Artsy Fartsy Fluff Crap Day – April 3rd

Artsy Fartsy Fluff Crap Day – April 3rd


DATELINE: RATINGS HELL – Sarah Palin’s show ‘Real American Stories’ premiered on FOX this week, to less than stellar ratings. Sorry, despite the fact that was dying to see if she was going to use one of those giant foam hands so she could get all her cheat notes down on one palm, I did not turn it on. Yes, she had enough viewers to hold the spot, but the number of viewers was down from the lead-in Hannity show, and viewers dropped another 18% after 15 minutes. Yup, that glorious, wonderful 15 minutes of fame, Sarah. Yours are up, apparently. Now, go back home to Alaska and watch them Russians for us, okay.

DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – ‘Two and a Half Men’ will soon be down to ‘One and Three Quarters’ as Charlie Sheen finishes up meting the terms of his latest contract on April 9th. He is quietly telling people that he will not be signing the offered contract for the eighth year. Warners, the other party involved in all contract negotiations, is not so quick to write off the actor though. Rumor has it, and we fucking love rumors, that Sheen is really holding out for more money, somewhere in the neighborhood of $1.5M/episode. Yes, let me say that again… he has reportedly not signed on at $1M/episode and it is thought he is holding out for $1.5M. How in the name of all that is fucking holy can ANYONE be worth that much money for a half-hour weekly television comedy? Take the money, Chuckles, and since you don’t need it, send it all down to Haiti where it can do some fucking good.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Those pesky Republicans are showing off their randy fucking sides these days. First came news that a group of young Republicans had gone to a sex-themed Hollywood club, all on the RNC’s tab. When the powers that be found out about the unauthorized expense, they said it would be paid back by those silly kids, and they hoped the issue would end. Nothing is worse than those God-fearing Bible-thumping moral signpost RNC members, BUT then, enter the fundraising flyer! Yes, what has been claimed to be a typo on a fundraising letter sent to RNC member sent them all calling an 800 number. Instead of being able to pledge their donations, they got to talk to ‘naughty ladies’ who were very much into thumping as well, just not on a Bible, unless of course you were willing to pay more money for that.

DATELINE: PITY PALACE – Lindsay Lohan is broke, unable to pay her rent, unable to get a job, and is depressed about it. News bulletin… there are a whole lot of people out there unable to pay their rent, legitimately out of work by no fault of their own, and still they don’t get their name splashed all over the fucking papers in an appeal for global pity. The girl has an abuse problem, yes. She has spent more money on drugs, booze and other crap than the vast majority of the population of the continent will ever see in their entire lives. She however has had more fucking opportunities passed her way, she has had more changes, more resources, more help… sorry, but it is not so easy for me to drum up any sympathy for people whose sense of eternal entitlement bites them in the ass. I prefer to spend my time admiring those who are able to deal with what they are dished out and who keep on trucking. Print about them in the fucking papers.

DATELINE: TURKEY – A new speed record has been set, in a Ferrari, by an unaccompanied blind man. Singer Metin Senturk, blind since the age of three, navigated the car at speeds averaging 180 mph. In response to hearing the news that he had set a new record, he said it was like ‘a dance with death’. He was verbally guided around the track by former rally driver Volkan Isik, who followed Senturk in a second vehicle around the track. He could probably put a ton of sighted drivers to shame with his abilities. Way to go, Metin.

DATELINE: ROME – I know… not artsy fartsy at all, but it has to be done. I am sitting here totally fucking amazed, astounded… sickened, even, by the crap I am reading from the Vatican. In his Good Friday Prayer Service, the Pontiff’s pastor actually had either the unmitigated gall OR the phenomenal stupidity to dare to compare the criticism the Pope and the Church is currently receiving, to the atrocities, violence and ‘shameful aspects’ of the Holocaust and the persecution of Jews. How the hell dare they? That the two issues could be used in the same sentence is criminal. The church, in all its pomp and fucking glory harbored criminals. The church, with full knowledge and apparently apostolic blessing, allowed children to be abused in the most horrendous manners possible. Members of the church committed these CRIMES, more members of the church covered up these CRIMES, and even more members of the church spent phenomenal amounts of time and money making sure that these CRIMES never became knowledge to the congregants while still allowing the CRIMES to continue. The Church has experienced no violence (which actually astounds be, because if someone did that to my child, I would want to take the son of a bitch into a back alley and beat the fucking crap out of him). They brought on the situation themselves with their deception, sense of entitlement and fucking arrogance. To compare this to the hate-filled violence, the persecution against an entire people, a people completely innocent, a people who were trying to go about their own lives hurting no one, and who suffered unbelievable tortures that resulted in more than six million deaths? That they could even begin to make the association is beyond fucking despicable. Shame on you! All of you! What a wonderful fucking name you give to all of Christianity. I am ashamed, but obviously it is clear the Pope and his fucking gang of theological thugs will stop at nothing in an attempt to protect their sorry asses.

