DAILY NEWS - FEB 20, 2010

DAILY NEWS - FEBRUARY 20th, 2010

DATELINE: LOS ANGELES – William Shatner has landed yet another starring role, this time in Shit My Dad Says. The series is based on the tweeted posts of a 20-something kid who returns home to live with mom and dad and spends his whole fucking day tweeting the erudite comments of his father. THIS is fucking television? Bring back the god damned Muppet.

DATELINE: LOS ANGELES – Sean Penn has been ordered to appear in court for locking horns with a paparazzi photographer in October. This time he could end up in jail for 18 months. He fucking won’t, because he’s Sean Penn, but what the hell. I am still trying to understand why this crap is news.

DATELINE: ATLANTA – Seven of the top news videos on the CNN News site were devoted to Tiger Woods and his staged unfelt apology. Here’s a fucking news bulletin for you. I don’t care what expression his mother wore while he spoke. I don’t give a rat’s ass what it means that his wife was not at the press release. I totally fucking fail to see how any of this is news, despite how it effects the media who were excluded or the sponsors who loved him, then hated him, then proved just how fucking stupid they were when they decided he was again a fucking god. Tiger should be sent Down Under where he could at least be useful clubbing fucking cane toads on the head. Please, media, give us a fucking break!

DATELINE: NEW YORK – Gary Coleman, known for his role as little Arnold in the decades-old comedy Different Strokes, totally popped a fucking artery when he went on The Insider to defend himself against the charges that he assaulted his wife. When asked if he hit her, he unleashed a series of fucking f-bombs that, honestly, make yours truly rather proud. Based on his performance for the camera, I would be prepared to go out on a limb and predict that this is not the last we will see of little Arnold and his never-ending tango with the law.

DATELINE: VANCOUVER – Well, here is another fine display of Canadian hypocrisy. 11 police officers, RCMP officers, who have been assigned to provide security for the Olympic Games, have been sent home because of conduct unbecoming. One, a Staff-Sergeant from Ottawa with 19 years on the Force, was arrested for shoplifting from a fucking Winners store. You would think if she wanted to destroy her career and issue another fucking blow to the national police force, she could have at least picked something more high-end than fucking Winners? Really, was it worth it? The security forces are billeted on cruise ships out on the harbour, because we keep our men in style, but apparently those ships are the real party central for the games in Vancouver, and oooh what games they are playing there!!! There have been reports on two news stations that two female officers have laid formal complaints of sexual assault WHILE ON their secure floating fortresses, crimes allegedly committed by their colleagues. Officials are keeping mum on the nature of the other problems causing the unruly cops to be sent home. It instills a very special Canadian sense of security to know this crap is going on while they are being paid in hard earned Canadian dollars to represent the country for two fucking weeks. Can they not even manage that without some major clusterfucks that do nothing but show again incompetence at every fucking level of the organization. The people footing the bill for this clown and pony production should be entitled to FULL DISCLOSURE of what the hell is happening, what will happen to the people involved and how the fuck much more is this going to cost us.