expecting we will all chow down.

Is there room to compromise? Hell yes, and that is exactly what is needed. Yes, measures need to be taken to protect the environment, but why does everything have to be so fucking extreme now? The Republicans and the Democrats, the Environmentalists and the Oil Companies, do NOT have the ability, the desire or the guts to compromise on ANYTHING. It’s ‘my way or the highway’ in all regards, and that is what will kill us all.

So, we want to stop the pipeline because it is a hazard. God damned right they are a hazard. So is every big tanker truck on a railroad, being dragged down the highway by truckers who are dead on their feet because they can’t slow down for even one fucking minute because of the spiraling costs they face in this fucked-up economy, and in those crap boats that will haul it across the oceans. What about the carbon footprint created by those trucks, those boats and those railway trains? There is one hell of a lot of oil to move, and a long way to move it, and these guys chugging along, farting black every inch of the way seems a bit… counterproductive to the cause.

Politicians and oil companies, what about you? *sigh* Yes, I lumped you together. Why not? One is in the pocket of the other, so what the fuck. Let’s just call it like it is. What’s with this crap about threatening people so they get off their land and give you access? What sort of fucking bullshit is that? What gives you the right to not give fair dollar and work in good faith on this? Is it just because, when you start to work in oil, you become a colossal dickhead? You are so greased up, your head lives up your ass? Get a fucking life! The path you chose for the Keystone is asinine, and you know and you knew it even before you started going in there like fucking schoolyard bullies. The people down there have a right to be pissed. Is it really so hard to do something ethically? Really?

So, here is where the logic kicks in… for some of us maybe. It makes sense to move the oil by pipeline, but ONLY if the pipeline is incredibly well maintained. It will be cheaper, over time, to not have trucks hauling it, so yes, the pipeline makes sense. It also is reasonable to say that there is no way to get a pipeline across a fucking continent, or across a continental divide, without disrupting very sensitive environmental areas. The pipeline should not ever cross migratory paths without some compensation being made to the species… bridges, pathways, something to allow them to do what the good lord intended them to do in order to survive. It should not go over aquifers that would destroy water tables for thousands of people and animals, and it should be on land that is fairly purchased by the oil company, with deals that don’t consistently fuck the real land owners. I realize that one is a reach, but it is possible, if the fucking politicians would hold these assholes to task.

But in order for this to work, why not do it to everyone’s advantage. The land owners make a fair dollar for their land. The oil company gets their pipeline… and the environmentalists? Yes, they too can win, and not just by having fewer trucks and trains out there moving this shit. They need to hold the politicians accountable as well, setting up a program that allows for joint programs (government/private) to consistently patrol, protect and nurture the land around the pipeline. It could, conceivably, become the cleanest, safest, most naturally abundant area in the world with some cooperation and compromise. It would help the economy by creating jobs that could not be farmed out to foreign slave workers, and could be done in conjunction with efforts to refining more sources of fuels that are with not run out and will be less harmful to everyone. It will also, perhaps, lessen the need to frack. Sorry, but that process is just fucking wrong and it has way more potential to do way more fucking damage to everyone than anything else the damned oil companies can come up with.

So there you go – a win/win/win/win, but it requires cooperation and acceptance of some truths, which probably means it won’t ever happen. Although, for someone looking to get re-elected, it might be a handy thought, President Obama?

DATELINE: IN THE CRAPPER, FLUSHING IT DOWN

So, it’s come to this: comedian Stephen Colbert coyly almost announcing his candidacy for the GOP South Carolina primary. What a sad fucking day – but not for the reasons you think.

How did this almost soon-to-be maybe announcement come about? Because five percent of people in South Carolina who were asked about their choices in the primary indicated to pollsters they would vote for Stephen Colbert – so why shouldn’t he throw his hat into the ring. Anyone else would. The sad part of this is that it shows, without doubt, the mockery that the political system has become. It shows the frustration of the electorate, and it shows (no offense, Stephen) that any ass is a welcome part of that system. It shows that too many people don’t take some very serious situations seriously at all.

