DAILY NEWS - February 8th, 2010

DAILY NEWS – FEBRUARY 8th, 2010

DATELINE: NASHVILLE – WHOOT!!! You know it’s gonna be a good day when... hang on... let me check the notes I have scratched on my hand here... when Sarah Palin... oops... wrong fucking hand... when Sarah Palin is addressing the fucking Tea Party.... shit! I must have written it on my fucking arm... just a minute while I pull off my jacket so I can read them... Tea Party Convention and totally fucking slams... shit, move my teleprompter a bit closer... slams Obama for being a ‘charismatic guy with a teleprompter’... oh... crap. Yes people, it was sooo fucking perfect to see her perform the ‘I will criticize the political opponent while I do the same fucking thing he is doing, just a hell of a lot more pathetically AND hypocritically’ dance. Then she carried on with her same set of fucking notes in her interview with Fox News. For starters, People... she was on fucking FOX news! She has a contract with them!! That should say a mouthful. She read the scribbles on her hands, because that is so much more classy and smart and fucking grass roots than using notecards... AND she had a teleprompter as well. You just gotta love this chick. THEN she went on to demand the burden of excessive spending be lifted off the backs of the people... all those wonderful pure grass-roots values, while charging $100,000 to address the fucking convention. I think those fucking grass roots she is so in love with come from the many fields of top-grade BC Bud.

Despite her press announcement that she was no longer going to run for political office, she tossed this get into the playing field -- that it would be ‘absurd’ for her to not consider running for leadership of the Republican Party. Sarah Palin talking absurd! Holy Crap!This would all be totally fucking fatally funny if it weren’t so pathetic. The scary part... she COULD get elected. People will sit and say it can never happen because people are smarter than to buy into that load of shit, but holy crap, George Bush got in for a second term. Please, when going in to hang your chad next time, remember the image of her looking for the right answer on her fucking hand. Imagine the question is ‘Should she push the red button that heralds nuclear annihilation’, imagine the answer is ‘it doesn’t fucking matter cause she just bumped the button with her elbow while trying to read the fucking notes she had written in her armpit. She is a dish served up on a mushroom cloud, people. Wait... I think I hear the fucking horse hooves approaching now. Damn, I hope she can see them from her window, because that would make me feel a whole lot better.

DATELINE: NEW BRUNSWICH – A paramedic has been banned from Tim Horton’s for life. His offence... he complained about the quality of the decaf coffee three times. It was interesting to note, though, that it was included in the court order that he be allowed onto the property in the event someone is choking on their fucking lunch order.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON DC – If deficit dollars were snowflakes, the Washington had it coming! But never fear – Bambi has a solution. The Olympic Games. Yes... work out a deal with asshole Harper, move the Olympics to where the snow is. The people there will totally believe that it will put billions of dollars into their coffers over the course of ten days, and at the end of it all, the world will be totally fucking perfect. Well, at least in Washington they could hold all the skiing events WITHOUT having to import snow, stacked on bales, stacked on millions of feet of pipe filled with dry ice to maybe sort of keep the snow from melting.

DATELINE: MIAMI – The Saints won their first Superbowl. While I love to see the underdog win, I am totally pissed that STILL the fucking CRTC prevents Canadians from seeing the damned Superbowl commercials because they are not Canadian content. Who gives a crap about Canadian content on a fucking commercial! Even on the US channels, the feed is blocked. While this has always been the case with the cable companies here, it is time for the people to fucking revolt. Of course, going to Comrade Harper about this crap probably won’t do anything but land you in the fucking gulag.