DAILY NEWS – February 4th, 2010
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – As the torch relay approaches the Olympic Stadium, it has been revealed that VANOC, those fucking brain surgeons who are apparently above all laws and moral standing, have been using a film to ‘inspire’ all carriers of the torch for the last several months. This film is shown as the carriers are transported by bus to where they will begin. It is a short film, only four minutes long, but almost 20% of that film is taken from clips put together by a Nazi propagandist from the Berlin Olympic games. The ‘incriminating’ items... little things like soldiers standing in Nazi salutes and swastikas... have been blacked out. Whoop-de-fucking-do. Out of all the years and millions of miles of film footage available, they pick THAT to ‘inspire’ our torch carriers? To say that this is a fucking abomination is an understatement. To say that the total lack of interest or concern about the undeniable impropriety of this is totally fucking embarrassing. We should be fucking ashamed that NO ONE is addressing this issue. For VANOC to say that they will now replace the footage is pointless. It has been out there for months, shown to hundreds of people... TO INSPIRE THEM... and with seven days left in the relay, far to fucking little -- way to fucking late is about the only thing that can be said now. Finding inspiration in Nazi propaganda... VANOC has now sunk to a totally fucking immeasurable low.
DATELINE: CHICAGO – Speaking of new lows... Mel Gibson did his first live interview in four years for a Chicago tv station in an effort to promote his new film. When the obvious, inevitable and necessary question came up about his DUI broo-haa-haa, he arrogantly, and with absolutely not one fucking shred of anything BUT contempt, said he had ‘done all the necessary Mea Culpa’s’ and it was time for people to move on, while draining a drink and glaring at the interviewer. The TV journalist complied, finished his interview and thanked Gibson, to which Gibson replied with the required nicety, followed with an “Asshole”. He later stated the comment was directed to someone in the room with him and NOT the interviewer. What a fucking asshat! Like ANYONE believes that load of crap. Mel, I think your time is up because anyone who might have been interested in giving you even a modicum of the benefit of the doubt now knows better.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Because it just wouldn’t be a new day without a new fucking Toyota story... The US Safety regulators have opened up an investigation into the braking system of the 2010 Toyota Prius because of the increase in accidents for those vehicles. Toyota has acknowledged there is a problem in the brakes. DUH! So why the hell haven’t you fixed it. The Recall for all the other Toyota’s with the faulty gas pedals has now spread to India and the UK. Apparently like its faulty brakes and sticky gas pedals, Toyota management is hurtling at breakneck fucking speeds into the abyss just as if they were behind the wheel of one of their fucking cars. Bet there is one shitload of Tylenol sitting on their boardroom tables.
DATELINE: NASHVILLE – Grassroots junkies are gearing up for the opening of the Tea Party Movement and the keynote address to be delivered by none other than Sarah ‘Nasty Fish’ Palin. While I understand the frustration with the political system and politicians in general, and the desire to see the country moving forward in a positive way, one has to wonder if the grass and roots aren’t being smoked down there to be thinking that Sarah Palin has the fucking answers. Sarah Palin?? Seriously?? Have a fucking laugh at least and invite Tina Fey to speak.
DATELINE: BRITAIN – Studies have now shown that people in a vegetative state can hear, understand and respond to verbal stimulation. While this is no real surprise to many of us because our instincts have always told us they were aware, (but find me a doctor who listens to a person’s fucking instincts) researchers say this discovery is significant because it will emphasize the need for doctors to be more compassionate and caring while dealing with these patients, because the patient knows what they are saying. Hello? It’s called fucking ‘bedside manner’, something that doctors apparently leave on the fucking golf course most days. It might be suggested to them, as a group, that yes, patients either vegetative or totally fucking conscious, should be treated with compassion and care and dignity.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
DAILY NEWS - February 3, 2010
DAILY NEWS – FEBRUARY 3rd, 2010
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – The ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ military policy is being debated. Funny how the fucking politicians can’t get their shit together. I will make it easy for you... leave the fucking discrimination crap at the door, or at least for the Pope to do. We can see how much fucking credibility it gives him.
DATELINE: QUEBEC – Doctors from this province who VOLUNTEERED to go help out in Haiti are now claiming they should be paid $702/day for their work. Apparently doctors in Quebec are too fucking stupid to understand the concept of VOLUNTEER. No wonder Danny Williams fled the fucking country to get medical attention.
DATELINE: JAPAN – You actually have to start feeling sorry for those poor Toyota people. When it rains on them, it really fucking pours. The Japanese government has ordered Toyota to look into a problem with the brakes on their newest model Prius because of the large number of accidents involving them. The company has not issued a recall... yet... but damn, it has to suck to be working in their corporate offices right now.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – The Norwegian Star, a cruise ship that was supposed to be docked and used as a hotel for high-paying guests AND 13 children from the Make-A-Wish organization, has decided it is not economically viable to park a big fucking ship like that for ten days without having a sell-out crowd booked. Nine days out from the Olympics, they have announced they are cancelling, leaving 1500 people and the group of terminally ill children in the lurch. God forbid they try to come up with an alternative for them, like bringing in a smaller fucking boat or something, or making it so it doesn’t cost a fucking fortune for one of their floating bedrooms.
