DATELINE: COLORADO SPRINGS – Pink puppets with boobs – how the hell could that be wrong? Apparently if you are in Colorado Springs, it’s a problem. A poster for a touring production of the Broadway show “Avenue Q”, meant to be put up in bus shelters around the city is too risqué for Colorado Springians, because the puppet shows some cleavage. Are you fucking kidding me?? It’s a poster with a picture of a fucking puppet – how the hell much cleavage could it possibly fucking show, and who cares?? People! It’s a picture of a PUPPET!!! You want to know what is truly offensive? All these guys walking around with the crotch of their jeans down at their knees and their fucking hairy ass cracks hanging out for the world to see – now THAT’s offensive. And yet I bet you still see that all over the place around the fucking bus shelters.
DATELINE: WINNIPEG – School assemblies have taken on a whole new interest after two teachers performed a lap dance for their student body. Yes, right there on the gymnasium floor with teachers and students watching, they gyrated and humped for all to see – enough to make even the hormone-riddled teenage angst-filled students uncomfortable. The truly amazing thing? When asked what disciplinary action was being taken, the official reply was that it would not be discussed because it was a ‘personnel issue’. Hello?? They were getting down and dirty in front of EVERYONE while being paid with tax dollars. I think the parents are more than entitled to some fucking answers.
DATELINE: FLORIDA – How’s the weather down there in sunny Florida, Mr. Premier? Yes, now that Danny Williams, Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador is laying in the sun and making arrogant fucking self-righteous statements about his need for surgery in the US, Canadian cardiologists are speaking out, stating that the surgery he required was available for him right here in Canada. No matter what Mr. Williams says about this situation, there is one fact that is undeniable – he did not want to have surgery here in Canada. He is too fucking good for the same medical treatment that 99% of Canadians have no choice in accepting, often too late. If he had been fucking honest about it, then the situation might be slightly more palatable. By lying about the availability of the surgery though, he is essentially admitting that he knows what he did was fucking wrong and that what we are seeing about it is totally the fucking truth.
DATELINE:INDIA – What could possibly more represent the ideals and beliefs of Gandhi more than a silver and gold fucking pen that sells for $24,000? But, you might argue, there are only 241 of these pens being made, and that number represents the number of miles Gandhi walked in his opposition to the salt taxes. Or, you might further claim, it comes with an 8’ golden thread that you can wrap around it, and this thread represents the spindle and cotton that Gandhi used to weave his simple clothes. True, I have to reply, because there was nothing that exemplifies his lifestyle like a fucking 8’ golden thread… made of real gold. German penmaker Montblanc has halted sales of these pens until a ruling is made regarding the possible legal problems with illegally using a national image or sign. Who the hell comes up with this fucking shit? A silver and gold ‘Gandhi pen’? This one is way more offensive than pink puppets with boobs.
DATELINE: WASHINGTON – You KNOW I would not let the day go without a Toyota story. Yes, today is the day that the President of Toyota will be appearing to answer some questions. Pop some fucking corn, nestle in and prepare to watch a gold medal performance of side-stepping, double-talking, tap-dancing and claims of personal shame for the damage done to a family name. Big fuckin whoop! Just do something for all the people who are stuck with what could well be one hell of an expensive fucking doorstop. There are a lot of people out there who are thinking that just maybe they don’t Love What You Do To Them right now, Toyota.
Colorado Springs, aside from the Air Force Academy, must also have an active local chapter of the "Extreme Right Evangelical Nutcases Who Want to Return to 1735, When America Was America,Inc."
ReplyDeleteThe extreme radials are always right, aren't they, blind people of Colorado Springs - just ask your counterparts in the Mid East.