DAILY NEWS - February 10th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – FEBRUARY 10th, 2010

DATELINE: WYOMING, MINNESOTA – “Miss Me Yet?” Is the caption on a billboard with George Bush’s mug plastered all over it. Missing him??? About as much as one would miss getting a fucking colonoscopy from the RotoRooter Guy! What can you expect from a town with such a crazy ass name!

DATELINE: SAN FRANCISCO – Google unveiled its new Social Networking medium. Imagine if Facebook, MSN and Twitter all hopped into the same bed... the result would be Google BUZZ. Quick... get signed up, because we need yet another fucking internet place to share with each other the color of our crap.

DATELINE: EDMONTON – The province announced a $4.7 Billion deficit in their budget. So much for all those years of paying into the Heritage Trust Fund, huh. Viva le oil sands and the chance to blame Ontario for fucking everything.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON – Honda has now done the Toyota Two-Step and has added to their own recall of cars, expanding the 15-m,onth-old recall for faulty airbags. The world auto industry – paving the way to the horse and buggy. At least you don’t need snow tires for a Percheron, and come even come with kegs of beer.

DATELINE: VANCOUVER – Aaaaahnold Schwarzenegger will be carrying the Olympic Torch. Who gives a shit?? Now that the American networks have their hands on the fucking Million Dollar Protocol Manual, the real fun will begin. Thank God at least we will be able to make sure of the correct way to tell someone their fucking fly is down.

DATELINE: TRENTON – The commander of Canadian Forces Base, Trenton, has been arrested. He is charged with killing two women, sexually assaulting two other women (in what he quaintly refers to as ‘lingerie break-in’s’) and now cold cases in every place the man has been posted are being reopened and reinvestigated. He admits to four dozen ‘lingerie break-ins’. I fucking love that term... it totally sexifies what otherwise would be referred to as ‘totally sick fucking bastard pervert behavior’. My prediction -- this military ‘shining star’, fast-tracked up the military chain of command because of his exemplary character, will be investigated for three years, will be found to be involved in a fucking boatload of crimes against women, and will get a fucking slap on the wrist and a two-year stay at CanPen Spa and Golf Club. This is exactly the type of prick who should have his prick removed... Throw him in a cell with Lorena Bobitz please. Then we might see some fucking justice.

DATELINE: OTTAWA – Former Public Works Minister Paradis (now Minister of some other fucking portfolio that doesn’t matter because Heir Harper calls ALL the shots) has stated that his Aide has been disciplined and is not longer allowed to review Access To Information Files. Whoop-de-fucking-do! This ass should be grass! Both the Aide AND the Minister should be out of there on their ears, but we know that Comrade Harper will never see that happen. These minions were doing his bidding... their overall goal to prevent Canadians from finding out what the fuck any one of our Parliamentarians are really doing. According to a Spokeswoman, the Aide in question was providing a cheaper option to the news agency requesting the information, despite the fact that the whole fucking $27.40 had been paid for the full report. Yes... $27.40 for the FULL report. For Fuck sake, they spent 7million more than that on labor costs and ink to cover up what was in the fucking report. And the spokeswoman actually was able to spew with crap with a straight face? I wonder what the Aide would think if he ordered a new fucking Mercedes, paid for it in full, then upon picking it up found out that the salesman had decided a used VW Rabbit was a better option for him. Mind you, that is what Comrade Harper seems to think is the best way to run everything for Canadians. God forbid we have truth in politics.