DATELINE: IRAN – They have stepped up their game in the space race, celebrating putting their first rocket into space. Contained on the fucking thing – a turtle, a mouse and some worms. What the fuck they are supposed to do up there in space is totally beyond me. Seems to me that someone was pissed off about getting skunked on a fishing trip and jammed his god damned leftovers in there for a lark. I can’t wait until the fucking SPCA gets hold of this one. Yes, People, this IS the way to show those fucking martians that there is intelligent life here on Earth.
DATELINE: OTTAWA – Bishop Lahey was SUPPOSED to enter a plea today on charges of possession and trafficking of child pornography. It got postponed until April. I know this isn’t fucking news or a surprise, but I just don’t want anyone to forget about this SOB. Again, more evidence of the Catholic Church’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Really Give a Flying Font’ policy.
DATELINE: FRANCE – A man was denied citizenship because he has forced his wife to wear a burka. His wife is a French citizen. Before you all get your panties in a fucking knot, I will tell you why this pisses me off. IF this was a legitimate thing where her rights were being trampled by her husband... and it could be... the case loses all fucking credibility because of all the other crap the government has said about wearing a burka. It is ‘contrary to the values of the Republic’, it ‘promotes homophobic violence’, it is a ‘visible sign of radical religious practice’. Make up your fucking minds! If you want to stop radical religious practice, shut down all the churches. If it’s about equality between men and women and wearing your religion on your sleeve, shut down the fucking convents, because every argument against wearing a burka can be made against wearing a habit. Get your shit together, France. This is just fucking hatred and discrimination and you know it.
DATELINE: LOS ANGELES – Michael Jackson’s doctor will be facing charges of ‘involuntary manslaughter’ for providing the singer with the fatal dose of sleeping crap. You realize what this means? More fucking Jacksons on the television and in the newspapers... because we just haven’t had enough of it already.
My Technorati claim token is 4J7F5YHN7BQJ
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – The ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ military policy is being debated. Funny how the fucking politicians can’t get their shit together. I will make it easy for you... leave the fucking discrimination crap at the door, or at least for the Pope to do. We can see how much fucking credibility it gives him.
DATELINE: QUEBEC – Doctors from this province who VOLUNTEERED to go help out in Haiti are now claiming they should be paid $702/day for their work. Apparently doctors in Quebec are too fucking stupid to understand the concept of VOLUNTEER. No wonder Danny Williams fled the fucking country to get medical attention.
DATELINE: JAPAN – You actually have to start feeling sorry for those poor Toyota people. When it rains on them, it really fucking pours. The Japanese government has ordered Toyota to look into a problem with the brakes on their newest model Prius because of the large number of accidents involving them. The company has not issued a recall... yet... but damn, it has to suck to be working in their corporate offices right now.
DATELINE: VANCOUVER – The Norwegian Star, a cruise ship that was supposed to be docked and used as a hotel for high-paying guests AND 13 children from the Make-A-Wish organization, has decided it is not economically viable to park a big fucking ship like that for ten days without having a sell-out crowd booked. Nine days out from the Olympics, they have announced they are cancelling, leaving 1500 people and the group of terminally ill children in the lurch. God forbid they try to come up with an alternative for them, like bringing in a smaller fucking boat or something, or making it so it doesn’t cost a fucking fortune for one of their floating bedrooms.
DATELINE: IRAN – They have stepped up their game in the space race, celebrating putting their first rocket into space. Contained on the fucking thing – a turtle, a mouse and some worms. What the fuck they are supposed to do up there in space is totally beyond me. Seems to me that someone was pissed off about getting skunked on a fishing trip and jammed his god damned leftovers in there for a lark. I can’t wait until the fucking SPCA gets hold of this one. Yes, People, this IS the way to show those fucking martians that there is intelligent life here on Earth.
DATELINE: OTTAWA – Bishop Lahey was SUPPOSED to enter a plea today on charges of possession and trafficking of child pornography. It got postponed until April. I know this isn’t fucking news or a surprise, but I just don’t want anyone to forget about this SOB. Again, more evidence of the Catholic Church’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Really Give a Flying Font’ policy.
DATELINE: FRANCE – A man was denied citizenship because he has forced his wife to wear a burka. His wife is a French citizen. Before you all get your panties in a fucking knot, I will tell you why this pisses me off. IF this was a legitimate thing where her rights were being trampled by her husband... and it could be... the case loses all fucking credibility because of all the other crap the government has said about wearing a burka. It is ‘contrary to the values of the Republic’, it ‘promotes homophobic violence’, it is a ‘visible sign of radical religious practice’. Make up your fucking minds! If you want to stop radical religious practice, shut down all the churches. If it’s about equality between men and women and wearing your religion on your sleeve, shut down the fucking convents, because every argument against wearing a burka can be made against wearing a habit. Get your shit together, France. This is just fucking hatred and discrimination and you know it.
DATELINE: LOS ANGELES – Michael Jackson’s doctor will be facing charges of ‘involuntary manslaughter’ for providing the singer with the fatal dose of sleeping crap. You realize what this means? More fucking Jacksons on the television and in the newspapers... because we just haven’t had enough of it already.
My Technorati claim token is 4J7F5YHN7BQJ
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
DAILY NEWS - FEBRUARY 2, 2010
DAILY NEWS – FEBRUARY 2, 2010
DATELINE: NORTH AMERICA – Happy God Damned Rodent Day! Sam, Phil and Willie, that awesome trio of the trenches, all saw their shadows this morning. We all know what that means – shoot the fucking things and find some that are blind.