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 2nd, 2010

DAILY NEWS - APRIL 2nd, 2010

DATELINE: NEW JERSEY – We will start with a Good Friday Fish Story. A patron in a McDonald’s drive-through was desperate for a fucking Filet-o-Fish sandwich. For starters, real men don’t order anything that has such a cutsey fucking name. Anyways, he was told that it would take three minutes for his order to be ready, while they cooked the fish. Apparently displeased with this information, he went totally fucking ballistic, crawled through the drive-thru window, shouting and screaming at the attendant, raised a stink until his fish was ready, and left without paying. Police are still looking for him.

DATELINE: VANCOUVER – It would appear that the whole issue of the murder of Robert Dziekanski is in the history books – sadly so. While I appreciate that his mother, Zofia Cisowski has undoubtedly been through over two years of unmitigated hell and deserves a chance to put the issue to rest, the whole issue stinks. Now, because of a public apology and a cash settlement, all is fine and she is not interested in seeing the men, the policemen, who murdered her son face any criminal charges. Funny how, upon reading and hearing all this, I was made to think of the hundreds of parents who did the very same thing with regard to catholic priests abusing their children, agreeing that perhaps because they could not take any more of the legal bullshit, because they were tired of the fighting and the crap that comes with this, because they knew they would be facing many, many years more of this, it was just easier to accept what was being offered and let the issue disappear. That the RCMP has managed to get the issue, both the criminal and the civil actions, to stop, that they have managed to purloin a complete and total pardon from all responsibility in the taking of this man’s life is nothing but fucking shameful.

DATELINE: TV LAND – Sarah Palin’s new FOX program ‘Real American Stories’ premieres tonight, and even before she has started, there is already controversy surrounding it. In the promo for the show, clips of interviewees are flashed across the screen, people like Toby Keith, LL Cool J, Jack Welch that she has interviewed for the program, but WAIT! According to LL Cool J and his Tweets, the opening of Real American Stories is filled will Real American Deception. "Fox lifted an old interview I gave in 2008 to someone else & are misrepresenting to the public in order to promote Sarah Palins Show. WOW." Gotta love that LLCool J and his tweets! So, how’s that Twitter thing working for ya so far, Sarah? *wink wink* In response, a Fox spokesman has said that in response to LL Cool J ” …we are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career." I would venture to say that LL Cool J shows MUCH more potential and talent, and without doubt intellect and pizzazz that Ms Palin could ever fucking hope to show. It will be interesting to see their response to Toby Keith who has now contacted the New York Times to say that he has never been interviewed by or with Palin, and that he had no idea he was being used for the show. His publicist, speaking on Keith’s behalf, said they believe FOX will be ‘recycling an interview Keith gave in 2009’. Yup, me suspects this shall be a Comedy of Errors from fore to aft, one of gargantuan proportions.

DATELINE: HARBIN, CHINA -- If you believe in reincarnation, the last fucking thing you want to come back as is any animal that might end up in a zoo in China. Workers at the Harbin Northern Forest Zoo, frustrated with their inability to provide the care needed to take care of their animals, have revealed that last year they were required to dig a 10 foot deep pit to be used as a mass grave for 30-40 animals that had died from lack of care and proper nutrition. These animals included lions, tigers and leopards. The employees also reported that in the first half of 2008, 14 animals, including extremely endangered white tigers and white lions, had died from malnutrition. As a cost-cutting measure, the zoo enforced diet changes for the animals, resulting in some of the big cats even being fed corn buns instead of meat. Earlier last month, the zoo in Shenyang was closed when it was revealed 36 animals had died amid allegations of body-part harvesting, including 13 endangered Siberian tigers whose organs were used to create such concoctions as tiger-bone liquor, thought to boost a man’s virility. Nothing says I Am A Man like killing a beautiful endangered, CAGED animal in order to get your boner up. Buy some fucking Viagra if you can’t get it up, but leave the damned cats alone.

DATELINE: MASSACHUSETTS – In his first comments since charges were brought against some of his students in relation to the death of Phoebe Prince, Superintendent Gus Sayer managed to remove a lot of doubt as to how this sort of thing could happen. Yes, in true political fashion, he opened his mouth and crap spewed out, which was a bit of a challenge after the ass hat comments made by school Chairman Edward Boisselle, who took ass-hattedness to whole fucking new level. Sayer’s comments regarding the findings of the official investigation were unfortunate, his speculation regarding the sources of official information, his audacity to border on calling Prince’s parents liars when it came to them reporting the information, were pretty much asinine. However, his comments, and their implied meaning, regarding his surprise that the DA drew such a strong connection between the bullying and Prince’s death, that it was an assumption on the DA’s part but that something other than school could have caused the girl to take her own life, was beyond fucking ignorant. That he would even try that crap is more than reprehensible. And Boisselle? His resorting to semantics about who knew and then arguing that the absent Sayer ‘has never taken the amount of vacation that he has coming to him” as an excuse for him not stepping up in a timely manner? Here’s the thing… it sounds as if they are spending a whole lot of time making up lame-ass fucking excuses for the fact that they have spent a whole lot of time in the past year NOT DOING THEIR FUCKING JOBS. A girl is dead, she is dead because of the actions of other people, including the adults charged with the responsibility of teaching and protecting a school full of students, and in the process they have totally disrespected Miss Prince and her family in the process as a means to cover their own fucking guilt. They have failed on all counts.