Yes, Colbert and Stewart have brought attention to the stupidity of the system and the people who are part of it. They have, in essence,proven the hypothesis that politicians take care of themselves first, last and always. Their experiment has removed any doubt that the system now is so corrupt it is virtually impossible to take it seriously. That whole PAC crap about advertising money and the candidate having nothing to do with it? Oh please, there is NO ONE who doesn’t know that Gingrinch and Romney have everything to do with them… because that is the way governments now work. They don’t worry about morals or ethics anymore, especially when it comes to getting a chance to sit behind that fucking fancy desk in the Oval Office. These guys would even eat their young, for fuck sake, if it meant one more vote in a swing state.

‘But Bambi, you’re a Canadian. Why do you give a shit anyways?’ Good question. There are several reasons. The first is that whatever the most powerful country in the world does, it has an impact on every other country, and the closer you are to the US, the more it affects you. The second is that, we are really really close neighbors, and when your asshole leader lets his ego gets in the way, and the bombs start falling, we are right in the middle of the firing range, much to close for comfort. The third is that,whether right or wrong, we are sort of like the US’s adoring little brother,looking up to him, following his lead, emulating what he does… and I do NOT want Canada to be like that ever (although already, as kids are wont to do as they age, we are quickly catching up and becoming more and more like you every day). The fourth reason is because we have to watch all of your political bullshit and ads every time we turn on our fucking sets, and you know, you guys are in Perpetual Election Mode down there now. The minute the votes are counted, you are off and running again, making sure that you win the next one four years later. You are so fucking busy running for election that you have no time or interest in actually running the country.

The even sadder part of this is that you have an incredible system offered to you by some incredibly smart people, who were not looking to line their pockets and have unmitigated power and authority over the whole land. Those people were more concerned about freedom, equality, creating a land where EVERYONE had a chance to live their dreams (not just the top 1%). Once that plan was in place, a plan that the rest of the world looked at in awe and wondered if they should ever dare to dream of some plan for their own countries that offered the same great gifts, it became time to fight for it, and fight they did. They all put their lives on the line, and men and women have been proudly doing the same ever since. They never looked for a fucking loophole to garner them more favor and give them one more vote over the other guy; they were too busy crouching in fox holes under barrages of artillery fire, and watching, horrified, while their buddies had their arms, legs, heads blown off.

I hear people saying there is no point in voting, what difference does it make? They are all corrupt, they lie to get into office. I am not arguing any of that. What I am arguing is that apathy is the most powerful weapon in these candidates arsenal. By not voting, we allow them to do what they want. By not voting, we say it’s okay to do what they are doing. Yes, the system needs change, and it needs it right now, but the system is not going to change it, and the politicians are not going to change it. The people are the ones to do that. You don’t have to don a uniform, pick up a gun and crouch in a fox hole while shitting your pants in fear; but you do have to stand up and be counted, and really, that’s not a lot to ask, is it? You want to see changes, hold these assholes accountable. There isn’t a candidate that wholly appeals to you? Then find one, and ask them to run. There are a lot of smart,honest, principled, hard-working people out there – so find one. If you have to ‘settle’ on a candidate, then when he is elected, hold him to account, write letters, and make a stand. If you are asked to make a political contribution, say no because you don’t like the tactics. You don’t want someone to buy their way into the White House, then don’t give them money – which means don’t give the money to those companies who do support them. If you know that someone is sponsoring a crooked candidate, contact them and say you won’t purchase their crap anymore. Tired of the mudslinging bullshit ads? Phone the television stations and say ‘Enough! I am changing the channel because this is bullshit.’ If the 40% of the population who does not vote did these things, did something more than bitch from their armchair, the system would change. It would be held to account, and it would be because you stood up. Until then, I guess we sit back and watch more people make a mockery of a system that is already sadly, dangerously not more than a daily joke.

So, Colbert MIGHT run. I am not going out on a limb to say that his ideas could not be any more dumbass than the ones being floated by the 'traditional' candidates, his past could not be more smarmy than theirs, he could never be even close to them on the hypocrisy chart, so maybe this is a blessing. Maybe he is meant to be 'the chosen one', Anderson Cooper and his Ridiculist be damned! If Colbert manages to sweep the Carolinas and goes on to take Washington, though, it’s to be hoped that Jon Stewart could be his vice president, and become the first VPOTUS to have his face on paper money. If I had dollar bills with Jon Stewart’s face on them, I would save those puppies, glue them up on the bedroom ceiling, and have a couple in my hip pocket just to take out and lick throughout the day, then lovingly slide them back where they belong. It would create a whole new, much more palatable economic crisis.