DATELINE: ROME – Yes, the Pope is at it again. This time he has waded into the British Parliamentary debate regarding their new Equality Bill. You would think the pontiff would support legislation that protects the democratic rights of the individual, but Hell No, Not This One! This one MAY force the Catholic Church to accept homosexuals among its ranks. Duh! Like the fucking ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy they have adhered to for so fucking long is working. Yoo Hoo!!! Mr. Fancy Pajama Man!! Check what’s in your own closets before you start doing your ‘global moral compass’ routine.
DATELINE: NEWFOUNDLAND/LABRADOR – In a magnificent gesture of support for health care in Canada, and also as a slap in the face to absolutely every fucking person up here waiting for a critical medical procedure or test, Newfoundland/Labrador Premier Danny Williams has gone to the US for heart surgery. While I wish him well, I am also unbelievably pissed that yet again, if you are of the regular working people in this country, you are fucking left with the crap that those elected have legislated for us.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – President Obama announced his new budget -- budget? *insert riotous laughter here* -- and the record $1.6 Trillion dollar deficit. Hard to shake your finger at banks for fucking poor management when this is the best you have to offer. All I can say is... you poor people will be paying this one off for fucking generations. I will also say let’s give some of the credit where it is due... so a BIG ohh-rah for the past fucking Commander in Chief. Psssst – why don’t you guys ask Dick Cheney for a fucking loan, because God knows that whole war thing was one hell of a cash cow for him!
DATELINE: PHILADELPHIA – A new study shows that teenagers will listen to the message of abstinence when it is presented logically, by allowing them to make up a list of fucking pros and cons of early sex. An uncluttered, non-religious, message of the hazards and drawbacks of early sex helps them to refrain from jumping in the sack at the age of 13. It has taken us how many years to figure out that just talking to them and giving them the facts might work? Damn, we are a fucked up society.
DATELINE: CHINA -- China, already pissed off about the arms the US is sending to Taiwan, has issued a warning to US President Obama to not meet with the Dalai Lama. To do so, they say, would further destroy relationships between the two trading partners. What the hell is China’s fucking problem with the Dalai Lama? He has never advocated independence for Tibet, but is only wanting his people to be allowed to pray. How the hell does that do anything harmful to China? It makes one wonder if perhaps they are getting their advice from the same fucking people the Pope uses.
DATELINE: NORTH AMERICA – Happy God Damned Rodent Day! Sam, Phil and Willie, that awesome trio of the trenches, all saw their shadows this morning. We all know what that means – shoot the fucking things and find some that are blind.
DATELINE: ROME – Yes, the Pope is at it again. This time he has waded into the British Parliamentary debate regarding their new Equality Bill. You would think the pontiff would support legislation that protects the democratic rights of the individual, but Hell No, Not This One! This one MAY force the Catholic Church to accept homosexuals among its ranks. Duh! Like the fucking ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy they have adhered to for so fucking long is working. Yoo Hoo!!! Mr. Fancy Pajama Man!! Check what’s in your own closets before you start doing your ‘global moral compass’ routine.
DATELINE: NEWFOUNDLAND/LABRADOR – In a magnificent gesture of support for health care in Canada, and also as a slap in the face to absolutely every fucking person up here waiting for a critical medical procedure or test, Newfoundland/Labrador Premier Danny Williams has gone to the US for heart surgery. While I wish him well, I am also unbelievably pissed that yet again, if you are of the regular working people in this country, you are fucking left with the crap that those elected have legislated for us.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – President Obama announced his new budget -- budget? *insert riotous laughter here* -- and the record $1.6 Trillion dollar deficit. Hard to shake your finger at banks for fucking poor management when this is the best you have to offer. All I can say is... you poor people will be paying this one off for fucking generations. I will also say let’s give some of the credit where it is due... so a BIG ohh-rah for the past fucking Commander in Chief. Psssst – why don’t you guys ask Dick Cheney for a fucking loan, because God knows that whole war thing was one hell of a cash cow for him!
DATELINE: PHILADELPHIA – A new study shows that teenagers will listen to the message of abstinence when it is presented logically, by allowing them to make up a list of fucking pros and cons of early sex. An uncluttered, non-religious, message of the hazards and drawbacks of early sex helps them to refrain from jumping in the sack at the age of 13. It has taken us how many years to figure out that just talking to them and giving them the facts might work? Damn, we are a fucked up society.
DATELINE: CHINA -- China, already pissed off about the arms the US is sending to Taiwan, has issued a warning to US President Obama to not meet with the Dalai Lama. To do so, they say, would further destroy relationships between the two trading partners. What the hell is China’s fucking problem with the Dalai Lama? He has never advocated independence for Tibet, but is only wanting his people to be allowed to pray. How the hell does that do anything harmful to China? It makes one wonder if perhaps they are getting their advice from the same fucking people the Pope uses.
Monday, February 1, 2010
DAILYNEWS - FEBRUARY 1st, 2010
DAILY NEWS – FEBRUARY 1st, 2010
DATELINE: HAITI – 33 Haitian children were found in a bus being taken from their country across the border to the Dominican Republic by a group of ‘helpful Christians’ from The New Life Refuge in Idaho. There were no papers for these children, and despite the claims of these ‘helpful Christians’ that they were taking these children from an established orphanage to help them, at least 10 of the children, ranging up to 12 years old, were not in any orphanage and in fact have living parents in Haiti. I am not sure if the people from The New Life Refuge are fucking criminal or just criminally stupid. These people in Haiti have been through enough fucking bullshit, people. Get yer shit together, stop lining your pockets and if you don’t have a fucking clue in the closet of what to do to help, then just get the fuck out of the way and let real people get the fucking job done.
DATELINE: MALAYSIA – Picture it... a woman walks into her home, sees her hubby standing there in his fucking y-fronts, his girlfriend standing there in her sarong. Wife blows a fucking gasket (justifiably so) and lays an official complaint. Hubby and girlfriend, despite their pleas of just being ‘good friends’... LMFAO, like THAT is gonna work... are found guilty of ‘having an extra-marital affair’. Holy crap... could you imagine if that was a law here in fucking North America? The jails would be filled with politicians, actors and athletes. They would have to create an Oval Office Cell... that would be fun. Oh, and the fine in Malaysia for slipping yer putter in the wrong bag (*wink wink to Tiger*) is four buffalo and a pig.
DATELINE: ENGLAND – Moobs! Yes, they are in the news and it’s about fucking time. Who don’t love to see a little jiggle action on a speedo-wearing beach bum? Moob reduction is the fastest growing (LMFAO) cosmetic procedure, up 80% in just one year. No worries, though, all you fucking jerks who watch a chick’s chest when she’s walking, supposedly because you think we have woofers in our tits; breast implants still top the overall list of all plastic surgeries.
DATELINE: INDONESIA – A 9-year-old buy was facing charges of ‘Serious abuse’ because he put a bee on another girl’s cheek, and the bee stung her. Seriously, this went to fucking court, and the penalty COULD have been three fucking years in jail... in an adult jail because, despite being a signatory on the UN Convention of the Rights of a Child that prohibits this, in Indonesia they just don’t give a shit. You gotta love that level of hypocrisy that only fucking governments can achieve. You also gotta love the fact that up here, you could be 18 and deliberately set out to beat, rape and murder someone and end up getting 18 months in jail, with 1/3 off for good behaviour. Is there common fucking sense used in ANY god damned judicial system in this world? The judge threw the charge out, stating he could not believe it was even laid. Maybe there is some fucking hope?
DATELINE: MOSCOW – Happy Birthday to McDonalds in Russia.... 20 years of fucking artery clogging and growing every day.
DATELINE: IRAQ – Muntadar al-Zaidi, the famous ‘Shoe Thrower’ of Bush fame (my god, I love this guy and his wicked fucking aim!) has been released from jail. He claims however that throughout his stay in jail, he was exposed to regular beatings, whippings, electric shock and simulated drownings for his crime. He threw a fucking shoe! He threw it at George Bush! He should be getting medals for what he did. The crazy thing... they let him out early on good behaviour, so what the fuck were the beatings about?
DATELINE: LOS ANGELES -- The Grammies were last night. Whoop-de-fucking-do. Just another reason for the beautiful fucking people to buy another exclusive $28,000 fucking gown and pat themselves on the back. These people must have fucking rubber arms. Neil Young won his first Grammy – it’s about fucking time. But what the hell was that thing with Sir Elton and Lady Gaga? I guess as far as royalty goes, this might work, although they could consider washing all that crap off their faces. The glasses were a nice touch... that way I didn’t have to watch that fucking Sir Elton does with his right eyebrow... it drives me fucking nuts when he sings and I have to watch him. And what the fuck was that thing Pink was wearing?? I gotta get me one of them for the next time I need to be lowered into a fucking bathtub!
DATELINE: HAITI – 33 Haitian children were found in a bus being taken from their country across the border to the Dominican Republic by a group of ‘helpful Christians’ from The New Life Refuge in Idaho. There were no papers for these children, and despite the claims of these ‘helpful Christians’ that they were taking these children from an established orphanage to help them, at least 10 of the children, ranging up to 12 years old, were not in any orphanage and in fact have living parents in Haiti. I am not sure if the people from The New Life Refuge are fucking criminal or just criminally stupid. These people in Haiti have been through enough fucking bullshit, people. Get yer shit together, stop lining your pockets and if you don’t have a fucking clue in the closet of what to do to help, then just get the fuck out of the way and let real people get the fucking job done.
DATELINE: MALAYSIA – Picture it... a woman walks into her home, sees her hubby standing there in his fucking y-fronts, his girlfriend standing there in her sarong. Wife blows a fucking gasket (justifiably so) and lays an official complaint. Hubby and girlfriend, despite their pleas of just being ‘good friends’... LMFAO, like THAT is gonna work... are found guilty of ‘having an extra-marital affair’. Holy crap... could you imagine if that was a law here in fucking North America? The jails would be filled with politicians, actors and athletes. They would have to create an Oval Office Cell... that would be fun. Oh, and the fine in Malaysia for slipping yer putter in the wrong bag (*wink wink to Tiger*) is four buffalo and a pig.
DATELINE: ENGLAND – Moobs! Yes, they are in the news and it’s about fucking time. Who don’t love to see a little jiggle action on a speedo-wearing beach bum? Moob reduction is the fastest growing (LMFAO) cosmetic procedure, up 80% in just one year. No worries, though, all you fucking jerks who watch a chick’s chest when she’s walking, supposedly because you think we have woofers in our tits; breast implants still top the overall list of all plastic surgeries.
DATELINE: INDONESIA – A 9-year-old buy was facing charges of ‘Serious abuse’ because he put a bee on another girl’s cheek, and the bee stung her. Seriously, this went to fucking court, and the penalty COULD have been three fucking years in jail... in an adult jail because, despite being a signatory on the UN Convention of the Rights of a Child that prohibits this, in Indonesia they just don’t give a shit. You gotta love that level of hypocrisy that only fucking governments can achieve. You also gotta love the fact that up here, you could be 18 and deliberately set out to beat, rape and murder someone and end up getting 18 months in jail, with 1/3 off for good behaviour. Is there common fucking sense used in ANY god damned judicial system in this world? The judge threw the charge out, stating he could not believe it was even laid. Maybe there is some fucking hope?
DATELINE: MOSCOW – Happy Birthday to McDonalds in Russia.... 20 years of fucking artery clogging and growing every day.
DATELINE: IRAQ – Muntadar al-Zaidi, the famous ‘Shoe Thrower’ of Bush fame (my god, I love this guy and his wicked fucking aim!) has been released from jail. He claims however that throughout his stay in jail, he was exposed to regular beatings, whippings, electric shock and simulated drownings for his crime. He threw a fucking shoe! He threw it at George Bush! He should be getting medals for what he did. The crazy thing... they let him out early on good behaviour, so what the fuck were the beatings about?
DATELINE: LOS ANGELES -- The Grammies were last night. Whoop-de-fucking-do. Just another reason for the beautiful fucking people to buy another exclusive $28,000 fucking gown and pat themselves on the back. These people must have fucking rubber arms. Neil Young won his first Grammy – it’s about fucking time. But what the hell was that thing with Sir Elton and Lady Gaga? I guess as far as royalty goes, this might work, although they could consider washing all that crap off their faces. The glasses were a nice touch... that way I didn’t have to watch that fucking Sir Elton does with his right eyebrow... it drives me fucking nuts when he sings and I have to watch him. And what the fuck was that thing Pink was wearing?? I gotta get me one of them for the next time I need to be lowered into a fucking bathtub!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday Morning Sermon from Dillinger Flaikwaiter
Sunday Morning Sermon from Dillinger Flaikwaiter
So what's up, Kiddos? I have been considering a conversation with God. I admit to being more Elmer Gantry than a true and honest man of God, amen? There are so many questions now that I have a direct line to the Lord Almighty. I have been having intermittent chats with his son. Asked him why he did not ride his pink Caddy on the road to Jerusalem to which he replied, "You are really not only a casual believer Dillinger but incredibly dumb. I had not invented the Caddy as yet, nor the color pink. You think Salome danced with pink veils, you idiot bastardo?" Not much I could say to that, but what the hell, amen and amen.
So, as usual the conversation strove its diligent way back to that old standard-free will and love. I admit that free will and love are his two strongest commitments to his creations via daddy, right?
Consider these great gifts and what we would be without them. Or do you believe that free will was/is His way of playing His little practical joke on His failures? I said this to Jesus-he chuckled, waved his arms high to his daddy and caused another 30 or 40 thousand kids to starve to death on the spot. His only reaction was ‘oops!’ This brings me to the excuse of free will. The kids died. According to the Lord Jesus Christ almighty forever and ever and all that crap it is our fault because we have free will and they do not have to starve to death-that is-other than the occasional arm raising oops, right? So we are indeed his failures as is Lucy-better known to you all as Lucifer, the dark but sexually stimulating beautiful downed angel. Now, there is another conundrum, right? Why did God create him/her? Did He do that to spite Himself or as an excuse in case He fucked us up, which as we all know, He did, right? Amen and amen!
New paragraph----see this is what it is all about really as far as I can see it. New Paragraphs! He can mess up as often as He wishes and that is that and it does not matter because He can keep practicing, right? Get it right forever trying. The God that tries gets it right eventually. Well for the creations of eventually that might be, no, damn that would be nice. Would not mind being around just to see that, but, then again we/us might, you never know. Amen?
Ignoring all of the above, which is just human falderal, the Sunday Sermon is about love and free will. I love free will! It gives me the opportunity to prove the Lord God Almighty wrong which is fun as He cannot be wrong, deduced from all the bible tales, right? He just cannot be. I wonder if He is bored? Can God be eternally bored? Now that would be hotter than the fires of Hell would it not be? Amen.
I tell you, children, that love is free will. Make sense? Hell no, it does not. It is a stupid statement as is all of the above, right and amen? We are the captured slaves of an eternal Rigoletto who plays a tune on his hump. That makes us think that love and free will are the greatest gifts of heaven which they are/not? See, we/you are confused. You do not reach into your pocket to love the Lord but for fear of the consequences which are not, have never been nor ever will be. It is the Lord God's way which is wondrous and not understandable which is perfectly normal, amen? Just imagine if the Lord spoke to us not in parables-maybe that was his son-yeah it was. If we just got nice direct commandments other than the ten not able to follow ones, the main effort being to follow them which is the way He explained it to me, but that is another sermon so on with the motely. Like I said-straight talk-no ‘I wonders’-just straight ‘hey, Dillinger, here is the way. Now go do as I say’. Rhymes right?
Take love and free will and do with them what you will, for we have no choice and we have no free will for genetically-another little joke played on us-we have no choices. Intellectually, of course, we do but our genes put our intellect in the crapper which is sad and again another sermon.
So pull out your wallets and pull out your souls and give to the Lord Almighty for it makes you less sore and afraid, right? Me? I will pour me four and wait for it. What other choice do I have, or maybe?
Your pastor of love and free will-Father Dillinger-love ya, kiddos
So what's up, Kiddos? I have been considering a conversation with God. I admit to being more Elmer Gantry than a true and honest man of God, amen? There are so many questions now that I have a direct line to the Lord Almighty. I have been having intermittent chats with his son. Asked him why he did not ride his pink Caddy on the road to Jerusalem to which he replied, "You are really not only a casual believer Dillinger but incredibly dumb. I had not invented the Caddy as yet, nor the color pink. You think Salome danced with pink veils, you idiot bastardo?" Not much I could say to that, but what the hell, amen and amen.
So, as usual the conversation strove its diligent way back to that old standard-free will and love. I admit that free will and love are his two strongest commitments to his creations via daddy, right?
Consider these great gifts and what we would be without them. Or do you believe that free will was/is His way of playing His little practical joke on His failures? I said this to Jesus-he chuckled, waved his arms high to his daddy and caused another 30 or 40 thousand kids to starve to death on the spot. His only reaction was ‘oops!’ This brings me to the excuse of free will. The kids died. According to the Lord Jesus Christ almighty forever and ever and all that crap it is our fault because we have free will and they do not have to starve to death-that is-other than the occasional arm raising oops, right? So we are indeed his failures as is Lucy-better known to you all as Lucifer, the dark but sexually stimulating beautiful downed angel. Now, there is another conundrum, right? Why did God create him/her? Did He do that to spite Himself or as an excuse in case He fucked us up, which as we all know, He did, right? Amen and amen!
New paragraph----see this is what it is all about really as far as I can see it. New Paragraphs! He can mess up as often as He wishes and that is that and it does not matter because He can keep practicing, right? Get it right forever trying. The God that tries gets it right eventually. Well for the creations of eventually that might be, no, damn that would be nice. Would not mind being around just to see that, but, then again we/us might, you never know. Amen?
Ignoring all of the above, which is just human falderal, the Sunday Sermon is about love and free will. I love free will! It gives me the opportunity to prove the Lord God Almighty wrong which is fun as He cannot be wrong, deduced from all the bible tales, right? He just cannot be. I wonder if He is bored? Can God be eternally bored? Now that would be hotter than the fires of Hell would it not be? Amen.
I tell you, children, that love is free will. Make sense? Hell no, it does not. It is a stupid statement as is all of the above, right and amen? We are the captured slaves of an eternal Rigoletto who plays a tune on his hump. That makes us think that love and free will are the greatest gifts of heaven which they are/not? See, we/you are confused. You do not reach into your pocket to love the Lord but for fear of the consequences which are not, have never been nor ever will be. It is the Lord God's way which is wondrous and not understandable which is perfectly normal, amen? Just imagine if the Lord spoke to us not in parables-maybe that was his son-yeah it was. If we just got nice direct commandments other than the ten not able to follow ones, the main effort being to follow them which is the way He explained it to me, but that is another sermon so on with the motely. Like I said-straight talk-no ‘I wonders’-just straight ‘hey, Dillinger, here is the way. Now go do as I say’. Rhymes right?
Take love and free will and do with them what you will, for we have no choice and we have no free will for genetically-another little joke played on us-we have no choices. Intellectually, of course, we do but our genes put our intellect in the crapper which is sad and again another sermon.
So pull out your wallets and pull out your souls and give to the Lord Almighty for it makes you less sore and afraid, right? Me? I will pour me four and wait for it. What other choice do I have, or maybe?
Your pastor of love and free will-Father Dillinger-love ya, kiddos
Saturday, January 30, 2010
DAILY NEWS – JANUARY 30th 2010
DAILY NEWS – JANUARY 30th 2010
It’s Saturday, which will now be known as Artsy-Fartsy Fluff Crap Day on the BlogAssSphere.
DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – Singer Roy Orbison gets his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. WTF? He didn’t have one yet? What the hell were they fucking waiting for?
DATELINE: NEW YORK – CBS announced that the series Ugly Betty will be cancelled. This has been on every fucking news channel. People, there are people still starving and dying in Haiti, there is a war on, cars are being recalled faster than a monkey can pick fucking nits off his nuts and we are supposed to give a shit about Ugly Betty being cancelled?
DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – Tinto Brass, director of Caligula, has announced his plans for the first 3-D porn movie. Now THIS is something to dig your teeth into. It is rumoured that it will be a remake or reworking of Caligula. Can’t wait till the Pope hears about this one!
DATELINE: CANADA – Today is Hockey Day in Canada, so it is hockey, hockey, fucking hockey on all day, on all news channels, because, apparently, I am supposed to fucking love the sport. Too bad no one asked me. I could think of a whole lot of better ways to spend a Saturday than freezing my fucking ass off watching people play with their pucks. If I didn’t have a satellite dish before, I would be getting one just for today, because NO ONE can handle that much Don Cherry.
DATELINE: NEW YORK – CBS has announced that it will not air a commercial for a gay dating service during the Superbowl. We can have commercials about fucking Happy Periods, yeast infection treatments and little blue pills that make people sit in fucking bathtubs in the middle of fucking nowhere, and then spend the rest of their days dancing down the streets, supposedly because they got lucky last night. Thank you, broadcaster marketing dudes, for the moral compass you provide.
DATELINE: SAN DIEGO – A school pulled their Merriam-Webster dictionaries because of a complaint about ‘sexually explicit content’. Holy crap! A dictionary! The complaint was about the entry ‘oral sex’. They are fucking words, people! It is a means of educating and informing. You want to take the offensive words out of the fucking dictionary start with all those related to politics and organized religion... at least that would be a fucking start. That we have such raving fucking idiots in control of children and their education boggles the fucking mind.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – It has been revealed that Senator John Edwards made tapes of his sexual rompings, some of them in his own home but not with his wife. Apparently Bill Clinton is his idol. He would have been so much fucking fun in the White House! His wife, Elizabeth, bless that woman’s soul, has finally filed for separation. If there is anyone who should be nominated for sainthood, it should be Elizabeth Edwards, because she has gracefully dealt with all this crap that her husband has dished out, has focused on her children, and has not once lowered herself to her husband’s unbelievably low disgusting smarmy level.
DATELINE: MISSISSIPPI – Tiger Woods wife, Elin, has been seen in the area, supposedly helping her man through intensive treatment for sex addiction. I hope she has a fucking caddy along so this time, when he fucks up again in this charade of a public relations stunt, she doesn’t miss.
It’s Saturday, which will now be known as Artsy-Fartsy Fluff Crap Day on the BlogAssSphere.
DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – Singer Roy Orbison gets his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. WTF? He didn’t have one yet? What the hell were they fucking waiting for?
DATELINE: NEW YORK – CBS announced that the series Ugly Betty will be cancelled. This has been on every fucking news channel. People, there are people still starving and dying in Haiti, there is a war on, cars are being recalled faster than a monkey can pick fucking nits off his nuts and we are supposed to give a shit about Ugly Betty being cancelled?
DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD – Tinto Brass, director of Caligula, has announced his plans for the first 3-D porn movie. Now THIS is something to dig your teeth into. It is rumoured that it will be a remake or reworking of Caligula. Can’t wait till the Pope hears about this one!
DATELINE: CANADA – Today is Hockey Day in Canada, so it is hockey, hockey, fucking hockey on all day, on all news channels, because, apparently, I am supposed to fucking love the sport. Too bad no one asked me. I could think of a whole lot of better ways to spend a Saturday than freezing my fucking ass off watching people play with their pucks. If I didn’t have a satellite dish before, I would be getting one just for today, because NO ONE can handle that much Don Cherry.
DATELINE: NEW YORK – CBS has announced that it will not air a commercial for a gay dating service during the Superbowl. We can have commercials about fucking Happy Periods, yeast infection treatments and little blue pills that make people sit in fucking bathtubs in the middle of fucking nowhere, and then spend the rest of their days dancing down the streets, supposedly because they got lucky last night. Thank you, broadcaster marketing dudes, for the moral compass you provide.
DATELINE: SAN DIEGO – A school pulled their Merriam-Webster dictionaries because of a complaint about ‘sexually explicit content’. Holy crap! A dictionary! The complaint was about the entry ‘oral sex’. They are fucking words, people! It is a means of educating and informing. You want to take the offensive words out of the fucking dictionary start with all those related to politics and organized religion... at least that would be a fucking start. That we have such raving fucking idiots in control of children and their education boggles the fucking mind.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – It has been revealed that Senator John Edwards made tapes of his sexual rompings, some of them in his own home but not with his wife. Apparently Bill Clinton is his idol. He would have been so much fucking fun in the White House! His wife, Elizabeth, bless that woman’s soul, has finally filed for separation. If there is anyone who should be nominated for sainthood, it should be Elizabeth Edwards, because she has gracefully dealt with all this crap that her husband has dished out, has focused on her children, and has not once lowered herself to her husband’s unbelievably low disgusting smarmy level.
DATELINE: MISSISSIPPI – Tiger Woods wife, Elin, has been seen in the area, supposedly helping her man through intensive treatment for sex addiction. I hope she has a fucking caddy along so this time, when he fucks up again in this charade of a public relations stunt, she doesn’t miss.
Friday, January 29, 2010
DAILY NEWS - JANUARY 29th, 2010
DAILY NEWS – JANUARY 29th, 2010
DATELINE: SWITZERLAND – Prime Minister Harper delivered his keynote address – to an almost empty fucking room. Then he was on a panel discussing bank regulation and in his typical arrogant up-yer-ass way argued the case for the banks and Canadian regulation of them, he soundly had his ass returned to him on a platter by Prime Minister Calderon. The words didn’t fucking matter a damn though, not nearly as much as the totally petulant pouty grade-school face on the Canadian Prime Minister, that someone would fucking dare to challenge HIS word. People, wake up... the G8 is seeing this man for what he is: nothing more than a fucking schoolyard bully with a 12-year-old mentality. Harper will go down in history as the second-most-notable fucking disappointment in Canadian politics, pretty big position considering the other runners (Mulroney and Cretien topping the fucking list). The only bigger disappointment is that willow-in-the-wind muppet-smiling idiot Ignatief, who despite having the political world at his fingertips still has not figured out what the fuck to do with it. Note to the Liberal Party of Canada – GET A LEADER WITH BOTH BRAINS AND BALLS AND LETS GET THIS FUCKING COUNTRY BACK ON TRACK.
DATELINE: TORONTO – The Canadian National Institute for the Blind will have to stop its literacy program for lack of funds. This is an organization that converts literature to brail for distribution to those visually challenged across the country. Glad we have a prorogued Parliament so these real fucking issues don’t waste the time of all you terribly erudite fucking elected officials. Thank you again Mr. Harper, for taking care of the people of this country.
DATELINE: DETROIT – or wherever the hell Honda’s are built – A new auto recall to announce, because we just don’t have enough of them right now. Honda is recalling some of their vehicles because of a faulty switch that could cause a fire in the car.
I can’t wait to hear the fucking economic analysts now explaining, like they have with Toyota, that this will just be a little blip, just like Tylenol and toys with lead paint in them. HELLO????? My bottle of Tylenol cost me $3 and would last about a month (less when Parliament is in session up here, because we all know there is nothing better for a headache than to follow fucking politics). My Toyota that I bought last year cost a hell of a lot more than $3 and should last more than a month. Wake up, assholes, and quit blowing corporate smoke up the consumer’s ass.
DATELINE:WASHINGTON – Bin Laden has released a new tape blaming Obama and all countries that did not sign on to the Koyoto Accord for global warming. He has called for a boycott of American products ‘to free humanity from slavery’. It’s a pretty sad fucking day when Bin Laden feels he can take the high road and spew human rights rhetoric at the rest of the world. I am not saying he is wrong – he could well have a valid point. It’s just that, well, considering the fucking source for the complaint, it is nothing more than a joke. Apparently bomb dropping, plane crashing and terrorism allows him to be a moral compass for the rest of us. I think he has been spending too much time puffing on the fucking poppies they beat people into growing.
DATELINE: LONDON – Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is testifying before their Iraq Commission. If this is like any Canadian Commission, the government will stop it before it gets any fucking answers and it will all be nothing more than a fucking waste of time. That said, Mr. Blair is totally fucking hawt, and I am sure he has no sweat glands.
DATELINE: SWITZERLAND – Prime Minister Harper delivered his keynote address – to an almost empty fucking room. Then he was on a panel discussing bank regulation and in his typical arrogant up-yer-ass way argued the case for the banks and Canadian regulation of them, he soundly had his ass returned to him on a platter by Prime Minister Calderon. The words didn’t fucking matter a damn though, not nearly as much as the totally petulant pouty grade-school face on the Canadian Prime Minister, that someone would fucking dare to challenge HIS word. People, wake up... the G8 is seeing this man for what he is: nothing more than a fucking schoolyard bully with a 12-year-old mentality. Harper will go down in history as the second-most-notable fucking disappointment in Canadian politics, pretty big position considering the other runners (Mulroney and Cretien topping the fucking list). The only bigger disappointment is that willow-in-the-wind muppet-smiling idiot Ignatief, who despite having the political world at his fingertips still has not figured out what the fuck to do with it. Note to the Liberal Party of Canada – GET A LEADER WITH BOTH BRAINS AND BALLS AND LETS GET THIS FUCKING COUNTRY BACK ON TRACK.
DATELINE: TORONTO – The Canadian National Institute for the Blind will have to stop its literacy program for lack of funds. This is an organization that converts literature to brail for distribution to those visually challenged across the country. Glad we have a prorogued Parliament so these real fucking issues don’t waste the time of all you terribly erudite fucking elected officials. Thank you again Mr. Harper, for taking care of the people of this country.
DATELINE: DETROIT – or wherever the hell Honda’s are built – A new auto recall to announce, because we just don’t have enough of them right now. Honda is recalling some of their vehicles because of a faulty switch that could cause a fire in the car.
I can’t wait to hear the fucking economic analysts now explaining, like they have with Toyota, that this will just be a little blip, just like Tylenol and toys with lead paint in them. HELLO????? My bottle of Tylenol cost me $3 and would last about a month (less when Parliament is in session up here, because we all know there is nothing better for a headache than to follow fucking politics). My Toyota that I bought last year cost a hell of a lot more than $3 and should last more than a month. Wake up, assholes, and quit blowing corporate smoke up the consumer’s ass.
DATELINE:WASHINGTON – Bin Laden has released a new tape blaming Obama and all countries that did not sign on to the Koyoto Accord for global warming. He has called for a boycott of American products ‘to free humanity from slavery’. It’s a pretty sad fucking day when Bin Laden feels he can take the high road and spew human rights rhetoric at the rest of the world. I am not saying he is wrong – he could well have a valid point. It’s just that, well, considering the fucking source for the complaint, it is nothing more than a joke. Apparently bomb dropping, plane crashing and terrorism allows him to be a moral compass for the rest of us. I think he has been spending too much time puffing on the fucking poppies they beat people into growing.
DATELINE: LONDON – Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is testifying before their Iraq Commission. If this is like any Canadian Commission, the government will stop it before it gets any fucking answers and it will all be nothing more than a fucking waste of time. That said, Mr. Blair is totally fucking hawt, and I am sure he has no sweat glands.
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